A kink in my neck wakes me far earlier than I want to. The sun has risen, a new day has begun, but I’m still lost in yesterday. Marina, letting me in, accepting my pain so readily last night, made it all bearable. She’s still in the same position we fell asleep in a couple hours ago, and as I lift her body to take her to bed, she moans, whispering, “Arsen,” and rubs her core against my aching dick.

Fuucckkk.

Walking with a hard-on isn’t the easiest thing in the world. Sitting her down on her bed, losing her heat, has me nearly whimpering. I have no intentions of leaving her side just yet, so I discard my clothes down to my boxers and crawl in beside her. She cuddles into me before I can maneuver around her. Her little ass digs right into my dick, and this time, I do whimper. I haven’t missed how sexy she looks in her tiny shirt or white cotton panties. The idea of stripping her free of them and losing myself in her body is becoming more and more appealing by the second.

Smoothing one hand up and down her hip and thigh, I languish in how smooth her skin is. Enjoy how delicate she feels under my strong hands. Trailing one finger along the top seam of her panties, I relish the way she rolls further into me, exposing the front of her body for my perusal.

Kissing along her jaw and shoulder, I slide out from behind her and make my way leisurely down her body, nibbling on exposed flesh as I go. Her nipples peak through her shirt, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t give them the proper attention they deserve. With one hand on her hip, I massage one of her tits with the other and circle my tongue around a nipple as she stretches beneath me.

“Arsen,” she gasps as my mouth captures the bud, suckling lightly. I look up to see her eyes still closed and wonder if she’s a deep sleeper or just enjoying my ministrations.

Her body relaxes further into the bed, and I know she’s still sleeping. Moving to her other globe, I give it the same attention as my hands deftly start removing her panties so I can feast on her sweetness.

Once I’ve got her bare, I begin kissing down her torso again, stopping to dip my tongue in the cute curve of her waist, licking her from hip to hip. I plan to imprint my touch on her body this morning.

As soon as I’ve got her panties free from her legs, I carefully spread them open, exposing her pretty, little pussy to my gaze. Her small pearl is glistening with her need for me to give her pleasure. Leaning forward, I graze my cheek against the insides of her thighs, knowing my short beard will leave chaffing marks. She’ll be remembering what I do to her all day long.

The musky scent floating from her draws me in like a drug. The need to have her on my tongue is an addiction I’m going to cherish.

The first kiss on her clit has me drawing in a deep breath for more. I could seriously just kiss her pussy for the rest of my life and die a happy fucking man. Spreading her lips, I flatten my tongue against her velvety skin and leave a long trail from top to bottom as I taste her. My groan of desire vibrates right into her core, and her loud gasp causes me to catch that her sleepy gaze is now on me and what I’m doing. I see nothing in her stare but absolute pleasure, so I continue what I’m doing with a smirk on my face. Her fingers go straight to my head, tugging sharply on my hair. Not pulling me away but closer.

Chuckling, I mutter, “good girl,” against her engorged nub and suck it deeply into my mouth. I can feel her pulsing and close my eyes to enjoy the sensation of her coming for me.

“Arsen!” Her moan is loud as she thrusts her hips up into my face. Placing my hands on her hips, I push her back down into the bed while still indulging in her essence. Not once do I let up on what I’m doing to her. I need this too fucking much to let her go, and until she says no, I’m not going anywhere.

Feeling her languid body shifting under my mouth, I know she needs more. Deeper. Harder. Bringing one hand down to her core, I push my middle finger through her folds gently. Penetrating her tight hole is difficult, and I wonder if she’s a virgin.

Tossing the idea from my head because it drives my need for her higher, I slide my finger farther into her body. She squeezes her muscles around me tighter with each movement. Rubbing along her walls, I work to loosen her up.

“Arsen.” Her breath hitches, and I look up to see fear dominating her gaze. It’s then, without words, I know, she’s either a virgin or has very little experience.

“I’ve got you, Marina.” I try and reassure her.

Her lids close, and I continue devouring her body. Her moaning and whimpering grow louder and more frequent as I lick and kiss at her. My own need for her grows by the minute, and I find myself crawling back up her body, her release on my face as I lean down to kiss her lips.

She doesn’t shy away; she pulls me closer, licking my lips as I suck on hers. “I need you, Marina. I need to feel you.” If she says no, it just might kill me, but I’ll back off.

She doesn’t hesitate. “Take me, Arsen.”

Music to my ears.

Pushing my boxers off my waist, I kick them off the bed before lifting her shirt up over her head. “You’re gorgeous, Ari.” She grins at the compliment and the use of the nickname I’ve heard her scolding herself by more than once.

Her gaze scorches me as it travels down my body, lingering on the tattoos running across my chest and shoulders. “I love the detail,” she murmurs, lifting one hand to trace where the dragon blows fire into the forest across my pecs. “Did it hurt?”

“Like a bitch.” I smirk at her, my fingers roaming sensually across her body. “Are you ready for me, Marina?”

Biting her lip, she looks thoughtful before whispering, “very,” as her eyes travel the rest of the way down my body. Gripping her thighs, I push her legs as wide open as they’ll go before guiding my eager cock to her entrance.

The first touch, her warmth, her softness against my hardness has my eyes closing in ecstasy. She’s everything I’ve ever dreamed of. “Hold on tight, baby,” I warn as I push through her tightness and past her barrier.

Fuck. She was a virgin.

Mine, now. All goddamned mine.

With my cock pushed to the hilt inside of her tight little cunt, I hold still for as long as I can so she can adjust, but the pressure is too much. Her contracting walls leave me panting to drive even deeper into her, to ring out as much pleasure from her body as I can before I explode into nothingness.

* * *

Feeling his body moving in mine, every thrust, the push and pull of unparalleled desire leaves me craving so much more. More of him. More of his body. His love.

For the first time in over a year, I feel like the dream is possible. It’s right here at the tip of my fingers if only I can grasp it tight enough.

“Marina,” Arsen groans harshly into my neck. His breath hot on my skin.

“More,” I gasp as his hands circle around my waist and flex against my back. The raw power moving through him is an aphrodisiac itself.

I can feel electric pulsations flowing freely through my veins, and I want to explode. I want to come apart for Arsen. I want to carry him into bliss with me.

“I’m gonna fucking come.” He grinds harder into me. Shallow but deep thrusts have the bed rocking against the wall. “Let go for me, Marina.”

Relaxing in his grip, my body lights up before tensing as he hits something inside of me with a powerful thrust. “Arsen!” I cry into the room. My body freezes and explodes as bliss works through my muscles, making each spasm with euphoria.

“Good girl,” he growls just before I feel him shatter in my arms, his warm seed coating my insides. I pray harder than ever before that my body doesn’t fail me. That it allows this to become more than just an intimate moment. I’m horrible for wishing on a pregnancy when we haven’t made a commitment, but if there’s one thing in this world I want more than Arsen, it’s Arsen’s baby.

It’s a pipe dream and unfair to him, but my foolish heart can’t stop the hope blooming inside me. Especially since I know I have to tell him, and then he’ll leave.

Sweat coats our bodies as our breathing quiets and our bodies slowly untangle themselves. I never want to let this moment go.

“You’re amazing,” he whispers in my ear, leaving a light kiss on the side of my neck.

“I loved every moment,” I tell him, hiding my gaze from him. Fear that he’ll pick up on my sadness.

Arsen rolls off me and to the side, pulling my back to his front. I can feel his cum dripping slowly from my body as he rubs his hand down my side.

“I’m falling in love with you, Arsen,” I confess, needing to express how I feel before I destroy us. I need him to know he’s worth everything to me. “I have to tell you something.” I roll around to look at him before he can speak. “My accident last year? It’s left me with more than a reminder of how dumb people can be.”

His brows furrow with confusion. “How so?”

Sitting up, I pull the blanket with me, covering my chest. “I had a lot of internal injuries. A piece of metal from the truck I was driving lodged into my abdomen. There’s been severe scarring on some of my organs.”

“What does that mean?” He sits up now, sensing I have a huge secret. Before I can go further, though, his phone rings. “Hold that thought, I have to take this.” He strides to where his pants lay on the floor, and I get one last moment to admire his masculine form before he’s sliding his boxers on as he answers the phone. From his tone of voice, I know it’s important. “Yeah, I’ll be right there.” He hangs up and looks at me. “I have to go. Can we continue this later?”

Sadness eats at me, and I know I’m silly for wanting him to stay. After last night, I know it’s likely about his case. “I need to tell you now.” He slides his shirt on over his head. “I can’t have children, Arsen,” I blurt out.

The look on his face isn’t very comforting. It’s a mix of pain and horror. His phone beeps in his hand, and he looks down again, a scowl crosses his features.

“I have to go.”

“Did you hear what I said?” My whisper is full of vulnerability.

“Yeah. I’ll call you when I can,” he replies as he walks to the front room and out the door.

The slam is like a nail in my coffin.

Final.

Ending.

Heart-wrenching.

* * *

I can’t have kids.

Her words ring in my ear as I head down to the precinct. The call I got was about yesterday’s double homicide. There’s video of a possible killer leaving the area of where their bodies were found.

I know I handled shit poorly with Marina. I should have said something other than yeah. I’m a fucking idiot. Being told she can’t have kids must have been hard as hell to hear. All her hesitation and sad looks make so much more sense now, and I likely fucked it all up.

She needed an understanding ear, a shoulder, a fucking hug. After I look at this video, I’ll make it better. I’ll bring her flowers and chocolate tonight. Show her I don’t care that she can’t have kids.

Would I have liked to see her round with our child in the future? Absolutely. But my love for her doesn’t hinge on whether or not she can bear children for me.

Love. She said she was falling in love with me.

I didn’t say jackshit back.

Motherfucker.