I spent the entire flight home thinking of my life. What I wanted. How I lived. The mistakes that I’d made. How I wanted to live from here on out. All because of the time I’d spent with a stranger.

Owen. My dear, sweet Owen. He’d called and texted many times while I was gone, but I didn’t have the courage to respond. I loved him. Truly, I did. But I wasn’t in love with him. This trip had taught me that. He was comfortable. My best friend. A person I valued in this life.

And now I had to find a way to tell him what I’d learned on this trip. He was right to want the things he did from me. We should’ve been at that point in our relationship. But until things could change with my job, and they would, I couldn’t give him what he wanted. What he needed from me. It was better to let him go now than lead him on. After the time I’d spent with Thorn, I couldn’t commit to him the way he expected me to. It wasn’t fair to him or me.

Finally, I arrived at my apartment. Worn out and exhausted, but I was here. Unlocking the door, I stumbled through the entryway and sat my bags down beside the door, kicking it shut behind me.

“Hey, Lil,” I heard Owen speak, causing me to jump and scream out.

Clutching my chest, I breathed hard and attempted to catch my breath.

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” he reassured me.

Meaning to or not, he scared the life out of me. Now that I had calmed my racing heart, I moved further into the apartment and took in the sight of a disheveled Owen. His hair was all over the place like he’d been running his fingers through it. He wore basketball shorts and a t-shirt, not at all like the Owen I’d seen here recently in his plaid shirts and jeans.

“How was your trip?”

“It was good considering how much I didn’t want to go.” How was I going to tell him? He had a right to know sooner rather than later, but dammit I thought I’d have time to get my thoughts together before I saw him. I should just rip the band-aid off and handle the consequences. We’d been together three years. And now I was about to throw it all away.

“You not wanting to travel. I thought I’d never see the day.” He tried to play it off as a joke, but I knew he was serious. With the amount of travel that I did, it was a good observation for him to come to that conclusion.

“Yeah, well, I could’ve been doing a thousand other things, but instead I was shut out of the server and forced to have fun instead of work. I’m not looking forward to the mounds of work I will have when I go back to work tomorrow.”

This wasn’t like us. We weren’t talking about the elephant in the room. We were skating around it. And me being me, I feared that we were both going to be in a head-on collision before all was said and done.

Stepping forward, I walked toward him on unsteady legs. I was nervous to have this conversation. I didn’t want to lose Owen. But it was selfish of me to ask him to just be friends just so I still had him in my life. He deserved all the happiness he could stomach. I just wasn’t the person who would be able to give it to him. I needed to be happy in my life before I could make someone else happy.

“Owen,” I started. It was now or never.

Looking up at him, I saw the worry etched in his features. The crinkle of his brow. The lines in his forehead as he took me in. The tenseness in his stance. He was just as scared of hearing my news as I was to give it. I could sense that he knew what was coming, but whether he knew it or not wasn’t the issue. It had to be said out loud for it to become a reality.

I was about to speak and let it all slip out when he spoke first.

“Wait, Lil. Let me go first.”

I nodded and took a deep breath, awaiting his unspoken words.

“I know what you’re about to say. I sensed it the second you walked into the door. I knew it the moment you didn’t answer all my calls and texts. I know I asked for a break, and I’m glad we took this time apart. It allowed me to see the truth in our relationship.”

Truth? What was he talking about? I was about to ask when he continued.

“We’re friends, Lil. Plain and simple. I looked back at our relationship, and that’s what we’ve turned into. Friends who happen to have sex every now and then. I love you, Lil. I wanted a life with you. I envisioned my future so many times and saw you in it. And you still will be if you’ll have me, but as my friend. We both deserve to find that someone who we’re meant to be with. I want that for you, and I want that for myself as well.”

Well, damn. He took the words right out of my mouth.

Tears glistened in my eyes at the relief that I felt that I wouldn’t be losing my best friend. But he still needed to know everything. I owned him that much.

Walking to him, he held out his arms which I gladly entered. I wrapped my arms around his waist and dug my head into his shoulder like I always did and let the tears fall. They weren’t tears of sadness, but happy ones. We were going to remain the best of friends. And this time I wasn’t going to take him for granted.

Pulling back, I looked into his eyes and he reached up, wiping my tears away.

“I want that too, Owen. I didn’t want to lose you from my life. I’m sorry I was such a horrible girlfriend, but I want to continue to be friends. There’s something you should know, though,” I hinted at what was to come.

“I met someone when I was in Bora Bora. Things happened. I just didn’t want there to be any secrets between us. I’m sorry, Owen. For everything. You deserve so much better than me.”

A hint of hurt flashed in his eyes before he masked his emotions. But he remained silent. Staring at me without uttering a word. He had every right to be furious with me. A break didn’t mean sleep with someone else. It meant time apart. But I couldn’t regret what happened. Even if that made me a selfish bitch, Thorn opened my eyes to a new way to live. And I planned on executing my new plan tomorrow when I went back into the office. First thing in the morning, I was taking Trevor up on his offer to not travel as much. It was the start to my new beginning.

“It’s okay, Lil. I kinda already knew. You didn’t respond to me half of the time and when you did it was cryptic.” He should hate me. Hell, I kinda hate me.

This wasn’t the way I’d thought this would go. Why couldn’t he be mad? Hell, if he screamed, yelled, or threw something, I’d prefer it. Not this acceptance.

“No, it’s not okay. You should be mad, Owen. I deserve it.”

“You don’t. We weren’t together. We were on a break. You did nothing wrong. Now, let’s get some takeout and tell me about your trip,” he insisted. And just like that, he went back to being Owen. My best friend. The man I didn’t want to lose. The person who would help me get my life back on track and help me get over Thorn—the man I couldn’t have.

The rest of the night passed in a blur. I did all my laundry and washed the travel off my body. Owen and I went right back into the way we were just without the kissing and sex. We talked. Really talked. I told him my plan and for a moment I wished I could’ve realized this when we were together, but I knew the outcome would always end up the same. Owen and I would become friends somewhere down the line. It was better that it happened sooner rather than later. He discussed with me his plans on the next big ad campaign that he was working on. I loved seeing his creative side. The way his brain worked when he saw a vision that he couldn’t get out of his head. Thinking back, that’s how he and I had first clicked—our passion to see a vision come to life. Mine was about places. His was about the way he would make products sellable to clientele.

He asked questions about Bora Bora, and I hated that all my experiences included another man. I tried and failed to keep Thorn out of the conversation, but Owen told me he wanted me to tell him everything. I just wouldn’t divulge the private moments between Thorn and I. That was for Thorn and myself to know. I told him how beautiful it was and how romantic the setting was. He was even shocked that I fed the sharks.

We ended the night shortly after I finished telling him stories. One thing was now crossed off the long list of things I had to get done to steer my future in a different direction. Now to tackle the rest. Starting with my job. The one I loved more than anything.