Hannah breathed in the fresh summer air, the wind kicking up suddenly and a shadow of darkness moving over her. She looked up; gray clouds had gathered out of nowhere. Fortunately, she was almost back from her run when the rain began to fall. Then her phone rang.

Teagan.

Hannah took a deep breath. It was only a matter of time until she got that call. Diana would have told Teagan what happened by now and Teagan would be calling to check in, knowing Hannah hid the sad truth for as long as she could.

“Hi Teagan,” Hannah said, taking a seat on her porch so she could watch the rain fall.

“Hey,” Teagan said, her voice sounding concerned.

“Let me guess. D told you and you’re calling to check on me.”

“Busted.”

“I appreciate you calling, but I hope Diana filled you in because I can’t talk about it anymore.”

“Okay…” she said hesitantly. “I was actually hoping you would talk about it at least a little. There’s something I need to tell you.”

Hannah raised her eyebrows. That didn’t sound good. “Okay…”

Lightning flashed over Hannah’s neighborhood, followed by a crack of thunder.

“Was that thunder?” Teagan said.

“Yeah. I’m on my porch.”

“Good. At least you’re safe. Anyway, yes, D told me what happened. And I’m sorry, Hannah. I really am. I told Aaron all about it. Aaron recognized that Cain might have PTSD or at least some residual effects from the trauma. He asked more about what happened to Cain and I said I didn’t know any more than what you told me. Well, Aaron knew about that incident—everybody did—so he did a little digging.” Teagan paused. “Hannah, what Cain told you is true, but he left out one important detail. One of the people who died that day… was Cain’s girlfriend.”

A cold dread fell over Hannah. Then she closed her eyes, letting out a painful breath. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I take it he never told you?”

“No.”

Oh no.

Suddenly, a flood of clues hit her. Cain’s avoiding women for so long. His wariness about getting too close. And his mentioning being happy when others didn’t get to be… he wasn’t just talking about watching his comrades die during the attack. He was talking about watching one specific comrade perish, one he’d loved.

Hannah squeezed her eyes shut.

“Hannah? Are you there?”

“Yes,” Hannah said, her voice faint.

“Are you okay?”

“No.”

“I’m so sorry. I hate telling you this. But I thought you should know. It could explain a lot.”

“Now I feel like the biggest asshole ever. I said some things to him, things I shouldn’t have said… fuck!”

“No, Hannah. You didn’t know. And you didn’t know because he never told you the truth after all that time. You can’t get involved with someone for that long and hide something like that.”

“Apparently you can.” Hannah sighed. “Thank you for telling me.”

Then her phone beeped. When Hannah checked it, she saw that it was her mother calling.

“Hey, Teagan, my mom’s calling and I need to pick up. I’ve been avoiding her.”

“Okay. Call me soon, okay?”

“Okay.”

Hannah switched over to her mother.

“Hey, Mom.”

“Hannah, honey. How are you? How is your body healing?”

“It’s healing. I’m still a little slow and stiff, but I can’t complain after what I put it through.”

“Well, I’m impressed. You’ve always been so driven. When you want something, you don’t stop until you get it.”

Yeah, too bad that doesn’t apply to my dumpster fire of a love life.

“How are you?” Hannah asked.

“Oh, fine. Your father is in L.A. on business again, and—”

“Why do you stay with him, Mom?”

It just came out of nowhere, like someone had removed what few remaining filters Hannah had and threw them away.

Silence. Then, “I’m sorry?”

“Why do you stay with Dad, when he’s a jerk and a cheat and a rat?” Hannah felt her emotions rise, and the words just tumbled out of her. “He’s cheating again, Mom! Tom told me at Christmas and that’s why I left so abruptly. I hate telling you this and I know it’s not my place, but I—”

“I know, Hannah.”

“It’s just that you have a right to know and—”

“Hannah,” her mother said, her voice firmer now. “I know. I know about the affair.”

Hannah stopped, wiping the tears from her face. “You do?”

“Of course. I’ve known about all of them. Well, not the first one—that was a surprise—but the rest? I knew.”

“Why do you stay with him?” Hannah cried. “He doesn’t appreciate you and I hate watching you suffer!”

Her mom sighed. And in the same hardened voice, she said, “Hannah, your father isn’t perfect. I grant you that. But neither am I.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve had affairs too, honey. Lots of them. Not so much anymore, but before…”

Hannah’s jaw dropped. Her mother had affairs??

“Does Dad know?”

“Yes. He looks the other way, just like I do.”

Hannah sat there on her porch, goosebumps forming on her legs as the rain fell and chilled the mountain air. She shook her head. “I can’t believe this. Why the hell do you even bother staying together?”

“For a lot of reasons. Because we have a life together. Because your father has as many good traits as bad ones. Because no marriage is perfect.”

“Oh, come on! I’m a relationship idiot and even I know a marriage without serial cheating is possible!”

“Of course it’s possible. But not for us.”

Hannah shook her head again, hardly believing how different her mother sounded now. Suddenly she wanted nothing more than to be off the phone. “I can’t do this. I have to go—”

“Hannah,” her mother interjected, sounding even firmer. “Listen to me. I know that watching what’s happened between your father and me has scarred you, and I regret that. But know this—just because our marriage is flawed doesn’t mean marriage isn’t worthwhile. And just because we fucked things up doesn’t mean you will too.”

Hannah raised her eyebrows at her mom’s F-bomb. Claire Christiansen never said the F-word. Suddenly, she saw a new side of her mother that she’d never seen before. A version her mother had hidden from her all these years. A flawed version… but also a real version. A less vulnerable version.

“It’s too late for me,” Hannah said quietly. “The only man I ever really loved doesn’t love me back.”

“Then keep looking until you find one who does. Don’t hide your love, honey. Share it with the right man. And you’ll find him. You have a big heart, Hannah, no matter how hard you try to hide it behind that wall of yours. You have the biggest heart of all of us, and a strong independent streak, and that’s why you’ll make better choices than I ever did.”

Hannah talked with her mother for a few more minutes before saying goodbye, then went inside to get cleaned up. In a pair of leggings and a tank, Hannah poured herself a bourbon and sat in her chair, watching the rain tumble to the ground. Her conversation with her mom had a strange effect on her, almost as if a burden had been lifted. A burden she hadn’t known she’d carried for so long. And then, her mind returned to Cain.

Cain had loved someone. And he lost her in a traumatic, terrible way. On top of that, he felt at least partly responsible for her death, despite not being at fault. Coming to grips with losing his comrades was bad enough, and feeling like he couldn’t save them was even worse, but losing someone he loved and cherished too?

It explained so much. For the first time, Cain’s strange behavior made complete sense. When he got redeployed, he had to face everything all over again. His love was gone forever… but those who knew her were not. And when he returned to Colorado, he’d tried to love Hannah, tried to let go… but he couldn’t. Her telling him she loved him, and forcing him to reply, only made that clearer to him. He’d loved someone else and lost her… and Hannah would never live up to that.

The more Hannah thought about it, the worse she felt.

Why, Cain? Why didn’t you tell me? God damn you!

But Hannah’s anger faded as quickly as it came. Because she knew. She knew why Cain never told her the truth. He didn’t do it to be selfish, to be a jerk, or to hurt her. He hid the truth because he wasn’t the type to unburden himself on others. If anything, he carried the burden for others in his decision to serve in war zones, in his work as an E.R. physician. He worked to make others’ lives better. He’d shouldered her burdens for forty miles in the Colorado high country by holding her water, keeping her on track, and talking to her for endless hours. He’d made her life better in other ways, giving in his own way. He’d kept that key piece of info from her to protect her, to avoid laying his burdens on her, perhaps hoping that eventually his memories would fade. But they never did.

It pained her that Cain didn’t return her love. But she couldn’t deny what he’d given her in the year they’d known one another.

Hannah stood up. She couldn’t go on like this. She had to let Cain go, but she couldn’t do it without him knowing the truth. The full truth. All of it.

Hannah found some paper and a pen, and sat down at her desk to write.

Hannah brushed away her tears and folded up the letter, stuffing it into an envelope. She realized that she didn’t even know Cain’s address. So, late that night, when Cain would be sleeping if he were even home, Hannah parked a half-mile away, tiptoed her way up Cain’s long driveway, and slid the letter into his mailbox. Then she ran off and headed back home.

Seeing his cabin wasn’t easy. She missed him so much. But she understood now. Cain wasn’t hers. He was never hers. And she could take what he gave her and move on with her life.

A few nights later, a noise woke Hannah up. She lay in bed, the sound of crickets coming in through her cracked window. It was probably a raccoon, or some other nocturnal creature looking for food. The mountains were full of wild animals looking for trouble.

But then she heard footsteps.

Her heart pounding, Hannah got up and peeked through her blinds, considering the various weapons she had stored in her home. She froze when she spotted someone in front of her house.

A man.

He was walking away. Then he broke into a run and disappeared around the corner.

She never saw his face, or any identifying features. But she knew.

It was Cain.