Xavier

Nothing, and I mean nothing, could have prepared me for seeing my woman the way she was. Nausea swirled unrestrained in the pit of my empty stomach on seeing her hooked up to machines left, right and centre. My heart felt as if blood in my body had become tar and was no longer flowing freely. I struggled to stay calm as I was confronted with how pale her normally milky white skin had become. It seemed transparent, paper thin and I was worried even holding her hand would cause her pain. As gently as I could, I laced my fingers with hers and watched as a machine by her bed pumped up and down, breathing for her. For the first time I can remember, I prayed. I prayed out loud to anyone who would listen and begged for her to come back to me. She’s already been through so much in this life and I haven’t had the chance to show her how true happiness could be.

Lifting her hand slowly, I gently laid my other hand over the top, willing the heat from my body to travel into hers. I study every intricate detail of her soft face, from the shape of her brows to the way her eyelashes rested like crescent half-moons against her soft cheeks. I pause for a moment, waiting for the pink flush I love so much to spread over her cheeks, but it never comes. My eyes follow the smattering of freckles down her nose to the dip between it and her top lip. wanting nothing more than to suck the sensitive spot into my mouth and tease it with my tongue. Shaking my head, my eyes take in her plush bottom lip. Even her lips don’t have their usual pink flush to them. I place a kiss to her fingers, one by one and keep them locked with mine. I rest my forehead against our hands and feel the tears, which have been threatening all day, begin to fall. Having nothing left inside me to keep fighting, I close my eyes and allow them to trickle over my cheeks.

“Xavier."

A deep voice much like my own calls out my name and through the heavy fog of sleep, the voice seems to get louder. Feeling stiffness in my back when I attempt to move, I groan and stop short when everything hits me at once, piercing my heart. Snapping my head up, I ignore the sharpness in my muscles as my eyes swing towards Ally. The afternoon sun streams over her from the window in her private room. She continues to lie still, so still. The beeping, whooshing sounds of the machines around the bed fill my ears and grief slams hard into my chest.

“Son.”

My father's voice has me turning to where he stands on the other side of the bed.

“Dad." My voice sounds husky, sadness and sleep coating my words.

“It’s okay, son.”

Nodding, I don't say anything more, but turn back to Ally again. I refuse to look away, needing to soak everything in from the rise and fall of her chest to her thick lashes fanning over her soft colourless cheeks. I hope her eyes will flicker with awareness, but still they stay closed.

My bottom lip trembles at the thought of her not coming back to me. Emotions from earlier swirl around me and I bite down on my lip to still it, to stop me from breaking down. My father steps up behind me and without saying a word, he places his strong hand on my shoulder and squeezes. My shoulders heave with the emotion I was trying to stop, floods to the surface. My hands shake and tears sting my eyes. Releasing Ally's hand, I squeeze my hands into fists and a lone tear slips down my cheek. Closing my eyes, I will myself not to break, but it's no use. More heavy tears fall, deep sobs tear from my throat and I break. Not a word is spoken, only the sounds of the machines and my heavy sobs echo in the room.

After what feels like an eternity but was probably only minutes I wipe my face and blow out a deep breath. Dad releases my shoulder and takes a step back when I stand to stretch my legs. I head to the window and watch the sun setting. The trees sway in the light breeze and the faint sound of cars below floats up towards me. Everything appears normal as life goes on around me, but my chest tightens at the sight of a couple embracing down on the sidewalk.

Glancing over my shoulder, I notice my father has left the room. He probably thinks I need a moment to get my shit together, but fuck, it's gonna take a lot more than a moment. Sitting down again, I bring her hand to the side of my face, wanting nothing more than to feel the heat of her skin to soothe me. Like the colour in her cheeks, the heat is non-existent. Palming her hand, I place it against the stubble on my cheek for a moment before turning my face into it and letting my lips linger on a kiss. I breath in her sweet apple scent but even that seems to be fading as well.

“Son."

Turning my face away, I lower her hand gently to the bed and reach out for the coffee my father has brought.

“Thanks dad, but I think I’ve had enough of this hospital piss to last me a lifetime."

Chuckling softly, he takes the seat on the other side of the bed.

“I thought as much so, I went down to the cafe."

I take a mouthful and find it's not as bad as what I have been drinking.

“Thanks." I take another mouthful, letting the taste linger on my tongue for a bit longer than necessary. We stay quiet while we drink our coffees and then dad speaks.

“You love her."

As the words leave my dad’s mouth, my body feels like it ignites and my heart stutters in my chest. My breath comes in pants, but all of a sudden, a calmness washes through me.

“Yes." It’s all I say as I reach forward and place my hand gently on Ally’s and entwine my fingers with hers.

“I didn't know what this feeling swirling in my gut was, but it's enough to drive me to my knees and anything this strong must be love." I rest the hand holding my coffee cup on my knee, not wanting to let go of Ally's hand.

Dad whistles low and when I turn to him, he’s smiling.

“What?” I scrunch up my eyebrows, wondering what he is smiling about.

“Son, you just described how I felt when I first saw your mother.”

I see the sadness in his eyes at the mention of mum and my stomach knots.

“How is she?"

Waving his hand around, he sits up a little straighter.

“She’s fine but today isn't about your mum, it's about your girl. One worry at a time, son."

He nods towards Ally and I nod back, knowing he’s right. Then it hits me, how the hell did he know where I was? I haven't left Ally and I haven't thought of anything except her since this morning. I don’t know where the hell my phone even is.

“How did you know where I was?”

“I stopped into the shop and Beau told me your girl had been rushed here. I knew you wouldn't be anywhere else. Shit that reminds me...." He digs into the pocket of his jeans and pulls out my phone. “I ran into Justin in the carpark when he was leaving with Ally’s friend, Cynthia to grab some of Ally’s stuff. He said you left it in the truck. He thought you may need it since he needed to take your truck.

“Thanks, it must have fallen out of my pocket earlier." I take it from his outstretched hand.

“Oh, Erica said she’ll stop by in the morning.”

“Okay.”

After a few moments of silence, dad speaks again.

“Beau told me a little about what happened with Ally and that she passed out at work, but he didn't really know the details. Why don’t you fill me in?"

“On the weekend she cut her hand...” I tell dad some of what happened. How her and her mum argued and she picked up the wrong end of the knife when she was doing the dishes and it sliced her hand. I then fill him in on what happened today and what the doctor had said, it brings a lump to my throat talking about it. I watch as the colour drains from his face and I swear the old man's eyes glass over, but I can’t be sure. “Now, I guess we play the waiting game."

I look down at Ally and place a kiss on her fingers.

“She's strong, dad. She’s been through so much shit in her life and still came out swinging. I bet there were days she didn’t want to even get out of bed, but she did. I know in my heart she’s a fighter and I need her to kick this disease’s ass and come back to me. I need to show her what kind of life she is meant to have, the kind of life she deserves.”. I close my eyes and pray for a fucking miracle for probably the hundredth time today.

“Why don’t you try and get some sleep, it's almost nine o’clock and you’ve had a long day.”

Shaking my head, I glance to the window and realise how dark it is, the time has flown by.

“I'm good, dad. I need to be here for her when she wakes." I will not let her wake up in a cold, sterile fucking hospital room by herself. Not happening. I'm amazed the nurses haven't come in and kicked us out, but I suspect my dad probably had something to do with that, he can be pretty convincing when he wants to be.

“Well, at least rest your eyes and I'll stay right here with you both."

Looking at my dad, I nod. I have no intention of sleeping and I’m so fucking thankful he’s here.