Chapter 9
“Tommy, what the hell were you thinkin’? You can’t punch men who like me.”
After Storm yelled at them, Zane took off upstairs, Nox had gone outside, and Savvy was talking with Mack and Annie at the kitchen table once more.
Ellie took the opportunity to pull her brother aside and have a word with him. They were seated in the living room, having a conversation in hushed tones. Although, she’d bet anything people were eavesdropping.
His smile was self-satisfied. “Yes, I can, and I have.”
“I don’t get it. He’s your friend. If you think Zane’s such a terrible guy, why do you hang out with him?”
“That don’t mean I think he’s relationship material. You deserve somebody better.”
“Tommy, I appreciate your concern, but butt out. I’ll decide what to do with the rest of my life.” Until the department of corrections takes over, anyway. He had to stop being so overprotective of her.
“Is that right? From where I’m standin’, you’ve made a lot of terrible ones.”
She bristled. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me. You got involved with an abusive bastard. And then started workin’ on a chemical weapons project. I’d say your judgment is impaired.”
Ellie opened her mouth to argue with Tommy but couldn’t. He had a point. She’d seriously screwed up. Ellie had been thinking about her mistakes quite a lot lately.
If by some miracle, she got through this situation, Ellie planned on making a lot of changes. She wanted to go back to school and find a job she could be proud of. And maybe then, she’d think about finding another guy.
Only this time, she’d do it right.
“You’re right.” Unexpectedly, she burst into tears.
And just like that, he folded.
Tommy instantly put his arms around her, pulling her into a big hug. She went into them eagerly.
“I’m so sorry for draggin’ all of you into this. I should’ve cleaned up my own mess.”
“Hey now, I take it all back.” He tucked her head under his chin.
“No, you’re right.”
“What I am, is an asshole. This isn’t your fault.” He pulled back so he could look her in the eye. “You weren’t the one who decided to hurt innocent people.”
“No, I wasn’t.” She wiped her face with the back of her hand.
“And you didn’t know the government was making a chemical weapon when you signed up, did you?”
She shook her head.
“And Dave wasn’t always a prick, was he?”
“Not in the beginnin’, no.”
“So, can you forgive your big brother for goin’ off the deep end?” He raised his brows.
“Of course, I can.” Ellie didn’t even hesitate.
He grinned.
“You know, I remember a time when you weren’t so big. For a while there, I was taller than you.”
“Yeah, until I had a growth spurt.” During puberty, he’d grown almost a foot in a year. And he hadn’t stopped.
“I meant older, not bigger.”
“I know what you meant. I’m just givin’ you a hard time.” He shrugged. “That’s more or less my job.”
Ellie groaned. “You do it well.”
“So, you’re gonna leave him alone then?” King raised his eyebrows hopefully.
“You wish. I meant what I said, earlier. It’s my love life, not yours.”
He scowled.
“Okay?”
“Fine.” Although it clearly wasn’t “fine” with him.
“And you won’t hit Zane again?” Ellie had to make sure they wouldn’t have a repeat performance. Zane probably couldn’t take another round of this.
“About this situation? I won’t lay a finger on him. But I reserve the right to kick his ass on an as-needed basis.”
She sighed. “Fine. Let’s talk about you.”
“What about me?”
“How did the FBI interview go?”
He hmphed. “Don’t worry. The bastards didn’t get a thing out of me.”
“Thank you.” Ellie swallowed the lump in her throat. “I hate puttin’ you in the position to lie for me.”
“Hey, I used to do it all the time. I covered for you when we were kids.”
“This is different, and you know it.” Ellie blew out a breath. “And if this all goes to hell, I want you to save yourself.”
“Ellie…”
“Please. I’m not takin’ you down with me.”
“It’s gonna be fine. We’ll figure it out, Ellie, we always do.”
“I hope you’re right. Besides, you’ve got bigger things to worry about.”
“Like what?”
Ellie glanced over at Savvy, who couldn’t seem to take her eyes off Tommy.
“Yeah.” Tommy sighed, all twitter-pated, like Thumper. “What do you think of her? Now that you’ve gotten a chance to know her better?”
“I like her.” For someone who had so much power and influence, Savvy seemed down to earth, real. Her brother had met his match.
King beamed.
“It’s nice to see you smile.”
“I can’t help myself. Savvy makes me feel…whole.”
“I’m glad.” Ellie kissed his cheek. “You deserve a happy endin’.”
“So, do you.”
Ellie knew it was out of her reach. She was about to lose Zane and her freedom.
***
“I take it back.”
Two hours later, Storm walked into Zane’s room and closed the door, then leaned against it, closing his eyes with a pained expression as though he had a terrible headache.
“Take what back?”
“I’m not getting anywhere with this guy. I’ve tried nearly every trick in my playbook and nothing.” Stormy scowled.
“Dave hasn’t said a word?”
“Name, rank, and serial number. Does that count?”
“Fuck.”
“Yeah, pretty much.”
“So, he’s acting like a captured POW?” In the military, they’d been instructed to give out only those three pieces of information to an enemy. Nothing more.
“Yeah, but I suppose it makes sense. In his head, we’re the bad guys.” Storm rolled his eyes heavenward, as though asking God himself to protect him from idiots.
“And you explained you weren’t talkin’ to him in an official capacity?”
“Yeah, but either he didn’t buy it, or he’s yanking my chain.” He shook his head. “I hate to even suggest this, but why don’t you try?”
“I thought you said I was too emotionally involved.”
“Under these circumstances, it might be an advantage. If you make him angry enough, he’ll argue with you. Once he starts talking, I’ll do the rest.”
Zane felt almost dizzy at the prospect. He’d be alone in a room with the bastard. His fists clenched as Zane fantasized about punching the prick, hitting him the way he’d smacked Ellie around.
“Hey! Are you paying attention?”
Zane blinked. “What?”
“You zoned out for a second there. To be clear, this is a fact-finding mission. You’re not going twelve rounds with this dipshit.”
“I never said I wanted to hurt him.”
“You didn’t have to.”
Zane’s jaw clenched. “Fine, I’ll get him talking.”
“Thanks.” Storm nodded. “I let him use the restroom and gave him a bottled water to drink. After he’s done taking a breather, then you can head in.”
“Works for me.”
After Stormy left, Zane went for a walk to clear his head. He wanted to get a hold of himself, calm down before he faced Dave.
His thoughts were a jumble. Nights like this drew his dark side out, brought it right out into the open, where he couldn’t ignore it. The beatdown from King hadn’t helped matters.
He’d learned to take one a long time ago, as a child. The first time Zane had been roughed up, he’d only been nine years old. His bastard of a father had snapped his arm after Zane had accidentally crashed his bicycle and broke the damn thing.
Before then, he’d gotten hit with a belt, which hadn’t been pleasant, but bearable. But that time, his father had stomped on him, kicking his ribs, his shins, and then busting his arm in two places. He’d lied to the doctor at the emergency room, telling the woman he’d hurt his arm in the crash. His mother had taken him, and on the way over she’d helped him construct the lie.
Zane knew exactly how to cover up abuse, how to take it silently. Well, Ellie’s abuser wouldn’t get away with it. Not tonight. Zane would see to it personally.
He felt like he was going to explode.
Zane hadn’t volunteered much information about his childhood deliberately. His brothers had stopped asking personal questions after they noticed how uncomfortable it made him. Zane appreciated it, but his past was resurfacing. Ellie’s situation had stirred up old memories, reminding him of everything he’d lost.
When Zane walked around the corner of the house, he found Nox leaning against the wall with a cigarette in his mouth.
Dammit.
“I didn’t know you smoked.”
He shrugged. “Yeah, there’s a lot you don’t know about me.”
Nox took a pull on his cigarette and let the smoke out in lazy circles. He reminded Zane of the Caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland.
If the bug was armed, and a douche.
Nox actively cultivated an air of mystery. Zane couldn’t decide if it was an affectation, or Nox just didn’t like other people in his business. Or, given his kinky side, Nox just liked playing head games.
Yeah, probably that last one.
“And maybe there’s not a lot to know.” Zane was agitated. He’d come outside to be alone, and Nox was hardly his favorite person.
He snorted. “What crawled up your ass and died?”
“Why don’t you shut the fuck up for once?”
“There’s the spirit.” Nox chuckled. “Maybe I was wrong about you. I thought you were one of those happy go lucky types”
“Nope, but I play one on TV.”
Sometimes he felt like everything about himself was a pretense. And he was doing a piss poor job of pretending with everyone.
“I like this new you. You’re fifty percent less irritating.”
Zane crossed his arms and leaned against the building, too.
“It’s more like the old me.”
“Why are you in a shitty mood?”
“I’m about to question the suspect.” Like always, Zane found a convenient excuse to explain away his behavior.
Nox studied him. “No, that ain’t it. I think you’re excited to intimidate the fucker. And that’s why you’re so cranky.” Zane was about to protest when Nox shook his head. “Don’t even bother to deny it.”
What the fuck? Was Nox clairvoyant or something?
“So, you get your rocks off pushin’ assholes around. Who doesn’t?”
“I don’t.”
At the very least, Zane didn’t when he held himself in check, kept his dark side under wraps. While Nox seemed to live in the dark place and loved it. Unlike the rest of them, he had a certain moral flexibility.
Then again, he’d acted like the hand of God, or the Grim Reaper.
As a sniper, he’d killed countless people, all at the behest of the government. And he’d done it without question. While Zane had murdered someone he knew, someone who hadn’t seen him coming.
No, I shouldn’t put on airs. Out of the two of them, Zane was the real monster.
He held his hands up. “Hey, no judgment. If you need to talk, I’ll listen.”
Zane wanted to hash this out with somebody, desperately, but Nox wasn’t the right person.
Ellie is.
At the very least, Zane owned her an explanation for his baffling behavior. She deserved to know all of it, every little bit of twisted past. And after he’d confessed his sins, she’d want nothing more to do with him.
Zane was sure of it.
And maybe it was for the best. Even her friendship was too much of a temptation.
“You don’t understand.”
“Try me.”
“I did somethin’ terrible.” More than anything, Zane wished he could go back and change his actions that night, take it all back, but he had to live with his mistakes.
Everyone else did, too.
“Like what?” Nox raised a brow.
“I can’t talk about it.”
“Then why the fuck did you bring it up?”
Zane closed his eyes. “For the record, you suck at this.”
“At what?”
“Talkin’ to people.”
“It ain’t part of my skill set. If it was, I woulda become a shrink. Come on, fess up. We both know you’re dyin’ to. And I won’t ask again.”
“I can’t handle this feelin’.”
Rage blossomed inside of him. In his mind’s eye, Zane saw Ellie the first night she’d come here, broken and bruises. He didn’t just want to stop Dave and his merry band of assholes. Zane needed to hurt them.
No, he wanted to hurt Dave. Maybe even kill him.
Neutralizing a target in the field was different. It had been cold, a tactical maneuver. Zane hadn’t felt a damn thing. It was all part of the operation.
He clenched his fists. But Dave? This would be gratifying.
“Christ. I get it now.” Nox shook his head sadly. “You went and fell in love with King’s baby sister, didn’t you? That’s why you ain’t bonin’ her either.”
Zane opened his mouth to deny it, but the words wouldn’t come.
“And you’re itchin’ to get some payback, so you’re comin’ outta your skin.” He stubbed out his cigarette. “I get it.”
“Yeah.” There was no point in refuting what was plain to see. “I’m not like most people. Love don’t bring out the best in me. It makes me darker.”
King was in love, and the man acted like he was tripping through the clouds, high on acid. He hadn’t seen his brother in such a terrific mood for years. If he wasn’t so damn jealous, Zane would have found it irritating.
“Nah, it’s not unusual at all. In my experience love’s the most dangerous emotion in the world.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yeah. That’s why I keep women at arm’s length, but it’s too late for you, isn’t it?”
“Much too late.”
He’d been a goner since he’d spent the night on the beach with her. It felt like a hundred years ago. And conversely, or perversely it felt like last week.
“You know that sovereign prick’s not gonna tell you jack.”
“Yeah, Stormy thinks the mission’s doomed to fail.”
“Not necessarily.” He scratched his chin. “If you wanna make him talk, you’re gonna have to pull it out of him.”
The implication was clear. “I’m not doing that.”
“And here I thought you loved her.”
“I do.” He squared his shoulder.
“Yeah? Well, if you don’t get the intelligence we need, your girlfriend’s gonna spend the rest of her days on the run from the authorities. Or in jail. If we stop the terror attack, she’s gotta fightin’ chance of gettin’ a reduced sentence.”
What kind of crazy, upside down world am I in? Nox is making sense. And I’m sitting here listening to him.
“Innocent folks will die, and these assholes won’t stop until they’re caught or killed.”
Zane didn’t disagree with his assessment, but it didn’t mean he could torture the fucker either. Could he?
Give him a black eye? Maybe. A couple of broken ribs? Hell yeah.
“The way I see it, you don’t have a choice. And if you can’t, or won’t do it, I will.”
“You’re cold as ice, aren’t you?” Unpleasant. He made inflicting pain and suffering on another human being almost sound patriotic.
“Damn straight. You are standin’ beside a bonafide butcher.” There was a cruel twist to his lips.
“And you’re what…? Proud of it.” At least Zane had the decency to be ashamed.
“Why not? I realized somethin’ while I was watchin’ my targets, waitin’ to make a move. I’m not like other people, and I don’t wanna be. I’m not normal. I’m different.” He stabbed a finger at Zane. “And so are you. We do things regular folks can’t, and we do it to protect them.”
“And what if I cross a line?”
“So, what? Cross it. For God’s sake, grow a pair.”
Zane shook his head.
“You do whatever you want. I don’t give a damn either way.” Nox rested a fingertip on Zane’s chest, and he could almost feel it burning like the cherry red end of his cigarette. “But I’ll say this, you’ve got what it takes. All you’ve gotta do is let it out.”
***
After Stormy called him back inside, Zane walked into the meeting room.
Nox’s words were ringing in his ears, like one of West’s “come to Jesus” style meetings where he talked some sense into them. Only this had been an evil pep talk.
The prisoner was still handcuffed. He stared straight ahead, not making eye contact.
Zane deliberately took the seat across from him, placing himself in Dave’s field of vision. He stubbornly glanced to the side, looking out the window at the night sky instead.
“All I wanna do is talk.”
His nostrils flared, and Dave’s head swiveled back to face him. Slowly.
“About what?”
“Whatever you like.” Zane wanted to start a conversation like Stormy said. And he was on the other side of the door, listening in, ready to step in if Zane needed the help.
He didn’t.
There was something dreamlike about this meeting, as though it weren’t quite real. The wrath was building, like a tidal wave, turning his field of vision red, making him volatile, unpredictable. He was a powder keg, waiting for a match to strike.
“I’m a sovereign citizen, and I’m not subject to your laws. I don’t answer to you or anyone.”
“Oh, you’re gonna answer me.”
Dave snorted. “I know my rights, and you are holdin’ me against my will. Your government is a corrupt organization. It ignores the needs of its people, instead, appeasin’ special interest groups and businesses.”
Zane leaned forward. “Thanks for the indoctrination speech. In case you ain’t noticed, I’m not the law. You aren’t in a police precinct, and nobody read you Miranda rights. And you will answer my questions. Now.”
Whenever they turned this fucker over to the FBI, they’d have some explaining to do. West figured they’d be so grateful to have the fugitive, the feds might overlook the civil liberties they’d run roughshod over. Hopefully.
He’d had enough of this shit.
“What’s the target, huh?” Stormy hadn’t found anything useful on the internet, and they’d stayed out of site, hunkered down somewhere out of satellite reach. “What are you boys plannin’ on hittin’? The post office? A federal buildin’?”
Dave smirked. “What if we were? They work for the government.”
“You terrorist boys like to hit targets that can’t fight back, huh? They attacked the World Trade Center instead of a military installation. Those people were just headin’ to work. McVeigh and his shitbird friend went after a federal building. All of them were civilians, just goin’ about their daily lives. We swore to protect them, not hurt them.”
Dave turned away, pretending not to listen.
Zane couldn’t wrap his head around how people who’d served in the military would be willing to hurt innocent people. It just didn’t make any sense, even if they had some higher purpose, it wasn’t worth the loss. He’d seen war up close and very personal, and some of those images still haunted him.
“At least the Japanese hit Pearl Harbor. Yeah, the attack was unprovoked and came out of nowhere, but they didn’t go after women and children. McVeigh deliberately went after the daycare center. There’s no honor in that. And whatever you and your buddies are plannin’ isn’t about revenge against the government. You’re takin’ it out on other people just like you, who didn’t do a damn’ thing.”
Dave swallowed, but said nothing.
Jesus. This guy’s a brick wall.
Time for another tactic. “Then let’s talk about Ellie.”
His nostrils flared.
I hit a nerve.
“What about my girlfriend?” Dave’s eyes flashed. “You were all over her at the restaurant.”
“What? Two friends can’t have a casual breakfast?”
“Do you think I’m a fool? I saw the way you were lookin’ at her. I know she ran to you and Tommy when she was in trouble.”
“What do you care? You beat her until she passed out.”
Images flashed in front of his eyes. Zane saw his mother lying on the kitchen floor. Her eyes had been blackened, blood poured from her nostrils.
He could still hear his father roaring, calling her a “bitch” and worse as he pounded on her, taking his rage out on someone who loved him.
Zane shook his head to scatter the wayward thoughts.
“I….” His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, and Dave refused to look him in the eye once more.
“Did you get off on it? Did it make you feel tough to push around someone who couldn’t fight back?” Zane stood and walked around Dave’s chair, circling him like a shark.
His old man always felt better after he’d given Zane’s mother a beating. Almost as if it was a coping mechanism, a tension release.
When he’d been a small boy, he had cowered beneath his bed, squeezing his eyes shut and putting his hands over his ears, trying to drown out the screams and cries. As an adolescent, his sister had pleaded with Zane to keep him from going downstairs and handling the situation once and for all.
And one night, the tight leash he’d kept on his temper, came loose.
A black rage had poured out of him, and Zane hadn’t been able to hold it back any longer. Years of suffering in silence, listening to his father berate and belittle the people he loved pushed him over the edge.
Zane had done something terrible. And right now, in this moment, he was on the verge of doing it again.
“Come on, tell me. How did it feel?” Zane leaned closer, placing his hands on the back of Dave’s chair.
He leaned forward. “No, I didn’t do it to hurt her.”
Zane hated it when assholes took out their shit on other people and refused to take responsibility for their actions.
“No? Well, you did. Annie and Mack had to patch her up, and she still hasn’t healed.”
Anger simmering, growing hotter by the second, Zane closed his eyes. His hands were shaking so much, it was almost like a nervous tick. His fingers kept curling into fists as he found the urge to slam his knuckles in Dave’s stupid face.
“I did it for her own good! She wouldn’t shut up. I had to make her stop.”
And suddenly this was no longer about the terror attack and saving innocent civilians.
This was about taking down an abuser, getting payback for Ellie. Before Zane could stop himself, he grabbed a chair and slipped it beneath the door handle so Storm couldn't come in and break it up.
“I see. You wanted her to be quiet. So, you blackened her eyes and bloodied her nose because she asked too many questions? Wouldn’t do what you said?”
“Don’t judge me. You don’t have a clue why I did it, and I don’t owe you a goddamn explanation.”
Enough is enough.
With a roar, he launched himself at Dave, knocking him from the chair. He landed on the floor. Zane kicked him in the gut, and then in the ribs. And then Zane straddled him, balled up a fist, and let the prick have it.
Dimly, he heard Storm roaring at the door, pounding on the wood, trying to make him stop, but Zane wouldn’t. Couldn’t.
Zane seized Dave by the throat and squeezed, watching his face go purplish-red, and his eyes bug out.
A few more seconds, and it would be over.
The next thing he knew, the door splintered as King kicked it open. And then King and Stormy were pulling him off Dave who was prone on the floor. His eyes were black and swollen, blood dripped from his nostrils and mouth. He’d left the imprint of his fingers on Dave’s neck.
And Zane wanted to do it all again.
“What the fuck has gotten into you?” King shook him, trying to get his attention.
Storm groaned. “Shit. This is all my fault. I never should’ve put Zane in the room with him.”
“Get off me!”
He shoved King and Storm away and backed himself against the wall. Zane didn’t know what to do with himself. He wanted to keep going, keep swinging at Dave until he didn’t get up. And inexplicably, he felt like crying, curling up into a ball and letting all of it go.
And then Ellie came running into the room.
When she saw Dave, her eyes went wide, and she let out a scream. And then she glanced at Zane, taking in his injuries and piecing together what happened, shaking her head in disbelief.
She knelt next to Dave, placing a hand on his chest.
Zane stared down at his own bloodied fists. In his mind’s eye, he was fourteen years old, kneeling on the cold floor, watching his mother sob, clutching his father’s lifeless chest. And then she’d turned angry, incredulous eyes on him.
And then it hit Zane. He’d almost killed Dave.
“I’m sorry, Ellie. I don’t know what came over me.”
“What is wrong with you? His hands are cuffed. Dave couldn’t fight back.” Ellie gave him the same look, and he felt like someone had just ripped his heart from his chest.
Zane wanted to die. He’d never felt so disgusting, so dirty. He staggered toward the door, eager to escape.
“I honestly don’t know.”