Chapter 11
Natalie – 2017
As Dash opened the door for Gage, I took hold of Roxy’s collar. The dog amped up her yapping, something she did whenever someone came to the house.
“Hi, Coach,” Dash shouted over the dog. “Come on in.”
Gage stared down at all thirty pounds of Roxy. “I’m not sure if that’s a good idea.”
“It’s fine,” I said, tightening my grip on her collar. “She just has an issue with the door. Once you step inside, she’ll calm down.”
Gage eyed both me and the dog warily. Given his history with biting dogs and with me, I didn’t blame him for being cautious.
“Come on, Coach. Don’t be afraid.” Dash bent over Roxy and rubbed her head. “Good girl. It’s just my coach. You don’t have to act all mean and tough for my coach.”
As if understanding, the dog went silent and wagged her tail. Cautiously, Gage stepped into the house. I relaxed my grip, allowing Roxy to sniff Gage’s shoes.
Dash patted the dog’s head. “See, she won’t hurt you, Coach. Maybe just lick you to death, but that’s no big deal unless her tongue somehow became poisoned.”
“Good to know.” Gage offered the dog his hand, and Roxy gave it a perfunctory sniff.
“So, what are you doing here, Coach?” Dash asked. “Did I forget something else?”
I watched as Gage carefully examined Dash, taking in every detail. After a moment, Gage said, “Actually, I need to speak to your mother.” Turning his attention to me, he asked if I could step outside to talk.
I swallowed hard and nodded. “Dash, take Roxy out back to use the bathroom.”
“Okay,” Dash said.
In a trance, I followed Gage outside and pulled the door closed. My pulse pounded hard against my skull as I tried to figure out what to say.
“He’s mine, isn’t he?” Gage said, his voice angry. “Dash is my son.”
I met Gage’s gaze and slowly nodded. “Yes, he is.”
“Whoa.” Gage shoved both hands through his hair and gripped the back of his head. He took several deep breaths and closed his eyes. When he opened them, he stared at me.
“Gage, I—”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I don’t know. I was scared and—”
“Does he know?” Gage glanced at the house where Dash and Roxy were kneeling on the couch, staring out the window. When Dash realized he’d been spotted, he ducked down quickly, causing Gage to give a little chuckle.
My heart lifted at that sound. I looked at the man I’d once loved with all my heart. I’d missed him so much. Missed the sound of his laughter, the way he used to smile, and the way he made me feel.
Gage pressed a clenched fist to his chest. “Does Dash know I’m his father?”
“No. I haven’t told him yet. I wanted to talk to you first. I called the gym today but was told you wouldn’t be back until tomorrow.”
“I wasn’t supposed to be, but my plans changed.” Gage rocked back on his heels. “I don’t understand. You knew I owned the gym? Is that why you came?”
I nodded. “I wanted you and Dash to meet.”
“But you left after practice without talking to me.”
“I know. I was going to call you tomorrow so we could talk.”
“Talk about what?”
I flinched at the sudden sharpness in Gage’s voice. I’d expected his anger, but I didn’t like it. “I wanted to talk to you about setting up a time to meet Dash.”
Gage’s jaw clenched. “But why now, Natalie? Why after all this time did you finally decide to tell me about my son? Why not last year or the year before that? Why not wait until he turned eighteen?”
While Gage deserved an answer, I didn’t know how to explain why I’d done what I did. “Gage, I—”
The door creaked open, and Dash stuck his head through the crack. “Mom? I think the cobbler is burning.”
“Oh, no.” Without looking at Gage, I darted into the house. I ran through the living room to the kitchen where I flung open the oven, relieved to see only the edges of the cobbler were burnt. Using the potholder, I took the dessert out of the oven and set it on the stovetop to cool.
“That was a close one.” Dash grinned up at Gage who stood in the kitchen doorway, the dog standing beside him like they’d been friends for ages.
“Hey, Coach, do you want some dessert?” Dash asked. “My mom makes really good cobbler, and we have ice cream.”
Gage stared down at Dash. I held my breath, waiting for Gage to speak. Finally, he gave this quirky grin he used to give whenever incredibly pleased. “Actually, Dash, I’d love some dessert.”
“Cool.” Dash strode over to the table. “Come on, Coach. You can sit next to me.”
Gage hesitated before crossing the kitchen and taking a seat at the table. Turning my back to both of them, I opened the freezer and retrieved the ice cream.
Having Gage in my kitchen was nerve-racking. Why hadn’t I planned this better? I never should’ve gone to the gym until I’d met with him on my own.
“Hey, Coach, you know that play you told me about?” Dash said. “The pick and roll?”
“Yeah?”
“I want to show you something, okay?” Dash retrieved a piece of paper and pencil from the kitchen drawer and began drawing furiously. “See, we could do something like this. Then, when someone like Henderson gets the ball, he wouldn’t be able to score so easily.”
Looking down at Dash’s plan, Gage grinned. “That’s a really smart idea.”
“Thanks,” Dash said, beaming.
Guilt overwhelmed me as I dished up the cobbler and ice cream. I never should’ve kept Gage from Dash. I should’ve tried harder to contact him and tell him he had a son. I should’ve been braver.
Because of my actions, not only had Dash missed out on a father, but Gage had missed out on a son. He hadn’t been there to teach Dash how to ride a bike, shoot a basketball, or pitch a tent. I’d always felt guilty for denying Dash a father, but what I’d done to Gage was just as bad.
Blinking hard, I finished preparing our dessert and brought it to the table. Dash jumped up to retrieve the silverware, then we sat and ate the cobbler.
“What do you think, Coach?” Dash asked. “It’s pretty good, isn’t it?”
Gage nodded. “It’s delicious.”
“I’m glad you like it,” I said.
We ate in relative silence until the alarm on my phone sounded. I reached into my pocket and silenced it.
“Already?” Dash sighed and gobbled down his cobbler and ice cream, disregarding his own rule of eating slowly. “That alarm means I have to go to bed.”
“Oh, okay,” Gage said.
Dash stood and carried his bowl to the sink. “If I go to bed without complaining during the week, I get to stay up late on the weekend. So, good night, Coach. See you tomorrow.”
“Okay, see you tomorrow,” Gage said.
Dash patted his leg. “Come on, Roxy. Time for bed.” The dog, who’d been lying at Gage’s feet, reluctantly stood.
“I’ll be up in a minute to tuck you in,” I said. “Brush your teeth and—”
“Okay, Mom.” Dash shot me a look that said, “Please don’t embarrass me in front of Coach. And whatever you do, please don’t tell him I have to wear a pull-up at night.”
I pressed my lips together and remained silent as they went upstairs. Gage was the first to speak. “He’s a good kid.”
“He really is. I couldn’t have asked for a better kid.”
Gage took one last bite of his dessert and pushed the bowl away. More uncomfortable silence filled the room.
“Would you like seconds?” I asked, gesturing at the cobbler on the counter. “I have plenty.”
“No, thank you. It was good, but I better stop.”
I stood and carried our bowls to the sink. Gage followed and watched as I rinsed the dishes and set them on the counter.
“Would you like some tea or water?” I asked.
“No.”
“What about coffee? I have decaf.”
“Natalie.” Gage stepped close and lowered his voice. “I want to know why you didn’t tell me about Dash. I want to know why you’re here and what you want.”
I pushed out a slow breath. How was I supposed to answer that?
Gage’s eyes narrowed. “You’re not still—”
“No, I’m not.”
“That’s not why you came to San Francisco?”
“No, Gage.”
He studied me carefully. “And what about when you went to jail? Did he have to stay in foster care?”
I shuddered. “No. I’ve always been able to keep Dash with me.”
Gage folded his arms across his chest. “What does he think happened to his father?”
I opened the drawer containing the aluminum foil and covered the rest of the cobbler. “He thinks you left before I could tell you about him. And he thinks I don’t know how to find you.”
“Does he know why we broke up?”
“No. He doesn’t know anything about that.”
Gage looked away, then back at me. “You have to let me be part of his life. I want to get to know him.”
“Of course. I want that too. That’s why we came.”
“When are you going to tell him about me? Tonight?”
My pulse jolted. Things were moving too fast. I’d been nervous about Gage accepting Dash, but obviously that wasn’t a problem.
“I’ll talk to him,” Gage said, taking charge.
“No.” I panicked. “Please give me just a little more time. This is something I need to tell Dash on my own.”
“Mom?”
I looked past Gage to see Dash staring at me. His brow was creased, and he looked so small and vulnerable, standing in his Batman pajamas and bare feet. My heart split wide open.
Dash was just eight. He was just a child and not old enough to hear about the horrible things I’d done.
I glanced at Gage and saw he was determined. Right now, I had no other choice but to face the consequences of my past.
Taking a deep breath, I forced a brave smile. After keeping everything a secret for so long, this wasn’t going to be easy.
“Let’s go into the living room, okay?” I walked toward Dash.
“Mom, what are you and Coach talking about?”
I placed a hand on Dash’s shoulder. “It’s okay. Come sit down with me and I’ll tell you all about it.”