Zoe
My nose aches and I can’t fall asleep because I’m breathing with my mouth hanging open. Already, my lips are dry and chapped.
Against my better judgment, I pop two of the pain pills the doctor sent me home with. I’ve never been a fan of taking medicine because I’m so sensitive to it, but I’m desperate for some relief—and some sleep.
It doesn’t take long to kick in, and as the medicine settles in my system, I can’t decide if I like how light I feel. My arms no longer seem attached to my body and with each step I take, it’s like I’m walking on a sponge, sinking into the carpet, absorbing each step. I could jump off the edge of a cliff and never hit the ground.
Sleep isn’t happening though, not with the way my heart is pounding in my chest. Energized and refreshed, I can’t sit still, so I wander toward the living room.
All the lights are off, and the glow from the TV is enough to spot Dylan staring at the screen. From the expression on his face, he’s contemplating something serious, and I wonder if it could be me.
I ride the high coursing through my veins, convinced this is the same feeling that turns my sister into a crazed lunatic. But I don’t care how much trouble I get into tonight. In fact, I want trouble to find me.
Dylan must hear me struggling for air, and pushes the end of the recliner back into place. “It’s late, are you okay?” he asks as I stalk toward him wearing nothing but an oversized T-shirt.
My lips are numb and my body too relaxed to form a smile. “Amazing,” I tell him as I straddle his hips and lower myself on top of him.
He takes one look at my wild eyes and freezes. “You’re not okay,” he says with a mixture of worry and apprehension.
I’ve never been this forward with Dylan. Never made a move or shown him how much I want him, but I do. I always have, I’ve just been too afraid to admit it.
Tonight, I want to touch him. I want to explore and see how far I can take it before he stops me.
“Zo, what are you doing? You should be asleep.”
“I’m not tired.”
“Is the pain bad?”
“It was,” I tell him. “I’m fine now.”
Before he asks questions I’m not ready to answer, I silence him with a simple shake of my head. “Don’t, Dylan. Not tonight.”
“What do you want?” he whispers.
“You,” I tell him. “I can’t sleep.”
“Makes two of us.”
“Why can’t you sleep?”
Trailing his fingertips up and down my exposed thighs, he looks up at me and those soothing eyes of his desecrate my soul. “I’ll be awake until you give me an answer.”
God, I’ve been such a fool. All he wants is a simple answer. I’m giving him the best I can offer right now, but I don’t think it’s enough. He needs words, not actions. “I want to say yes, Dylan.”
Even on medication, my heart is afraid to be his girlfriend. My body, though, that’s a different story. No matter how scared I am of losing Dylan, I still want him.
“Say it.”
“I’m trying. Can’t you tell I want you?”
His grip on my thighs tightens. “Is that what this is? You want to play?”
I don’t know who this girl is that’s taken over my body, but she rolls her hips in response, rubbing against Dylan’s lap. The groan that builds in his throat is the best response I could have hoped for. It gives me the confidence to do it a second time.
“Zoe, I can’t say no to you.”
“Then don’t,” I tell him.
“Do you realize what you’re asking for?”
“Yes.” I’m done waiting. Done being the girl who lets her twin have all the fun. As fast as I can blink, we’re standing with me wrapped around his waist. “Where are you taking me?”
“My bed. If you don’t want to go, tell me now.”
“I like your bed.”
“Thank fuck,” he mumbles as he pushes his door open with his shoulder and guides us inside. His room always smells like his cologne, and if my nose worked, I’d fill my lungs with it.
As gently as possible, he sets me in the center of his bed and crawls on top of me. For a few seconds, all he does is stare at me, like he isn’t sure if this is really happening. I can’t feel my face, so I pinch my arm, hoping I’m not dreaming.
I’m not. I’m really in Dylan’s bed, and he’s definitely taking his shirt off. The usual clothing barrier is gone and I know mine’s the next to go when he slides his hands under the hem.
“How attached to this are you?”
I glance at what I’m wearing, an old high school shirt that’s two sizes too big. “Not very.”
He shreds it up the middle and the cool air brushes across my exposed chest. I’m not cold—not even a little bit. “That was hot.”
“I didn’t want to hurt your nose by pulling it over your head.”
“What are you going to do now?” All that’s left are my bra and panties. I’ve never been this naked in front of a guy.
And then it hits me.
Today was laundry day, and all the good underwear is still in the washer. Forgetting which terrible backup pair I put on this morning, I sit up and die. “Shit.”
Before Dylan sees any more than he already has, I pull them off and stash them under the blanket. “I don’t normally wear that pair, but my wash isn’t done. I planned on getting it done at Dad’s house, but I left before I had a chance. I have cute ones, pretty ones. I’ll show you.” Did I offer to show him the rest of my underwear?
Despite my discomfort and embarrassment, Dylan never once looks away from me. The heat of his gaze as his eyes travel up my calves, across my thighs, and then there, shuts me up fast.
I try to cross my legs, anything to cover up, but he nudges my knees apart, stopping me. “Don’t cover this up. You’re beautiful, Zoe.”
“It’s cold.” I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to the way he’s looking at me, but I like how special he make me feel.
“Are you cold?” he asks. “Or are you trying to hide from me? Because if you’re trying to hide, I don’t want you to.” Hooking his thumbs under the waistband of his boxers, he pulls them down his legs, kicking them off before tucking them under the blanket next to mine. The gesture makes me laugh.
He may be naked, but this is still my Dylan. The one who has protected me and taken care of me for years. Nothing about what we’re doing is wrong. It won’t destroy us unless we let it.
“I’m not cold anymore,” I tell him as I replace my grin with something deeper. Something I’ve never felt before that’s reserved only for him.
“You’re gorgeous,” he whispers. “So damn beautiful.”
“Thank you,” is all I can say as I lie back down. He’s still staring at me. Thanks to this floaty feeling, I don’t care. “What now?”
“What do you want me to do?” he questions as he climbs back on the bed until his eyes are level with mine. “I’ve imagined this so many times, Zoe. I want it to be perfect for you. Tell me what you want.”
“You’ve thought about us doing it before?”
“I’d be lying if I said I haven’t.”
“What do you think about?”
“Us. You. Sex. All of it.”
He doesn’t offer specifics, but his answer is enough. “What’s the right thing to say back to you?”
“There’s no right or wrong tonight, Zoe. Just do what feels good. Say what you feel.”
“Okay.”
And then he leans down and brushes his lips across mine. It’s not a kiss, not in the traditional sense, but it’s the beginning of something good.
I still can’t believe I’m in Dylan’s arms, naked. The anticipation of being with him is killing me. Especially when he runs his nose up the length of my neck.
“You smell so good, like vanilla and sugar.”
“Would you eat me if I was a cookie?”
Laughing, he shakes his head. “There she is. I was wondering if you were sleepwalking at first.”
“I tried. But I’m no good at this.”
After he’s done staring at my lips for what feels like forever, he rests his forehead against mine. I feel his smile even though I can’t see it. “Take your time, okay? I’m not going anywhere.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means we don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for.”
“I want you to do me. Just like a guy would.”
“I’m a guy, Zo. I don’t see that being an issue.”
“Right. That’s what I meant. Be with me like any other guy would be. I don’t want you to hold back because I’ve never done this before. I won’t know what I’m supposed to do unless you show me what it’s like.”
“I’m just me, Zoe. I couldn’t tell you how anyone else does it. All I can do is show you how I do it.”
I wrap my arms around his neck and glide one flattened palm over his shoulder and down the front of his chest. His eyes close and he takes a deep breath. “Your skin is soft,” I whisper, not caring if I sound stupid.
Dylan brushes my cheek with his knuckles before he touches his lips to mine again. Only this time, it’s not feather light and he presses harder against my mouth. His lips are everything I thought they’d be, even a little better. But he doesn’t kiss me for long, and I wonder if I’ve done it all wrong.
“I don’t want to hurt your nose.”
“I’ll tell you if you hurt me.” Dylan would never intentionally cause me pain. Even this broken nose was a complete accident. “I trust you, Dylan.”
My promise is enough, because he tangles his lips with mine again, the way I wanted him to. The kiss that started out nice, intensifies when he eases his tongue inside my mouth.
Everything is perfect until he captures so much of my breath, I can’t get enough air into my lungs. With my nose stuffed up and splinted, and Dylan covering my mouth with his, I turn into a sputtering mess.
Once he realizes I’m struggling, he pulls away. “Are you okay? I knew that was a bad idea.”
I’m too afraid to look at him, just in case kissing me was awful. “I’m fine.”
I expect him to yell at me for pushing myself when I can’t breathe, but he doesn’t. Instead of lecturing me, he lightly presses on the tape stuck to my cheek. He’s so careful not to jostle the splint. “I can’t believe I did this to you,” he says with regret. “I wanted to kiss your forehead to wake you up. Not break your nose.”
“I’m fine, really.” Thanks to the pills. “But it’s not nice to stare at a girl’s boobs and smirk.”
“Same goes for my dick—when we get there.”
I didn’t get a good look when he took his boxers off because I was already flat on my back. But each time it brushes against my thigh, I can tell Dylan has a lot to offer a girl.
“Why are you still smirking at my chest?”
“I wasn’t expecting a bow, that’s all.”
“What’s wrong with a bow on my bra?”
“Nothing. You just don’t seem like a bow girl. Lace maybe, but I didn’t imagine there’d be a bow.”
His answer tells me he’s thought about me naked before. Or at least getting me naked. Why else would he be envisioning what I wear under my clothes?
I stop worrying when the straps of my bra fall away from my shoulders. Dylan reaches behind my back and unclasps it with one hand. “You’ve done that before. I have to put it on backward and spin it around or I can’t get it clasped.”
“Not nearly as many times as you think.”
“But you have at least. I wish I knew what you liked or what you wanted.”
“Anything you do, Zoe, I’ll like. Trust me. Like I told you before, you can’t get it wrong with me.”
“And this is good for you? You feel something being with me like this?”
Dylan buries his face in the space between my neck and shoulder, kissing me so softly, I shiver. When he raises his head, he’s smiling again. “Yes, this is good for me. Damn good.” His voice is so soft, so tender, that I shut my mouth and get lost in his honey-colored eyes again.
His lips travel toward my right nipple as his hand kneads the left. The sensation and warmth of his mouth is like nothing I’ve ever felt before. Goose bumps run rampant throughout my body, and within seconds, there’s a tingling sensation between my legs. I don’t know what to do about it, so I hold on tighter.
“Touch me, Zoe. Don’t think about it. Just do what feels good.” The desperation in Dylan’s voice makes me float even higher into this newfound bliss. Every touch, every kiss, he’s caressing me like he means it. And I want to give that back to him.
I take his advice, allowing my hands to roam up his arms, over his shoulders, and down his back. His muscles flex and each ripple is a tease. “Your pectoralis major and minor muscles are nice.”
“No doctor talk in bed. Call them pecs.”
“Okay, you have nice pecs, Dylan.”
“That’s better.”
“I’m a quick learner. Mrs. Adams told me I was the fastest she’d ever seen. That was in first grade, too.”
“Zoe,” he says as he nips at the tender skin on my hip. “Focus, babe.”
“You’ve never called me babe before.” I’ve never heard Dylan use a pet name. Now that he has, I realize how much I like it—how special I feel that my name isn’t enough. He needs something more, something that isn’t on my birth certificate.
“That’s because I’ve never kissed you.”
My fingers stroke the back of his neck, right where his shaved hairline meets his olive skin. It’s becoming my favorite spot. “I understand why you wanted to be my first.”
He stops kissing my stomach and lifts his head. “And what’d you come up with?”
“Because you accept me as I am. Not everyone would. You’ve always made me feel special, even when you weren’t trying.” The truth pours out of me and I wish it was because of my strength and not because of the confidence that came with the pills.
“Look at me, Zoe.” He waits until he has my full attention before he leans in and pecks my lips with feather-light kisses. We might be venturing to new territory tonight, but he will always be my best friend first.
An unspoken understanding passes between us, and when he’s ready, he focuses on my body again. “Think we can finish what we started?” he asks with a silly smile back on his face.
I’ve never noticed how sexy that smile is. Maybe everything looks better because he’s hovering over me, naked. Or maybe this is his bedroom smile, the one reserved for his most intimate moments. I’d like to think only I’m capable of putting that look on his face.
“Yes, but let me see you first. You’ve seen all of me.”
Humoring me, he stands. A million thoughts run through my head, all of which I’d never say aloud.
Dylan lets me take all the time I need before he asks, “What are you thinking?”
I stare as he stands with his legs shoulder-width apart. His hands rest on his hips, right where the V cuts into chiseled abdominal muscles, all while his penis salutes me. God bless America. “It’s okay to have an opinion about this?”
Chuckling, he blushes a little. I don’t see embarrassed Dylan much. “I’m not asking for a critique. I’m asking what you’re thinking while you’re looking at me like that.”
“It’s not what I was expecting.”
He pushes me back on the bed, his length brushing against my leg. It’s soft like velvet. “What were you expecting?”
“I mean, it’s more than I was expecting. I’m bad at this. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. Do you trust me?”
I nod, my hair collecting more static energy with each brush against the sheets. “I trust you, Dylan. Maybe you figured it out already, but you’re the only guy I trust to do this with.”
He kisses my forehead, easing my nerves a little more. “Good,” he says. “I don’t want you with anyone else.”
“Ever?”
“I’d scare you if I answered that question. But I think you know the answer.”
I wait for him to continue and when he doesn’t, I hold his face in my hands, forcing him to look at me. “What’s wrong?”
He shakes off whatever’s bothering him. “You’re sure you’re ready? There’s no going back, Zoe. Once I’m inside you, I’ll always be your first. You don’t get a second chance.”
“You think I’ll regret it?”
He kisses my lips again. The added friction of our bodies rubbing against each another makes it that much better. I could lie here all day, kissing him, and never get bored.
“Never regret us,” is all he says before he moves his lips to my neck and sucks the sensitive flesh below my earlobe.
I couldn’t regret Dylan if I tried.