Abigail
My skin is on fire. It’s like being sandwiched inside of a solid furnace, either side of me practically baking under the sheets. Sweat has plastered bits of my hair to my forehead and the nape of my neck, and in my groggy state all I can think about is crawling out of bed and turning the shower on.
But the furnace groans, turning closer against me on one side, and my eyes fly open.
Jared is curled up on my left, while Jamie has his arm tucked up under my head on my right, and neither of them seems to be awake. Yet.
My eyes flutter shut again, and flashes of everything that happened last night permeate my morning brain fog one by one.
I had sex with Jared and Jamie.
I had sex with both of my step-brothers.
It’s hard not to hyperventilate in between them like this, slowly realizing what we did. A strange mix of mortification and awe swirls around inside of me, spreading across my nerves like a blanket of beautiful and dangerous buzzing creatures. There’s no going back now, not with them lying naked with me in my bed. I carefully peek under the sheets with my free hand. Yep. Definitely very naked.
I remember Jared’s hands in my hair, meeting my kisses with the kind of passion that spun my head around…how Jamie ground against me, the sharp jab of his hipbones as his breath ghosted across my bare neck…the way they practically worshipped by body, one fabulous touch after another…
I just had the best sex of my life. With my step-brothers. I reach up and touch my lips in amazement, still kiss-bruised from the action they saw last night. The smile inches across my face briefly, until the reality of the day crushes me in a single fell swoop.
How am I going to live this down? I’ve never done anything like this before, and there’s just no way something this…this big…won’t find its way to the light of day.
It takes me a minute to gather my nerves, but I try to edge my way back from Jamie’s reach, but end up accidentally backing up into Jared. I freeze in place when his warm brown eyes slowly open, finding mine easily. The lazy smile that spreads across his face is almost enough to keep me here with them, but I know it doesn’t work like that, and when Jared leans forward and his soft lips start to brush against mine I have to yank myself away from him.
“No,” I mutter, struggling to cover myself up as Jared’s eyes drop to my naked breasts. “No, we can’t do this.”
“Hm?” Jamie mumbles until I can feel his presence looming up behind me, his hand slipping to cup my partially covered hip.
“What’s going on, Abi? Are you okay?” Jared asks, sounding genuinely concerned.
I pull myself up to a sitting position, trying my hardest to cover myself up, my cheeks flushed red. “Yes, yes, I’m all right. It’s okay. I mean I had a great time with you guys, but y’know. It was a one-off.” I’m already scooting up until I’m pinned against the headboard, feeling trapped. “We can’t do this again. I mean, we’re…”
“Don’t say we’re family, Abi,” Jamie says. There’s an edge of annoyance in his voice.
“In our parent’s eyes, we are.”
“Not in mine,” Jamie says.
“Or mine.” I turn to Jared and his expression is too hard to read.
No one seems to move. But I need everyone to move, to give me some time to process what all this means and what I need to do now. “I think I need to get a shower and have some time to myself to think about things.”
The guys keep looking between me and one another, the gears turning. I nudge at them politely to move out of the way and pull the rest of the sheets up behind me as I start to pick my way over Jamie’s solid body, not wanting to wait another second. Another second would have me gawping at how amazing their bodies are. Another second would have me tempted to just slide back between them for another ticket to heaven.
Oh god.
Jamie’s brow is furrowed, and I can tell by the way his eyes narrow at me that he wants to argue that I’m wrong so badly. Jared notices too and holds up his hand. “We better get dressed, then,” he says calmly. I’d expect nothing less from him.
“I’ll give you some privacy,” I add, making a beeline to my own bathroom, nearly slamming it shut behind me.
I check out my reflection in the mirror, examining every square inch that I can, looking for something, some kind of sign that I might just be dreaming this whole thing up. But I’m real. This is real. I groan, cradling my head in my hand as I lean up against the bathroom counter cluttered with makeup.
“Oh God, Abigail,” I moan to myself, “What did you get yourself into?” I’m a fraud, though, because I remember being the one to kiss them first. I remember telling them that it was exactly what I wanted and needed. I remember being the one who started it all.
Slipping on my sweatpants and a gym shirt still doesn’t do enough to keep me from feeling so overexposed when I step out of the bathroom. With both of their backs turned away from me, carrying on a heated argument via whispering, Jared and Jamie give me a full view of their toned backs, the wide arcs of their shoulders tapering down to chiseled and well-defined obliques that even my personal trainer would be jealous over. I had those marbled smooth bodies under my hands last night, exploring them both every chance I had. I never realized they had it in them the way they seduced me. Jamie, sure, but the quiet and careful touch of Jared balanced out Jamie’s brash fiery personality. Truth be told, they were amazing in bed, more than I could have hoped for. All they wanted to do was to please me. I’ve never experienced anything like it.
My mind blurs some of the images together because of the wine, and I stumble as I nearly trip over the pile of dirty clothes on the floor. Both Jared and Jamie turn and face me at the same time, and I have to steel myself from the feelings that tumble around inside me. It’s the expressions on their faces. I want to go to them, to make it right, but that’s the very last thing I should be doing.
“You have to swear not to tell anyone what happened between us,” I blurt out loud, immediately clapping my hand over my mouth. I shouldn’t have said that because I know they wouldn’t. They’re good men. Not like Cody and his friends, bragging all the time about who they fucked with all the details.
Even so, no one can find out about this, especially not our parents. The thought of my dad finding out leaves my skin feeling itchy and tight. “I’m sorry…I know you won’t tell anyone,” I add, taking in a deep breath, “but no one can know.”
Jamie’s eyes go wide, giving him away, but Jared keeps the same cool expression on his face.
“Of course,” he says, nodding slowly. With a nudge in his brother’s direction, he adds, “We should probably be going.”
Stupid tears well up in my eyes as I pull my arms across my chest and give him a quick nod, watching as the two of them leave. I can hear Jamie muttering something to Jared but can’t quite make out what he’s saying. Whatever it is, it doesn’t sound good.
Once I hear the front door shut behind them, I stare around my room, feeling like I need to do something, anything, to get rid of this feeling. I pushed things too far. It was me, and then I hurt their feelings in the process. They’ve always been there for me in some way or another, and here I am, taking all that for granted.
I used them. That’s how it feels.
When my body finally starts to feel like my own again, I tidy up the bedroom, trying not to imagine an overlay of last night’s events. Jared’s wide grin as he laid me down on the bed here, Jamie’s shirt being tossed over the back of the chair there. I run my hand along the length of my other arm, imagining for a split second that I was allowed to do these things with them, and that no one would bat an eye in my direction. I bite my lip and sigh. The truth is that there’s no point in pretending. It only makes things worse.
As I’m fixing the sheets on the bed, I get a whiff of them, the clean scent of their soap and the hair gel Jared uses to tame down his hair, and something saltier. The scent of pure sex.
Something twinges inside of me, but not in a good way. I think back to right before I felt Jamie inside me, trying to recall what happened in the moments before. Kissing. Touching. A lot more of Jared than I’d ever seen or felt before. And then…what?
Oh no. Oh no, oh no. My mouth goes dry.
We didn’t use protection. Neither of them put on condoms, and with me not being on birth control since the last pill made me feel sick there was no barrier between me and them.
My stomach roils as I collapse to the bed, holding my head in my hands. All this, topped off with a wonderful hangover, no less.
“FUCK!” I shout, so unlike myself and more like some angry teen, balling my fists into the sheets and mattress. I can’t let myself think about that. It will only drive me crazy, all that watching and waiting. Besides, it had only been once, right? I roll my eyes at myself. Sure, once. As in one night, total. There had been plenty of chances after the first time Jamie and then Jared was inside of me.
I think back to the way the guys greeted me with lazy smiles this morning, seeming so at ease and relaxed. Hadn’t I felt that way too, at first? I could have just let myself be in the moment for now, and enjoy it before I have to get back to the real world.
The way they made me feel last night. My god, I’ve never felt that way before. Like every nerve in my body was being tuned to a frequency that shot me off into the stars. It wasn’t just the way their thick, muscular bodies moved against mine in perfect synchronization, or even how utterly full and complete I felt between the two of them as they had their way with me over and over again. It was the things they whispered against my skin. It was in the way Jared curled his fingers behind my neck and looked me straight in the eyes, and in the way Jamie took his time exploring every inch of my body with his mouth, never rushing. They treated me like an absolute queen, and I loved it.
Even in the drunken haze that clouds some of the finer details, I can remember thinking how amazing it all was, how I never wanted any of it to stop. I smile in spite of myself, looking out the window.
But like a sledgehammer to a concrete block, guilt breaks over me as I think about what something like this could do to our family. What if something like this ruined our parent’s relationship?
Neither Jared, Jamie, or I would ever want to do that to them, and I would be hard-pressed to find any two people more in love than my dad and Natalie.
I roll away from the window and the light pouring in, feeling too many ways to properly process. Just as my eyes feel too heavy to keep open, regret sinks into my brain. Regret that I don’t live in the kind of world where I could see where whatever this thing between the three of us might lead.