My jaw was still hanging open like some kind of broken nutcracker.

“You don’t even have to say anything. I’ll do the talking. You just have to play your part. Put the ring on and smile.”

I wasn’t worth being put on some stupid list about spankings and yet here he was asking me to be his fake fiancée for an evening? It was all too much. Why was nothing in my life ever easy? Why had I agreed to come to this stupid party?

“No. No way!” I shook my head.

His face looked crestfallen as I uttered the words. “But—”

“Seriously, are you out of your mind?”

“Hush! Keep your voice down,” he hissed as guests started to pass us on the steps.

“No. I will not hush! For three straight weeks you barely have one nice thing to say to me, and suddenly I’m supposed to pretend to be the love of your life?” I stopped when people started to glance over and realized, too late, that I was indeed a little too loud. But the look on Tommy’s face was partially worth it. He was totally taken aback.

“I’ll pay you,” he added quickly, desperate. “If we win this account I can afford to give you a pretty hefty Christmas bonus.”

I paused. It felt dirty.

Here was Tommy Carver, proposing on the steps of a grand palace, snow falling daintily on a pretty, sparkling ring. It was all my 16-year-old-self had dreamed of. And, yet, now it felt more like a twisted nightmare that I couldn’t wake up from. I wanted to run away. Far away, move to Florida, start again. But then, of course, there was Liv. She was sitting patiently at home, thinking of what a magical evening I was having with my normal boss who didn’t insult me for weeks and then ask me to be his fiancée.

“Oh, so now you want me to be your call-girl? That escalated quickly, or should I say deescalated! Demoted already from fiancée to call-girl. Lovely. Just lovely. What’s next will you want to pay me sex?” I clamped a hand over my mouth in shock at my own words and outburst.

His face paled but then recovered almost instantly. He took hold of my arm and pulled me to the side. He pulled me close, his face inches away from my own. “Shae, please. I didn’t mean to offend you. I just need your help. Will you do this for me? This one time?”

I managed to make eye contact with him and knew right then I would help him. There was no way I could say no to him. None at all. My brain just couldn’t reason with my already gone heart.

“I know you need the money,” he continued, and I bristled but couldn’t tear myself away from him. “This will be good for both of us.”

I was reminded of my earlier resolve. This was for her, for Liv. I could do it for her; slip on the ring and act for a few hours, then give her the magical Christmas she deserved. Who was I kidding? It wasn’t like it would be hard to pretend to be in love with him.

“Fine.”

He breathed a sigh of relief and handed me the ring.

My hands were shaking, but I managed to slip it on. It was a little too big, but it fit well enough. I also realized it was very real. I wasn’t wearing costume jewelry. This was an actual engagement ring.

Reluctantly, I linked arms with him, and we walked out of the freezing night and into the grandness that was The Holloway Christmas party.

Inside, the large hall was filled wall to wall, pillar to pillar, with people. Loud chatter filled the expansive room, and coat-tailed waiters danced lightly around guests with silver platters of champagne. A pianist was positioned in the corner of the hall, an elegant crescendo building beneath his deft fingers.

Above us, gold banners hung from the vaulted ceiling, and disco-ball sized ornaments were suspended in mid-air, shimmering and twinkling. Wreaths adorned every available wall, and a large, twenty foot Christmas tree dominated the end of the hall, every spare inch, and every branch decorated with glistening ornaments, tinsel, and crystal encased lights. Beneath the tree were hundreds of gold wrapped presents of various sizes. It was a magnificent sight to see.

Tommy explained that the main reason for the event was to raise money for underprivileged children and the guests donated gifts that lined the floor around the tree. Of course, many more families could be helped if they avoided the whole party in the first place, I thought with a roll of my eyes, but, then, how would they show how rich and important they were?

I glanced around the room and was grateful for the dress I’d received. Women sparkled in floor length gowns and exquisite jewelry. Their wrists and necks glistened much like the branches of the tree behind them. The men were also the picture of elegance, confident, comfortable and used to their attire. Tommy was the youngest one I could see.

“Your mouth is open,” Tommy whispered in my ear. His lips were turned up with an amused smile. Never in my life had I seen such extravagance. I heard a familiar laugh and turned to see an A-list actress, a recent Oscar winner, clutching her chest and holding on to a glass of golden champagne with a white-gloved hand. My mouth stayed open.

Tommy chuckled. He had a boyish springiness; it was the happiest I had seen him yet. “Bet you’re glad you accepted after all.”

“Don’t push your luck,” I hissed at him, though I did it with a smile. And even though we were inside, he kept his arm linked around mine and guided me through the guests.

A waiter came by to take our coats. I handed over my coat but kept my clutch, and thought of the list hidden away inside. I looked back at Tommy; his gray eyes were glistening with a playfulness I’d never seen him wear at the office. His eyes looked into mine for just a little too long, and his hand strayed dangerously low on my back. I felt giddy, nervous and everything rolled into one. I may have been there under some sense of obligation to my boss, but I decided right there to do what Liv had suggested: enjoy myself.

“So, when do we meet Mr. Barnaby?” I asked.

“In a bit, best not to seem too eager. Champagne? I could use a drink.”

We made our way toward the center of the room. I felt like a young child at a fair. There was so much to look at and take in. He found a waiter and handed me a glass of champagne. As he did, an older gentleman spotted us and raised his eyebrows in Tommy’s direction.

He started our way, “Ahhh, Mr. Carver!” he said jovially.

Tommy smiled charmingly and tipped his head towards the man. His white hair swept over a bald patch, but his eyes shone with a friendly luster.

“I’m glad you could attend this year! And who is this charming young woman?”

“This, sir, is Miss Shae Reynolds. Shae, may I introduce you to Dr. Cornwell.”

Dr. Cornwell waved his hand dismissing the formalities. “Call me George, please. We’re all friends here. How do you do, my dear? May I say you look ravishing! I believe every man and woman stopped to stare at you when you entered. Beautiful.”

Blushing, I felt for a brief moment a strong desire to curtsy; my mind rattled at the strangeness of the occasion. I had no idea how to behave. I extended a hand to meet George's.

“Did you know, Shae—what an unusual but lovely name by the way—that the young man on your arm is one of the most up-and-coming lads in the business? He’s built quite the empire for himself. Surely, he’s one of, if the not the, youngest man in attendance this evening.” George smiled grandly at me. “You’re a very lucky lady.”

I nodded and grinned back at him then passed a glance at Tommy. He seemed uncomfortable at the hands of the attention and shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot.

“Tommy is a hard worker if anyone deserves his success it’s him,” I replied sweetly, realizing that what I was saying was completely true.

“I couldn’t do it without you,” Tommy interjected and pulled me closer, his arm around my waist. We shared a glance, and I shivered all over. I hoped to God he didn’t notice. Tommy broke the spell and turned his attention back to the doctor. “Is your wife here this evening, George?”

“Ah, yes! She’s around here somewhere. Mingling and acquiring all the gossip no doubt.” His voice trailed off as he scanned the crowd. He met eyes with a very elegant woman in a stunning black, strapless gown. Her streaked grey hair was pinned up in a neat twist. He waved her over, and she smiled when she spotted Tommy beside her husband.

“I was just being introduced to Tommy’s stunning young date here. Shae, this is my wife, Saskia.” Again, I fought the urge to curtsy; meeting these wealthy, glamorous people was akin to meeting royalty. Saskia smiled kindly and leaned in to kiss me on each cheek.

“Tommy, it’s so lovely to see you again! How’s business? Wait, don’t tell me: fabulous as always?” she said in a luxuriously rich English accent.

“Now that you mention it, it is doing very well, thank you. How long are you in town?” asked Tommy.

“Just for the event, unfortunately. We fly back to Massachusetts tomorrow.”

Tommy turned to me. “Dr. Cornwell was one my favorite professors at Tufts. His family was unbelievably kind to me; I owe a lot of my success to this man right here.”

Dr. Cornwell gave Tommy a thankful nod while his wife looked on kindly.

“You did the work, my boy. As I said, Shae, you’re a very lucky woman. Any success he’s obtained is all his own doing. I’m just happy I got the chance to meet and teach such a motivated young man,” he said with a wink in my direction. “Well, we will let you two enjoy your evening. It was good to see you, Tommy. You’ll have to come see us at the university soon.”

Saskia gave Tommy a squeeze on the arm and planted two more kisses on each of our cheeks before fading back into the crowd.

“They were nice,” I said when they were out of earshot.

Tommy nodded. “You didn’t have to say those things…”

I was about to interrupt to object when he placed a finger upon my lips, stopping me. “No need to ruin it by saying something you’ll regret,” he said with a knowing smile. “But, thank you. Dr. Cornwell is very near and dear to my heart, and your words meant a lot to me.”

Tommy let his finger drop and took my hand in his. “What do you say we go have some fun?” I nibbled on my lip, still feeling where his finger had been, and bobbed my head. He whisked me deeper into the party and the rest of the night faded into a blur of introductions. It was amazing to meet the people who knew Tommy. A revelation if I was being honest. Their high praise started to make me see him in a different light, making me realize there was more to this man, to my high-school crush than I knew. I was also learning it was no small feat to be among the powerful circle of professionals at his age. He’d truly managed to climb the ladder in quick time, his hard work and determination gaining him a respected reputation.

After my third glass of champagne—talking and networking was thirty work—my nerves dissipated and I began to relax. I also lost the urge and inclination to pretend to be a stiff character in a Jane Austen novel. If Tommy could be more like himself here, then I would do the same.

The room was warm from all of the people milling about, and I was starting to feel dizzy from the drinks and all the elaborate introductions. Sensing my discomfort, Tommy leaned into my ear, “Do you want to get some air?”

He placed his hand on the lower part of my back, and an electric current raced down my spine. I nodded and followed him out of the crowded hall back out to the columned entrance above the grand staircase. We followed the elaborate porch around the side of the mansion and into a gorgeous well-maintained garden lit with fairy lights.

Guests who’d had the same idea, needing a little bit of a breather, were walking along the meandering path. The twinkling lights followed a beautiful row of red rose bushes wetted with a fresh dusting of snow. Silently we took the path that led to a vine-covered gazebo glowing with even more yellow Christmas lights. I had to believe the electricity bill for just this one night would probably match mine for the entire year.

We walked up the steps and into the gazebo. I took in my surroundings, Tommy close beside me doing the same. Savoring the moment. And for once I felt wholly comfortable in his presence. We didn’t need to talk, or bicker, there was no need. Just being close to him I was overwhelmed with a sense of calm. That everything in the world all right.

The rich colors of the flowers shone brightly beneath the full moon. It was like the garden was immune to the cold. Poinsettias circled the base of the gazebo and couples in shadow wandered around in thick coats, but the cold air felt fresh against the warmth of my skin. I realized I must be slightly buzzed from the champagne because, even though I was shivering, it wasn’t from the cold.

“Are you cold? Tommy asked.

“No,” I said through chattering teeth.

“Liar,” he murmured, a smile touching the edges of his lips. He took off his jacket and placed it around my shoulders regardless. I drowned in it, but it was warm and smelled so nice I accepted the gift and wrapped it around myself tighter. “Here, sit down. We can go back in in a moment.” We sat on the stone bench and kept looking over at each other.

“Thank you again for doing this,” he said seriously. “You have been charming the pants off everyone in there.”

“I haven’t done anything yet, not really. For all you know, I could be waiting for the Barnaby introduction to make a huge scene, throw the ring at you and then make a dramatic exit. All to embarrass you.” I flashed my eyes at him for a serious moment then cracked into a smile.

He laughed darkly. “You’d probably be well within your rights to do exactly that.”

“Well, you don’t have to worry… gotta keep my job after all.”

We lapsed into silence, but curiosity began to get to me. After all the years since he disappeared from my high school, wondering what had happened to him, there was a lot to fill in.

“So how did you do so well for yourself anyway? You’re only a year older than me.”

His dark brows rose a fraction, and I guessed he hadn’t known that I knew how old he was. I was slowly getting over the sting of not being remembered, but it was still there, beneath the surface.

“You know, I spent a year in this town in high school,” he said, avoiding the question. Or was he fishing?

I looked at my hands, then at the ring. The champagne had made me less nervous. Bolder. Fuck it, I thought.

“I know,” I said, exhaling a sharp breath and waited for his reaction.

He merely looked at me with an unreadable stare.

“You probably don’t remember, or me for that matter, why would you? But you went to my school for a year. That’s how I knew how old you were,” I continued, unable to rein in my tongue.

“Of course I remember you,” he said.

I stopped looking at my hands and stared up at him in disbelief. His deep gray eyes met mine; his expression serious, and I realized how close we were sitting. His face was a mere foot from mine. My heart fluttered, I looked back down at my hands. Of course, he’d said.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” I asked. “That first day at the office, you just left. You didn’t let on that you knew me. Didn’t say anything to me about it.”

“Well, for starters, I thought you didn’t remember me either. And after what you’d said in school, I didn’t especially want you to.”

I looked back at him again, confused.

“What?”

The warmth that had been in his eyes had momentarily died out.

I couldn’t understand what he meant. I’d never said anything to him in school. Never had the guts. We’d never exchanged a word, and all these years later I’d regretted not overcoming my shyness. All those days in the library I’d kept quiet, followed the “rules”. At most I’d say clipped, one-word responses to Nicole while she talked on and on about the school paper and the other girls in the club.

“What are you talking about?” I asked again.

“Never mind,” he shook his head. “It was a long time ago. We’re different people now.”

He looked out at the rosebushes, as mysterious as ever. The chill was starting to settle into my bones; through his jacket, yet he showed no signs of the cold at all.

I thought about his words for a moment. “That’s impossible,” I blurted, unable to let it go. “You didn’t even notice me in high school. No one did.”

“That’s not true.”

My head reeled. “Why did you move?” I asked, changing the subject. I couldn’t think straight.

“We had to. My Dad got… sick. So I moved to my aunt’s in Boston.”

All of the pieces were starting to come together. Tommy rose from the bench, and I followed him to the railing, he was looking out at the garden, his hard profile like a marble statue.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know,” I said. “I just lost my Dad last year; it’s such a hard thing to overcome.”

“I’m sorry about your Dad too,” he said earnestly.

“Honestly, my sister took it way harder. That’s been the worst part, the pieces of the people he left behind. Having to keep them glued together when you’re falling apart as well.”

He surprised me by taking my hand and squeezed it. Then thought better of the gesture and let go.

He forced a cough. “You’re good for looking after her.”

“I try.” Trying to lighten the mood, I added, “I think with this hefty Christmas bonus you’ve promised me that it’ll really help. I’ve been saving up to get her a car for Christmas.”

“A car? That’s quite the generous gift!”

I shrugged. “It’ll be worth it to see the look on her face. It’s only my neighbors’ old junker. It’s been for sale forever. Dad paid for half of it before… well, before. They were supposed to work on it together. Like he did with me.”

He smiled. “You call your car ‘put together’?”

I punched his arm. “I admit I’ve been neglecting her. Didn’t have the heart to work on it without him. And couldn’t bear taking it to a garage for someone else to work on either.”

Our eyes met, and his smile faded into something more serious. That same look from before, the one like he was about to say something important, returned. He leaned closer.

“Thank you again for coming tonight,” he said.

He leaned closer still, and my heart began to race.

I put my hand on his arm, bracing myself, not sure if I was reading the signals right. My stomach flipped in knots, my nostrils filled with his scent, I felt almost like I had a rush of adrenaline: the gazelle waiting to be caught by the lion.

His lips met mine, and suddenly, I understood every cliché about fireworks and shooting stars.

A hot current ran from my lips, down my arms and into my hands, all the way to the tips of my fingers. He placed one hand on the small of my back, it was cold, but I didn’t care. His other hand found my cheek, his fingers slipping into my hair.

My chest swelled, and I stood on tiptoes to meet his lips. Heat radiated from him and filled my half-numb extremities. My whole body felt as if it were shaking, but he held me steady. Though he couldn’t stop the goose bumps that appeared over every inch of my skin as he brushed the hair away from my cheek.

My back was against one of the columns, and when he stepped away, I fell a few inches from where he’d been holding me. His fingers trailed from my cheek down the neckline of the dress. I felt drunk again. His forehead pressed against mine, he smiled and exhaled, his breath crystallizing in the cold air.

“I’ve wanted to do that for a really long time,” he said.

We both sighed, my hand clutching his arm. I let out a giggle, the champagne and relief of all the tension bubbling out of me all at once.

Before I knew it, he was kissing me again, and I couldn’t stop myself from grabbing onto him too. Delving in for another taste of the man I’d dreamed about for countless years.

All sense of cold I’d felt before evaporated. The noise from the party quieted, it was like someone had turned the volume down. My whole world focused in on him and him alone. Where his hands were placed, stoking my body; how his tongue explored my mouth, tasting me. There was only him.

Blood roared in my ears, my heartbeat thudded, and finally, I had to come up for air. We parted, breathless. My limbs were weak and simultaneously buzzed all over.

“I’ve wanted to do that for a long while too,” I said gazing up at him.

A devilish smile crossed his face, and he began to lean in again. I shook my head and placed a hand on his sculpted chest. His expression turned broody, thoughtful, trying to figure out why I’d stopped him from starting round three. Kissing him and more was high up there on the list of things I wanted to do, but somehow I managed to keep hold of my senses.

“The things I could do to you right now,” he whispered. His hand skirted over the soft fabric of my dress, around and up my thigh towards my ass. He took hold of my cheek and squeezed.

“We can’t,” I whispered back. “Not here.”

“We can. No one will care. We’re engaged after all…”

“We should go back inside, meet your Mr. Barnaby.”

“Oh, we will. Just not yet. I’m not finished.”

My mouth dropped open as he quickly lifted my dress, the gathered fabric hooked over his arm. He pinned me against the rail and with his fingers sought the smooth flesh of my thigh.

“I want you, Shae.”

“Oh god,” I breathed as he made his way higher up my leg.

“I’ll stop. You just have to say the word.”

He was giving me an out, but I surely did not need nor want it. Having him touch me, like this, in the open air, while we were surrounded by guests at a renowned party was pure madness.

The “word” would not come though. I did not want him to stop.

I bit my lip and closed my eyes, shuddering slightly as his digit made contact with me. Tommy stroked his finger over the best pair of knickers I owed, silky and naughty. I moaned as the pressure increased, his touch becoming eager and impetuous.

“I want all of you,” he moaned back, leaning in to kiss my neck.

My eyes sprang open as he pushed my knickers aside, his long hard finger delving into my wet seam.

My breath ran ragged, and I held onto him out of fear that my legs would give in as he swirled his way inside. With long, deep thrusts he entered me. And with each jerk of his arm, penetrating me with his fingers, I moaned a little louder. Upon each one, I found it difficult to keep quiet, especially when his thumb tapped onto my clit.

Realizing the sounds I was making was becoming an issue, Tommy claimed my mouth and silenced me with his tongue.

Unrelenting, he speared me over and over with his fingers until I was a quivering wreck. Until I had to beg him to stop.

“Not yet,” he replied, a grin on his face.

He put up a free finger to his lips urging me to be quiet then ducked down from sight. My dress cascaded over him, hiding him from relative sight… and then. Oh God…

His mouth was on me. Kissing me. His lips pursed, kissing my nub, then sucking. Oh God, the sucking. He lapped me up and made my head spin. Without him there to hold onto I had to brace myself against the railing. My hands were holding on tight to the wood as his tongue parted me open and filled the same place where his fingers had been only moments before.

“I’m coming,” I cried weakly. Everything inside me was tightening, climbing, ready to unspool and fall into the abyss. I wanted to hold onto this moment forever, experience it over and over again, but soon it became too much.

My eyelids slammed shut, and I held my breath, then in one swift moment, everything ignited.

Colors danced behind my lids.

My clit pulsed wildly.

And I screamed out into the night.

* * *

“That was… incredible,” I breathed as I readjusted my dress.

“I’ll need my jacket back,” Tommy said with a devilish glint in his eye, “If we’re going to meet Mr. Barnaby.”

I shrugged off his jacket and handed it over, a little perplexed and embarrassed. Was that all he was going to say after what we’d just done? I brushed the confusion from my mind, sweeping it under the carpet to deal with later. It was like spending an evening with two different people. I just couldn’t figure him out.

My body stiffened with the onset of the cold, but I straightened my back and steeled myself for my acting debut. Do it for Liv, I said to myself.

“Come on, let’s go.” He took my hand, and we walked briskly back toward the sounds of the party. I trailed a step or two behind, clumsily trying to keep up on weak legs, wondering what on Earth I would say to convince Douglas Barnaby that I was happily engaged to Captain of Mixed Signals.