Chapter Ten - Jacob
I can’t get Mia off my mind. I keep seeing her, keep picturing doing the things we’d talked about over the phone. I want so badly to actually be able to touch her. To really know how her skin feels. To feel her breath against me when she makes those sounds she was making last night. To watch her flush and squirm.
I hate that I can’t. I hate that it’s not safe. I hate the idea of giving her up. To finally meet a woman as incredible as Mia and not be able to do anything real about it feels like torture. I want to be where she is. I want her here with me. I haven’t been serious about a woman in a long time and now seems like the worst possible time for it to be happening again.
The last time had ended because of Calvin, a pattern I should have seen even back then. Even when we were teenagers, Calvin would slide up to girls I brought home and tell them they’d picked the boring brother. He was a high school freshman whispering in senior girls’ ears, and most of them had laughed and blushed like he was charming, like maybe they agreed that he was the more fun one out of the two of us.
In college, I’d met Fiona, and we’d been in love. I’d brought her home for family dinners and holidays, and I’d gone hunting with her dad and helped her babysit her cousins. We’d moved in together right after college, and I’d honestly thought I was going to marry her. She was as smart as she was beautiful. She could speak three languages and read books in five, and she loved playing the piano and going to the symphony. She was serious, passionate, and ambitious. She’d started a graduate program, working on getting her master’s in business while I started working for my father. Everyone said we were perfect together.
I’d come home one day and found her in bed with Calvin. She was so, so sorry. He didn’t pretend to be. It had been going on for months. For months I’d been thinking of proposing while helping her study and taking care of all the bills. For months she’d been leading me on and sleeping with Calvin behind my back.
I couldn’t figure it out. He was in his second year of college, barely passing, major still undeclared. He was drinking every night, already needing dad to bail him out of trouble more than once. He’d get kicked out of his fraternity only a few weeks after rushing for breaking school property as part of a drunken prank, and somehow, in spite of all of that, she’d still been attracted to him. I didn’t know how it was possible Fiona could have been interested in both of us, as different as we were, and it made me question if she’d ever really loved me in the first place. It made me question if she was more into me or the money she’d inherit from marrying me.
I don’t think Calvin ever called her again after we broke up. I heard from mutual friends she was devastated, but I couldn’t bring myself to care all that much. I thought about reaching out to her a few times over the years, but I knew I’d never been able to look at her the same way.
The last thing I want is for Calvin to ruin my relationship with Mia. He’s not even here, and yet the shadow of him is still hanging over everything. I want this to work, somehow, in spite of Calvin and everything about this whole situation. I want Mia, and I want her all to myself for once.
I call her early, even though I know she might still be at work. She answers right away.
“Hello there, handsome,” she says. “Couldn’t wait until later to talk to me?”
“Maybe not,” I say, grinning. One of the best things about Mia, I think, is how bold and flirtatious she is, how direct and honest. I’ve had enough secrets and lies and resentment in my life. It’s refreshing to talk to someone who doesn’t hold anything back.
“Good,” she says, “because I’ve been thinking a lot about last night.”
“Me too,” I admit. That little sound she’d made while she was touching herself playing in my head again and making me shift in my seat. “Are you at home?”
“I just got home,” Mia says. “Martin actually sent me home early. I’ve already worked way over my scheduled time this week.”
“You’re quite dedicated,” I say.
“I can be,” she says, laughing.
We settle into a comfortable conversation, maybe a little less intense than last night, but still great. She tells me a story about a dog she’d had growing up, and I talk about the dog I had right after college – the one I’d gotten after Fiona left so I wasn’t all alone in the apartment. I don’t mention the Fiona part or the Calvin part, but I tell her to rest. We talk until she falls asleep over the phone and I can hear the soft sound of her breathing, making me wish she was here next to me so I could wrap a blanket around her and hold her while she slept. I hope that’s something I can figure out a way to make real, and soon.