Ben hadn’t felt this nervous since his first solo run in flight school. As he knocked on the door of Room 121 at the West Wind Hotel, his phone buzzed, but he reached into his pocket to turn it off. He was about to see his mother and sister for the first time in twelve years. Everything else could wait.

The door opened—and there she was. His mother, the same but different. Same expressive gray-blue eyes, both vulnerable and hopeful. Same tentative smile. The years and all their emotional toll showed in the form of new wrinkles and a streak of white through her sandy hair. Even though she was thinner than before, the flesh around her neck and face was looser. She wore a blue cardigan over a loose tunic and wide-legged harem pants.

The outfit made him nervous. It reminded him of the “bag lady” clothes she used to wear when she was heading into one of her dark spells. If she dressed like a homeless person, her kids knew to be extra well-behaved around her.

But when she spoke, she sounded perfectly lucid. “Ben. My goodness, you’re a man now. So tall and strong, and handsome. Cassie, come here. He’s so handsome! Are you really my little Benny?”

“No one calls me that anymore,” he muttered. Then winced. That wasn’t exactly the most welcoming thing to say. “It’s good to see you, Mom.”

That wasn’t especially warm either. God, he didn’t know what to say. This was a freaking out-of-body experience.

Her eyes clouded. “I’m so sorry about the Winter Ball. It sounded wonderful in theory, but then I thought about all the people there and what they must be thinking of me. And really, I just want to see you and your brothers. If…” She hesitated, looking so uncertain that the ice around his heart broke open.

“If we want to see you? Yeah, we want to.”

He opened his arms, leaving the next step up to her. Yes, he’d been hurt by her leaving. He was still hurt, still wanting to understand. But he couldn’t find one corner of his heart that didn’t ache for her.

With an exclamation, she stepped into his arms and he closed them around her.

Her scent flooded his senses. All these years, and she still smelled like his mother—how did she do that? He couldn’t even put a name to it, though it had a touch of rose, a hint of patchouli. But he’d know it anywhere, whether he was blindfolded or staring right at her.

They didn’t say anything else for a long moment, just held each other close. A tremor kept running through her body, maybe from emotion, or release of tension, he didn’t know what.

Over her shoulder, Cassie stepped into view.

Ben had to blink a few times to clear the tears from his eyes. Also, he barely recognized her at first. The gawky teenager was gone, replaced by a vibrant young woman with a smile as big as California.

“Holy shit. Cassie?”

“Ben!” She stepped toward them and flung her arms around the two of them in a big group hug. Moisture still prickled his eyes, but he fought them back. Any sign of tears and they’d all be balling in a few minutes.

Finally, they unwound themselves from the hug.

“You look good, Mom. Healthy.”

“So do you, my sweet boy. I’m so proud of you.” Her forehead crinkled. “It feels so odd to be called ‘Mom’ again. Cassie often calls me Janine now.”

He glanced at Cassie, who nodded. “Is that weird? I can go back to ‘Mom.’”

Their mother smiled ruefully. “I haven’t been much of a mom to anyone in a long time.”

He tried the name out. “Janine. Yeah, it’s a little weird.”

Mom—Janine—laughed, then took his hand and drew him farther into the room. “You call me whatever you want. I’m just so happy to see you. I admit, I was hoping you’d show up in your uniform. Julie told me you were an Air Force pilot. And now you’re running a flight-tour business? That’s so impressive, Benny! I remember how much you used to love airplanes, ever since you were little.”

The hotel room had a microscopic seating area containing a loveseat and an armchair. She sat down on the loveseat and curled her legs under her. Ben took the armchair, while Cassie perched on its arm and ruffled her fingers through his hair.

“You used to have a buzz cut, didn’t you?”

“How can you tell?”

“One of my many random jobs was haircutting. I recognize the signs.” She wore denim shorts over patterned leggings, and radiated the same kind of freewheeling zest for life she’d always had.

“I thought you got your mechanic’s license?”

Janine jumped up from the loveseat. “You two catch up for a minute. Benny, you want a soda? You still like cherry vanilla?” She headed toward the mini fridge on the other side of the room.

Cassie bent down and whispered in his ear. “She’s really trying. This is a lot harder than she’s letting on.”

“At first, I thought she seemed better,” he whispered back. “But now she seems so anxious.”

“She’s definitely better. Believe me. And she really wanted to come here and see you all. Especially you, Ben. This is huge for her, it really is.”

It was huge for him, too. So huge it felt surreal. So huge, he didn’t think he’d be able to process it until after he left.

Janine came back with three sodas, and handed him a can of cherry vanilla. He cracked it open. It tasted like his childhood. Like innocence and hope.

And a little like Julie.

Julie had made this happen. He knew it. Not just by making contact with Cassie, but by easing the way. By coming out here and talking to his mother, by sharing her own story.

He took a big gulp, letting the harsh, prickling carbonation fill his sinuses. “Mom, I mean Janine—I’m sorry,” he said abruptly.

“Sorry?”

“That night. I said everything wrong. I didn’t know what I was doing or how to deliver bad news or anything. I screwed it up. I’m really sorry.”

Her expression turned shadowed. “You shouldn’t apologize. That’s my job. That’s why I’m here, to make things right. It shouldn’t have taken this long, but…” she drew in a breath, as if inhaling strength along with the oxygen. “I wanted to make sure I wouldn’t do more harm by coming back.”

“Harm?” His hand tightened around the soda can, drops of cool condensation tickling his hand. That was the last thing he’d expected her to say.

“I wanted to be good for you, not hurtful. Especially Aiden, since the rest of you were grown. And that night…” Her eyes swam with tears. “I remember it all in flashes, you know. I remember waking up because weird lights were flashing on the ceiling. I went toward the window to see what they were, but I couldn’t get there. It was like one of those dreams when you’re running and running but staying in the same place. I think maybe I wasn’t really awake yet. Half asleep, half dreaming. Then I saw the police cars and I knew. I just knew. After that, I don’t really remember anything.”

Ben frowned down at the floor, at the vague geometric patterns in the hotel carpet. It was like static, meaningless background noise. It helped him focus, to block out the emotions of that night.

“And I remember…I remember slapping you. And how terrified I was. Of everything. Of myself.” She rubbed at her forehead, between her eyes. “I should probably stop talking about this now.”

Cassie sat on the couch next to her, a hand on her shoulder. “I was just about to say the same thing,” she said in a voice pitched to lighten the mood. “I want to hear what’s up with you, Ben. Are you back together with Julie? I tried to pin her down, but she didn’t really answer that question.”

Ben rolled his neck to release the tension that had built up. “It’s complicated.”

“Isn’t it always,” Cassie said wisely. “That’s why I have a strict policy of no attachments. We’re always picking up and moving anyway. It works out well because that way, there’s no chance of getting too involved.”

“I’ve been there. More than I want to admit.”

She grinned and clicked her soda can against his. “To meaningless relationships. But don’t tell Mom, she’ll give us both a lecture about true love.”

They both looked over at Janine, who was fiddling with the hem of her sleeve. It was a habit he remembered from his childhood, when she would unravel entire sweaters one thread at a time. At least now she wasn’t actually picking it apart.

“No lectures from me. I think I’ve lost that right.” She smiled sadly at them. “But look at Tobias and Will. Julie said they’re both very happy.”

“Yeah, who would have ever thought old Tobias would be walking around with a sappy grin on his face all the time. It’s pathetic. He’s all about his family now, which is Caro and Sarah, her half-sister, who she adopted. It’s a crazy story, I’m sure they’ll tell you all about it. When are you going to see them?”

Janine hesitated, then bit her lip, giving Cassie an uncertain glance.

Ben’s stomach sank into his shoes. “Are you kidding me? You aren’t going to see everyone else?”

She tugged at her sleeve again. “I want to. I really do. I just…”

Ben found himself rising to his feet. “No. Not okay. Not okay, Mom. Janine. You can’t leave without seeing them. What about Aiden? You haven’t seen him since he was eight, and you wouldn’t believe what a great kid he is. Will did such a phenomenal job raising him…and you haven’t even seen Will, have you? He’s been searching for Dad’s killer, and he’s going to want to interview you, see if you remember anything. And Tobias, what about—”

He snapped his mouth shut, appalled at himself. All those years of tiptoeing around his mother, and now he was just letting it all hang out? But he couldn’t stop. “You owe us, Mom. You owe us.” The words ripped from his heart.

His mother looked stricken. She didn’t shy away from his fierceness, but she couldn’t seem to find her tongue to answer.

Cassie spoke up. “Mom gets it, Ben. I promise you she does. She’s been on the phone with her therapist twice a day for the past month. And I already told her I’m staying for a while no matter what.”

“I’m sorry,” he muttered.

“No. No sorries. Just give me a moment.” Janine got up and took her soda can to the kitchenette, where she dropped it in the trash, then headed for the bathroom. Ben resisted the urge to run after her and grab her by the ankle the way he had that night. Don’t leave. Don’t disappear out the window.

He stared down at the carpet, his anger draining away. Why had he thought seeing Mom would fill some kind of hole in his heart and transform his life? That apologizing for his clumsiness would change everything? He was just as clumsy now. You owe us. What kind of thing was that to say, even if it was true? Maybe their runaway mother did owe them, no matter the reasons that drove her away. But that argument wouldn’t work. If it did, she never would have left.

Suddenly he wished passionately for Julie, for her soft arms and sympathetic smile.

“You said Will is looking for Dad’s killer?” Cassie asked. Her big blue eyes were fixed on him with a clear message—I know how you feel. Don't give up yet.

“Yes, since the police basically dropped the case a few weeks after it happened. Will left the sheriff’s department and now he’s working as a private investigator. He has a new office and everything; you guys should come see it.”

But his voice held no conviction that it would actually happen. His dream of a happy family reunion felt so silly now. The reality was that his mother was struggling, and probably always would be.

“I want to find Dad’s murderer too, but I don’t know how much help I can be. I was asleep and didn’t hear or see a thing.”

“I get it. But Will’s a really good investigator, so you never know. He managed to pry a memory out of Tobias when they went back to our old house.”

“Really, they went back there?” She shivered and tucked a long strand of strawberry-blond hair behind her ear. “You couldn’t pay me to go back. Life already sucked for me even before the murder. So what was the memory?”

“Something about the hutch. Remember that old pistachio-avocado vintage piece Mom kept in the kitchen? With all of Grandma’s china? Tobias remembered that Dad was gesturing toward it.”

Cassie screwed up her face. Ben remembered how she used to make them roll on the floor laughing with her expressions and voices straight out of a cartoon. “The hutch? That’s a weird clue.”

“Yeah, but then Will and Tobias put it together that Dad kept his medals in the bottom shelf. So he’s been tracking down all the guys who were part of his last mission. The one he didn’t like talking about because they came under fire while he was being carried on a gurney.”

Janine came back into the room, wiping her hands on a towel. Her eyes were red, but she looked stronger. She smiled at him apologetically, sending relief rushing through him.

“Hey Mom, do you remember anything about the hutch that used to live in our kitchen?” Cassie asked.

“The hutch that used to belong to the Reinhards?”

Ben froze. “The Reinhards?”

“Yes. When they first moved to town, they bought that big mansion fully furnished. It was a foreclosure situation, I believe. Or a short sale, something along those lines. Anyway, they sold off most of the furnishings so they could start fresh with all those fancy antiques of theirs. I bought a few things from the sale. The hutch, that little oil painting of Stargazer Beach, a set of wonderful cut-glass tumblers. I never understood why they didn’t want to keep some of that stuff. No sense of history, you know?”

“The Reinhards,” Ben repeated. “The same place where Julie lived?”

“Well, yes, but long before she and her mother arrived. I wish I remember who owned the house before them, but I’d have to think about it. You could probably check the property-tax records if you really want to know where that hutch originally came from. I’m sure Will knows all about that sort of thing.”

Ben and Cassie exchanged a glance. Nothing fired up Mom like rehashing Jupiter Point history. She’d always been fascinated by local lore.

“That’s a great idea, Mom. I’ll let Will know. Maybe our idea about his Army buddies was all wrong.”

“His Army buddies?” Janine exclaimed. “Absolutely not. I don’t believe that’s possible. He stayed close to a few of the other soldiers in his unit, but there’s no bad blood that I remember. I think he would have mentioned it.”

“But one of them is going by a different name now.” Ben couldn’t come up with the name of the man Will was trying to trace.

“Oh sure. That’s different. He became a woman.” Janine’s face turned impish. “Now didn’t that throw your dad for a loop. Good old Hawkeye turning into Ladyhawke, that’s how he used to put it.”

Ben blinked at her, then at Cassie, who was busy cracking up. “Well, that clue sure went in an unexpected direction.”

“Right?” Cassie jumped to her feet and impulsively threw her arms around him. “God, Ben, it’s so good to see you.”

“It sure is.” Having his little sister in his arms might not fill that hole in his heart completely, but it helped. “I’m glad you’re sticking around a little longer. I can’t wait for you to see Knight and Day.”

“Promise to take me up in a plane?”

“Absolutely.”

She drew back, rocking on her heels and tucking her thumbs in her belt loop like some kind of cowgirl.

It was time for him to go, he realized, while he could still do so on a good note. He stepped toward the door.

Cassie followed. “It’s weird, seeing Jupiter Point again.”

“Not much has changed, really. Stargazing, butterscotch sundaes, and honeymooners everywhere you turn.” The door handle felt cool against his hand, an escape route awaiting him.

“Good old Jupiter Point. I missed it, even though I’m such a rolling stone now.”

“Personally, I don’t enjoy traveling,” said Janine, joining them at the door.

“You don’t?” Cassie gave a double take.

“It would never be my first choice. But it seems to be the best way to keep my head.”

How should he say goodbye, Ben wondered? With hugs? Another apology?

Saving him from the decision, she came close and reached up to give him a soft kiss on the cheek. “Goodbye, Benny. My beautiful boy. I’ve thought about you so often. If you only knew.”

And then he was out the door, the touch of his mother’s kiss still on his cheek.

If you only knew… as he jogged down the staircase, Julie’s plaintive song ran through his mind, as if he could hear her voice, see her lips crooning the words, smell the warm skin in the crook of her neck.

With sudden fierceness, he craved her presence. He glanced at the old-school watch on his wrist. Amazingly, he’d been here for an hour. How was it going with Julie? Had she made any progress with the Reinhards?

The Reinhards, from whom his mother had bought their hutch. The hutch that Dad might or might not have been pointing out. Was it a lead? He needed to call Will right away.

After he called Julie.

Even if seeing Mom hadn’t filled that empty place in his heart, the fact that Julie had given him this moment—that was everything.

As soon as he slid into the driver’s seat of his truck, he dug out his phone and turned it back on.

An explosion of texts and notifications scrolled across the screen. Will, Tobias, Carolyn had all called. Julie had texted twice and called once. What the hell?

Then he started reading her texts—and his heart nearly stopped. Felix.