The kitchen smells like raspberry pie, and my mouth starts watering.

“Oh my God, where is a fork? You better just push that whole pie over here.” I swear I’m drooling.

“You’re an animal. I thought I’d like having you home, but now maybe not so much.” My mom rolls her eyes as she walks over to the counter I’m leaning against.

My parent’s had been empty nesters for a long time, and as such, acted like it. I did not need to hear them flirting. I shuddered at the thought. A month living at home, at any age after eighteen but especially twenty-seven, was too long. I was so glad to find the ranch house in Duck.

It was closer to Blake. Of course that would be the first thought on my mind.

As if she could read minds, because well … she was a mom, she sort of could, my mother laid a hand over mine. “I know you have been seeing her.”

Shit. At first I’m tempted to lie, but what’s the point. “We … ran into each other by accident, and we’ve gotten together a couple of times and talked. We have a lot to talk about.”

Like she doesn’t know that. “I’m aware of that. I thought you should have talked years ago. But … honey, she isn’t the same girl. Just … be careful.”

Huh? “What does that mean?”

Mom’s eyes, the same shade as my own, get shifty. “I just mean, things have happened since you went away.”

She walks past me, over to the oven to check the pie. Its golden crust taunts me from inside the warm appliance.

“Mom, don’t avoid me. You obviously have something to say, so say it.”

I know she wants to lecture me, or something, and she’s bullshitting around the point. I’m a grown man though, I can take it.

“Well, honey … I didn’t tell you this a long time ago. I probably should have, but after everything with Joel and how Blake ended things, I honestly thought you’d never want to hear a thing about her again.” My mother began to wring her hands, looking guilty.

“What, Mom? What didn’t you tell me?” A frisson of worry zapped down my spine.

She gulped, turning to the sink and making the motions of washing the dirty dishes. I don’t think she wanted to face me to say this.

“Blake only went to school, went off to college, for two years. Halfway through her sophomore semester, she came home for good.”

Her voice had an odd note to it, and leeches of desperation stuck to my skin. “Why did she come home?”

A sigh. “I never heard it directly from her, or from Patrick. God knows that man didn’t want anything to do with us, rest his soul. But … there were whispers. Rumors that had truth to them when the restraining order was filed in the county clerk’s office. She’d gotten into a relationship with a boy, sometime in the winter of freshman year. It ended badly. Very badly.”

Anger, bitter and deep, simmered through my blood. “What are you talking about?”

I could feel it as my hands balled into fists, could taste the metal in my mouth from where I was biting down so hard on my tongue.

Mom’s eyes finally meet mine, and apologies pour out of them. “He assaulted her, Carson. Hit her, beat her. She finally came home after he put her in the hospital. There was a quiet trial, a filing of the restraining order and I haven’t heard a thing since.”

Limb-from-limb. That’s what I want to do, tear this guy apart until he no longer walks the face of the earth. I want to smash something, hard, with my fists until I can’t feel this rage inside of me.

I want to get to Blake.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” It’s hard to keep my emotions, and anger towards my mother, in check.

She softens like only a mother can. “Because I watched you fall apart after Joel’s death. I watched my son change, grow up, in the blink of an eye. I watched you in agony for years because of what you decided you did to that girl. But it was never your fault. And neither is this. Blake Sayer has had a hard life, I never wished anything but happiness upon her. But I won’t stand by and watch as she dismantles you again. I won’t do it, Carson.”

My fists unwind, and I realize she’s only trying to protect me. I go to her, holding her by the shoulders. She’s so much smaller than I remember, at times I thought she was a superhero.

“Mom, I’m a different person than the one I was ten years ago. Sure, I’m more jaded, I’m sadder. But I have had a lot of time to think. What happened on that beach, in that car, I couldn’t have prevented it. I feel responsible, but I know I didn’t kill my best friend. If I could go back, I’d do a hundred things differently. But I can’t, and it’s something I’ve learned to live with. You don’t need to worry. But you also can’t keep me from her, you know that. She is where I belong. I’ve waited a long time, and I’m going to make her see that. Just trust me and know that you raised a son who is smart enough to know where danger lies, and how to avoid it.”

Tears sprinkle her eyes, and I hate that I’ve made her cry. She wipes at them. “I’m sorry to get so weepy, it’s just … it’s been a long time since I’ve felt like our family has been whole. These last two months, with you here … it’s been perfect. I’ve waited a long time to have you home, and to see you take your seat at the helm of the company. I’m so happy … I just … I don’t want anything to spoil it.”

I hug her, and she sobs quietly on my shoulder. “I understand, Mom, I really do.”

Stepping back, I look into her eyes, hoping she really understands what I’m trying to say.

“But you have to understand that without Blake, my life is not perfect. I’m not whole. That something will forever be missing if she’s not a part of this. So trust me … and just, support whatever decision I make.”

She nods, wiping the last of her tears. “God, I was just trying to make some pie and you got me so emotional. Kids these days.”

I laugh, thankful that I’ve managed to ease some of her worry. My blood though, still simmering low and hot about the information she gave me. I need to get to Blake as soon as I can, to just … I don’t know, hold her. Make sure she’s in one-piece after all of the fucked up hands life has dealt her.

But first, I need to eat some pie with my mother. “Okay fine, I’ll have one half. You can have the other.”