Chapter Fourteen
Soft fingers tugged on her wrist and pulled her inside the warm kitchen. Hannah looked at Mary Jean, wondering if she thought Derek and Kate’s announcement was crazy, too. There was worry in her eyes. Did she think Hannah might try a similar stunt with Mason?
“I just wanted to warn you,” Mary Jean said in hushed tones. “Mason may have a little trouble with this.”
Any sane person would. Hannah nodded. “I completely understand.”
“Good.” Mary Jean sighed and leaned back against the counter. “I just remember how upset he was when Ryan got married first, and then again when they announced they were having Rianna. He was depressed for weeks. Not jealous, mind you, just wondering if it would ever happen for him.”
Hannah could only nod.
Mary Jean shook her head and smiled. “We expected something like this from the other boys, but Derek is usually so much more cautious.”
Hannah bobbed her head frantically. Nothing tonight was going as she’d expected. But while she had the McNally matron’s attention, she could at least put in a few good words about her newest daughter-in-law. “So is Kate. She is very smart. All of her decisions are weighed and measured. I’ve known her for ten years, and she has never done anything so impulsive.”
“Really? She seems fun, spontaneous.”
A grin played at Hannah’s lips. That was Kate. “Spontaneous, yes, but never reckless.”
“Reckless?” Mary Jean’s voice lilted through the room she ruled.
How to dig out of this hole? “Not that Derek isn’t fantastic. Kate liked him just from his resume.” This is going from bad to worse. “I never imagined she’d put so little forethought into such a big decision. That either of them would. To marry someone you’ve barely known a week is a huge leap of faith.”
Mary Jean let out a sad chuckle and shook her head. “Not really. They have a lifetime to get to know each other.” The older woman smiled and met Hannah’s gaze. “Hannah, are you in love with Mason?”
“What?” The word escaped her before she had time to think. Hannah scanned the kitchen for a hidden camera. Mary Jean was violating eight different mother-in-law rules with that question.
“Because if you’re not, he deserves to know.” Mary Jean leveled her gaze. “Now.”
So this was the monster-in-law. Hannah knew the woman was too good to be true. “We haven’t been dating long enough for anyone to be discussing love.”
“Love is something you feel, not something you think about. If you have to talk yourself into it, it will never work. No matter how long or hard you think about it. You either love someone, or you don’t. It’s surprisingly black and white.”
…
“You’re awfully quiet,” Mason said as they made the drive home in the dark. She hadn’t said a word since she told him they needed to leave. For the second time that night. She’d kept herself pressed against the passenger door ever since they got into the truck, effectively keeping herself out of his reach.
Was she just tired, or was there something more? He couldn’t help if he didn’t know. “Are you still upset about Molly?”
“Of course not. She’ll be an amazing mother, and if she doesn’t want to go back to work, that’s her business.” From the corner of his eye, he noticed she gave the speech to the window.
“You’re just worried your parents will expect the same from you?” He tried to fill the silence with reassurance. “Our situation is very different, Hannah. I only have to work twelve days a month. You could work your schedule around that. Plus, there’s my mom.”
“Mason.” The edge in her voice set his posture straight. “We are not at a point where we need to be having this discussion. Especially tonight.”
He gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles were white. That hurt as if she’d just kicked him. He caught glimpses of her staring out the window, her face shadowed from the dashboard lights. This was not even close to the drive home he’d imagined when he woke up this morning.
Obviously, a subject change was in order. “Derek and Kate won’t be able to take their honeymoon until after her case wraps up in January. What do you think about them coming with us to New Zealand?”
She rolled her head back against the seat. “They won’t want another couple tagging along on their honeymoon. They need all the time alone they can find just to get to know each other. They’re practically strangers.”
Alarms flashed in his head, warning him to proceed with caution. “They’re in love. That’s all they need to know. They’ll work the rest out later.”
“You cannot possibly be so naive. This is a recipe for disaster. They don’t even know if they want the same things.” Finally, she was turning toward him, and her eyes were flashing brighter than the headlights of the passing cars.
“It’s a recipe for success. Derek and Kate have done a lot of talking on the phone. I’m sure they’ve covered all the deal breakers. And besides, it worked for my parents.”
She reared her head back so quickly he worried she might smack it into the window. “What do you mean it worked for your parents?”
“They got married three days after they met.”
He heard her suck in a ragged breath that robbed his lungs of air. “You never told me that before.” Her head fell heavily against the seat, and then she pounded it against the headrest three times. “No wonder she turned on me.”
Turned on her? “What are you talking about?”
“This proves my point exactly. I made an ass of myself with your mother. I said I thought Kate and Derek were reckless when they hadn’t known each other a week. Twice as long as your parents did.” She pounded her head a few more times. “That was need-to-know information, Mason. Do yourself a favor and tell your next girlfriend that tidbit.”
He took the corner too fast, but he didn’t care. Maybe smashing against the door would knock some sense into her. She was trying to be mean, and he didn’t like it one bit. “Is that why you wanted to leave?”
“I’ve just had enough of this day.” Hannah struggled to right herself as he took another corner, this time knocking her his way. “Everybody has lost their minds, and they’re looking at me like I’m crazy.”
“Your sister is pregnant and your best friend got married. Some people would think this was a good day for you.” Mason set his jaw to bite back the rest of the words as he negotiated their way into downtown.
Her whole body shifted in her seat as she rubbed her right arm. “I’m not jealous.”
He hadn’t even thought of that, until now. He turned and caught her eyes boring into him. Very green. They almost matched.
“And I’m not hormonal about turning thirty, either. I’m just being rational about the situations.” She plopped back against the seat and stared straight ahead.
So that’s how old she was going to be. It had stung when Ryan had announced he and Tara were having a baby the month before Mason turned thirty. He’d been thrilled for them but wanted the same in his own life. He could only imagine it being worse for a woman. “I understand how you feel. When Ryan had Rianna—”
“I know, you were depressed for weeks. Your mother told me.”
“She did?” Just what had gone down between them?
“Yes. She was worried you might be upset about the wedding, but you seem way too comfortable with it.”
Mason circled their building, looking for a parking spot. “Of course I’m comfortable with it. My brother has never been happier.”
“Because he’s setting himself up for a fall. What’s between them is obviously physical, and when that burns out, where will they be? Divorce court.” She threw her hands in the air. “And Kate swore she’d never get divorced after what happened with her folks. This is going to tear her up.”
“You’re so cynical.” He jerked the Bronco into a parking spot and killed the engine. “They’ll make it work.” He had to believe that. Derek wasn’t any more prepared for a divorce than Kate was.
“I’m a realist. They haven’t spent enough time together to learn what bothers them about the other person. You have to know what’s wrong with someone before you can decide if you can live with it.”
Mason hopped out of the truck and circled around to her side, but she’d already gotten out. Of course. He stacked a laundry basket on top of the cooler. He wanted to tell Hannah to leave the other one, but it was already in her arms piled with the hanging items. “What’s wrong with me?” he asked, as they made their way inside.
Hannah trudged up the stairs, seeming to ponder her answer. When they reached her apartment, she turned to face him. “You’re possessive and short tempered.”
He was only possessive of her, which triggered the temper he usually kept under control. Mason dropped the laundry basket on the floor. The clothes jumped up, and then neatly fell back into their piles.
“And you’re nosy and distrusting and you get mean when you’re hurt or scared. I can live with it. Can you?”
Hannah set her basket on the ground and fumbled with her keys. “Not tonight, Mason.”
He took the key from her, slid it in the lock, and pushed the door open. “Can you?”
She spun to face him and ripped the keys from his hand. “Knock it off.” Her eyes were so bright they were throwing sparks. Blue sparks. Not good. “I can take care of myself.”
He was not going to rise to the bait. He piled her basket on top of his and carried the entire load into her bedroom. He didn’t even jump when she slammed the door. He started to sort through the baskets to pull out what was his, but she’d already done that. As efficient at laundry as she was at everything else.
He propped his basket against his hip and marched to the living room. She wasn’t there. “Hannah?” Had she gone upstairs already?
“I’m tired of talking.” He spun around to the sound of her voice as she stepped out of the bathroom. His mouth went dry.
She did not fight fair. She wore a red satin nightgown that went all the way to the floor. The red lace trim accented her full breasts and the slit went from the floor to her hip. She even wore the red stilettos from that time with the chair. He swallowed hard. He could control himself. This wasn’t over yet.
…
It was all over. She was not going to discuss marriage or babies one more time tonight. Mason’s priorities were severely distorted from the events of the evening. Hannah had been simmering with restless energy all night. They’d burn it off and both feel better.
For some reason, Mason held the laundry basket in front of him like a shield. It might have offended her if she couldn’t see the desire burning in his eyes. He wanted this as much as she did.
“We need to finish this conversation.” His protest might have been convincing if his voice hadn’t cracked.
Hannah shook her head, her hair falling in front of her shoulders, and began to stalk toward him. She knew what she needed tonight, and it wasn’t more crazy talk. She needed to lose herself in the moment. She needed time and work and family and lost chances to fall by the wayside, tangled and forgotten in her insatiable need for him.
“Hannah, no.” He took a step back.
“What do you mean no?” She tried to take the laundry basket from him, but he held it firmly. She did not want to play games now.
“I’m not going to make love with you so you can get out of talking to me.”
She stepped closer. “Then just fuck me.” She leaned in and whispered in his ear, her hot breath puffing the words. “Fast, hard, hot.”
He jumped away as she reached for the waistband of his pants and backed all the way to the front door. The lust in his eyes vanished. “What is this about?”
How to explain what she barely understood? She just needed to be with him, to have him inside of her when she came apart, to have him hold her as the pieces fell back into place. Somehow, he fed the hunger for love that was so deep in her soul it could never be filled. How could she tell him and not be weak? She couldn’t, not tonight when she was barely keeping herself upright.
He hugged the basket closer and exhaled slowly. “Just put on a robe and we’ll go home and finish this conversation.”
Hannah shook her head. She needed him to stop talking before he started saying things he didn’t really mean just to keep up with his brother. She needed to be in control of her responses, even if they were just physical. And she needed a home-court advantage tonight.
“I’m home. I live here.”
Mason flashed her a smile. “That’s one of the things I want to talk about. I want you to move in with me.”
Her stomach clenched, and she closed her eyes. This must be what his mother was warning her about. He’d push their relationship ahead so he wouldn’t feel left behind.
“Why?” she asked, barely above a whisper.
“I like having you close.” He grinned across the room. “Kate is moving in with Derek, so your living situation is changing anyway.”
The perfect reason for cohabitation. “It would certainly make the sex more convenient. No pesky flight of stairs to get in the way.”
“Knock it off, Hannah.” His smile disappeared, and he shifted the basket to his hip. “It’s not like that with us, and you know it.”
“Oh, that’s right.” She crossed her arms over her chest and wished she’d put on a robe like he’d asked. “You won’t have sex with me tonight.”
Mason shook his head. “Not tonight or any other. And not until you let me fix what’s got you so upset.”
Her temperature rose for a whole new reason. “You want to fix me.”
Finally, he put the basket down. “That’s not how I meant it. I don’t want you to feel the way you do right now.”
She threw her hands in the air. “You’re telling me how to feel now? You know what, Mason? I did a pretty good job of taking care of myself before you ever came into my life. I can handle everything without you telling me how to feel.”
“Hannah, don’t get hysterical.” He stepped closer, but this time it was her turn to back away.
It was one thing to reject her physically, but to be the second man tonight to tell her not to get hysterical. No way.
“I’m not hysterical, but I’m rapidly approaching it. All I wanted from you tonight was an orgasm. Something to help me remember where we are and forget all the craziness.”
“Where we are?” He rubbed his neck as he began to pace around the room. “What does that mean?”
Hannah rolled her eyes. That had to be a rhetorical question. Though from his silence, she wasn’t so sure. “We’re sleeping together.”
He went pale. “That’s what you think is going on?”
“Mason, that’s what is going on. I haven’t deluded myself into thinking there’s more to it. We’ve only known each other a month. You obviously feel the same, that’s why you want to live together. Which I’m not going to do.”
He ran his hands through his hair, which had no effect on the usual disarray. “That’s not why I want us to be together.” He stepped to her and grabbed her arms. “Hannah, I love you. You know that.”
A nervous giggle escaped her. “You love me. Tonight. The night your brother announces he just got married. Of course you’re in love with me. You have to keep up.”
“I’ve loved you since the moment I saw you.”
The room started to swirl.
“You didn’t even know my name.” She shrugged him off. If this was his idea of a joke, it wasn’t funny. “Don’t worry. I won’t hold you to it. Your mother warned me you’d be upset about Derek getting married.”
“I don’t care what my mother said, and I’m not upset about Derek and Kate, you are.” He tried to touch her again, but she pulled back. She couldn’t trust herself to be in control of her emotions now that he’d sent her reeling. “I’ll admit I was a little jealous, but not the way you think. I’m jealous they both trust what they feel, while you need for us to go slower.”
“If you’re in such a hurry, go ahead without me.” She’d let him off the hook, what more did he want? Complete mortification when he realized what he said tomorrow?
He captured her hands and held them firmly as she tried to pull them back. “I love you and I want to be with you forever. We’ll figure it all out. Where we live and babies and when we get married. Whatever you want. I just want to take care of you.”
“That’s not what I want. I can take care of myself.” She yanked her hands away. What she wanted was all too real right now. He’d admitted he was jealous of his brother like his mother had warned her. She would not let herself buy into his momentary lapse and be devastated later. She would not. No matter how tempting.
Mason’s expression fell as he backed away, his eyes never leaving her face. “When you figure out what you do want, you let me know. I’m tired of hitting my head against a wall with you. I’m sick of being punished for things I didn’t do.” His voice rose with every word, louder and louder until no other sound existed. “I hate that you have to be naked to communicate with me. How much of this do you expect me to take, Hannah? Every time you get scared, you rail on me. You’re just pushing me away so that you don’t risk getting hurt. But it’s not going to help. We’re already there.”
“Stop psychoanalyzing me. I don’t want to be told how I feel, what I want.” Her eyes were heavy, but she would not let the tears fall. He would not see how shredded her soul had been tonight.
“You’re killing me here. The things you accuse me of are so off-base, and you know it. So if I’m not what you want, Hannah, we’re done. No more.”
In one swift move, he picked up his laundry and was out the door. She stared at the door for a long time, until she was sure she was strong enough not to chase him up the stairs. It was late, and she had to work so early tomorrow. She slowly walked back to her bedroom, her heels clicking with every step.
She plopped down on the bed she hadn’t slept in for weeks and set her alarm. Though she doubted she’d sleep tonight. It was already too late to take a sleeping pill, her vibrator and romance novels were collecting dust in Mason’s nightstand upstairs, and her brain was an echoing chasm of words from tonight. Warnings that would not leave her alone. And yet she was. Alone with her laundry.