BLAKE STAYED AT the hospital with Mitch, the Quincey kids, and his grandmother while Mia and Angie, her assistant, took me shopping.
Lingerie shopping, to be precise.
I’d never bothered setting foot in a lingerie store before. I mean, not a true lingerie store. Since my weight loss, I’d been buying my bras and underwear in stores that specialized in comfort and support, not in sex appeal, because that was what I intended to use them for. And before that, I’d only ever shopped in the stores like Lane Bryant and Catherine’s, ones that focused on making clothes for larger women that didn’t look like enormous sacks.
Regardless of all that, I wasn’t sure I possessed any sex appeal. If, by some strange twist of fate, I did have a smidgeon of the stuff, I certainly didn’t know how to make use of it.
Still, ever since going under the knife and losing weight, I’d been more focused on hiding my flaws and keeping everything tucked away that ought to be tucked away than I had been on flaunting anything. The thought of finding things to show off my various assets, if they could even be called that, was almost enough to have me breaking out in hives.
This entire store already had my skin crawling with trepidation, and we’d barely been inside it for two minutes.
“Bra size?” Angie asked, thumbing through a rack of silky things that had been put on clearance. “And what dress size do you wear?”
“Twelve or large, probably, and I think I’m in a 38D.”
“You think?”
“It changed so much so fast… But I’m pretty sure that’s where it ended up.”
“We’ll get someone to measure you,” Mia said decisively. She caught the eye of a store employee who had a tape measure draped around her neck and waved her over.
Meanwhile, Angie was grabbing things off the rack seemingly at random other than checking the label for the size, loading her arms full.
“Can I help you ladies?” the clerk asked a moment later as she bustled to join us.
Mia angled her head in my direction. “She needs to be fitted for a bra. And we need you to open a dressing room for her. She’s going to be trying on all sorts of things.”
“Of course,” the clerk said, reaching for the enormous pile in Angie’s arms. Then she hurried off to comply.
“Now that I think of it, you and I should go with her,” Mia said to me, her eyes following the clerk. “You can start trying on the things we bring you while Angie keeps searching the racks.”
“And I need your help for that?” I squeaked. Yes, she’d be photographing me in some of these things soon enough, but the entire situation was growing more complicated and uncomfortable by the moment, which would have seemed impossible only an hour ago.
“I need to see what it all looks like on you.”
I hadn’t ever had a problem with Dani seeing me while I was trying on her clothes, but this felt a lot different. And not simply due to my not really knowing Mia Quincey.
Dani’s clothes had been specifically designed to hide all of my problem areas.
These things, though? I took a negligee off the rack and held it up in wonder over what, exactly, the purpose of it might be, since there wasn’t enough fabric on it to cover my left boob. There’d be no way to hide while wearing anything sold in this store. “Yeah, maybe if I find something that’s got enough covered…” I muttered.
She quirked up a grin at my reaction. “I’ll stay out of the room, but you have to come out and let me see things unless they’re completely indecent, like you’re literally falling out of them or something.”
“But if I don’t like it…”
“You might not be the best judge of what looks good on you. Typically, we’re our own harshest critics.”
“Hmph,” I muttered, but I headed back to the fitting rooms with Mia on my tail.
FOUR HOURS LATER, the three of us were back at the hotel, and Angie had me seated in the desk chair so she could do my makeup while Mia fiddled with a bunch of portable lights she was setting up.
“Close your eyes,” Angie ordered, reaching for a palette of shadows and another brush out of the bag she’d virtually emptied over the handful of empty spaces in the room.
I tugged on the edges of the robe, drawing it closer around me, as I complied.
“And stop trying to hide,” Angie murmured.
“If only I could hide. That would be brilliant right about now.”
“This is going to be an amazing experience for you,” Mia insisted over her shoulder. “You just have to give it a chance.”
I scowled at her.
“Give me a chance, then,” she begged.
I huffed out a sigh. “This might be a lot of things, but I’m not sure I’m willing to call it amazing. Not yet, at least.” And until I’d seen the final results, I doubted I’d ever be able to do so. Most likely not even then.
A knock sounded at the door, and I pulled on the edges of my robe even it was already covering me and I had the chosen lingerie on underneath, so it wasn’t as if I was naked.
Angie scowled at me with a tsking sound as Mia went to answer it.
“You ready for me?”
I couldn’t see him, but I’d know Blake’s voice anywhere. While his presence might have comforted me in certain other circumstances, in my present predicament, it only made my pulse go through the roof.
“Come on in,” Mia said. “What’re you going to wear?”
“You tell me. Jeans? How dressed do you want me to be? I could do boxer-briefs…”
“Depends on the boxer-briefs,” she replied. “Are they filthy?”
He didn’t answer, but I could imagine him giving her an annoyed look in response.
“You wearing them now?” she demanded.
“Yeah.”
“Are they clean?”
“Are you serious?”
“I have a husband and two kids, one of them a boy. Yes, I’m serious,” she shot back.
“They’re clean.”
“And you haven’t worn them for so long that they’re all stretched out?”
“For fuck’s sake.”
“Like I already said, I have two males in my house. Don’t give me that. I know what guys are like.”
“They’re fine,” he insisted.
“Go into the bathroom and strip, then, and let me see if they’ll work.”
“I could strip all the way…” Teasing laughter filled his tone, and I had to smother a laugh of my own.
“Don’t even think about it. Keep the underwear on or you’ll be answering to my husband.”
He grumbled something about how he wasn’t afraid of Q, or at least that was what it seemed like he was saying, but then the bathroom door closed and the sounds of him bumping around in there filled the small hotel room.
“You’ve stopped breathing,” Angie murmured in a tone low enough the other two wouldn’t overhear.
I took a deep breath to force my lungs into compliance as she brushed some more powder onto my eyelids.
Blake came back out to join us.
“Hmm,” Mia said. “What do you two think?”
My eyes fluttered open. I blinked repeatedly against the glare of the bright lights Angie was using to do my makeup, but then I was finally able to see.
He was gorgeous.
Which, of course, I already knew. But I’d never seen him quite like this before. I’d felt him, but that wasn’t even remotely the same.
He was all muscle, with a narrow strip of dark hair trailing down from the center of his chest and disappearing under the royal-blue waistband of his underwear.
My throat went dry at the sight of him. He was like a male model, only he was standing right in front of me; he wasn’t just a flat image in the pages of a magazine.
He was real flesh and blood.
His body was perfection, and mine was stretched-out flab and lumps in odd places.
“I can’t do this,” I croaked, but the words were mainly air and no substance.
They all ignored me, assuming they had heard me at all, which they might not have considering how loudly my heart was pounding.
“I like the blue as contrast against the coral,” Angie said, reaching for one of our purchases from earlier. “We should put Bea in this one to start with. And it’ll all pop against the white of the sheets.”
“Yeah, but that bedspread has to go,” Mia said emphatically, wrinkling her nose in distaste at the brown-and-orange fabric.
The next thing I knew, Blake had stalked over and stripped off the top layer of bedding, tossing the comforter to the floor. Then he took a seat on the end of the bed and stared at me with so much heat that I thought I might melt.
“Close your eyes for me again,” Angie demanded, and I willingly complied. With my eyes closed, I could pretend for a moment that none of this was happening and it was all a dream.
She dabbed a bit more on my eyelids, swiped a soft-bristled brush across my cheeks, and used a small brush to glide gloss over my lips. “All right. I think we’re good. What do you think?”
“I think she’s perfect,” Blake said, and a tingle zipped up my spine.
“Look up at me,” Mia ordered, and I opened my eyes again, trying not to blink under the scrutiny of three pairs of eyes staring down at me.
Blake’s eyes, in particular, seemed to be calling to me.
“Go a bit darker on the lips, but keep it nude. And tousle up her hair some more. But otherwise, I think we’re all set.”
“If I kiss her, am I going to mess her up?” Blake asked.
“Kiss me?” I spluttered, but they ignored me.
“We can fix her makeup again if we need to,” Mia said. “That’s one of the reasons I have an assistant at the shoots—so we can fix hair and makeup as many times as necessary.” Then she arched a brow in my direction. “And yes, he’s going to kiss you. And touch you. And you’re going to be beautiful the whole time.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat and reached for a bottle of water to soothe my nerves.
“Put a little powder on him and let’s get going,” Mia said, and any hope I might have had of escaping was gone.
GRANDMA PRESSED THE button on her bed to raise herself up somewhat when we headed back to the hospital later that evening. “When do I get to see them?” she demanded with no preamble.
Bea tensed beside me—I could feel it in her hand. I squeezed to reassure her as Mia and Angie followed us into Grandma’s hospital room. Q and his kids were waiting for us there, with the kids busy playing games in the corner.
“As long as it’s okay with Blake and Bea, I’m willing to show you the raw footage on my camera now.” Mia said.
“Can I see them first?” Bea asked.
They hadn’t shown her anything on the camera yet. You can’t see them until I edit them, Mia had told her, despite Bea’s objections. Not that she hadn’t asked multiple times—almost constantly, actually, for the first hour or two of the shoot.
But eventually, she’d lost some of her inhibitions and become more comfortable with what we were doing. Her laughs had become more natural. Her smiles had felt less forced. Her kisses had gone softer, more sensual. Her touches had become bolder. And slowly—terribly slowly—she’d stopped tensing up every time I’d touched her.
Every time Mia had captured a particularly perfect moment, I’d known it right away—because her eyes lit up like fire. That was Mia’s tell, her sign that all her creative juices were flowing. There’d been a lot of those moments, too. Once Bea had finally let go and started having fun, it’d happened almost nonstop.
But then I’d forgotten all about watching Mia’s reactions and focused instead on Bea. In those moments when she’d lost her inhibitions, I’d never seen anything more beautiful. I only hoped that this shoot was enough to convince her of the same.
“I already told you,” Mia said patiently. “You can’t see them until I’ve edited them. But Blake’s grandmother is a bit of a special circumstance, don’t you think?”
Bea scowled, but she relented, and Mia headed over to sit next to Grandma’s bed and show her the day’s work.
“Thank you,” I whispered into Bea’s ear.
“For letting your grandmother see them when I haven’t?”
“For everything. All of this.”
“I don’t know why you’re thanking me. You’re the one who arranged it all.”
“And you’re the one who agreed to it,” I pointed out.
She bit down on her lower lip, which made me want to do the same thing, but then she nodded.
“I hope it helps you the way I think it will,” I said.
“It already has,” she admitted, but she wouldn’t look up and meet my eyes.
“Yeah?”
“I couldn’t have done any of that if you hadn’t…”
“Pushed you into it?” I offered.
“Something like that.”
“Are you upset that I pushed?”
“I think I needed a good push. Your grandmother gave me one, too.”
Now, that was a surprise. “What kind of push did she give you?”
Bea tried to shrug it off, waving her hand around the room as if to indicate all the people around us. But the kids were playing their games, Q was in deep conversation with Angie, and Mia and Grandma had their heads close together, going through the images on Mia’s camera. They weren’t paying any attention to us at all.
“What kind of push?” I insisted.
“Just… I don’t know. She wants me to be sure I want you in my life. That I want to be in your life.”
This time, it was my turn to lose my ability to speak for a bit. But finally, I said, “And do you? Want to be in my life and want me in yours?”
“I couldn’t have gone through with any of this if I didn’t.”
That was answer enough for me. And suddenly, I felt a lot lighter. My life was still a mess, sure, and I couldn’t bear the thought of having to say good-bye to my grandmother soon—probably forever—but maybe in this one area of my life, things were starting to look up.
And thank fuck for that, because I needed something good to hold on to. Might as well have that something good be Bea. Especially if she’d allow me to hold on to her like I had during the photo shoot.
LATER, MIA STARTED gathering up her husband, kids, and camera equipment, but she took a moment to pull me aside while Bea was busy talking to Grandma. “I’ll send the proofs over for you both to take a look at in a few days. Once you know which ones you want, just let me know and I’ll edit them and send you the final copies. If you want any prints done, I have some recommendations in Portland, or I can have them printed locally and then ship them to you.”
“Thanks, Mia,” I said. “I just hope it’ll be worth it.”
“It was absolutely worth it. Maybe she won’t see herself the way you see her right away, but she won’t be able to deny it for too much longer once she sees the actual pictures.”
“We hope.”
“Have a little faith in her, hmm? She’s been through a lot. It takes time to see the differences in ourselves. It’s a lot easier to see them in someone else.”
Q came over and slapped me on the back in an awkward former-teammate sort of non-hug. “When are you heading back to Portland?”
“Not sure. Probably soon.”
“Say hi to the boys for me.”
“You guys are playing San Jose next week, right?” I asked.
“Yep.”
“How about you and your boys do us a solid and kick their asses to Timbuktu?” We’d been battling it out with San Jose to see who could land at the top of the Pacific all season long. Every time we won, they did, too. We couldn’t get any separation from them in the standings.
“That’s the plan, but for us, not for you.”
“Mm hmm. Just do it.”
A few minutes later, the Quinceys were all gone, and suddenly it was quiet in Grandma’s room again, other than the beeping and whirring of the machines and the general bustle of the hospital taking place out in the halls.
I took up the seat next to Grandma’s bed that Mia had vacated.
“You two need to go back to the hotel and get some rest,” Grandma barked.
I snorted. “I think you might be the one who needs rest. You’ve had kids here for hours. Probably drove you up the wall.”
“Okay, then you two need to go back to the hotel and get some nookie. Then you can rest after.”
“Nookie?” Bea spluttered.
“Isn’t that what you kids are calling it these days? There’s that song.”
“Limp Bizkit hasn’t been a thing for a decade or more,” I said, glancing over to Bea.
She looked like she couldn’t decide between utter embarrassment and ridiculous laughter. Which meant Grandma was having the desired effect on her. That was what my grandmother always went for, but it rarely worked with me. I didn’t embarrass easily.
“That’s still what you’re calling it, though, right?” Grandma insisted, catching Bea’s eye.
“I don’t…” She couldn’t finish her thought. Her embarrassment was beyond adorable.
“You won’t hear any arguments from me,” I said, but Bea wouldn’t meet my eyes. Or maybe it was that she couldn’t make herself, which was kind of cute. “Sorry,” I added, looking her way. “But you know Grandma doesn’t mince words.”
“It’s not— I’m just—”
“She’s just frustrated because she wants to see the pictures and your photographer friend wouldn’t show them to her. And now we’re making jokes about sex, and she’s a teacher, which means she’s more dignified than all of that. But they look good, honey.” Grandma gave Bea a reassuring pat on the back of the hand. “And you’ll need to get over the need to be dignified if you’re going to spend much time with either of us.”
“It’s not that,” Bea insisted.
“Mm hmm,” Grandma replied. “Well, either way, you look good.”
“Good enough to eat,” I said, and my stomach growled.
After rolling her eyes at me, Grandma said, “Sounds like you need to feed him or he might try to eat you.”
“That’s not the worst idea you’ve ever had,” I said.
“What? Getting some food in you? Or eating her?”
I shrugged, raising a brow in challenge in Bea’s direction. “Either? Both?”
And just like that, Bea was on her feet, with her coat and backpack in her arms, and on her way out the door. I happily and readily followed her…with Grandma cackling in our wake.
“I HAD a good time today,” I said later, when Bea and I were curled up together on the bed. We were both still fully clothed, other than our shoes, but she was at least allowing me to spoon her.
The soft coils of her thick, curly hair tickled my nose as I nuzzled her neck. I’d discovered just how much I enjoyed the sensation earlier, when Mia had asked us to lie in this position for a few shots. My dick liked it, too, so I kept having to think boring thoughts to keep from getting too far ahead of myself.
“You might be surprised to hear it,” Bea murmured after a moment, her voice thick and husky and so sexy I couldn’t stand it, “but so did I.”
“So it wasn’t all torture?”
She laughed and turned her head, looking back at me over her shoulder. “Not all torture. But there was still plenty of it.”
“You looked hot in all of it. But that green thing?” Cautiously, I slid a hand down the length of her side, settling it on her hip.
She didn’t jerk or pull away, thank fuck. “What about the green one?”
“It’s going to fuel my dreams for months. And once we get the pictures, it’ll probably do that for the rest of my life.”
“Don’t tease me, Blake.”
“I’m not teasing you. That’s total jerk-off material.”
“Classy,” she said, but at least she was laughing.
“You know I say whatever pops into my head.” And seeing her in that lingerie earlier was going to remain in my head forever. “I’ve been into you for a long time, but today just cemented it. I need you.” I inched closer, and my hard-on nestled against her ass. She was so soft and inviting everywhere. I couldn’t get enough. But then I had to fight back a groan, because all I could think about was slipping between her thighs and settling more fully into her warmth and softness. “But even more than that, I want you. I want to be with you.”
“I want to be with you, too,” she whispered, as if it was one of the worst things she could ever confess.
It might be pressing my luck, but I had to try. “I bought condoms today, while you three were out shopping.”
She went unusually still against me, almost rigid.
Damn. Too much, too soon. “We don’t have to—”
“I want to,” she interrupted. “But this has been a lot for me in one day.”
“Too much for one day? Do you need me to wait a bit longer?”
Shaking her head, she rolled toward me, but she buried her face in the space between my chin and my shoulder so I couldn’t see her expression. “I don’t want to wait anymore. I just…”
“You just what?” I prodded when she fell silent.
“Can we have the lights out?”
My heart dropped into my stomach. “Even after today?”
“Even after today. I might get there eventually. I hope I can. I’m trying to.”
“But not yet,” I finished for her.
“Not yet. I want to be with you,” she rushed to say. “But—”
“But you’re not ready to let me see you naked.”
She nodded so softly I barely felt the movement.
Patience, I reminded myself. Rushing her wouldn’t do either of us any good. Besides, I’d already pushed her enough for today.
“But as long as we keep the lights off?” I asked.
In answer, she reached over to the light switch next to the bed and flipped it off with a single outstretched finger.
And then she kissed me.