Delphina’s Version
If it were not for me, this house would fall apart. I hope that God will grant me many more years to live, because nobody can keep control over the situation like I do.
Today is crucial.
And everything must be carried out with meticulous precision.
A wedding and a baptism to be celebrated together, on the same day, with the eyes of the entire aristocracy on me, and I have planned every single detail of it with the help of Margaret.
My son is getting remarried. With Jemma, again. There’s no getting rid of her. If nothing else, her appearance has improved a lot. Not her manners, but, with her mouth shut, she’s no longer that embarrassing.
To be kind, I’d define her parents as colourful, but Jemma, Carly and Vance are a single unit, so it’s either take them or leave them.
I wonder how such savages can have friends like Sheik Al Thanyan. For him, I reserved all the apartments on the second floor of the west wing which have a panoramic view. I hope it’s enough, since he arrived with an entourage of fifty-six people.
“We’ll have three hundred guests at Denby Hall, today. Margaret, do we have everything under control?”
“Yes, Lady Delphina,” she says promptly.
“Are the security staff active already?”
“At the gates, at the entrance, in the park and in the chapel.”
“Are the kitchens operational?”
“They’re finishing the desserts.”
“The defibrillator for Lord Neville?”
“It’s within reach in case of a heart attack.”
“He’s already had a double bypass, let’s keep him monitored. God forbid that a member of the aristocracy passes away in our house. The bromide for Harring? That satyr will cause us to be reported for indecent conduct.”
“I’ve already found him and Lady Loxley in the conservatory. Twice.”
“Find something for Loxley to do and keep her away from that sex maniac. Go check out Jemma. I’m going to take the little Frederick Brandon Ashford Philip to the parlour, so that everyone can see that my grandson is more handsome than any other baby in the world. He takes so much after my Ashford, with those pink cheeks and big eyes!” He doesn’t look like Jemma at all!
“I’ve never seen a lovelier child, Lady Delphina.”
“You had him wear the family baptism gown, right? The Flanders lace one with the Burlingham crest embroidered?” I ask, threateningly.
“Yes, Lady Delphina.”
“Excellent, you can go,” I say, to dismiss her.
*
The ceremony was delightful. Jemma managed to walk down the whole aisle of the family chapel without dropping the diadem, which is a success.
We later celebrated the baptism, and little Frederick Brandon Ashford Philip did not utter a single wail when the priest poured holy water over his forehead. What composure, you can see that he was born to be a duke!
“The two of you will kill me,” I say to Jemma and Ashford.
“That’s the original plan,” my son replies.
“It’s not funny,” I object, emptying yet another glass of champagne. I’m very stressed out, so I deserve all the alcohol that flows on this table.
“Let’s not underestimate her, Ashford. We haven’t succeeded so far.”
“Jemma,” I say, taking away her glass of wine. “You are breast feeding, you shouldn’t drink alcohol.”
“And should you, Mother? With all the anxiolytics you take?”
“Oh well, I’ve been taking them for so many years that a hydrogen bomb would have no effect whatsoever on me. Is there a slice of Carly’s delicious cake left?” I ask.
“Please Delphina, help yourself.” Carly offers me a plate with a big slice on it.
Carly has only one quality: she makes a heavenly cake. Every bite makes you feel more weightless. It’s really true that there are foods that nourish the mind.
“Um, Delphina, that’s already the third slice… we would like to avoid what happened at that dinner at my parent’s house…” Jemma tells me.
“How?”
Ashford coughs, embarrassed. “Mick Jagger… Paris… the Rolling Stones.”
Such good times… “Oh, Paris! If I remember correctly, Led Zeppelin were there too, that weekend. Robert Plant was as handsome as a demigod! I don’t remember whether I met him before or after the night I spent with Lou Reed. Or was it Rod Stewart? Vance, would you happen to have one of his records? Would you please play Do You Think I’m Sexy?”
Jemma leans over the table towards me. “Take the cake away from her!”
The music stops abruptly and I stand up, really annoyed. “Didn’t we run a test on the audio system yesterday evening? It hasn’t just short-circuited, has it, Margaret?”
She looks at me, frightened. “Lady Delphina—”
“God save the Queen! God save the Queen! God save the Queen!” The guests exclaim in unison as they stand up as one.
“Oh, sit down!” I beckon them. “Let’s get the system fixed, now! The best man and the maid of honour will soon make their speeches.”
In answer, I hear a voice behind me: “If I’m not mistaken, I’m the one who is supposed to grant permission to sit down, but I’m not surprised. I had heard that the manners of the Parker family were not what they were lately. However, I did not imagine the extent of it.”
I turn round to reply, and I see her, in her unmistakable pastel coloured tailored suit and matching hat, with white gloves and a handbag on her arm.
While every single person in the room is taking a bow, I can’t say anything but: “Margaret! My smelling salts!”