The early morning, ocean breeze carried the call of the seagulls. Zee straddled his surfboard. His anticipation grew with every increasingly heightened wave. His wave app had forecasted that the big waves for Zuma Beach were due in just after sunrise. Zee was in his element, relaxing on his board as the eastern sky lit the foaming crests.

As Zee waited for the Santa Anna winds to kick in, the intoxicating scent of surf wax caused the edges of his mouth to curl up. It was the scent of his first stellar wipe out, but it was also the essence of his first kiss.

She was tan and toned that sweltering summer in Malibu. He was a shy, introverted teenager. She was not. She was a freshman at UCLA. He was still a junior in high school, but he never told her. Why would he? He was already six-foot-two and muscular. For all she knew, he was a junior in college. But the smell of wax soon turned to balmy danger. After the unforgettable kiss on the beach, she told him he smelled like pepper, and how she would like him to spice her body up.

He grabbed his surf board and ran, not because he didn’t think he would enjoy it. Something inside him yelled that she was not somebody he would want to just hang with during a flat spell, a no wave day. That, and his mom would have blown a gasket.

Girls frightened him for a long time after that. There were a few cute girls in there, and then he’d met Kathy. She was the one; or so he’d thought, until she decided she didn’t want to have children with him. It was her choice. She wanted a career in show-biz; not the body of a mom, or the added responsibility. She got her dream.

The ripple before the big one rocked Zee back into the present. He brought his legs up out of the frigid water, and, while lying on his chest, began paddling. Adrenaline surged through his body. Some surfers thought that the epic climax of the surf experience was catching the perfect wave, like a spiritual walking on water. But to him, it was the mounting anticipation. He felt completely alive in that moment. He had no problems; it was just him and the swelling wave, nothing more, nothing less.

As the wave fell, he quickly hopped up onto his board. Pushing his heels into the surf board, he commanded it to curve and ride up the curling wave. Zee then maneuvered his board back down the cascading wave as it tumbled along the shoreline. He continued to conquer the wave for five additional seconds. The brief ride relieved a month’s worth of tension. He was a new man, ready to face his daily stresses.

“Dude, you ripped it out there!”

Zee scanned the beach for Max, his morning surf buddy. They both surfed an hour or two before starting the grind. But, unlike Zee, Max didn’t decide his own hours. He was an investment guy with an accounting firm, popular amongst film celebrities living in the vicinity. Zee had given him a superb personal reference, and that was all it took. The crazy stories Max could tell; but he didn’t, and that’s why they adored him.

Max ran down the seemingly never-ending staircase cascading down from the homes on the cliff. “You didn’t wait for me.”

“How can I help it if you’re too lazy to get here early enough for the best waves?”

Max shook his head. “Did I really miss ‘em?”

“I’m sure you’ll still have a chance to rip a few.” Zee laughed as he set his board on the sand for a seat. He reached his hand behind his back and unzipped his wet suit. He then pulled off the sleeves, allowing the neoprene material to flap at his waist.

His chest and arms speckled with hundreds of goosebumps from the cooling wind, but all was soon made right by the heat of the morning sun.

Max took a seat next to Zee. “I was hoping you’d be back today. Kathy’s been hounding me about you.”

“Seriously?” Zee didn’t want to think about Kathy, but his interest peaked. “Why?”

“My guess is she’s lonely. And your film did stellar at Sundance.”

Zee stared out at the ocean, gritting his teeth. “She was always after something.”

“You know, I’m a better husband now with my second wife. I learned to accept the bitterness of my ex leaving me, and now I really appreciate Lanna. Was it all my ex? Probably not. Even my ex says she wishes that she’d stuck around for me to wise up.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m not saying get back together with Kathy. But, figure out what went wrong. How you messed it up?”

“How I messed it up?” Zee clenched his fists. “She didn’t want to have my kid.”

“Why didn’t she?”

“Ouch. You’re a jerk.”

“I’m an accountant. It’s part of the job to tick people off. We pretty much tell people that the money they make doesn’t belong to them. Uncle Sam and the state of California own me, and you.”

“That’s why I’m moving to Costa Rica, or Texas.”

“Costa Rica.” Max’s eyes grew wide. “Then I can come hang with you, and we can ride those gnarly waves you’re obsessed with. But, you’ll still have to pay taxes.”

“Not if I’m not making anything.”

“You? Not make anything?” Max huffed. “Your investments make you money when you sleep. I set those up for you and your cousin, remember? That’s what I’m good at. Sorry to tell you this, but you’ll always be paying good old, Uncle Sammy.”

Zee lowered his head in defeat. “I need another go. You ready to rip it?”

“My maniacal plan succeeds!” Max cackled. “Let’s hit it!”

* * *

The aroma of fresh lime and cilantro drifted down to Zee’s stomach, causing it to tumble and grumble. The taco truck had arrived in the parking lot fifteen minutes earlier. He’d been sitting patiently at the edge of the lot on a peeling, red painted picnic table for half an hour.

Zee enjoyed the industrial center on the outskirts of town. This is where the blue-collar employees came to eat and greet for lunch. Not a place Kathy would normally frequent; but Zee loved their steak tacos, and it would be an easy escape if their conversation turned south.

His palms laced with sweat at the first glance of Kathy stepping out of her cherry red Beemer. He wiped his hands on his khaki pants, and lengthened his back as he smiled. If he could face the challenges of the unforgiving ocean, he could face a steel-hearted woman.

She wore a black, fitted tank dress. It resembled one he had complimented her on many times in the past, ten years in the past. Had it really been that long since they’d dated? He’d seen her on several occasions at mutual friends’ parties, but they were never more than cordial to each other. She was still beautiful. Her sleek blonde hair came to a point at her chin, grazing her jawline. Her face was as perfectly polished as a shiny new pair of patent leather Oxfords.

“Zee, you look amazing!”

He pulled her in for a hug. “You beat me to the punch, as always.” He inhaled her airy perfume, the last gift he’d given her.

“They say that you can tell how a man feels about you by where he takes you for dinner.” Kathy shifted her pale blue eyes to the taco truck. “Guess I’m still on your D list.”

“That’s something I’ve always admired about you—your ability, within a matter of seconds, to bring it all out onto the table.”

She nodded. “I’m happy you asked me here today, Zee. But why?”

He cleared his throat. “What could I have done differently?” he stuttered. “To make you happy?”

Her eyes widened. “Are you serious?”

“One hundred percent.” He kept her gaze.

“I thought you hated me for choosing my current career path, and for not starting a family with you.”

“I have tried to understand your perspective on that. I admit, I still struggle to understand it. But, that’s not why I asked you to lunch today. What could I have done better?”

“I’ve never had anyone ask me that before. Give me a minute,” she said, rising to her feet.

She disappeared behind the taco truck. Should he follow her? Was she safe on this side of town, and away from his protective eye?

He ordered them a few tacos, then sat and sipped his fresh squeezed lemonade, hoping that she wouldn’t be abducted. His muscles relaxed when Kathy returned a few minutes later, and sat in front of him with an unreadable smile on her face.

He took a bite of his taco. Maybe with some food in his stomach he could withstand any forthcoming blows.

“I felt like it was a child that you wanted, not me. Does that make any sense to you?”

That is not the response Zee was expecting. He needed clarification. “If I’m hearing you correctly, you think that you were just a baby mama to me?”

“Tell me I’m wrong.” Moisture slowly formed in the lower lids of her eyes.

Confusion was the only word that came to Zee’s mind. “You never trusted my affection for you?”

Kathy rubbed her forehead. “You really loved me? Maybe I would’ve…”

Zee’s stomach dropped. Would she have married and had kids with him? Was telling him she never wanted kids a test of his love? Why would she do that?

“I’m so sorry, Kathy. I did love you, tremendously.” Zee walked around the table and sat next to her on the bench.

“I’m sorry too,” she said with a sniffle.

He pulled her into his chest. “And the next meal will be at a five-star restaurant.”

“I was so young and selfish. But most of all, scared. Looking back, I shouldn’t have been. I had you.” Her eyes lifted to meet his as she straightened her back. “I have walked a tough journey to self-realization over these past ten years, but I’m stronger because of it.”

Zee popped off the bottle top of Kathy’s Mexican Coke with the edge of the picnic table and handed her a taco. “I would love to hear what I’ve missed these past ten years on your journey to finding yourself.”

He was ready to listen. He hadn’t actively listened to Kathy when they were dating. He hadn’t asked what her needs were.

Zee would start listening and demonstrating his affection. If Tori had the depth of character and internal beauty to match her exterior elegance, then he would need to be prepared to offer her his best self.

After two hours of catching up, Zee was emotionally spent. He helped Kathy into her car, and, as she drove away, so did the years of bitterness and anger.