One Year Later

The past twelve months had been a whirlwind. I’d been able to scratch everything off my list but one item. The last line would probably never be completed, but I’d been trying. Trevor readily agreed to cut back my travel and the good news was, it never affected the blog or the business. It got better somehow. The next item was to have a better relationship with my family. We now had weekly dinners at my parents where laughter and good food occurred. My apartment had taken a little while, but every square inch had been completely transformed. The stark white walls were now different colors for each room. New furniture was purchased throughout, including a new wardrobe for me, that didn’t only include yoga pants and travel items. I was a completely different looking person. I even cut my long hair into a sleek layered look that helped to thin out the thick locks and give my hair a little more volume.

Most of all, I was happy. Explicitly so. I loved the new me. I loved the new outlook I had on life. I wasn’t as stressed. My job didn’t totally consume me. Owen and I still got together regularly to chat and hang out. He was even dating someone new who accepted our past and friendship. Everything was looking up.

It was almost five and quitting time. Yes, you read that right. I even quit at a decent hour and rarely took work home with me. Eight to five were the working hours and weekends were now my own as well, aside from the occasional travel that brought me home on Saturdays. I set boundaries and this was the first one that I wouldn’t budge on. I needed to live more and that meant outside of work. Even though it took some getting used to, I gave up the travel first. Who knew seven days would totally change my outlook on life? My boss, that’s who. He wasn’t even the first bit surprised when I returned and told him my plans. He accepted them without blinking an eye and helped me transition into the new role I had.

I put the files on my desk away when Trevor’s voice came across the speaker on my phone.

“Lily, can you come into conference room two before you leave? I’d like you to meet my silent partner.”

Silent partner? Weren’t they supposed to remain hidden?

“Sure thing, boss. I’ll be right there.”

Grabbing my bag, I shut down my computer and walked toward the room he told me to meet him in.

My heels clanked on the marble flooring as I walked down the deserted hallway. Everyone had filed out right at five on the dot. My phone chirped in my bag. I stopped walking and dug it out from the bottom of my purse.

Owen’s name appeared across the screen. Instead of typing out a response to him letting me know he was here, I called him. He answered on the second ring.

“Hey, you. I’ve got to go meet someone in the conference room. It should only take me five minutes and I’ll be right down.”

“No worries. I’m in the elevator now. I’ll be waiting when you come out.”

We ended the call, and I walked the rest of the way to the conference room.

I pushed the heavy wooden door open and walked inside without knocking.

Trevor and the man were looking out the window on the other side of the room, talking in quiet tones when I entered.

Clearing my throat to get their attention, I stood at the end of the mahogany table and waited for Trevor to introduce me. I had to hurry since I had plans with Owen, and I didn’t want him to wait.

They both turned around, and time stood still.

There was no way.

None whatsoever that this was happening.

My mouth opened in shock, and off in the distance I heard my bag hit the floor. There he was in the flesh. Thorn. He was dressed in a suit and tie, but the thing I noticed the most was the devilish grin that appeared on his face when he recognized who stood before him.

“I’m so sorry. How clumsy of me,” I said as I bent down to gather my belongings. In all honesty, I needed the moment to hide and make sure I wasn’t seeing things.

“Lily, I’d like you to meet Arie Caras, my now not so silent partner,” Trevor said as they both walked toward me.

Trevor bent down and helped me finish picking up the last few stray items that had spilled from my purse. Standing, I wiped my hands down my skirt to push down the material that had bunched around my thighs. Taking a deep breath, I looked up into a pair of eyes I would never forget.

He held his hand out to me and I complied without even hesitating, trying to mask my shock. He pulled my hand up and kissed my knuckles, lingering a little longer than necessary before he let my hand go. Tingles remained where his lips touched long after I returned my hand back to my side.

“It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Caras. I’m Lily St. James, the travel blogger at Hidden Paradise.” Somehow, I managed to speak. I needed to get out of here. Fast.

“We’ll go over everything tomorrow when you get to the office. Make sure you clear your schedule for the first couple of hours so we can meet,” Trevor instructed. I nodded, unable to get anything else out and I turned to leave. At least I’d have a reprieve before I saw him again, even if it was only a few short hours away. Seeing him again hindered my plans of completing that last line on my list: getting over Thorn. The list that so happened to still be pinned to the corkboard at my home office, a room that rarely got used anymore now that I’d cut back my hours.

Hitting the button to the elevator, I willed the cart to move faster. I couldn’t risk seeing him right now. I’d be a blubbering mess. A ding sounded out in the hallway, and the doors opened with an awaiting Owen inside. Thank God. I needed him now more than ever. He also held precious cargo in his arms. My three-month-old daughter.

“Lily, wait,” I heard from behind me as I walked inside and threw my arms around Owen, needing the comfort that I knew they’d bring.

I turned around to see Thorn staring back at me. He looked at me then at the carrier that was in Owen’s hand. I could’ve sworn I heard him growl before his eyes moved back to mine. Before either of us could speak the doors closed, shutting me away from him.

“What was that all about?” Owen asked as he let me go.

“Owen, meet Thorn,” I said in a huff of air that I somehow managed to escape. My breaths were short and choppy as I tried to regain my composure. Just like that, my world tilted on its axis. Just when everything was perfect.

“You’re kidding me, right? That was him.”

“In the flesh. But right now, I can’t talk. I can barely breathe. Let’s get back to my apartment, get this beautiful girl fed and down for the night, and then we can discuss what just occurred over a chick flick and some wine.” I’d need a whole bottle to get my nerves to settle just a tad.

The ride back to my place was quiet. I still couldn’t believe what had just happened. He was here. In the city I resided. In my place of employment. I had half a mind to call Trevor and demand answers. But then I’d have to explain why, and I didn’t want him to know. This complicated everything. I thought seeing him again would never happen, and now I had no idea what to think let alone do. I was a planner now. A mom. I couldn’t afford to act irrational.

Owen took over and ordered in dinner since he knew I wasn’t in the best shape to cook. I picked up the car seat and walked back into my bedroom to rid myself of the skirt and blouse I wore today. Slipping into some pajamas, I made myself more comfortable while she continued to sleep. Without waking her, I unhooked her from the seat and picked her up, cuddling her into my arms. This was the best part of my day. Coming home to the new love of my life. You see, I tried to get over Thorn. I tried to rid him of my thoughts. But six weeks after I got back and set out to recreate the new me, a wrench was thrown into my plans when I couldn’t keep anything down and ended up in the hospital. My brother, Joshua, took me when I was too weak to lift my head, and they confirmed the reason I was so sick. I was pregnant. I had a little souvenir from my time in Bora Bora, and everything in that moment changed. I wanted to find him and tell him, but I had no useful information to aid in my search. That’s when I created a new plan. One where I’d be a single mother and raise the baby we’d created alone.

I caressed the top of her head that had the blackest hair imaginable, the same color as her father’s.

“I love you, my sweet girl,” I told her as I leaned down and kissed her forehead.

Owen called from the kitchen and told me dinner was here. I stood and stared at her for a moment longer before I carried her into the kitchen so I could eat.

I put her in her bouncy chair on the table so I could eat without having to hold her. Even though it killed me to put her down since we had just got home, I knew that she didn’t need to be held all the time. She was spoiled enough as it was in her twelve-week-old life. And she wasn’t afraid to let everyone around her know what she wanted.

Owen had dished out the Chinese food onto plates and handed me mine before he took a seat across from me.

“Wanna talk about it now?”

Not really, but I needed to get it all out before tomorrow. I couldn’t afford to make an idiot out of myself in front of him, nor my boss, again. I had to be prepared and prepared I’d be. With Owen’s help, of course. He’d been a godsend since my daughter’s arrival. He loved her, and she loved him. He was the doting uncle, so to speak, and his girlfriend also loved her. They would both come over and help me while I was out of work for the six-week requirement to heal. I’d be forever grateful for that.

“I don’t know what to say really. I was shocked that he was there. I don’t even know how this happened. I was sure I’d never see him again. What are the odds? Plus, I’m wondering just how long he’d been a silent partner. Did he know who I was in Bora Bora? It’s all so jumbled in my brain. I need answers, but I’m afraid to get them for fear of the outcome.”

“You need to get them, Lily. You need to move on. I know you still think about him. Especially when I see you looking at her. Now that I’ve seen him, I can see why. She looks just like him. Speaking of which, what are you going to tell him now that he’s seen her?”

I put food in my mouth just to keep from speaking. In all honesty, I didn’t have an answer to give him. What else could I say aside from the truth? I finished chewing and went to answer him when the baby stirred beside me. I put the pacifier back into her mouth and bounced the chair slightly, making sure she settled then answered him.

“I’ll tell him whatever he wants to know. It’s the only thing I can do. I never thought he’d be in her life. Her birth certificate remains blank where he’s concerned because I didn’t even have a name to give them. What does that make me, Owen? Who does that?”

I’d never felt ashamed about our time together until I had to fill out those forms, and I realized that I’d never be able to tell her who her father was. I had pictures of our time together, but that was it. She’d have a face without a name but have no idea who the other half of who she was because of me. It depressed me for a while until I snapped myself out of what I realized was out of my control. I couldn’t fix it. But I could make sure I was the best damn mother I could be. And I’d done well so far.

“You have to stop doing that to yourself, Lil. It doesn’t do you any good. Besides, that time together gave me the cutest niece a man has ever had. You can’t regret that. Not ever.”

He was right. I didn’t regret her. I just regretted not being able to give her the answers she had every right to know. Now, I wouldn’t have to worry about her never receiving them, because now I had a name to go with the pictures that were in her room.

We had finished eating and cleaning up dinner by the time my sleeping beauty decided to wake and make her presence known. Owen helped me give her a bath in her tub and get her ready to go down for the night. She looked so cute in her pale pink sleeper that had gray fish on the front. The second I saw the outfit it reminded me of the time I spent with her father snorkeling, and I knew I had to have it. The color complimented her tan complexion well. She cooed up at me and kicked her feet when she saw what I held in my hand. She loved eating almost as much as she loved making noises these days.

“I’m going to go. I need to call Audrey and check in with her. Call me if you need me. Goodnight, angel,” he said as he kissed her on the head.

I walked him to the door and opened it. He turned to me and hugged me into his arms. I teared up fearing what tomorrow would bring, but I held them back. I’d let them fall once my daughter was asleep tonight.

“Good night, Owen. Thank you for everything.”

“No worries, Lil. That’s what I’m here for. Oh, and I better get a phone call tomorrow with details. You can’t leave a man hanging for long,” he goaded with a smirk. Owen loved juicy details almost as much as my sister did. Speaking of siblings, I’d need to call mine and let them know the new development, but that could wait. My sweet girl was more important. And right now, I needed mommy cuddles to get through this day. I shut the door and turned the lock after Owen left. Looking down at my daughter, I couldn’t help but smile. She was worth every ounce of what I’d been through. Worry, stress, and all.

“How about that bottle now, missy.” She cooed in response, and I couldn’t help but laugh.

I held her longer than normal once she was asleep for the night. She loved to rock, and I complied every night even though I knew I was starting a habit that would be hard to break in the future. I looked around her room and took in the mural I had painted on the wall that her crib resided against. The whole wall looked like the ocean floor. Different kinds of fish and coral were painted up and down the wall. If you stared long enough, it felt like you were underwater with them. There was a bookcase beside her door that held trinkets that I brought home with me and the pictures that I had printed of Thorn and me together on that vacation. I loved that I had that piece of him to give to her. I thought back and was grateful that I captured those memories. It made the decorations more meaningful. Kissing the top of her head, I reluctantly stood from the chair and walked over to her crib. I kissed her one last time before I laid her down on the mattress. She shifted a little to get comfortable and I winded up the mobile decorated with fish up to give her the music that soothed her.

I made sure the monitor was turned on and left her to dreamland as I went back into the kitchen to grab a glass of wine. The Moscato called my name. I needed it to take the edge off my nerves. Talking with Owen helped, but I hated the fear of the unknown. Thorn didn’t look happy earlier when he saw me with her. For all I knew, he’d want nothing to do with her. Another fear that settled into my thoughts.

I’d just taken a sip of wine when there was a knock at the door. Checking the time on the microwave, it was a little after nine. I didn’t know who’d be knocking on my door this late, but I hurried over and looked through the peephole. I didn’t want to risk whoever it was waking up the baby.

“What the hell?” I whispered as I turned and leaned against the door for support.

How did he find me?

I swallowed hard and he knocked again, harder this time. I had to answer, but I wasn’t ready to face him.

“I know you’re in there, Lily.”

Turning before I could back out, I turned the lock and pulled the door open.

There on the other side stood the man that consumed my thoughts still to this day.

Thorn.

Arie Caras.

The father of our daughter.

The man I couldn’t get over.

“Are you going to invite me in?” That accent still sent shivers down my spine. I shook myself out of my thoughts and moved out of his way so he could enter my home.

The sound of the door shutting caused me to jump even though I knew it was coming.

Twisting the lock, I turned back to face the man who somehow found me. I didn’t move from the door. I didn’t think my legs would lead me far. Instead, I rested my back against the cold metal and waited for him to speak.

He paced back and forth between the coffee table and couch not saying a word.

Good.

At least he was as flustered as I was about being in my presence.

He muttered something that sounded like he couldn’t take this anymore before he stalked toward me. I tried to move backward, but the door hindered my movement. I was stuck between him and the door with nothing left to do but look him in the eyes. I wanted to know what he was thinking. What he was planning to do.

He said nothing.

Did nothing but stare.

And I did the same in return.

I couldn’t speak. Couldn’t move.

His eyes were more beautiful than I remembered.

“I’ve waited so long,” he whispered before he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine.

I should’ve pushed him away. Should’ve demanded we talk. But my right frame of mind went out the window instead of doing the rational thing. The right thing. I moved my hands up to his black hair and pulled him closer into me and kissed him back. Our lips moved in sync with each other like we’d never been apart. He consumed me with his mouth, and I forgot everything but the two of us being here together after being apart for a year.

He pulled away quicker than I wanted him to. Both of our chests moved rapidly to replace the air that we’d lost in our lungs. He moved back from the door, grabbing my hand and leading me over to the couch. I sat down on the plush cushion, and he sat on the table in front of me.

I should speak first. Demand the answers to the questions that I had. But I couldn’t think of a single one that I’d asked Owen earlier in the night. I was still in shock that he was here.

“I have so much I want to ask you, but I don’t know where to start,” he replied, taking the thoughts right out of my mind as he raked his fingers through his hair giving him a disheveled look. He loosened the tie around his neck as he looked around the room. He caught sight of one of the newborn pictures of our daughter on the side table beside the couch and leaned over to pick it up.

He studied the picture for long moments and caressed the glass above the image before he laid it in his lap.

“She’s beautiful.” There was so much emotion in his voice as he looked back up at me, and my eyes teared up at the sound.

I nodded, too scared to speak. If I did, I’d surely cry.

“Is she…” he looked up at me without finishing. His eyes told me he was scared to finish the question, so I finished it for him.

“Yours? Yes, she’s ours,” I confirmed. I wasn’t hurt by his question. He had every right to ask. He let out a sigh of relief before he picked the picture back up to study it once more.

“Who was the man in the elevator?”

I knew this was coming. But I had to explain this right or everything would go to hell in a handbasket fast.

“Owen.”

I stopped to gather my thoughts on how I’d explain when his head moved whipped up and looked at me.

“The same Owen who was no one important?”

Oh hell. His tone was laced with anger and what I thought was a little jealousy.

“Yes, but it’s not like that. We’re just friends.”

“He had my daughter with him. I have a right to know who he is.”

“Our daughter. And I never said you didn’t have a right to know. We’ve known each other for years. We’re close. He loves her. He’d never harm her.”

I should probably tell him now instead of later about Owen and me.

“How close is close?”

Man, he didn’t miss a beat, did he?

“We used to be together but decided we were better off as friends. So, friends we remained. There’s nothing there. He’s found someone that he’s pretty serious about.”

“I had to ask. You were clinging to him earlier like your life depended on it.”

“That’s because my world had just tipped upside down.”

Where was my glass of wine when I needed it?

I looked around and spotted it on the counter in the kitchen.

Excusing myself, I walked into the kitchen and retrieved the glass, gulping down its contents. After the glass was empty, I placed it in the sink and went back into the living room to an awaiting Thorn.

He was now standing and looking at the rest of the pictures that cluttered the walls behind the television.

Turning toward me he asked, “Why didn’t you try to find me, Lily? I had a right to know I had a child on the way, don’t you think?”

“And how did you suppose I do that? I didn’t even have your real name. Just a damn nickname. And who says I didn’t fucking try to find you?”

“Did you try and find me? Because Lord knows I tried to find you.”

“Yes, I did. You shouldn’t assume things. I called the hotel. They wouldn’t give out any information due to their privacy rules. I had nothing else to go on. We shared nothing personal about ourselves. We didn’t want to, remember?”

“Of course, I remember. I also remember waking up alone when we were going to leave together. If you would’ve just stayed, maybe I could’ve been there all along.”

His tone almost annoyed me. I just kept reminding myself that he had just found out he had a child. He had to work through his emotions. Plus, I had a sleeping child to think about. Raised voices would only rouse her from her slumber.

“We can’t go back. Talking like that will only cause more arguments that aren’t necessary.”

He remained silent, taking in the photos once more.

“You’re right. I’m just still in shock. You look like you’ve got an amazing life based on the pictures. I especially love the ones of you with her.”

“Thank you. Would you like to meet her? She’s sleeping right now, but you can at least see her.” I fidgeted with my hands as I waited for a response. He seemed interested in her, so I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. If he wanted to play a role in her life, it was better if we got that out of the way sooner rather than later.

He nodded at me, and I led him down the hallway to her room. Quietly, I opened her door and led him inside.

He took in the space as best as he could with only a nightlight illuminating the room.

I stood in front of her crib and stared down at the most perfect thing I’d ever done.

Thorn stood behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist as he took in the sight of our daughter for the second time. I wished I could see his expression in this moment so I could etch it into my brain forever. But I’d settle for hearing him gasp behind me.

“She’s perfect, Lily. Look what we did,” he whispered behind me as he choked up. I felt a teardrop hit me on my shoulder. I wanted to turn around and comfort him, but I settled for letting my hands rest on his arm to let him know I was here for him.

The baby started to fuss in her crib as she sought out her pacifier. Quickly, I leaned over and placed it into her mouth, but she wasn’t having it. She spat it back out and continued to cry.

“May I?” Thorn asked, and I wished I had my camera to capture the moment he held her for the first time.

I moved out of his way and let him pick up our daughter.

He placed her on his shoulder just the way she liked and caressed her back as he whispered words I couldn’t quite make out to her. I didn’t know how he knew the way she liked to be soothed, but it was like he’d known her all along. He sat down in the chair and rocked her, continuing to talk in hushed tones to her. In no time at all, she fell back to sleep. I didn’t interrupt his moment between them. He continued to rock as he hugged her into his arms. I knew in that moment, he’d fallen in love with her as fast as I had.

“What’s her name?”

I took me forever to pick one out. I kept going back and forth. I wanted her to have something unique. I wanted a name to represent the time I’d spent with her father. Something that would remind me of the tropical place we’d met. The second I saw her name on one of the hundreds of internet searches, I knew it was perfect for her. Now hearing his last name, I knew just why this name called out to me. Its origin was Greek, just like her father was.

“Her name is Hali. It means sea. I wanted her to have something that represented the time we spent together,” I confessed.

“It’s just as beautiful and unique as she is. I’m still amazed that we created her. I know I need to put her down, but I don’t know if I can just yet. I don’t want to ever let her go.”

Those words were music to my ears. I never thought I’d get to hear them. I never thought I’d get to know if he’d want her or not. Now that I’d heard them, I couldn’t contain the tears any longer. I let them flow to express the happiness that consumed me. I didn’t know where we’d go from here. There were so many things that we’d need to get settled. But, for now, I was happy knowing that he wanted to be in our daughter’s life. Everything else could be ironed out later.