The week following Easter was the best week Rusty could remember having in a very long time. He started going to meetings with Shelly and by the end of the week he'd met a man that had been in AA for over ten years and who agreed to be his sponsor. After his meeting, he'd go out to the ranch and visit with Saint, and a few times, have some more fun with Shelly. He really liked her, and he and Saint realized the more that they talked, that they had a hell of a lot in common. Rusty had a much better experience growing up as a preacher's son than Saint did...but otherwise they had a lot of the same core values and Rusty was surprised at how much peace it brought him to have someone to talk to about his religion.

His afternoons were spent with the kids in the park after they got out of school. Blue was getting good at kicking the football and Rusty had no doubts that she'd be one of the best kickers the school ever saw if they gave her a chance to show them what she could do. Isaac, as cocky and annoying as he could be at times, was one hell of a quarterback. It took a few days, but once Isaac realized it was doing him more harm than good to continue to refuse to play with the “ranch” kids, he and Brett began teaming up and Rusty was blown away by how good they were together. Isaac's passes were getting longer and more precise and Brett rarely missed a pass. The other kids all had talents of their own as well and Rusty was realizing that if he focused on their individual talents with lots of praise, they worked even harder. He'd even taken to making lists in the evenings of what each kid's talent was and what his goals for them were. By Friday night, it had been almost a full week without a drop of alcohol and his body was actually starting to feel healthy again. He had gone grocery shopping and he was eating regularly. He had signed back up with his old gym in Boston and Monday morning he planned on starting. And, he hired his mother's housekeeper back and he was no longer living in a pig-sty.

Toolie had given him his bike back that week as well, and it was as good as new. He knew he'd spent a ridiculous amount of money on it when he bought it, but the looks on the faces of the brothers in the club when they all saw it was well worth that amount. He'd even gotten a few offers to prospect from some of the brothers who would be willing to sponsor him. He hadn't decided if that was something he might want to do, but for the first time in a long time he felt like he was part of something again...and it felt damned good.

There was one last thing he needed to do in order to set his life straight though and as he sat down on his couch after his shower Friday evening, he pulled out his phone and prepared to do that. With one deep breath in and out, he pressed in his brother's number.

“Rusty?” Matt's voice was pressured and Rusty's name was said in the form of a question.

“Yeah, it's me.”

“You okay?” Matt's question was spoken with true sincerity in his voice. Rusty cursed himself for ever thinking that his brother, or anyone in his family ever wanted him to fail. They'd always all been his biggest cheering section and he'd spent too many years taking them all for granted.

“Yeah Matt, I'm good. I was calling to apologize and tell you that you were right.”

There was a long pause and then Matt said, “I was right about?”

“Me drinking again, me being defensive, me throwing my life away...you were right about it all and I'm sorry for how I treated you. The fact that you and Mom and Dad and Chloe still give a shit about me after all I've put you through is practically a miracle, and I need to stop taking that for granted. I need you, Matt. I need all of you. I don't want to die at thirty-five years old because I couldn't stop drinking or kill someone because I was too stupid drunk to know I shouldn't be driving. Tomorrow I'll get my one-week chip. I know that's not much time...but, I'm going to do it this time, Matt. I'm going to turn my life around.”

Matt had listened without interrupting and when Rusty finished he said, “I'm glad little brother. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy and healthy. I can't stand watching you hurt yourself. You have so much going for you.”

“I know. Thanks for not walking away when I try to push you. I'm going to do better, I promise.”

“Family doesn't walk away,” Matt said. “Have you talked to Mom or Dad?”

“Not yet, they're my next call.”

“Good. I haven't talked to Dad, but I can tell that Mom's been worried. She said she hasn't been able to get through to you....”

“I was avoiding her,” Rusty told him, honestly. “She always knows when I'm lying, even six thousand miles away. But no more. Like I said, if I'm going to do this, I need all of you.”

“Thank you, Rusty.”

Rusty laughed. “No Matt, thank you. I'll keep in touch, okay?”

“And if you don't, I know where you live.”

Rusty laughed again. “Yeah, I'm scared.”

“You will be if I have to drive all the way up from Ohio. I'll kick your ass.”

Rusty laughed hard at that. Matt was six inches shorter than him and Rusty outweighed him by probably a hundred pounds. “Okay big brother, I'll keep that in mind,” he said, with another chuckle.

After Rusty checked in with Matt about his sister-in-law and niece and nephews, he said goodnight to his brother and called his mother's phone. It was six in the morning their time, but his parents were always up with the sun. Rusty wanted to catch them before they got busy doing anything else. His dad answered the phone.

“Rusty, is that you?”

“Yeah Dad, it's me. How are you?”

“I'm good, son! How are you?”

“I'm good too. It seems that someone...anonymously referred me to a motorcycle club for therapy.”

Rusty's dad laughed. He didn't realize how much he missed him until exactly that moment. He loved the sound of his dad's laughter, it was so genuine. “As strange as that sounds, I couldn't think of a better group of people to help you out with the problems you were having. So, what do you think of them?”

“Okay Dad, we'll pretend like you haven't already checked in with Dax. I like them, a lot. I really like Saint. I'm getting so much out of spending time with him. It's like talking to a preacher who used the ‘F’ word a lot.”

His dad laughed. “Yes, that boy does have a filthy mouth, but, he's got a good heart.”

“Yeah, he does. I've been coaching some of the neighborhood and ranch kids over at the park here too every day.”

“Coaching? Wow Rusty, that's awesome. Maybe that's something you could do for a job...when you feel like you're ready for one.”

“Yeah, I've been thinking about that. I wasn't worried about finding a job because I didn't need the money, but I realized that sitting around every day, all day long, with nothing but my thoughts is a dangerous thing. Staying busy is good for me...you know I was drinking again?”

“Yes son, I've known for a while.”

“I'm sorry, Dad. But, I haven't drunk for a week, I'm in AA, I threw away all the pills in the house...I'm going to do it this time.”

“I don't doubt it. I'm proud of you, Rusty.”

“Don't be, not yet. I just wanted to say thank you. Even on another continent, you're still looking out for me.”

“Son, when the man upstairs calls me home, I'll still be up there looking out for you.” Rusty laughed, but he didn't doubt that either. They talked about the kids and football for a few minutes and then his mother came on the phone. He reassured her that he was okay and by the time he hung up with them his voice was thick, and his eyes were filled with unspilt tears. He was beginning to realize that he'd had everything he needed in his life all along to succeed, he just hadn't realized it.

The day that Rusty received his one-month chip at AA he was so excited that he went straight out to the ranch, to share it with Saint. He parked in front of the clubhouse and walked in with a smile on his face. The smile fell as soon as he looked around. There was a pall in the air that he could actually feel. Something bad was happening and when he walked up to the table where Dax was sitting with his vice-president, Handsome and another guy that Rusty hadn't met yet. The third guy had on a Skulls vest, but he was wearing funky hat and he just didn't look like a biker. They fell silent as Rusty approached the table.

“Hey, what's going on?”

Dax looked at the other two men and they both got up and left the table. “Have a seat, Rusty.”

Rusty sat down and with a frown he said, “What is it, Dax? You're scaring me a little.”

“Saint took a turn for the worse this morning.”

“Oh fuck...did he...?”

“No, he's still with us,” Dax said. “But not for long. The doctor was here, and he said that the rest of his organs are shutting down. Saint's been kind of in and out of it. I was just going to call you. Blue says he's been asking for you and his best friend, Garrett. Garrett was out of town, but he's on his way back now.”

Rusty felt sick to his stomach. Mostly he was angry with himself because he knew this day was coming and he hadn't prepared for it at all. He honestly hadn't ever been close to anyone that died. His grandparents on his Mom's side were still living and the ones on his dad's side had passed when he was a baby. Death was a foreign concept to him still, especially when the victim was a friend and a young one at that. “Okay,” he said. “Can I see him now?”

“Yeah, Blue and Kay are up there with him now. Angel went to pick up our girl Susie from school, but she's going to take her to the park or something. Susie has gotten pretty attached to Saint too, Angel wants to try to prepare her a little if she can.”

“Damn, poor kid. What about Blue? You think she'll be okay? She seems pretty attached too.”

“Blue's made of pretty tough stock. It'll hurt her, but I think she'll be okay.”

Rusty nodded. “Okay...I guess I'll go see him. Damn, I fucking hate this.”

“Yeah, me too,” Dax said. Rusty left the clubhouse and headed up for the house, the whole time trying to prepare himself. He was shaking all over and for the first time in weeks, he felt like he wanted a drink. When he parked the bike in front of the house and got off, he fingered the chip in his pocket that he'd been so proud to come out and show Saint. Taking a few deep breaths, he finally went inside. Blue met him at the door.

“Hey kid, how ya doing?”

She looked like she'd been crying. Her eyes were red and swollen. “I'm fine,” she said. “I have to go for a while. Kay's here. I'll be back later.”

“Blue...”

“I'm fine,” she said, brushing past Rusty and running out the door. He couldn't help but wonder if she wasn't quite as tough as she wanted everyone to believe she was. Sometimes it was hard to remember that she was just a little girl.