For months, I’ve been trying to figure that shit out, and until yesterday, I was sure it was always going to be one-sided. There’s nothing quite as humbling as having the only woman who’s ever meant something to me tracked for months, obviously without her knowledge. Even from a long distance, she’s still had a way of consuming my every thought. Her needs, her protection, her wellbeing—she’s been my first thought when I wake up and my last thought before I sleep.

How can I possibly put words to those feelings without sounding like a damn creep?

“Elianna, for one hundred and forty-two days, I’ve asked myself what’s happening here. I wish I knew, sunshine, but all I know is we’re definitely doing something because you’re all I can think about lately, and it’s so much more than any attraction. That’s for sure,” I tell her honestly, leaving out the tracking and snooping. All of a sudden, though, she’s wide awake and sitting up.

“What are you talking about, Lucas? I’ve only been in Boston for three days. You may have known me my whole life, but you’ve barely acknowledged my existence for at least half of it. And a hundred and forty-two days ago was Matteo’s service. There’s no way you’ll be able to convince me or anyone else that I was irresistible to the elusive badass bachelor in the state I was in. So forgive me, but I’m going to need you to explain.” She waited, challenging me to explain. I stand from the floor and motion for her to move over so I can sit next to her. This is definitely going to be a mistake, but I can’t restrain myself any longer from being close to her.

Thankfully, I changed into my sweats and tee shirt once I finally got her settled in bed last night. So after I slide into the bed, I reach out and pull her into my lap. Another mistake, but I give no fucks anymore. I want my girl right now.

“So here’s the play by play and I’m going to tell you in advance I’m not a creep. Just keep that in mind as you listen,” I tell her, pausing to preface the information I’m about to disclose. She smiles and gives me a small nod, indicating she’s ready for me to get on with it.

“One look into your beautiful blue eyes and I knew I was wrong about everything in life that I once thought mattered. The mafia princess has always lived up to her reputation and proved her rights to the Nicchi name. Elianna, you’ve always been wiser than your years and have had love, loyalty, and respect for your family ingrained in your soul, even through tragedy. You’re borderline genius, and I’d argue possibly too smart for your own good sometimes.” She scowls at me like she’s offended, but I know her well enough to know she’s not. I pull her hand to my lip and press my lips to her wrist while inconspicuously checking her heart rate. I want to know if this chat is affecting her. For now, it seems pretty steady and calm, but I lower her hand back to her lap and hold it gently, hoping she hasn’t caught on to what I’m doing yet.

“You have confidence in yourself and know exactly who you are. You’ve never tried to be like anyone else just to fit in. You have thick skin and not much really bothers you. Elianna, even if I didn’t already know you were tough as hell, watching those tapes last night more than proved it. I’m going to go ahead and let you know we’re going to have a separate conversation about that, though. Okay?” There’s no way I want her thinking that was smart. She was able to get an advantage over Lorenzo Bertoni because he underestimated her. He won’t make that mistake again, and I’m not willing to accept the possible risks that entail.

She rolls her eyes. “Stop sidetracking, Lucas. Stay on topic of how amazing I am. Continue, please sir.” A flash of humor crosses her face, and I can’t help but laugh.

“You’re funny . . . when you want to be. The jury is still out on your ability to make friends because, let’s be real, who the hell wants a perfect friend?” That earns me a fist jab to the bicep. Impressive. I actually felt that.

“You’re strong physically, which I consider more toughness, but your emotional strength is as solid as steel. No one should have to endure the things you have with your resilience, but that strength comes at an expense. You’re so guarded. I think the wall barricading you from the world must be twenty feet tall. It’s a rare and incredible thing to witness your beauty without that protection. Vulnerability shouldn’t perfect a person who already has the whole package, but it did you. Your heart was shattering right before my eyes, and it took one look into your eyes, sunshine, for my plans to change. I’ve never wanted anything more than to piece your heart back together and protect it forever. I decided right then; I’d do anything I could to protect you.”

She hesitates, looking sad. “Lucas, please don’t say losing your brother somehow made me appear more attractive because nothing could be further from the truth. There have been far too many days that I’ve wondered if life without my best friend would ever be even subpar at best. I get why you and others think I have some indestructible emotional strength, but I think you guys forget that I had someone who willingly shared my burdens and struggles. Sure, I endured after my parents were killed. That was when Matteo promised to always be there for me, like family. Your brother noticed my uncle being inconvenienced by his new responsibility. Matteo made me feel wanted and accepted and did so in a world where I was feeling very alone. Being so young and naïve, I probably shouldn’t have invested so much into his promises, but year after year, he proved them over and over. When I told you nothing would ever be okay again, I meant it. I still mean it now. I’m really not sure how to accept life without him.” Elianna swallows hard, and I know she’s trying to hold back the tears. I can see why she’d think her strength lived in my brother, but her strength didn’t work like that. Maybe Matteo helped dig it out, but you either have it or you don’t, and she definitely does. I see it right now in front of me.

“Principessa, losing my brother wrecked me too. There’s no question I’ll never be the same, but when I really wasn’t sure you would survive it, you did. That wasn’t because Matteo was beside you. Not one person in the world loved my brother the way you did, and he knew that. He would have done anything for you. Before that day at the service with you, I never understood your relationship with him, but I got it seeing you. I never believed you two weren’t actually an item. Hell, I used to tease him when we’d talk, and your name would undoubtedly come up every time. The two of you made each other better, and there’s something special to be said for that. But the characteristics that made Matteo himself and you, yourself live in you. Sometimes as people, we have special connections to bring out or highlight those traits. They don’t give them to us.” I move, wrapping my arms around her shoulders and pull her the rest of way to my chest. She sighs, resting her head right over my heart.

“Lucas, I miss him. A lot. I don’t really know what it is about being in your arms, but for the first time in a while, I feel like I can miss him and live. I think I just existed before.”

“Whatever this is, Elianna, I can tell you I’m not letting it go. I really hope you feel the same. Otherwise, the kidnapping charges I may have to face could be stiff, if they ever catch up with us.” She giggles into my chest then quiets for a few seconds. When she lifts her head from my chest, she looks up at my waiting eyes.

“Lucas,” she says my name timidly, making me happy to see a smile in her eyes.

“Elianna,” I reply, the smile beautifully making its way to her lips.

“I’m pretty sure you matter to me too. Thank you.”

That’s all it takes for me to lose every ounce of self-control available and claim her lips by crushing them to mine. She returns the kiss with a passion that takes my breath away. Just when I think I can’t get any more invested, she finds a way to surprise me.

With my cock growing right under her gorgeous little ass, I know I can’t stay in this position any longer without risking her getting spooked. After unfortunately learning in a non-pleasant way that the mafia princess is still untouched, I need to move slowly.

I lift her in my arms, laying her flat on her back beside me. Looking surprised at my attempt to slow things down, her breath was quickened and her cheeks rosy. Her innocent doe eyes only make her look more irresistible. “Lucas, please don’t stop. I want this. I really need this with you.”

How do you count a half second? That’s exactly how long I think about her request before I have her pinned beneath me. I doubt I’ll be encouraged to move from this bed anytime soon. As long as I have Elianna in my arms and her lips touching mine, nothing can compete as an alternate activity.

La mia principessa