St. Mary’s gave up on the notion of me leaving anytime soon. When visiting hours were over, my new friend, Nurse Nora, had no qualms about breaking the rules. Before leaving for the night, she would give me a pillow and blanket. When the lights dimmed and the silence was almost defeating, I held Saxon’s hand and talked.

I told him everything. No detail was spared. When I described the little boy I held in my arms and the happiness I felt at reuniting him with his mother, I told Saxon that tragedy taught me how short life really is. I was stupid not to move, allowing my fears to take hold. If I could take it back, I would. My answer should have been yes. But I won’t make that mistake again.

For some reason, I divulged all of it, except one snippet. When I tell him that he is going to be a father, I want to look into his eyes, those expressive orbs, and experience the joy with him. If this was a perfect world, he would wake up, and we would go riding into the sunset. But as each second ticks by, I feel him slipping further away.

I’ve been here for three days, and they’ve been the longest days of my life. There has been no change, but I refuse to give up. He would never give up on me.

Sam comes and goes. After seeing him in the chapel, I can’t shake the feeling he’s up to something, but I don’t even have the energy to ask him what. All I want to do is hold vigil by Saxon’s bedside and hope that by some miracle, today is the day he wakes.

But as each day ends, I lose a small part of him—one I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get back. My only solace is crawling onto his bed and curling my body around his. If I close my eyes hard enough, I can almost pretend we’re at home and everything is where it should be.

His heart is marching sluggishly beneath my ear as I lay pressed to his chest, wishing we could trade places. I would happily give my life to save his. “Here.” Nora’s voice wakes me from the almost constant haze surrounding me. “I thought you could use some coffee.”

Tracing my fingertip over Saxon’s stubbled jaw, I gently kiss his chin before rising wearily. “Thank you.” I reach for the paper cup, inhaling the caffeine in hopes of kickstarting my brain. Sipping the hot liquid, I watch as she begins her daily routine.

As she checks his vitals, just like always, I hope and pray that today will be the day. “Anything?”

Sighing, she jots something onto his chart. Her silence says it all. “You really should eat something.” Nora looks around my mom’s age, so I know that’s codeword for you look like shit. “You need your strength for when he wakes.” Her positivity is a decoy, but I don’t feel like facing today’s reality.

“I’ll grab something when Sam arrives.”

Nodding, she finishes his examination and places his chart on the foot of the bed. “When will Saxon’s parents arrive?”

I snort in disgust. “I wouldn’t hold my breath.” She doesn’t mention it further. Greg and Kellie were vacationing in Africa, and apparently are on the first flight home. That was a week ago.

Sighing, I peer down at Saxon. He looks like a shell of who he once was. Reaching for this hand, I try to bring warmth to his cold fingers. “He’s always so cold. What do you think…about what the doctor said? About turning off his life support.”

I know it’s policy to be detached, but Nora doesn’t just have a good bedside matter—she genuinely cares. “I understand what he is saying, but sometimes—” I don’t fail to see her peer at our connection affectionately “—you just have to have a little faith.”

“I believe that Samuel will wake up. He’s too stubborn not to. You’ve just got to have faith.”

These memories are all I have left of Saxon, and I’m afraid that sooner or later, the line between the past and present will blur.

“Thank you, Nora.” My gratitude is bittersweet. She leaves me alone, sensing that’s what I need. This hole in my chest continues to grow, and before long, it’ll consume me whole.

I can’t shake this ominous warning, lingering just within reach. It’s calm for now, but something is brewing. Deciding to play some music to lighten the mood, I hunt through my bag to retrieve my iPod. One would say play the tunes of the artists Saxon loved the most, but I go against the norm and decide to play some Kayne West instead. It didn’t work for Sam. Maybe I’ll have better luck this time.

“Okay, it’s time you got your butt outta that bed, mister, ’cause I…” Everything fades into the background because I’m struck with a chill that smothers my entire body. I suddenly can’t breathe.

My iPod shatters to the floor as I clutch my throat, gasping for air. Instinctively, I look at Saxon, the mere sight of him my only cure, but what I witness has me staggering backward, my world crumbling before me.

The blaring machines are my voice because I can’t speak.

This vision will forever be singed into my brain because I don’t understand what I’m seeing as Saxon’s body convulses on the bed. He looks like he’s being electrocuted. The need to protect him slams into me. I fall over my feet as I scramble toward him. “Saxon! Wh-what’s wrong? Nurse! Help! Please, somebody help me!”

A panic trails the swarm of people who run through the door, madly rushing around the room, reaching for things which I have no idea of their purpose. A flurry of voices ricochet around me while I watch, squeezing Saxon’s limp hand. “Pl-Please…wake u-up.” I barely recognize this plea as my own because I sound broken.

“Lucy, come on, you have to let him go.” I recognize Nora’s gentle touch as she coaxes me to move. But I can’t. I promised to never let him go ever again.

“No!” I scream, beyond irrational, trying to dive for him. But I don’t stand a chance, and I sob, holding on for as long as I can before a strong set of hands drive me backward. The moment we break, a bottomless wail tears from my lungs. The sight is unbearable. Saxon’s hand drops flaccidly by his side, surrendering.

My howls follow me into the hallway as I’m determined to scramble back into his room. “Let me go! He needs me!” I fight, blind to who holds me back. That is, until he speaks.

“Lucy, shh, it’s me. Sam. Calm down. Shh.” His voice is so like Saxon’s, that for one moment, I’m tempted to tumble into a deepened void and not come back. “That’s it. Shh. You’ve gone into shock. That’s it. It’ll be okay.” His words are warm, comforting—akin to his touch as he rubs circles on my back. Eventually, I float back down.

Unable to hold Saxon’s hand, I do the next best thing and clutch my fingers around the ring between my breasts. The diamond cuts into my palm, and I welcome the pain. My breathing slows. It’s not until I attempt to move do I realize we’ve slumped onto the hard floor.

“I’m o-okay.” I’m not, but I gently break myself from Sam’s hold. He’s pale, pupils wide. I can only imagine what he walked into.

“What happened?” he asks, not bothering to move as he scoots backward and rests his back against the wall.

The memories burn a hole straight through me. “I don’t know. One minute, things were still, and the next, he was convulsing on the bed.” Fresh tears swell. I doubt they’ll ever stop.

“Lucy?” When Nora pokes her head around the door, surprised to see my current post, I shoot upward, ignoring the dizziness that threatens to knock me on my ass once again.

“How is he? What happened? Is he awake?” I say in a jumble of words. Sam makes no attempt to move. He draws his knees to his chest.

Stepping out from Saxon’s room, she takes a moment before answering. “No, he’s not. I’m so sorry, but the convulsions you saw…Saxon suffered a mild heart attack. This is not uncommon,” she goes on to add, while the blood drains from my face. “He’s stable for the moment.”

“For the moment?” I whisper. All she can do is nod.

Sam sighs, cursing under his breath. “He’s dying, isn’t he?”

I wait for her to correct him, but she doesn’t. “I really am so sorry. If it’s any consolation, he’s not in any pain.” An avalanche threatens to bury me under my grief, but now, that seems like a merciful gift from above.

Cupping both hands over my mouth, I whimper into them, hoping to mask this desolation because Sam, god, he is grieving too. “Take a walk with me?” he asks, his voice deflated, broken. I don’t see that I have a choice.

When he finds his legs, he stands, locking eyes with me. We don’t need words. This tether of anguish ties us forevermore. We walk down the hallway, resembling shadows of our former self.

Usually, the fresh air is a welcomed embrace, but now, I don’t feel anything, anything at all. I walk on autopilot, slumping into the first seat I can find. How can this be happening? Saxon’s heart is now failing him; the one thing which provided me the strength to continue.

“I’m sorry I’ve been MIA.” I nod, too drained to talk. “But there’s a reason.” He reaches into his back pocket, producing a folded letter. It’s not the one I gave him. My curiosity is piqued. My fingers rustle in the wind as I reach for it.

Opening it up, I scan the typed script, not really understanding what I’m reading until my eyes dance over the words Power of Attorney. “What is this?” I ask, turning the letter around in case there’s been some mistake.

But when Sam sits beside me, tapping his finger on the dotted line, the line where I’m to sign, it’s evident things are clear.

“I’ve signed over all rights for you to be Saxon’s power of attorney. It’s what he would want. It’s what I want,” he adds while my mouth gapes. “You said whatever I choose, I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life. Well, I can’t live knowing I was responsible for something which has always been your choice to make. You are Saxon’s life…you always have been. And if anyone should make this decision, then it should be you.”

Some may see this as Sam’s weakness, an easy way out, but I don’t. This is the greatest gift he could ever give. This wipes the slate clean, but I suppose life was put into perspective long before this. “Thank you, Samuel.”

The next thing he produces is my undoing. “I would fight for him, Lucy.” He’s acknowledging our parting words as he offers me Saxon’s letter. “That’s why I’m doing this.”

And everything falls into place around us.

We’re silent, the underlying truth lapping at the surface. Visions of Saxon thrashing around his bed, of Nora’s look of surrender, of the baby that grows inside me—I know what I should do, but how am I supposed to do this? There is no rulebook. No Saxon to be my voice of reason. Letting go of everything but this ugly agony, I confess, “How am I supposed to say goodbye to the person I love most in this world?” We don’t know anything for certain, no one does. We don’t have a crystal ball. But the truth is, once that machine is turned off, Saxon might never return.

The truth floats to the wind, making room for this emptiness to grow.

“Your memories…no one can take them away from you. Never. You remember the happy times when the bad overshadows the good.” It remains unspoken that that’s what Sam has done with us. The world keeps turning, even when on some days, we’d wish it would slow down—just for one single moment in time.

“Darling, what are you doing out here without your coat?” Sam sighs. He clearly wishes now was one of those days.

Kellie and Greg stand before me. I thought I would feel anger, maybe an act of violence approaching, but I feel nothing. It took them seven days to get here, one hundred and sixty-eight minutes—each one more precious than the one before it. I suddenly understand how Saxon feels. Sometimes, you just have to let things go.

Standing, I give Greg a hug. His rigidness amplifies his surprise. “Thanks for coming.” I don’t bother addressing Kellie.

“Of course. Sorry we didn’t come sooner.”

“That’s okay.”

Kellie is unhappy with being excluded. No surprise there. “How is he?” I’m thankful she’s spared us all the crocodile tears.

“He’s still unresponsive. And the reason Sam was out here without a coat—” I can’t keep the bite from my tone, shining a light on her superficiality “—is because Saxon just suffered a heart attack.”

Greg’s response adds to the ache in my chest, and a flicker of humanity passes over Kellie. “What have the doctors said?”

“They’ve said it’s time we turned off his life support.” I know I’m being awfully blunt, but I can’t sugarcoat this. There is no nice way around it. “Now, if you’ll excuse me…”

“Samuel? What did you say?”

“I didn’t say anything,” he counters.

She recoils, confused. “Whatever do you mean?” This is not going to be pretty.

“I’ve signed power of attorney over to Lucy.”

“What? But, but you’re his brother.” To hear Kellie stutter is a rare thing.

“And she’s the love of his life.” The wounds of our broken relationship are still raw for Sam, so I can only imagine how hard that was for him to say. I smile in gratitude.

“This is absurd. I’m going to call Fred.” Fred Egan is their family lawyer.

Sam takes a measured breath. He is beyond livid. “So help me god, if you do, I will never forgive you.”

“You’re just emotional. Not thinking right.” She attempts to coax him to see reason, her reason, but Sam won’t budge.

“Yes, I am. I’ve been with my brother this past week, watching him deteriorate before my eyes. Where have you been?” He spreads his arms out wide while she takes a step back. Greg appears guilt ridden as he averts his gaze.

“You’re so quick to forget everything that’s happened.”

Sam’s had enough, and his anger startles me. He storms forward, leveling her with nothing but pure anger. “It’s because of everything that I’m doing this. I owe him this. I failed him once before. I won’t make the same mistake again.”

Sam is the only person, it appears, who can strip down Kellie’s walls. She purses her trembling lips. “I’m always the bad guy.”

“Then stop acting like one. Go in there and see your son!” He’s had enough and marches off, running both hands through his hair.

As I’m watching on stunned, it seems the surprises just keep on coming. “Whatever you decide, we will support you. Saxon loves you, Lucy, he always has. He would want you to be the one.” He chokes on a sob while tears sting my eyes.

“Thank you, Greg. That means more than you’ll ever know.” Kellie is out of sorts, but deep down, I don’t think she’s all bad. A small part of her still loves Saxon. She wouldn’t be here otherwise. I excuse myself, needing time to clear my head.

Deciding to take a walk before I see Saxon, I head in no real direction and allow my feet to lead me. It’s cold out, the punishing wintry weather identical to how I’m feeling within. Sam’s gift weighs heavily in my pocket because I’m holding Saxon’s fate in my hands.

Sam seems to have faith in me. That I’ll make the right decision. But every shred of my body is screaming at me for even considering another route. The thought of ending Saxon’s life… I could never forgive myself, but images flash before me of seeing him thrashing violently in that bed. Of seeing him withering away into someone he’s not.

Saxon’s spirit, his essence is caged, locked in a vessel that is sinking to a watery grave. I will never be okay with whatever decision I choose, but which is the lesser of two evils? I keep him hooked up to those machines, watching them pump artificial life into him, replacing his spirit. Or I set him free.

Folding my arms around myself, I know what I should do, but once again, my head and my heart are on opposite ends of the world. I just…I just want more time. I’m not ready to say goodbye. We haven’t even lived. A sob rattles in my chest because I’m toeing the line of right and wrong, but nothing about this is even remotely right.

Saxon is going to be a father…he gave the little being inside me life, and now, I’m about to take his away. With each step I take, I come closer to what I need to do. I’m not doing this because of my lack of love for Saxon…no. It’s because of my love, my undying love for him that I’m doing what I must.

He has taught me many things, but now, I have to take away the one lesson I never believed until now. I am strong. And brave. Saxon told me this time and time again. He saw strength in me that I never thought I had, but I believe that courage is there because he loved me, wholeheartedly. He never gave up on me…I was given this life because I am strong enough to live it. And now, I have to be strong enough for the both of us because it’s not just me anymore.

Rubbing my stomach, it comforts me to know that a part of Saxon will always remain. His child will grow strong, and I will honor our love by setting him free. But my memories, they’ll keep him alive, forever in my heart, and no one, no one can take that away from me.

A glimmer of sunshine, some may call it hope, peeks through the clouds, and dark gives way to light. From this moment forward, there will always be a small piece of dark in my light, but I can live with that…just as long as I live for him…because that’s what he would want me to do.

Turning on my heel, I make my way back to the hospital, needing to see him one last time. But the man who lies in that bed is not the man I will remember. He’s not the man I fell in love with, with every piece of my heart. You can’t cage a free spirit like Saxon Stone. It’s time to let him fly free.

As I walk down the hallway, a sense of clarity washes over me, and this is the most lucid I’ve felt in a long time. My steps are measured, and my breath is steady. This may be the calm before the storm, but storms can’t last forever.

With that as my forethought, I decide to email Sophia. She loved Saxon, her actions proved this, and although she played dirty, I can’t blame her for trying. I would have done the same thing. Love makes you do crazy things…I think my entire story proves this. This is closing a chapter and moving on. I don’t want to hold anymore grudges—life is too short.

Just as I’m about to walk into Saxon’s room, Sam’s beaten voice catches the air. “I wish I could do for you what you did for me. You woke me up. Every single word, I know you said to save me. You sacrificed your feelings for Lucy because you loved her that much. And it isn’t until now that I realize that. You’ve always saved me, Saxon.” He sniffs back his tears. “I’m just sorry I couldn’t do the same for you. I love you, man, and I’m sorry. So sorry.”

It appears we’ve come full circle, but now, we both realize it’s not the things that we’ve lost, but rather, the things that we’ve gained which will shape us into who we were always meant to be. I give Sam all the time he needs because he too knows we’re almost at the end.

My reflection stares at me from the window just beyond, and who I see, it’s the stranger I was always bound to become. Deciding to freshen up before I find Nora and Saxon’s doctor, I head for the bathroom. I splash some water on my face and run my fingers through my snarled hair. Reaching into my pocket for my ChapStick, I apply a light coat. I’m ready.

There is no heaviness in my walk as I head for Saxon’s room. However, that can’t be said for whoever is inside the chapel. Call it a sixth sense, or maybe everything is just clearer, but I stop and peer inside. There is no mistaking Kellie’s designer blouse as she sits in the back pew.

I never took her for the reflective type, but I should know by now that everything is not what it seems. She doesn’t deserve it, but this is me starting new. “I’ve decided.” Her iron rod back straightens. “Everyone seems to think it’s my choice…it’s not. It’s Saxon’s. It’s always been his choice. I can’t play the hand of God, but I can set him free. And that’s what I plan to do. No one knows what’s going to happen. If anyone can sidestep fate, it’s Saxon.”

She hears me but remains still. I don’t even know why I bother. Just as I turn to leave, a true miracle happens—she turns and her mask of perfection slips. Underneath, I almost see a human being. “I can understand why both my boys love you the way that they do. And you’re right…we don’t know. Saxon is the most headstrong, defiant person I know…and I should have embraced that spirit. I didn’t know how to deal with it. But I should have learned. It is the biggest regret of my life. But you, Lucy, never regret following your heart.”

No tears are shed because Kellie’s absolving herself, and it’s a beautiful thing. This doesn’t mean we’re all going to be one big happy family and all will be forgotten and forgiven. But she will always be a part of my life, and I’ll never take that away from her. We’ve all been given a second chance. I can’t stay mad at her for protecting Sam because that’s what she’s done her entire life. But Saxon, he’s never needed protecting, and that’s what Kellie finally seems to understand.

Leaving her alone to reflect, I see Greg exiting Saxon’s room, wiping away his tears. We all know what comes next. It lingers in the air. “I’m going to take Kellie home.” He’s said his goodbyes. They both have. “Your parents are with Sam.” He leaves a broken man.

My heart calls to Saxon, it always will. Without further ado, I enter, smiling when I see the most important people in my life sitting around the man I will love until my last breath. The moment I enter, my mom knows what happens now.

“Sweetie?”

“Hi, Mom.” She’s expecting tears, but they can wait. “How is he?” She shifts so I can see Saxon. He’s gone. His physical body may still be present, but he’s no longer here.

“No change,” she replies with a distraught frown. “Sam told me what he did. You’ve decided?”

All attention swings my way, awaiting the next piece of this agonizing puzzle. She knows the answer. They all do. My gaze never wavers from Saxon when I reply. “Yes.” That simple word has been the answer this entire time.

Sam sighs heavily while my mother holds back a sob. My father, as always, is the pillar of strength we need. “This isn’t goodbye, son…it’s until next time.” My mother bends forward, kissing Saxon on the forehead. When she pulls away, his brow gleams with her tears. No one likes to say goodbye especially to someone who affected everyone he met.

They collect their jackets and give me a gentle hug, bequeathing me the time I need. Before she leaves, my mother turns to me with a bittersweet smile—a perfect conundrum. “It’s okay, Mom. I’ve chased the chaos, and I don’t regret a single second.” And I don’t. They leave, her sobs following her out the door.

Sam hasn’t moved an inch, and I don’t expect him to. But he rises wearily, his exhaustion and regret permanent passengers. “I’m just going to grab a coffee. Do you want anything?”

“Yes.” But I’m not speaking of food.

Most look at a pen as an innocent, insignificant necessity, but as I reach for it, I’ve never felt more in sync with the saying—the pen is mightier than the sword. Gently retrieving the letter from my pocket, I gaze at Saxon, wishing things were different. But they aren’t, and it’s now my turn to be strong for him.

Without fear, I unfold the letter and place it against the wall, using it to lean on as I sign on the dotted line. It was always going to end this way. “Can you give this to Saxon’s doctor? I’m ready.”

Sam closes his eyes for the briefest of seconds, but eventually nods. I extend it out to him, but he hesitates like I’m handing him a live grenade. I suppose, in a way, I am. Eventually, with a tremble, he meets me halfway. The moment he grips the edge, he steps forward and places his palm on the back of my hand. It’s a touch of comfort. A promise that it’ll be all right. We stay locked this way, no words needed.

“I’ll give you some time,” he says, but no time will ever be enough.

He leaves, letter in hand, while I take a deep breath. Finally, I’m alone with Saxon. I amble toward him, innately drawn to him because he’s a part of me. He always will be. I stand unmoving, memorizing every part of him. He is still so handsome. And still mine.

I will remember every step, every breath I take from here on out because this is the start of a new chapter. With measured paces, I lower myself to the edge of Saxon’s bed. He looks so peaceful, so still. Needing to touch him, to make sure this is real, with a hesitant touch, I run my fingertips over his face. I trace the slope of his nose. The apples of his cheeks. “I’m sorry,” I whisper, running the back of my finger along his stubbled jaw. “Why did you l-leave me? Take my body… take my life. It isn’t fair. Surely our lives weren’t fated to come to this? What would be the point if it did?”

I take his hand, never wanting to let go. “If I knew our love ended this way, I would have fought it because I would happily give up everything just to see you open those beautiful, those mesmerizing eyes one more time. I need you to tell me I’m doing the right thing because this feels so fucking wrong. I feel like I’m dy-dying with y-you.” A sob splits me into two, and I surrender. “What we had, it was a mere drop in the ocean because our time was cut short. But what we had, it was real. It will prevail in this lifetime and the next.”

Ugly tears fall, and I’m unable to stop. “Days w-will pass and turn in-into years, but I will always remember you. I pr-promise. I love you… so much.” Clutching the ring around my neck, my body trembles with a hollowed grief. “I will never regret a single moment spent with you, Saxon Stone. Not one second. Thank you for seeing me…the real me and never giving up on our happily ever after.”

Needing to hold him, to feel him one last time, I inconsolably lower myself to lie by his side. Nestling into the crook of his neck, I inhale, basking in home. “I wanted to tell you this when you woke up, but life, it doesn’t always turn out the way you expect it to.” Reaching for his hand, I press his palm flat to my belly. “You’ve given me the greatest gift…you’ve given me a piece of you—” I choke on my tears “—whenever I miss you…which will be always and forever, because that’s the kind of love we have, I will look into your… little son or daughter’s eyes and see their daddy staring back at me. I know they will be just like you, and I promise…they—” my heart shatters into a million tiny pieces “—they will know what a great man their father was and how he was the love of my life. And how he was mine. Goodbye… Saxon,” I cry, laying a whisper of a kiss on his neck. “Never forget me because I’ll…never forget you.”

Clutching my arms around him, I sob an ocean of tears. How am I going to do this without him?

“Lucy?” It’s Nora. I know what she wants, but I can’t. His heart beats strongly against me, a false hope that this will be all right. If this were a movie, or if the narrator of my life was to change fate, Saxon would have stirred the moment I told him I was having his child. But this is real life, and I have to live for the now.

There will never be enough words to say goodbye to the person you love, so I simply place a gentle kiss on Saxon’s cheek—a kiss to remember all that we had.

When I rise, I see Sam standing with three doctors. I want to drown this sorrow, but nod when they ask if this is what I want. There is a jumble of words and signing consent, all which I do in a haze. When it’s all over, Nora’s kind face comes into view. It’s the only thing I focus on, and not what’s happening behind her.

“Lucy, I’ll get you and Samuel to wait outside. Just for a second. I’m going to get him all ready for you.”

Sam wraps his arm around me. I sag against him, numb. He leads me outside, my compass in the storm. “I’m so sorry, Lucy. I’m sorry I couldn’t bring him back to you. I tried, but he’s…”

His regret isn’t needed. Not now. “It’s okay, Samuel. You have nothing to be sorry for. Our mistakes are our fate.” A tear tumbles down his cheek. We’re both broken.

“Okay, you can come in now.” Nora gestures for us to enter, but when I step forward, Sam stays back.

“You go. I’ll stay out here,” he says, answering my question. I know what he’s doing, but this started with us three, and it’ll end that way.

Slipping my hand into his, I smile. “No, you won’t. You’re coming in with me. Saxon and I want that. And so does… your future niece or nephew.” I bite my lip, unsure how he will take the news. Through this grief, there is light. And I intend to share it with everyone who loved Saxon.

He gasps, his hold slackening. “You’re pregnant?” I nod. “Holy fuck, I’m going to be an uncle?”

“Yes,” I confirm, fresh tears springing to life, but these are of the happy kind.

“A miracle,” he whispers, shaking his head as he stares at my stomach. “A true miracle in a weathering storm.” He squeezes my hand.

Staring at the doorway, we know it’s time. Whatever happens, this story was always supposed to end this way. Our steps are heavy as we enter Saxon’s still room. The machines are quieted, and the breathing tube is no longer present.

Nora stuck true to her word, removing the bandages from around Saxon’s head. The peppered stubble a contrast to his pale skin. “You can sit with him,” she gently says. Try to stop me.

We travel in what feels like slow motion. But the closer I get, I’m suddenly looking down on myself, and the person who I leave behind. The first thing I notice is the shallow rise of Saxon’s chest. Its incline gets rougher and more irregular with every breath he takes.

Memories of that warm breath against my lips as he kissed me smash into me, and I dreamily rub two fingers along my mouth. I remember how that breath expressed endless times how much he loved me. That breath was his life source, and it breathed life into me time and time again.

Saxon didn’t just hold my hand—he held both my hands, and this was supposed to last a lifetime. “No,” I whimper, tremors wracking my body. “Please d-don’t…don’t le-leave me. Don’t leave us.” The air shifts. It becomes still.

Detaching myself is the only way I can do this, so I watch, suspended above myself as a guttural cry rips from my lungs when the hypotonic swell of Saxon’s chest lays dormant. “I’m so sorry, Lucy… He’s gone.”

No. He wouldn’t leave me. There is no way…

The room begins spinning and my heart…it weeps for the life I’ll never be able to live. Voices echo around me, but I can’t assimilate anything because grief overrides my entire body. “It’s time…organ donor?”

However, in the blink of an eye, fury assails my sorrow, and I’m possessed by a force so fierce, I even scare myself. “No! Don’t touch him. Don’t you fucking touch him!” Clasping both his cheeks between my palms, I abandon my passiveness because I refuse to accept this as the end. Saxon loved me because I fought for what I wanted and what I thought was right, and I’ll be damned if I fail him now. “You fight! You hear me, you stubborn son of a bitch? Come back to me!”

People are gently coaxing me away from him, but they’ll have to pry me away because I’m not going anywhere. “You promised me we were forever. Don’t you dare give up!” Saxon gave me the kiss of life, and I can only hope I do the same for him.

Pressing my lips to his, I ignore the stabbing pain at his quiescent heart and kiss him. It’s a gentle touch, but it’s my last hope. I can’t let him go. Never. But this cool kiss is one sided, unlike the endless heated kisses we’ve shared.

My bleeding heart bursts from my chest, and a blood-curdling scream rips me in half. Sam gently pulls me away, cradling me to his chest. His body trembles as he cries with me. “Don’t you leave me,” I sob over and over again. “Don’t you leave us…” But it’s in vain. He’s already gone.

Everything from this moment forward will always be tainted with this memory. The emptiness is indescribable. How am I supposed to survive this when all I want to do is die? I was a fool to think I could do this without him. A life without Saxon is a life I never chose to live.

This roller coaster is almost at the pinnacle, and I’m afraid of what happens when I come back down. Memories collide with me, and I come to realize that’s all I’ll ever have. I’ll never see his smile again. Or taste his lips. Never feel that closeness to another human being ever again.

“Oh my god. No,” I howl, over and over again, falling further into the abyss. “No, please, no.”

But through the chaos I hear something… under the noise…I hear hope.

“I’ll be damned…”

That small flicker of faith is what I zero in on because it drags me from the depths. More voices sound, but this time, they appear hurried, frantic. Adrenaline soars through me, and I latch onto it as it kickstarts my heart.

“Holy…shit. He’s breathing.” Those words which pass through Sam’s lips are a game changer and my second chance.

Wiping the avalanche of tears away, I rip from Sam’s embrace, bearing witness to what he said to be true. I hold my breath in case there’s been some mistake, but when Saxon’s chest rises and falls, it’s like the world starts spinning again.

“What d-does this m-mean?” My voice is hoarse, but Nora understands.

“It means he’s breathing on his own.”

“How is that possible? He’s not dead?” My question is ridiculous, but I need to ensure I’m hearing her right.

“No, he was—” I hiss, that truth too painful to accept. “But he’s started breathing on his own.”

Biting the inside of my cheek until I taste blood to confirm this isn’t a dream, I gasp when I observe the true miracle in front of me. I’ve been given a second chance at life, and I intend to live every minute of it. “Is he going to be all right?”

“It’s up to him,” the doctor says, shaking his head, clearly dumbfounded. “The next twenty-four hours are crucial, but he has just come back from the dead. Anything is possible.”

Needing to touch him, to make sure this is real, I float through the room and take Saxon’s hand. “You came back,” I whisper. “I’m here to protect you. And I promise, I will never let anything happen to you, to us ever again. Open those eyes. You’ve got our baby to meet.” Nora discreetly wipes the tears from her eyes.

Sam comes up behind me, placing his hand on my shoulder. “Way to scare us, asshole. When you wake up, I’m so going to kick your ass.” I laugh, we both do, and it’s the best feeling in the world.

Kissing the back of Saxon’s hand, the heat of his skin warms me to the core. “You kept your promise…”

“Will you take care of me?”

“Yes.”

“You promise?”

“Yes, I promise.”

“For how long?”

“For as long as you want me to.”

As the color slowly returns to Saxon’s cheeks, I embrace the chaos because the flip of a coin, the flip of fate just fell in our favor. This isn’t the end. No, this is just a taste of what’s to come.