Maggie

The little display screen said the same thing the others had said, but I still didn’t believe it. My eyes scanned the word, straining until the word didn’t even look like a word anymore.

Pregnant.

I took the deepest breath I could, which was pitiable at best. There wasn’t enough oxygen in the room, maybe in the world, and I dropped onto the toilet lid with my eyes on the stick in my hand. I looked right through it.

My mind tripped over one thought after another. I’d been taking birth control religiously since I was sixteen. It was rare to miss one pill. Two was unheard of. I even took it at the same time every day, just in case.

Maldives.

It had to have been our trip to Maldives. We’d stopped in Sydney for a few days, which had been a haze of sleeping, sightseeing, and miscounting what day it was. I thought I’d only missed one day.

Clearly, my math was incorrect.

I thumbed the ring on my right ring finger, the one Cooper had given me years ago in Greece. He’d told me one day he’d give me a real ring, ask me for forever. When we were ready.

An odd, cynical laugh bubbled out of me at the word. Ready. Ready or not, here we were.

I sat numbly on the toilet seat, my mind full of static, blank and white and buzzing.

My hand moved to rest on my stomach, and I felt it then, the heaviness, the shifting awareness beneath my palm where our baby was.

Our baby.

Tears pricked my eyes, panic rising in my chest as one hand pressed against the flat of my stomach and the other clutched that pregnancy test like Jack hanging on to that damnable door in Titanic with icy hands and hope for rescue and a heart full of love.

I had to call Cooper. It was the first real instinct I had—he was always the first person I called, the person who I told everything. Always.

But when I reached for my phone and pulled up his contact, I hesitated.

I had no idea how to tell him, but I knew I didn’t want to tell him over the phone when he was in his office or getting out of a board meeting. I had to tell him face-to-face. Which meant I had to keep it to myself for at least—I checked the clock—five hours. Maybe six or seven, if work ran late.

The thought of spending that time alone with that information made my stomach turn. Well, it was either that knowledge or—

Baby.

The word conjured a dozen images that sprang from one another—Cooper kissing my swollen belly, me changing diapers, the two of us buying tiny shoes and onesies and pajamas and pushing a stroller through Central Park.

The fluttering of excitement, the realization of hopes I’d had since I was a little girl with a man I loved so well took flight, burst into a raucous joy, then rose in a violent charge up my esophagus. I barely got off the toilet in time, flipping the lid with a millisecond to spare before my stomach emptied.

When it was over, I brushed the tears from my cheeks and reached for my phone again with hands trembling to fire a text off to Lily. She was the only friend I had who’d been through this—and my sister-in-law to boot. She’d know what to say. She’d know what to do.

You awake? I asked even though it was noon.

Their baby, Hazel, was only a few weeks old, and the chances that they were all asleep were high.

Yup. Baby just woke up. What’s up?

I nibbled my lip, not wanting to say too much. Mind if I swing by for a bit?

Not at all. Baby holders are always welcome.

I’ll be sure to prep.

No perfume! Don’t forget. Wear something soft. Oh! And no weird lotions or anything.

I laughed. You act like I haven’t been over there.

I know, I know. But she’s got baby acne, and I know it’s normal but I hate it, and I’m 110% sure it’s because Mrs. Munch came over to bring lasagna and insisted on holding her. I love that woman, but she had enough Chanel No. 5 on to take down a small village.

Hahaha. I’ll shower one more time just to be sure before I leave in a bit.

You’re a gem, Mags!

As I set down my phone, my smile faded. And as I showered and dressed, my mind chewed over my fate, vacillating between excitement and fear and worry and, most of all, hope.

An hour later, I was climbing the stairs to their apartment with my stomach rolling. Lily answered the door, hair piled in a bun on top of her head and a pretty patterned robe over stained pajamas. Dark smudges cradled her eyes, but she was smiling and glowing and absolutely lovely.

“Hey,” she said in greeting, stepping out of the way.

We hugged when I reached her.

“Hey. How you feelin’?” I asked.

She sighed, still smiling. “Oh, we’re good. I’m not sure what day it is, and I haven’t slept more than four hours in a row for weeks, but we’re good. So good. Come in.”

I did, and she shut the door. The house was a comfortable mess, littered with baby blankets and pacifiers, burp cloths and half-empty glasses of water. A baby monitor sat on the coffee table next to a nearly empty box of donuts.

She caught me looking. “Rose brought dinner last night.”

I laughed. “Well, that explains a lot.”

Lily swiped one and flopped onto the couch. “It’s actually really convenient. I’ve been eating on that box all night. Day. Whatever it is now.” She took a huge bite. “Help yourself,” she said around her food.

I moved to grab one, but my rolling stomach pitched in warning. “I’m good.” I sat sideways on the couch, putting my back to the arm.

I must have looked rough because when Lily actually saw me, and her good humor faded into concern. “Is everything okay?”

I sighed, deep and heavy from the bottom of my lungs, but my lips were smiling, just the smallest curve. “I …” I realized then that I hadn’t said the words aloud. I’m pregnant, I thought, testing the words in my mind first.

Her concern bloomed to full-blown worry. She sat up, tossed the donut in the box, and dusted off her hands before turning to face me. “What happened?”

Now came the tears, unabated by my flashing lashes, teeming relentlessly. “I just … I didn’t know who else to talk to.”

She took my hands. “What’s wrong, honey?” she soothed. “Did something happen with Cooper?”

I shook my head. “No. Well, yes, but … I …” With a deep breath, I met her eyes. “My period was late.”

Her eyes widened, her cheeks flushing. “Did you … are you …”

I nodded.

Lily’s face burst open with elation. “Maggie! Oh my God, Maggie!” She launched herself at me, pulling me into a hug that had us both crying, smiling and crying and laughing. When she pulled back, she swiped at her cheeks. “This is amazing! Oh my gosh, I can’t … I don’t even know what to say! Have you told Coop? How are you feeling? How in the world did this happen?”

I laughed, feeling lighter than I had since I came to accept that fourth and final test. “Well, when a man and a woman really love each other—”

She rolled her eyes. “Mags—”

“I know.” Another sigh. “I think it was the Maldives. We flew for almost an entire day, and when we got to Sydney, we went straight to the hotel and slept for ten hours. Well, slept and … other stuff.”

“And you didn’t take your pills.”

“I didn’t even know what day or time it was or where on the planet we were. When I did the math, I thought I was just one day behind, but I must have been two.”

“Well, that’ll do it.” Her smile hadn’t quit. She shook her head at me in wonder. “What did Cooper say?”

My bottom lip found its way between my teeth. “I haven’t told him yet.” The admission was heavy with guilt. “I just … I don’t want to tell him over the phone, and I don’t want to scare him by asking him to come home. I thought … maybe I can tell him tonight, but I don’t know how.”

“Well, you could draw him a diagram or have a sign made, but I feel like talking to him would probably be the easiest way to let him know.”

I gave her a look.

“I know, I know. My sarcastic streak flares when I’m excitable and nervous.” Her eyes shifted to look at nothing in particular as she considered how to answer. “Well, West and I were trying, so it wasn’t a surprise. I mean, it was a surprise—I got pregnant fourteen seconds after quitting birth control—but we were on the same page, in the same place. Have you and Cooper talked about it?”

“Talked about what?” my brother asked sleepily as he walked into the room, shirtless.

My niece’s tiny bottom rested in the crook of his elbow, and her curled body lay tucked into his rolling, tattooed bicep. Her sweet little face rested against his broad chest. His hand was almost the size of her entire back.

Brother or not, anybody’s ovaries would have blown like Old Faithful at the sight. I turned into a pile of goop, seeing West with something so delicate and dear in his hands. Lily’s face was rapt as she followed them with her eyes, and I nudged her in the arm.

“Careful, you’re gonna get knocked up again just for looking.”

West shot her a smirk of affirmation. The baby mewled, shifting her head to root around his chest. “There’s only disappointment for you there, baby. Come on, here’s Mama,” he cooed as he passed her to Lily’s waiting arms.

Then it was West’s turn to watch his wife and baby with absolute adoration. Lily’s world shrank to the baby in her arms. She murmured to the baby in gentle, undulating tones as she unlatched her nursing tank top and latched the baby to her in a motion so smooth, I didn’t see a thing beyond a sliver of skin. And West watched on, his face just beaming and warm and handsome, like he was drinking in the sight, committing it to his memory as a flagstone of a time of wonder.

I tried to imagine Cooper looking at me like that, tried to imagine the two of us with a new baby, operating like a well-oiled machine a couple of weeks after our lives and priorities and wishes had been turned on their heads.

Triggered by a dozen contradicting emotions, an unbidden sob shuddered in my chest, bubbling up to catch in my throat.

Lily’s face held compassion and understanding, but my brother’s tightened in concern.

He turned the full power of his gaze on me, his brows knitting together and jaw hard. “What’s the matter, Mags?”

I shook my head. “I …”

Concern turned to anger. “What did Cooper do? I swear to God—”

“No,” I said, staying him with my hand. “No, he didn’t do anything wrong. I … I’m pregnant.”

He blinked, and I watched the cogs and wheels in his mind shift and click as he processed the information. “You’re … pregnant?”

I nodded, my chin quivering. I heard myself laugh, a puffing sound of surrender. “I haven’t told him yet. I came straight here.”

West’s face shifted again, this time lightening. “Oh, Mags. Coop’s gonna be thrilled, I promise. This weekend, he’s—”

“West,” Lily snapped, her eyes hard on him, “I need the baby’s burp cloth. The lavender one with the tiny blue flowers on it.”

“But there’s one right—”

“No, I need that one. I need it now. Right now. It’s in our room.”

“Lil, that’s—”

“I need that one!” Her voice was sharp—mom voice. She’d used mom voice on him.

It took everything I had not to laugh.

West sighed, standing. “Okay, okay. I’ll find it.”

I found myself smirking as I watched him leave the room, disappearing into their bedroom. “There isn’t a lavender burb cloth with tiny flowers on it, is there?”

“Nope. But you didn’t come over here to talk to your brother. You don’t need an audience, and you know he can’t be unbiased. Not when it comes to you.”

My eyes narrowed suspiciously. “What was he going to say about this weekend?”

“Just that this weekend would be the perfect time to tell him, that’s all,” she said.

I didn’t believe that was all there was to it. Not for a minute.

“Not tonight?”

“No, I definitely think you should wait. Figure out a cute way to break the news. Like a card or a sandwich board or an airplane banner or something.”

I laughed. “Subtle.”

“I mean, Cooper is kind of the king of the grand gesture.”

A sigh passed my lips. “No pressure, right?”

“Ugh, he’s gonna be so excited, Mags.”

The gamut of my feelings was shocking in its range, from elated to terrified and everything in between. “I just can’t even believe this. This wasn’t in the plan, not like this.”

“Well, what was the plan?”

I flushed, pulling the thread of anxiety. “To wait for years after we got married. To travel and be married and settle into life before we brought kids into it. What if the timing is all wrong? What if he’s disappointed? What if having a baby is too much? What if it pushes him away?”

Her face softened. “Oh, it won’t. You’re too good together. Cooper loves you too much for it to be anything short of magic. I’m not saying it’s easy—West and I have snapped at each other more in the last two weeks, running on no sleep, than we have in all the years we’ve known each other. But I have never in my life been so happy. I’ve never been so … I don’t know. Connected to another person. We’ve become a team, constantly moving together toward the same goal.”

“But you’re married.”

“Is that what this is about?”

“This isn’t how this was supposed to be, Lil,” I said miserably. “All my life, I thought things would happen in a certain order. For years, I thought I’d marry Jimmy, have his babies, and live down the street from Mom and Dad. I had this whole life planned out. And when it ended, everything changed. The road I’d thought my life would take was bulldozed, ground up into gravel, and cleared away. But all of that led me to Cooper. It was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. Cooper loves me in a thousand honest ways that Jimmy never did.” I sighed. “You’d think I’d be used to adapting by now. But I can’t help but feel like everything is out of order.” The admission stung, drawing fresh tears that rose and spilled down my cheeks.

“Maggie,” she started gently, “there’s no right or wrong way to do this. You love Cooper, and he loves you. It doesn’t matter if you’re married or not. That ring doesn’t change the truth of how you feel about each other.” She watched me for a second. “Your brother is a traditionalist, too. I figured it was a Southern thing.”

“I guess that’s true,” I conceded. “There’s something comforting about it, you know? The commitment of hearts and establishment of your relationship and feelings.”

“Under those rules, you’re already where you need to be. You two have established your feelings and relationship. You’re committed. I mean, you moved in with him after, like, a weekend.”

A laugh left me. “When you know, you know. You know?”

She smiled. “I do. He loves you, Maggie. And I promise everything is going to be okay. I’m not sure of much, but that’s one thing you can take to the bank.” She watched me for a beat. “So, this weekend. Let’s put our heads together and figure out how to tell him. When are you leaving?”

“He’s going into the office for a few hours in the morning, and after lunch, we’re heading to the harbor where the sailboat is docked.”

“How about Rose and I come over while he’s at work? I’ll bring crafts!”

The image of Lily wielding a hot-glue gun in my living room was amusing enough on its own to agree. “All right. And in the meantime, we can brainstorm. You’re right—I’ve got to figure out something brilliant. He’s the king of surprises. Like when he had the cast of Hamilton waiting outside my work to sing to me on my birthday.”

“God, you are the luckiest girl in the world, you know that?” she said on a laugh. “I would probably have a heart attack if West gave me a necklace with pearls he’d dived for himself.”

“No pressure, right?” I shook my head with my heart swollen. “We’ve got our work cut out for us. I’ll never be able to think of anything clever enough.”

“Don’t you worry about that. We’ll come up with something. The three of us together have to at least be half as clever as Cooper.”

West walked into the room with three burp cloths in his hand and a frown on his face. “I found a lavender one with yellow bunnies, a blue one with blue flowers, and a purple one with polka dots, but I couldn’t find the one you wanted. Are you sure it’s not in the laundry?”

He’d come close enough for her to snatch one without looking. “This one’s fine,” she chirped. “Thanks, honey.”

West smiled like he’d brought home a sixteen-point buck and kissed the top of her head. “Baby’s okay?” he asked, peering into his daughter’s face.

“Baby’s happy,” Lily said with a smile.

“Are you two ever gonna start callin’ her by her name?” I asked, laughing.

“Hazel just sounds so … formal and grown-up,” Lily answered, making a face. “I mean, she’s definitely a Hazel, but I need a name more familiar than that. It’s just that one doesn’t exist. So, we call her baby. Baby Hazel.”

I watched the three of them, the sight tugging and squeezing my heart until tears sprang again. I wiped them from my cheeks, laughing. “God, why can’t I stop crying?”

“Hormones,” Lily answered.

West chuckled. “I once walked in on Lily crying over a Snuggle commercial.”

Her face went soft, her eyes shining. “The one with the little boy at camp who misses his mom, so he smells his laundry, and it makes him think of her. I can’t! That stupid bear gets me all choked up!”

“It’s the only fabric softener she’ll let me buy. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen her staring at the label like it’s a memory of her childhood.”

We all laughed, and all I could think was that I wanted this. And I knew Cooper wanted it, too. All I had left to do was figure out how to tell him.