Xavier

After settling Ally in my bed, I make my way towards the living room.

My apartment is fairly modern with an open floor plan. The kitchen, living room and dining room are all in the same large space and the far wall has sliding glass doors which open onto a huge balcony overlooking Newcastle Harbor in Honeysuckle. Summer time is absolutely breathtaking. There's nothing better than sitting outside, firing up the barbeque and throwing back a few beers on the outdoor lounge setting. Today, the doors are closed with the blinds rolled up to the ceiling, allowing the natural light to flood in. Shaking my head clear, I focus on my dad who is sitting on the black leather lounge, going through paperwork that's covering my glass coffee table. Heading towards the kitchen bench, I flick the kettle on and pull two coffee mugs from the cupboard.

“Coffee?” I ask while putting a teaspoon of coffee in each cup, already knowing the answer would be yes.

“Yeah." His voice is raw, gruff. He sounds absolutely, fucking defeated. “How's Ally?” Concern laces his voice, I know he’s trying to take his mind off everything that’s happened.

“Good, but she's exhausted. Doc said it’ll be a while before she gets her strength back.”

I answer while picking up the kettle and pouring the hot water into each cup. Ally looked better than she had in days when I picked her up from the hospital. The pink tinge I love so much has returned to her cheeks, but I can tell she still has a way to go before she’s completely recovered.

“I'll head home today and give you guys some privacy.” I look over my shoulder and watch as he leans back into the lounge and rubs his eyes, the paperwork pushed aside. Turning, I lean against the bench, crossing my arms over my chest. I take in his disheveled hair, his unkempt clothes and worry swims in the pit of my stomach. Looking towards the glass doors again, I blink a few times to clear my watery vision.

“Dad, you don't have to go anywhere,” I assure him, huskiness taking over my voice. I know I would be worried as shit if he was at home by himself at this time. “Let's get through the next couple of days and see how you feel.” I want him to know he’s welcome here for as long as he needs to be.

“We’ll see how things go," he murmurs before going back to the papers in front of him.

Turning back, I pick up the cups and make my way towards the lounge. Sitting, I move some of the papers out of the way and place our cups down. Grabbing the stack of papers I’d moved, I flick through them, noticing they’re mums funeral arrangements.

“I pulled some steaks out this morning, how about we fire up the barbeque for dinner after the funeral director leaves? " I suggest.

“Sounds good." He picks up a photo of the three of us which was lying amongst the scattered papers, it’s one mum always had with her.

Giving it a brief look, I try to swallow around the lump in my throat which seems to be permanently lodged there these days. Closing my eyes, I take a few deep breaths and bow my head when I feel my father's hand land against my back. No words are spoken, only the sound of our heavy breathing surrounds us as we both try to control our emotions.

“Thanks again, Donald." I shake the funeral director’s hand before closing the front door behind him.

Placing both palms flat against the wooden door, I take in a few deep breaths, wishing this shit was just a fucking dream. Squeezing my eyes shut, I picture my mum’s smile the last time I saw her and try to block out the memories of her lifeless body lying on a hospital bed with tubes coming out of her everywhere. I remember the chill to my lips when I kissed her forehead for the last time, a sensation I don’t think I will ever forget.

Squeezing my hands into fists, my knuckles pop under the strain. Dropping my head against the door with a quiet thud, I let it rest against the wood and attempt to fight off the tears which threaten to fall. Moment by moment, the walls I’d put up a couple of days ago, the walls to keep me strong, begin to crumble around me. The tears I’ve fought to hold back begin to spill down my cheeks. Licking my bottom lip, I taste the saltiness. My body trembles uncontrollably, the chill from the memory of the kiss slides under my skin. Goosebumps appear, making everything fresh and raw once again. Pushing my fists harder against the door, the tremble escalates to shaking and the door vibrates under my hands.

Biting down on my tongue, I try to fight off the cyclone spiraling inward making my stomach twist in pain and my heart feel like lead. My eyes are burning and my breaths are coming in choppy pants. No matter how hard I squeeze my fists together, these overwhelming feelings won’t go away.

My body tenses when small hands wrap around me from behind and her head rests against my back. Just like the night I went back to her after seeing my mother for the last time in the hospital, she holds me firm, comforting me, there is no need for words. I try to push down the brutal waves of pain, loss and despair which are trying to bring me to my knees. Blinking my eyes against the swirling and crushing rawness from only moments ago, I will it to fade to black. Not to fade completely, but enough for me to be able to think and to begin to build the walls back up again.

“You had me, now I have you.” Her husky words hit my back and I don’t need to look to know she is crying.

Leaving my head resting against the door, I lower my hands and cover hers where they rest against my stomach. I’m not ready to turn around and face her just yet. Taking another couple of deep breaths, I will my control, which I’m so well known for, to snap back into place before I face my father. After a few seconds, the rawness is buried deep enough for me to turn and wrap my arms around my girl. Resting my head against the crown of hers, I breathe in her sweetness, soaking it in enough to help calm my racing nerves.

“I need to be stronger,” I whisper so my father doesn’t hear me.

“For who?” Her glassy eyes capture mine, refusing to let them go.

So much passion lives behind her green orbs. My throat tightens and I’m afraid to speak in case it comes out on a broken sob.

“No one expects you to be strong at the moment, Babe. It’s okay to break every now and then.” Ally blows out a deep breath and grips the back of my shirt tighter. “This past week has been a whirlwind of emotions and broken moments. We’ll get through this and be stronger.....together.”

This woman blows my fucking mind. After everything she’s been through this past week, especially with her own mother, I didn’t know what to expect but this was far from it.

“Fuck, Babe, after everything that’s happened this week, I’m not sure how much more I can take. But, you standing here, your voice so fucking strong....” I shake my head. “I’m in awe of you, Baby.”

When she raises up on the tips of her toes, I lift her at the waist and she places her lips over mine, breathing life back into my broken soul. Lowering her back to her feet, I wrap one arm around her and bring her into my chest. I cup her warm cheek in my other hand and turning her head, she places a soft kiss into my palm before leaning into my touch as her glassy eyes lock with mine.

“I love you.” Truer words have never before passed my lips.

Her eyes widen before softening and I brush away a single glistening tear as it escapes down her cheek.

“I love you, too.”

Hearing those words from her sweet lips are like a balm to my soul and I know we can get through this together.

“We got this,” I grunt before bringing her lips back to mine.

“Together.....” she whispers into my mouth as her lips touch mine.