CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
We only managed a week without the illustrious Albert Ford. Whatever urgent business he had in L.A. didn’t last long enough in my opinion. Every time I saw Gracin’s father, it was one time too many. That was a lot of one time too many’s. The guy’s sleaziness multiplied by twelve every day. When I’d first met him, I thought we shared a common thread: the dislike of Gracin’s antics. Since I’d gotten to know the real Gracin, I realized how wrong I’d been and, therefore, so was his father.
Unfortunately, this brief weekend visit also meant I’d have less time with Gracin. That added another checkmark to the I-Hate-Albert-Ford checklist. Toss another one into the mix: Albert would be staying in Gracin’s cabin. The sad thing was Dad would’ve gladly comped Gracin’s father a room if the hotel wasn’t full. On top of that, Albert thought he deserved to sleep in the master bed. Gracin, who worked his ass off every night, was relegated to the single in the loft.
Gracin’s shoulders fell when his father knocked on the cabin door Friday morning. He stepped back to let him inside. Albert stopped when he saw me at the table where we’d just finished our after-run breakfast.
“What’re you doing here, Miss Reynolds? I doubt my son has need for your services at this hour.” He sneered as he emphasized “services.” What a dick.
I kept my carefully calculated professional façade. “Actually, he does. We were just discussing today’s agenda.”
“At seven in the morning?” Albert dropped his bags by the door. No doubt he expected Gracin to take care of them. Like I said, what a dick.
“Carly runs with me, Dad,” Gracin said. Exhaustion filled his voice, weighing down the words until they fell on Albert’s deaf ears.
“Well?” Albert directed his question to me.
“As Gracin just told you, we run together every morning and have breakfast afterward.” I kept up the increasingly tight smile. “And like I said, we discuss each day’s agenda. For example, Gracin had an interview with a journalism student at two today. I had to reschedule it after the new dancer requested time with Gracin to work on the show, since she missed two of her marks last night.” I paused, waiting for a tell from Albert and getting none. “Do you have any further questions, or shall I clean up from breakfast before I head home?”
If I learned anything in that moment, it was never to play poker with Albert.
“I’ll get the dishes, Carly,” Gracin said.
“No, son, let your assistant do it. I’m sure she’s quite …” Albert’s eyes roamed down to my chest for a beat too long, “domestic.”
I slammed my hands onto the tabletop and pushed myself to my feet. “Well, then. Let me get out of your hair.” I left the dirty dishes on the table. Fuck Albert. He could lick the grapefruit juice off the plates for all I cared. “Gracin, I’ll see you around noon.”
Gracin nodded and wouldn’t meet my stare. “At the theater.”
I gritted my teeth. That wasn’t the plan. We were supposed to go take a picnic lunch to one of the public beaches just north of town. “Of course.”
“Make it one, Miss Reynolds. I’d like to have lunch with my son.” His expressionless face made me want to shove my fist into it to see if it would bounce back.
I didn’t say anything, instead turning to Gracin who still kept his head down. He didn’t shrug, nod, or even bother to glance up with an apologetic look. Shaking my head, I strolled to the door, careful to stay far from Gracin. Not because I didn’t want Albert to think there was anything going on between me and his son, but because I really didn’t want to touch this Gracin. He was too much like a toddler around his father. Anger, and heartbreak, filled my gut as I left the cabin.
There was only one way to rid myself of these emotions. I needed a rush. After I climbed onto my scooter, I sent Nena and Ivy a text. Both had responded by the time I parked the scooter in the driveway. I smiled at their texts.
Time to do something stupid.
∞ ∞ ∞
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Nena asked as we parked on a bridge twenty minutes south of Branson.
“Yep.” I climbed out, preparing my mind for the adrenaline.
Thompson Bridge used to be a railroad bridge over Thompson Valley deep in the Ozarks. Needless to say, the Thompson family owned a lot of the land. The railroad had appeased them by naming the now defunct bridge in their honor. If they’d known what the bridge was being utilized for in the twenty-first century, I doubt they’d approve. Then again, the only photos of the Thompson family showed them all frowning, so maybe they would.
“Carly Reynolds, what brings you down yonder, darling?” Jesse Simmons asked as soon as he saw me strolling toward him.
“Oh, you know me, Jess. Just looking for a good rush.” I glanced at the harness in his hands and the parachute beside his feet. One of the best things about being an adrenaline junkie was the ease of access to the local businesses. Jesse and his brother, Mick, owned Simmon’s Jumps, a base and bungee company Mick had started when he’d finished college six years ago. Jesse had bought in when he’d finished his master’s in business last year. “Got time for me?”
“We’ve always got time for our best customer.” He held out the harness and pointed to the parachute. “Pick your poison.”
Bungee jumping would’ve been great, but I needed more control than that. Base jumping off a bridge into a valley definitely qualified as unsafe. Jesse and Mick had cleared the trees for a three-mile radius and built three large platforms, each with a giant X, on the ground. Each platform took in variants like wind and position of the jumper. They never let anyone jump who hadn’t taken their course at headquarters, where Mick’s wife ran the business. I’d taken it as soon I’d gotten my driver’s license, conning Mom into signing the permission form by telling her it was a science project. She’d never bothered to follow up on my excuse, but I had used it as an extra credit science report on how adrenaline affects the body at different altitudes.
I pointed to the parachute. “Who’s at the bottom? Mick?”
“Nate.” As if to prove his point, Jesse took his walkie from his belt. “Heya, Nate. Carly’s gonna be down soon. Look for her around three.”
Static filled the air for a second before Nate responded. “Roger that. I’ll be at two.”
I smiled. Nate was not the brightest star in the constellation, but he played his stupidity up. He’d heard Jesse.
Nena and Ivy stood off to the side, neither one saying a word as Jesse helped me into the parachute. Normally, I’d do something like this without them. They didn’t mind my need for speed if they controlled it, like on the boat or driving while I surfed on the hood of the car, but when it came to bungee jumping, base jumping, skydiving, or even propelling, they didn’t want to be around. Of course, they wanted to hear about it after the fact.
Jesse adjusted the straps, giving them hard tugs for good measure.
“Alright, Carly. Same drill. Stay on course. Get off course, get hurt.” He shoved the helmet on my head and slapped it twice after securing it. “Got it?”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. This ain’t my first rodeo, cowboy.” I smirked as Jesse rolled his eyes. He’d heard that from me too many times.
My heart sped up as soon as I moved to the edge of the bridge. I glanced down at the valley below, eyeing platform three. There was a slight breeze, but nothing I couldn’t handle. Hell, it’d probably feel great on the way down. The insufferable summer heat made B.O. a daily issue. I climbed over the railing and turned, careful not to let my hands or feet slip. Jesse grabbed my waist to keep me secure.
“Okay, Carly. Hold up your right hand, and I’ll put the chute in it.” I did as instructed, my heart pounding to the rhythm of a salsa song on fast forward. Jesse held me tight against the railing as he put the chute into the palm of my hand. “When I let go, jump.”
I nodded. An ocean filled my ears as the adrenaline rushed through my body. This was only the beginning. The fifteen-second jump would amplify everything. The wind would attack my skin instead of graze it. The trees would bend instead of sway. The clouds would race instead of drift. The entire world would speed to astronomical proportions in the time it took me to let go of the railing until my feet hit the platform.
It was the best rush in the world.
Jesse’s hand disappeared, and I fell forward until I was prone to the earth. It was beautiful as it rushed toward me. I let go of the chute, and it yanked me back toward the bridge. I closed my eyes for a second to savor my survival, then opened them to savor the view. My heart slowed as I neared the platform. The best part of the rush was the anticipation. Once I jumped and my chute stopped me from plummeting to my death, I relaxed. I let the morning disappear, my anger fade, my disappointment slip off like oil on water. The answer was clear. That type of clarity was everything and nothing at the same time. I needed to see Gracin for who he was completely, not just who he was when he was with me.
My feet hit the platform, twisting my left ankle at an odd angle. I groaned, but managed to keep myself from falling completely. Nate grabbed my upper arms as soon as he grasped something was wrong. The concern on his face matched the agony on mine.
“Ankle,” I said, pointing to the previously injured area. Great, this wasn’t what I needed.
“I gotcha.” He held me up and pulled his walkie.
I didn’t bother to listen as he relayed the injury to Jesse. It wasn’t that bad. Yet. Once the sneaker came off, it would swell to the size of a softball.
“Alright, Carly. Lean on me and we’ll take the four-wheeler up top.” Nate’s arm looped around my lower back, his fingers dangerously close to the bra line.
“Not a good time to cop a feel, Nate.” His fingers shifted lower. “Besides, I’m seeing someone.”
Nate snorted. “The famous commitment-phobe Carly Reynolds just admitted to having a boyfriend.”
I slapped him on the back of the head.
“What? I’m marking this moment on my calendar and laminating it for eternity.” He leaned toward me and whispered unnecessarily in my ear. “It does make me wonder what type of guy finally nailed you down.”
“Way to turn a phrase, Nate.” Even though I should’ve been totally offended by what he’d said, his smartass words brought a grin to my face.
“Thanks. I’ve been practicing.” He glanced down at my ankle when we stopped beside the ATV. “So, what’d you do?”
“Hit the water wrong about a month or so ago.” And kicked the shit out of the guy who raped me. “Guess it wasn’t as healed as I thought.”
“Sprains are a bitch. Ice it and keep it elevated.” He paused as I slid into the cart behind the four-wheeler and strapped myself down. “To be honest, Carly, you should probably see a doctor if this is the second time you hurt it. Might be more going on than a sprain. You might’ve torn something.”
No fault in his logic. In the last four years, I’d gone to the hospital once, when it was clear I’d broken my wrist. It wasn’t a pleasant experience, and one I’d rather not repeat. Still, something could be seriously wrong with my ankle. It could totally screw up the rest of my summer either way. And I wouldn’t mind some pain meds.
We rode in bumpy silence up to the bridge. Nate had to know the exact location of every boulder on the path, because he made sure to hit them at full speed. My lower lip bled by the time he hit the pavement.
Nate had barely stopped when Nena and Ivy ran over. Any animosity Nena had had disappeared. She hugged me tighter than my mother did most days. Ivy wasn’t much better. My breathing ability disappeared, but it was nice. If all else failed in my life, I could always take comfort in having the best friends in the world. Distance wouldn’t change how much they meant to me.
“Guys,” I said through clenched teeth. “You’re killing me here.”
They both let go. The push of oxygen into my lungs was a whole other type of rush. They chattered around me, but I wasn’t listening. I tried to put weight on my foot. Bad idea. Ivy caught me before I knocked her over.
“I’m taking you to the hospital, Carly. No arguing.” Nena pointed at me like a teacher pointing at a bad student. She was going to be a great teacher one day.
“No arguing,” I agreed. My heart had relocated into the ankle and pulsed like a balloon deflating only to get inflated a second later. I let them lead me to the car and help me in the backseat.
“God, when you let go of the railing, I wanted to jump after you,” Ivy said as she buckled herself in. “Then when you hit the platform and crumbled, I thought you were dead.”
“You scared us both,” Nena said.
“That’s why I never asked you guys to come with me on these adventures.” I let my head roll against the back of the seat. The throbbing in my ankle fought to break through the leather.
“Probably a good idea,” Ivy said. I could tell by the way she bounced in her seat she didn’t really mean it. Ivy lived for excitement as much as I did, only she went for the sexual variety.
“Can I ask you something?” Nena still hadn’t started the car. She turned around to face me. “Why jump off a bridge? I mean, I get wanting to have some fun and go a little crazy, but why risk your life?”
I stared at her, holding her gaze and taking my time to answer in a way she’d totally understand. After a few minutes, I settled on the best response. “It clears my head. Lets me think when things … when they get to be too much.”
Ivy turned and cocked her head. Her concern radiated through her eyes. “What’s too much?”
“I …” Tears started down my cheeks without my permission. I’d figured out so much when it came to Gracin, but there was still the simple fact we wouldn’t get the chance at forever, or even spend a Christmas or a birthday together. Every single day, I wanted the chance with him. Or at least another day past August twenty-seventh. What could it hurt to tell them? They’d been my best friends most of my life and never judged my past stupidity. I dropped my head and decided to tell them everything. “You guys remember Jonathan?”
“Yeah,” Ivy said. She already knew how I felt about him, but she didn’t know the whole story.
“That’s not his name.” I waited for a beat before I met their wide eyes. “His real name is Jonathan Gracin Ford.”
Nena’s eyes grew so wide they looked like they’d intersected. Ivy’s hands came to her mouth.
“And we’ve agreed this … thing between us, this beautiful thing, will end when I leave for school.” The clusterfuck emotions entangled into a poorly rolled ball of yarn in my chest. As it unraveled, another snag appeared. “And I don’t want it to end.”
Ivy shot out of her door and opened mine. She stood behind me, hugging my shoulders as the tears washed away the relief from earlier.
“That’s why you haven’t been around,” Nena’s voice softened to a near whisper. “So you can spend every minute with him.”
I nodded and wiped my nose on my arm.
“Why didn’t you tell us?” Ivy asked. She squeezed me against her. “And for that matter, why in the hell didn’t we recognize him? His face has been plastered all over town for months.”
“You weren’t looking for him,” I answered as simply as possible. It wasn’t far from the truth. If they’d seen us together at the theater, it probably would’ve clicked.
Ivy huffed a little. “It’s not like we would’ve acted stupid around him or anything.”
The bubble of laughter shot from my throat in record time. Ivy had acted stupid around him at the lake, but she didn’t see it that way. She was simply flirting. If she’d known it was Gracin, I’m sure her flirt-o-meter would’ve exploded.
“Or was there another reason?” Nena always tuned into things I didn’t say.
“He wanted to be a guy for a day. Not a pop star or celebrity. Just Gracin.” I smiled as his face hovered on the edge of my internal vision. His hazel eyes that turned molten gold when we were together. His sharp chin covered in morning stubble that was softer than silk when I ran my hand over it. The way he listened to me, really listened and cared about what I said. “And just Gracin is pretty amazing.”
Nena raised her perfectly waxed eyebrows and puckered her lips as she fought the losing battle with her smile. “You’ve found him.”
Confusion settled into my stomach. “Huh?”
Ivy squeezed my shoulder one last time and let go. When Ivy settled back into the front seat, Nena still hadn’t explained what she meant. So Ivy did it for her. “She means you’ve found The One. The metaphorical yin to your yang. Your perfect match.” Ivy turned around, her eyes saddened deeper than I’d seen in a long time. “She means you’ve found the guy you’re meant to be with.”
A harsh chuckle came from the confusion in my gut. “Yeah, right. Because that’s just my luck. Find The One, only to lose him after a short period of time.” Bitterness coated my tongue as I spit out the rest of my words. “Find my perfect match, the guy who knows we aren’t going to last because he’ll be on the other side of the country. The guy who won’t give a long-distance relationship a chance. The guy who …” My tears waterfalled down my cheeks. “The guy I can share anything with, who knows everything about me, who doesn’t judge me for who I pretend to be, but knows who I really am. Yeah, I’ve found The One, all right. The One who will destroy my heart in a month.”
Nena smiled. “And you’ll let him.”
I turned away from her, because she was right.
Neither one of them mentioned it as they drove back to town. Instead of the hospital where the wait would surely have been longer than any dying person could endure, Nena drove to an urgent care center. The wait was almost as long as the emergency room would’ve been. I flipped through a seven-month-old magazine with a brief story about Gracin’s stint in rehab. They had pictures of a heavier version of him going in, and photos of a slightly slimmer Gracin exiting the building. None of the photos resembled the man I knew.
Ivy played nurse, while Nena stayed in the waiting room. When they wanted to cut my shoe off, Ivy jumped in and removed it even though it hurt more than losing the shoe would’ve. I appreciated the gesture anyway and kept the scream of agony to myself. My cell rang, and I heard Ivy answer it as they wheeled me to x-ray. When I got back, Ivy wasn’t there.
After a few minutes, the doctor finally came in with some crutches and an elastic brace. I had a gel brace at home that would work so much better. The diagnosis was a mild sprain, and I needed to stay off it for three days, but it would take longer to fully heal.
I took my prescription for pain meds, the only good thing ever to come out of a doctor’s office, and hobbled to the waiting room.
Gracin stood when he saw me, and I stopped. That’s who called. I glanced at the clock. It was almost five, and he had a show to do in a few hours. I crutched over to him like the pro I pretended to be and stopped before slamming the rubber tip into his toes.
“What’re you doing here?” I asked in a hushed voice. The waiting room was packed, and a little gray-haired lady leaned closer to eavesdrop. She wasn’t even attempting to be subtle.
He stared at me, and the emotions swirled behind the contacts. I moved toward him like the apple toward Newton. Gracin grabbed my face with a gentle roughness and pulled me toward him. Crushing his lips against mine, he dug his fingers into my skin, adding to the urgency.
When he finally broke free, he put his forehead against mine. “Don’t ever scare me like that again.”
I nodded, fear and hope coursing through me at the passion in his voice. I only had a few weeks to scare him, but he made it sound like we had longer. That terrified me and gave me hope at the same time. Was it possible he wanted more, or was it just wishful thinking on my part? I didn’t know the answer. And I was afraid of it, too.
If he didn’t want longer, more, that would hurt worse than saying goodbye. At least, I knew he wanted me for now. For now was all we could give one another.
“I promise,” I whispered. For now.