A day passes, and even though Christian and I text a little bit back and forth, he doesn't suggest I go on any adventures. But Thursday afternoon, a package is delivered to my desk. There's no return address on it, and when I open it there’s a simple white box inside.

There's a sneaking suspicion about where it came from but I can't be sure. I hide it because usually Julia has little package opening parties when one of us gets a box. But if it’s from who I think, I don’t want to share that. And I’m very happy with my decision when I open the box later. Nestled inside is a dildo. Not only is it a dildo, it's a bright turquoise dildo, and it's big. Now I have no doubt who this is from. I quickly close the box so that nobody sees it, and grab my phone.

I assume the present that just arrived at my desk is from you?

The only response I get is a winking emoji.

Seriously though, you sent me a dildo?

It's not just any dildo.

Uhhh, I don't know what that means.

I wait for his response.

Doesn’t it look familiar?

I'm not looking at it right now! I'm still at the office.

After last time I thought that would be less of a problem.

Masturbating in the bathroom is one thing, waving a giant dildo around in my cubicle is another.

I can practically feel him laughing. I open the edge of the box just enough so I can take another look. Familiar? I mean now that I look at it, kind of. But there's no way that this is actually Christian’s cock. It's certainly big enough to be, though.

Looking a little closer, could it actually be? My phone buzzes.

Did you know that they have kits that make copies of your dick?

This is you?

You know me, Audrey. Do you think I’d actually send you anything other than my own cock? Let anything else give you pleasure?

He’s right. When it comes to sex, Christian has an ego the size of Montana, and it’s well deserved. But this is a whole new level. I glance at the dildo again, and I start to see it, even though I haven’t exactly been up close and personal with his cock lately. I haven’t been that up close and personal with it in a few years.

This is…something.

Care to give it a try?

Honestly, it’s so much, so on the edge of ridiculous, that I want to. But not here. If I’m going to fuck myself with Christian’s copy-cock, I’m going to do it at home, where I can scream to my heart’s content and I’m not afraid that someone is going to knock on the door of the office bathroom.

I’ll call you when I get home.

Leave work early.

I’ll leave when I leave.

I’m so hard it hurts.

I make a face and type back to him.

Sounds like a personal problem. Just don’t jerk off too much that you can’t come. I need you to be fully functioning.

Don’t worry, there’s still plenty of sperm for you to take.

A moment, and then another message.

I’m going to imagine you’re using it now.

Fantasize away, big boy. It’s not happening.

I guess I’ll just have to suffer until you’re home.

I can’t help but smile.

Yes, you will.

I do my best to ignore my phone for the rest of the day. Christian and trying to get pregnant is already the majority of my life. I can’t afford to be this distracted at work until I’m pregnant. And honestly, we don’t know how long that will be.

When I get home, I put down my bag and make myself a cup of tea. Then I kick off my shoes and get into comfy clothes before I finally get the box out for a real and proper look at it. The turquoise material is soft, and more like skin than I would have expected for a toy like this. There are fake balls on the end, adding to the illusion of the cock, and a suction cup.

Ohhh. It dawns on me what that’s used for, and suddenly I’m more excited about this prospect. Dildos are fun, but they’re also a lot of work. My hand ends up cramping, and I can usually come faster with just my fingers, so most of the dildos I’ve owned in my life have gone by the wayside. But none of them had a suction cup.

I go into my bedroom and retrieve the seldom-used lube from the drawer that holds my toys. Then I strip. I’m going to take Christian by surprise. This whole time he’s been pushing me, to be more like the person I used to be, more sexual, more spontaneous. If I give him what he wants, he might give me something too. Who knows?

I grab my laptop and go back into the living room, naked. I set the laptop on the coffee table, and then I grab the dildo from the box. I wash it quickly, before suctioning it to the floor in front of the computer. On second thought, I don’t. I take it and lube it up so that it’s glistening, and then I make the call. He’s not expecting it to come from the computer, but it doesn’t take him long to answer.

“Audrey?” he asks, and then he freezes. I can see what he sees in the small corner camera, and I know it’s good. He sees me, naked, kneeling on the floor with the tip of his cock between my lips. “This…is a surprise.”

I let the dildo slip out of my mouth with an audible pop. “I was hoping so.” I lick the dildo again, making a show of going all the way down the length of it. “Is this what you wanted to see?”

I can see that he’s lying on the bed again, and his hand is already moving below the screen. “God, yes,” he says.

“How about this?” I place the suction cup end of the dildo on the coffee table in front of the computer. Slowly, I take it into my mouth, showing him what it would be like if I actually gave him a blowjob again. I don’t think that will happen, but it’s fun to tease him. Especially when he is the master of teasing me. I don’t always like to be the one in control, but this definitely hits the spot.

"Fuck, Audrey,” he says, and I laugh, which is hard with a dildo in your mouth.

I rise up on my knees, releasing the dildo. Instead of putting it in my mouth, I lean forward and wrap my breasts around it. Watching myself in the small camera, I know exactly what he's thinking. Slowly, I work my way up and down the blue cock.

Squeezing my breasts together, I work the dildo as if it were real. I dribble more lube across my breasts, working it down across my skin and across the toy, watching as Christian’s eyes widen.

We only did this once, in the three years we were dating, but I remember it well. From the look on his face, I think he does too. He moves suddenly, and I realize he's doing what I did when I was in the restroom, because suddenly I can see his whole body. He wasn't naked, but he is in now. I watch him strip down, his hand barely leaving his cock for a second.

There's a bottle of lotion on his nightstand and he grabs some, working it onto his cock like its twin between my breasts. His eyes are glued to me, and I like the attention.

I stroke my nipples for the camera, running my thumb and finger over them and making sure they’re hard. I run each nipple along the length of the dildo, before raising my own breasts to my lips and sucking.

Through the computer I hear Christian groan. His hand is stroking his cock furiously, and I know that he isn't going to last, and we haven't even reached the main event yet. But that serves him right. This is delicious, deserved payback.

"Fuck, I'm going to come."

I squeeze my breasts together harder, make the dildo peek out from in between them and give the tip a lick as if it were his. "I think you should ask me," I say.

"Ask you what?"

"You should ask me for permission to come."

He glares at me through the screen, but he doesn't say anything. I can how his body is taut, hovering on the edge. He is so close that if I were in the same room with him, the rush of my breath would make him explode.

"Fair is fair," I say.

His jaw is tight, but he speaks. "I want to come."

I raise an eyebrow, staring at him while I continue to fuck the dildo with my tits.

"May I?"

I lean further into the camera. "Show me how hard you can come," I say.

His hand speeds up until it’s almost a blur, and suddenly he jerks with a groan, coming. He explodes, white heat splashing onto his chest and stomach. He moans my name, and suddenly I'm wet. His cock jerks, line after line of come spreading across his skin. "Shit," he says.

"And to think," I say, "that's not even the main part of the show."

"What?"

I grab the dildo and backup from the computer, making sure my whole body is visible before I attach the suction cup to the floor. With exaggerated slowness, I spread lube over the dildo once more, making sure it's covered in it. I rise up on my knees, touching my body like a striptease as I fit myself over the blue dildo.

I'm so turned on, that sinking down onto the dildo is like sweet heaven. And as I do, I recognize that this is him. "They did a good job," I breathe. "This feels like you."

Christian is staring at me, his mouth open.

"Isn't this what you wanted?" I ask. "For me to try this?"

"I swear to God I'm never going out of town again," he says.

"That's right," I say. "We were supposed to have sex tonight. But now you're going to watch me fuck your cock while you're not here."

He groans at my words, stroking his hands over his face. The dildo is fully inside me now, fake balls pressing into me, making sure I know just how deep it is. It feels good, and I bite my lip, because I know that no matter what happens, I'll be keeping this dildo.

I roll my hips, starting slow. I don't even raise myself up at first, just a gentle rocking movement. Not enough to send me anywhere, but enough to stimulate the nerves inside me, and wake them up. I close my eyes, because even though this started as a way to tease Christian, this is for me. I need this.

Christian wasn't wrong the other day when he told me that I’d become uptight. I have. A combination of fear and trying to hold onto what I'd lost made me cautious. That's part of the reason why I decided to have the baby by myself. I wanted to take back my life, and live on my own terms. But that includes my sexuality, and I want to be able to do this. I want to be able to fuck a dildo in the middle of my living room, give myself pleasure without worrying about a thing.

I rock a little faster, give myself a little more, and I feel the beginning sparks of what I know will turn into an amazing orgasm. Squeezing down on the dildo, I move my hips in a circle feeling it touch every part of me. I'm dripping wet, so much that I'm sure I'm making a mess on the floor. But I don't care, this feels amazing.

The more I make these little movements, the more used to it I become. I make a mental note to tell Christian next time to go slow. Slower than slow. The next time he's inside me, I want him to be drenched with my juices before he ever makes a thrust.

I start to move a little more, rising up on my knees ever so slightly so that I can bounce down, making the tip of the dildo touch that spot deep inside of me. Opening my eyes for just a second, I see Christian watching me. He's transfixed, face filled with awe. I close my eyes again, because I almost forgot that he was watching me, and I'm not close enough yet.

I lean forward, bracing my hands on the floor so I can thrust harder. I can't stop myself now, hips rolling almost on their own because it feels so amazing. Almost like the real thing. I moved just so, and suddenly pleasure explodes through me. This angle is perfect, and this isn't going to last as long as I was planning on.

Over and over and over I roll my hips down into the floor, thoroughly fucking myself. I can feel myself approaching the edge, and this time there's nothing to hold me back. Closer and closer until I am so close that I'm whining with the pleasure. I roll my hips in a circle and thrust down and that's the end of it. I fall over the edge into exquisite pleasure, shaking and gasping, my hips reflexively still moving, still taking pleasure where they can find it.

My arms can't hold me anymore and I let myself collapse to the floor, blue cock buried to the hilt inside of me. I take a few moments to breathe, come back to myself. I look up at the computer and see Christian’s mouth hanging open. Laughing shakily, I say, "I like your cock even when it's not you."

"That was un-fucking–believable,” he says.

"I was hoping you would say that."

He shakes his head slowly. "I just don't understand why."

I raise myself off the floor, removing the dildo and coming closer to the computer again. "I wanted to surprise you," I say. "You've done some things that have taken me off guard, and I was tired of feeling like the only person who didn't know what was going on."

"Well, you really did surprise me."

I laughed softly. "How's the load-bearing beam coming?"

Christian shakes his head. "Sorry, wasn't expecting the change of subject. It's going okay. I think I've isolated the problem, and I hope to have it fixed tomorrow. Saturday at the latest."

"Still planning to be home on Sunday?"

“Yes," he says, eagerly. "Yes, I am, and I’m lamenting the fact that I’m not fucking you for a while.”

I raise an eyebrow. “Let’s not get carried away.”

Christian laughs, and it’s so loud that it echoes through the room, even on speakers. “You just fucked yourself on a dildo made from my cock and made me watch, and me wanting to fuck you is getting carried away?”

“Maybe. Besides, we’re both busy.”

Christian nods. "Art class. How's it going so far?"

"Good, I think. The first week is just still life, and those aren't that hard. I'll finish up what I have tomorrow, and then we’ll be on to life drawing. A lot harder, but it's also a lot more interesting."

Christian steps out of the frame of the camera for a moment, and when he steps back he has a towel wrapped around his waist. He uses another towel to finish cleaning himself off. "Are you going to let me see what you've been working on?"

The thought makes me freeze up, my instinct is to say no. But that's not necessarily fair, so I try to hold back my wince as I say, "Maybe."

"You know as well as I do that I'm not an art critic," he says. "I'm sure whatever you're working on is beautiful."

“Thanks, but I’ll be more comfortable hearing that once the workshop is over." I yawn and stretch. After an orgasm like that, I might just take an evening nap. "I'll talk to you later?"

“Sooner rather than later," he says. "Goodnight, Audrey."

“Goodnight."