BEA STAYED TRUE to her word, spending the night with her parents instead of coming back to the hotel with me. She sent her grumpy brother to pick up her things. I could only assume it was so she wouldn’t have to deal with me.
He made it clear he wasn’t a big fan of mine. I had difficulty not letting him know what I thought of the way he and the rest of his family always treated her, but that probably wouldn’t help things any, so I somehow kept it in check.
I wanted to say, See, Bea? Sometimes I can control myself! But that wouldn’t help anything. And besides, she was giving me the cold shoulder, so I couldn’t say anything to her at all.
She arranged for the airline to switch her seat on our flight back to Portland so she wouldn’t have to sit next to me on the way home.
She wouldn’t respond to my texts, no matter how profusely I apologized.
I felt like enough of an ass already, but the way she was completely shutting me out of her life was enough to do me in.
Grandma called me the day we got back to Portland, before I could make it in to the PR meeting Jim had informed me I was required to attend.
“Just keep your head on,” she said. “You made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes. Don’t say anything stupid.”
“I always say stupid things.”
“Not always. Not if you slow down and think. They’ll help you figure this out, Blake.”
“It doesn’t even matter what the team does to me at this point,” I told her. I’d never sounded more morose before, not even to my own ears. “I’m just worried about Bea. Her family won’t take it well, but it’s worse than that.”
“Worse how?”
“She could lose her job over this.”
“Well, if she does, she’s better off without them.”
“She’s better off without a job? A job she loves?”
“Teachers don’t get enough appreciation anyway. She could do a lot better for herself doing something else.”
“But she loves those kids, Grandma.”
“So…what are you going to do about it?” she demanded.
“What can I do about it?”
“If you want her back, you’ll think of something. If you want to make things right, you’ll figure it out. You’re a smart man, Blake. Always have been. You’ve got a brain between your ears. Time to use it.”
“Not really helpful,” I said, and she just cackled the way she always did when the answer was staring me right in the face but I couldn’t see it.
“FROM THE TEAM’S standpoint, there’s not a problem here,” Jim said the next morning, folding in the earpieces of his bifocals and setting them on his desk. “We know our players have lives outside of hockey. Those photos are clearly not pornography. There’s nothing indecent or inappropriate about the photos.”
“But we still have a problem on our hands?” I asked, because I wasn’t quite following his train of thought.
“We still have a problem,” Bergy said, crossing his arms in an intimidating posture. He and the other coaches were present, too, as well as about a dozen other bigwigs from the Storm’s front offices.
“Our problem,” Mr. Sutter said, “is that Ms. Castillo is a teacher, and her students are young and also very impressionable—more so than many of their peers—and we don’t know how the school board will handle this.”
A breath of relief whooshed out of my lungs. “You’re telling me that the team is going to help Bea with this, right? That’s what you’re saying?”
“It’s made national news, both here and in Canada,” he said calmly. “If she’d done that photo shoot with almost any other man, it wouldn’t have been newsworthy, and it never would have become an issue for her. The only reason anyone cared about posting those photos online was because you were in them, too. The perpetrator didn’t know who Ms. Castillo is, or at least it’s highly doubtful. We have to treat this with the belief that they only made the images public because you’re a public figure. So we, as an organization, feel that we have an obligation to Ms. Castillo to help fight her case with the school board.”
“You’re being serious? You’re not fucking with me—I mean screwing around with me?”
“I’m being serious. Any chance you can find out when her hearing is scheduled?” Mr. Sutter asked.
“She’s cut me off. I don’t—”
“I can find out,” Webs interrupted. “Dani will know.”
“Good,” Mr. Sutter said. “As soon as we know that, we can get our legal team involved and begin the process of moving forward.”
Holy hell.
I didn’t know what I’d done to deserve this kind of loyalty from Mr. Sutter and the Storm organization, but I was beyond glad I’d done it. Bea might have a teacher’s union that could help her, but getting the power of the Portland Storm’s legal team on her side was beyond anything I could have hoped for.
Maybe, if we were able to help her out of this mess, she’d eventually forgive me.
Maybe I’d be able to convince her I loved her, even if I sometimes fucked up.
Maybe she’d eventually give me another chance. And maybe I wouldn’t destroy it as soon as I got it.
Maybe, just maybe, she’d believe that loving me was worth it.
That I was worth it.
Hell, maybe I wasn’t, but she sure as fuck was.
WHEN I WALKED into my disciplinary hearing with the school board, I nearly fell over in shock. I’d been expecting the board, my principal, and maybe one or two other people from my school to be present. I was not prepared to find more than half a dozen men I didn’t recognize in the slightest—most of them tall, muscular men in expensive suits—alongside a woman in a dark gray power suit.
One of the unfamiliar men, a graying gentleman with bifocals and a firm handshake, came over to me with a smile. “Jim Sutter,” he said. “General Manager of the Portland Storm. Blake filled us in on what was happening, so we thought we’d bring our legal team out to lend you a hand. This is Mattias Bergstrom,” he added, indicating a very intimidating gentleman next to him with sleek, dark hair with a silver streak on one side and a build that would rival Blake’s and any of his teammates’. “He’s the Storm’s head coach. The rest of these gentlemen and Ms. Farnworth work in our PR department, and Mr. Dalton, over there” —he indicated a blond-haired man in a dark gray suit—“is our lawyer. We’ll be assisting you today if that’s all right.”
“Blake sent you?” I spluttered.
“Not exactly, but since it was his mistake that led to your suspension and this hearing, we believe it’s right for us to get involved.”
“With your lawyers?” I repeated, still trying to wrap my brain around it. I’d been preparing to argue my case on my own, and if necessary, I thought I’d ask the teacher’s union to provide me with legal counsel. That was one of the benefits of having a union, after all. I wasn’t sure their legal help would be of quite this caliber, though.
Jonathan Grissom, the president of the school board, scowled and waved a hand toward an empty chair. “If we could get started,” he said impatiently. If I had to guess, I’d say he hadn’t been expecting half a dozen bigwigs to show up in my defense any more than I had been.
I took the empty chair he’d indicated, and Mr. Sutter sat next to me, looking perfectly calm and in control of the situation.
“Very well,” Mr. Grissom said. “Are we all ready to proceed?”
“I’d say so,” Mr. Sutter replied congenially. He took off his bifocals and folded the earpieces in, setting them on the board table in front of him. “Our lawyers have put together a list of comparable incidents around the country, as well as the actions taken in each case.”
Mr. Grissom looked as taken aback as I felt, but he quickly pulled his features under control. “This isn’t just any old incident, Mr. Sutter, as I’m sure Ms. Castillo will be all too happy to explain to you. Her students are especially impressionable, more so than the majority of the student body. She teaches our special education population—a group of students far more sensitive to outside influence than the average student of the same age.”
“We’re quite familiar with the sensitivities of special education students,” Coach Bergstrom put in. “My stepdaughter happens to be one of them, although Sophie is a bit older than Ms. Castillo’s students.”
“Yes, we’re familiar with Sophie,” Mr. Grissom said. “In fact, I believe she and some of her classmates joined Ms. Castillo’s class while she was in New York recently, isn’t that so? They worked on an art project for Mr. Kozlow while he and Ms. Castillo were supposedly visiting his ailing grandmother. But in reality, she was taking risqué photos with her boyfriend.”
“We were with his grandmother the majority of the time we were in New York,” I said. “Other than when we were sleeping. Anyone at the hospital can verify that. The reason for my taking the time off was exactly what I said it would be when I put in the request.”
“And I don’t believe the way Ms. Castillo spent her hard-earned time off is in any way relevant to this discussion,” one of the other men on my team said.
Mr. Grissom scowled. “Since her behavior has affected our students—”
“How?” another lawyer interrupted. “How has her behavior affected your students? The leak of the photos only took place two days ago. The Storm’s legal team got the article taken down within an hour of it being posted to the internet. The likelihood that any of those students saw them—”
“Whether they actually saw them or not is irrelevant to the discussion,” Mr. Grissom interrupted.
“I’d think it would be entirely relevant,” Mr. Sutter said.
“They could have seen them, Mr. Sutter,” the school board president said. “We can’t have a teacher in compromising positions like that—”
“Compromising positions?” Ms. Farnworth interrupted. “They were intimate photographs, sure, but there was nothing remotely illicit about them.”
“They had their clothes off,” Mr. Grissom argued.
“On the contrary, there is no nudity involved,” Ms. Farnworth said. “Have you seen them? Because I have copies here for everyone present.” She picked up a stack of manila folders, then stood and distributed one folder to each person present. “If you’ll take a look, please, gentlemen. So sorry to invade your privacy like this, Ms. Castillo,” she said as she handed a folder to me, “but I believe it’s necessary for everyone to have a full understanding of the scope of the situation.”
My cheeks heated, but I nodded my agreement. The images had already been all over the internet. They were currently featured on no fewer than a dozen of the biggest sports blogs and news sites in the world. There was no hiding from them, whether I wanted to or not.
“Now, Mr. Grissom, would you kindly tell me which image contains the nudity you mentioned?” Ms. Farnworth said pleasantly, a brow raised in expectation. “I’d love for you to show me what I’m missing.”
“YOU KNOW I still want to murder you, right?” Dani said from over the top of the pint of Halo Top ice cream I’d brought her. “Bringing me ice cream is only enough bribe to convince me to wait until I’m done eating it to deal with you.”
“I deserve it,” I said, cautiously taking a seat at the foot of her bed.
“You do.”
“I fucked up.”
“You have a pulse and you’re breathing, so yes, I’d have to say I agree.”
“I’ll never be able to make up for this. She’ll never forgive me.”
“Not if she’s smart.”
“I don’t deserve her forgiveness.”
“You aren’t expecting me to argue with you on any of this shit, right?”
“You could try to cheer me up some.”
“Doubtful.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“What the hell were you expecting?” Dani bit off.
“I love her, all right? I know I fucked up, but I love her. And she loves me, too. We need each other.”
She scowled, resting the carton on her growing belly. “Help me sit up straighter, hmm?”
“I don’t know. If I come close enough to touch you, you might find a way to shove that spoon up my nose or something.”
“Better your nose than your ass.”
“Am I supposed to find that reassuring?” I shot back.
“If you don’t, I’ll get my husband to bring me a gun so I can shoot you.”
“We don’t own a gun,” Harry called from somewhere nearby.
“We should do something about that,” Dani called back.
“Nope. I don’t trust your mood swings.”
“If you’re close enough to hear her,” I shouted, “why don’t you come and help her sit up so I don’t have to? She’s your wife.”
“And you’re the one who fucked up with her best friend,” he called back. “You two are having a private conversation. I’m only listening in to be sure I don’t need to call the cops to protect you from my wife’s wrath.”
“Maybe you should protect me in here, then.”
“Hush,” Dani said, digging her spoon in for another large bite. “And for the record, you would’ve scored more points if you’d brought me the Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough flavor.”
“I’ll make a mental note for next time.”
“Assuming there is a next time.”
“There’s going to be a next time,” I insisted. “There has to be.” I refused to believe that Bea would cut me off from her life forever. I had to convince her to give me another shot. “So how’d the hearing go?”
Dani shrugged. “Thanks to the team’s lawyers, better than she expected.”
“She’s reinstated?”
“Not yet. Apparently the process is going to take a couple of weeks, maybe longer, no matter which way things go. But the lawyers were able to point out the numerous flaws with the school district’s case.”
“But she will be able to keep her job?” I pressed.
“Too soon to know for sure, but it looks a lot better than it did before. The suspension is bad enough, though. It’s killing her.”
It was killing me, too.
Dani stabbed her spoon into the carton and drew out another bite. “She’s miserable, you know.”
This wasn’t helping my morale any. “I hate that she’s having to deal with all of this because of me.”
“I mean without you. She’s miserable without you.”
A frisson of hope came to life inside my chest. “I’m miserable without her, too.”
“Don’t ask me why she’s into you. I couldn’t tell you. I’ve never understood it.”
“I couldn’t tell you, either. All I know is I love her, and I fucked up worse than I ever realized it was possible for a person to fuck up, and it doesn’t look like I’ll ever be able to fix it. She’s never going to let me make it right.”
“I know why she’s into you.”
The familiar voice coming from the doorway made my heart stop. I glanced at Dani’s face to determine if the voice had only been in my head, but she was staring at the doorway with an expression I couldn’t name.
I tried to swallow the lump in my throat, but it wouldn’t budge.
No part of me would budge.
I was completely stuck.
“She’s into you because you’ve got a heart as big as the ocean. And because she gets why you screw up. And because you refuse to let her see anything but what you see when you look at her. She’s into you because you make her laugh. And because you make her feel sexy, when she’s never felt that way before in her life, even if it scares her sometimes. She’s into you because you’re everything she never knew she was missing until you walked into her life. She’s into you because you’re willing to move unmovable mountains when you make a mistake in order to make things right again. And because you love your grandma with your whole heart. And now that she’s shut you out, she’s miserable. Just as miserable as you are.”
Bea’s words fluttered through my ears and settled around my heart, filling the holes that I’d gouged in it as well as the ones others had left behind.
“That doesn’t sound very nice,” I forced myself to say. “Being miserable.”
“It’s not. It’s lonely.” She came to the side of the bed and sat next to me, her hand settling on top of mine.
Cautiously, I threaded my fingers with hers, staring down at the place where we were joined.
“I’m lonely,” Bea said.
“So am I.”
“I don’t want to be lonely anymore. I don’t want to be scared of what everyone thinks of me anymore. I don’t want to be the DUFF anymore.”
“The DUFF?”
“You’ve never been the DUFF other than in your own head,” Dani interjected, reminding me we were still sitting on the edge of her bed and she was listening to the entire conversation.
“Designated Ugly Fat Friend,” Bea explained.
“You’re not—”
“I know I’m not fat anymore,” she said, pressing a finger to my lips before I could get a head of steam going.
I kissed that finger. Couldn’t stop myself. “And you’ve never been ugly.”
“That’s not the point I’m trying to make.”
“So what are you trying to say?” I demanded.
“That I’m sorry I jumped to the worst possible conclusion again. And I know you didn’t intentionally hurt me. And I want us to try to figure this out.”
“Your family’ll hate me.”
“Not all of them,” Bea said. “Abuelita just wants me to be happy, even if I won’t eat her tamales.”
“But your father…”
“Maybe he’ll come around. Maybe he won’t.”
“Are you okay with it if he doesn’t?”
“They’ve never come around to see that I’m not who they want me to be,” Bea said. “They can’t love me for who I am, so why would they love the man I love?”
A grin took over my lips. “Told you.”
She shot up a brow in question. “Told me?”
“That you love me.”
“You’re so freaking cocky,” she said, laughing uncontrollably.
“Is that a bad thing?”
“Not for me, it’s not.”
“Good,” I said. “Because I don’t want to figure out how to deal without having you in my life.”
Bea picked up our joined hands and pressed a kiss to the back of mine. “I don’t want that, either.”
“Are you two finished already?” Dani interrupted, and I jumped. I’d forgotten we were sitting on the edge of her bed.
“For now,” Bea said, thoroughly unfazed by her friend’s disruption of our flirting. “Why?”
“Because you’re as sappy as a Hallmark Christmas movie, and my hormones are going haywire, and if you’re going to make me cry and shit, you owe me chocolate. Copious amounts of chocolate. Stat.”
“You only get to say stat in the case of an emergency,” Bea said with a grin.
“Chocolate is always an emergency for a pregnant bitch.”
My girlfriend looked toward the open doorway and called out, “Note that she’s the one calling herself a bitch, not either of us.”
“She knows the truth,” her husband replied, returning to the bedroom with a small handful of Dani’s favorite individually-wrapped dark chocolates. “But chocolate helps.”
I dug out my phone and tapped some shit into my notes app.
“What’re you doing?” Bea asked.
“Making reminders for myself, since we all know I’m not good at remembering things.”
“What sort of reminders?”
I shrugged. “Chocolate gets emergency status—for when you’re pregnant.”
Her eyes went as big as saucers.
“I’m not planning on knocking you up anytime soon. Right now, we’re doing fine with Neville and Luna. Just—you know—for whenever we’re ready.”
That shy, sexy grin I loved so much slowly crept over her features, and she squeezed my thigh. Which, of course, made me wish she’d squeeze a different part of my anatomy, a little bit higher.
“Ugh,” Dani groaned. “Don’t you two dare start making sexy, googly eyes at each other. Not while I’m lying here like a beached whale.”
“You’re a hot beached whale, though,” Harry said, smirking. “And you’re mine.”
I caught Bea’s eye. “I think that’s our cue to get the hell out of here.”
She threaded her fingers through mine, and we made a hasty retreat.
Together.