CHAPTER EIGHT
Gracin demanded I go to rehearsal with him the next day. He didn’t want me out of his sight while we were in the theater, but he had to get on stage to check the sound and make slight adjustments to the songs from the night before. It amazed me how he went through this before every show. I never detected any variation in the songs, tempo, or sound and lighting, and I hadn’t been close to the stage during rehearsals to notice how things changed on a daily basis. Most of the time, I was either on the phone or running errands.
We stood together just off stage left a few minutes before rehearsal started. Luke strolled by with Derrick. My insides turned to oatmeal. Derrick leered at me, a smirk turning him uglier than usual. Luke didn’t seem to notice how the tension stunk up the small area. He kept talking as if Derrick listened.
“Hey.” Gracin snapped his fingers at Derrick. The air around him took on a superior edge. He stood at his full height and threw his shoulders back. “What’s your problem?”
Luke glanced at his friend before turning toward Gracin. “Mr. Ford, this is Derrick Russo. As of today, he’s on the security team.”
Gracin didn’t take his eyes off Derrick as he sneered. “I didn’t ask you, Luke. I asked him what his problem was.”
“I don’t understand,” Luke responded, glancing between the two.
If I could’ve only folded in on myself.
Gracin stepped closer, staring down at Derrick. There was only an inch between them, giving Gracin the edge, but it seemed so much more at that moment. Gracin stood over Derrick like a pissed-off giant looking for his magic beans.
“I …” Derrick stuttered. It wasn’t a lack of confidence, of that he had an abundance. Gracin had knocked Derrick down a notch with his stare.
“If you have a problem with me, then this isn’t the place for you,” Gracin said with a calm voice. “You should just go.”
“Derrick doesn’t have a problem with you, Mr. Ford.” The quiver in Luke’s voice was not only uncharacteristic, but it was unnerving. Seeing my brother so out of his depth didn’t settle right in my gut. “Right, Carly?”
His eyes pleaded with me to back him up. I couldn’t. Fortunately, Gracin gave me an out.
“Leave Carly out of this,” Gracin snapped. His gaze shifted to Luke, and my brother started to wilt. “I don’t like this guy. Get rid of him.”
“You can’t –”
“Get rid of him or I don’t go on. Then explain to your father why I’m not on the stage for a sold out show.” Gracin crossed his arms over his chest, glaring down his nose at Luke. “Clear?”
Nobody said anything for several minutes as the epic show of masculinity continued. There was no way Gracin would lose this battle. Luke finally relented as soon as someone called Gracin to come to the stage. Gracin cocked an eyebrow at him, and Luke backed away, motioning for Derrick to follow him. I watched until they disappeared around a corner, then I exhaled a heavy breath.
Gracin’s hand fell on my shoulder. “Better?”
I nodded since the baseball-sized lump in my throat expanded into a softball. This wasn’t over, not by a long shot. Gracin couldn’t really believe he’d handled Derrick like a valet, could he? This wasn’t some Hollywood movie.
“Stay here during rehearsals, okay? Just stay here until I know he’s out of the building for good.”
Again, I nodded until common sense kicked in. “I can’t. I have too much to do.”
“It can wait.”
“I need to get your dressing room ready. It’s still a mess from Sunday night. “
“It. Can. Wait.” Gracin bent down until he met my eyes. “Stay here. Please.”
Someone called for him again, and he nodded once before spinning on his heel and heading out to the stage. As much as this fascinated me, I hadn’t agreed to stand here like a groupie and wait for him. Anger welled inside me, melting away the remaining oatmeally sensation. There was no way Derrick was going to stop me from doing my job.
Gracin waved at me. Once he turned around, I headed toward his dressing room. The memory of Derrick, of what he’d done to me, had haunted me long enough. For the last four years, I thought I’d taken control of my life, but all I’d done was hide behind the crazy girl image. It was time to let it go.
I hurried up the steps and down the hall, forcing myself to stay calm and not check over my shoulder. A shiver crept down my spine like fingers caressing a piano when I turned the corner toward Gracin’s dressing room. Damn, why did the hall have to be so dark? Even in the middle of the afternoon, it felt like midnight.
Pulling the key from my pocket, I managed to slip it in the lock and turn it even as my hands shook. Gracin was right. I should’ve just stayed by the stage. But this was ridiculous. Luke would’ve kicked Derrick out of the theater by now. There was no way Luke would risk a performance for a friend. Losing Gracin, even for one night, would cost the theater too much money. Since this was Luke’s first management gig, there’s not a chance in hell that he’d let Gracin walk. Besides, he’d seen Dad’s wrath enough times over the years.
I turned the doorknob. Remnants of Gracin’s cologne filled my nose, calming me down. I loved the pepper, vetiver, and leatherwood scent. Inhaling deeply, I let it fill my senses.
Until a hand slammed into my back, pushing me into the dressing room and onto the floor. My face burned against the shag carpeting, taking my breath from my lungs. This wasn’t happening. A bubble swelled inside my chest, breaking when fingers closed around my swollen ankle. Panic froze my muscles as the attacker flipped me onto my back. I screamed and the sound choked me, but Derrick only laughed.
“Fucking the singer, Carly?” he asked, slamming the door behind him.
I crab crawled away from him until my back hit the unrelenting wall between the wardrobe and Gracin’s dressing table. The cold hand of fear caressed every inch of my bare skin from my neck to my legs as Derrick’s gaze roamed around with the hunger of a predator about to be fed. The rush of memories I’d suppressed overtook me. I couldn’t stop them this time, and it felt like I was on the precipice of reliving them. The edge of my sanity loomed on the horizon and I ran toward it.
“You put him up to firing me? Huh? Is that what happened?” Derrick grinned as he unbuckled his belt. “I taught you a lesson once before. Maybe it’s time you relearn it.”
Oh, hell no. You aren’t fucking touching me!
I waited, partially paralyzed by fear, but also feeding off of it. He wasn’t going to win. Even if my body was trying to get away, my mind formed a simple plan. Derrick stood before me, sliding his jeans down past his hips. I slid farther down the wall until I was almost completely prone.
“Damn, Carly. You know you ruined me for most women. None of them felt as good as you did.” He licked his lips and a sinister smile appeared. Those blue eyes blazing with intense heat. “Of course, they all begged for me willingly. You begged for me but pretended not to want it. I knew you wanted to, though. No matter how many times you said no, you wanted me as much as I wanted you.”
He tipped his head back to laugh and I took my shot. My arms supported my weight as I slammed my boot-covered foot into his crotch. He wailed like a chick in a horror movie. I scrambled to my feet and limped past him toward the door.
Derrick’s hand shot out, grabbing my bad ankle and dragging me back to the floor. I kicked out with my good boot and nailed him in the face. The crunch of his nose breaking echoed in my head. I cherished how his scream gurgled in this throat as I crawled away from him. The door wasn’t far. Once I was out of his reach, I pulled myself to my feet and yanked open the door, smacking into Gracin as I tried to escape.
He pulled me against his chest for a moment, before moving around me. Luke pushed by me, totally unaware of what was going on. But Gracin knew. He’d figured it out the day before. I didn’t pay much attention to what happened next. There was so much going on. I heard Gracin yelling at Luke. I saw security rushing into the room. I smelled his blood on my boots, and I tasted my own from a cut on my lip.
Then nothing. It was like a black hole swallowed me and took all of it away: the pain, the anger, the fear. The only thing that didn’t disappear was sight. As I stared at the tips of my favorite boots, I noticed Derrick, still with his pants down, being hauled from the room by the head of security and three of his lackeys. More people had shown up than I realized while I sat there.
Someone touched my arm, and I yanked it away. I stared at the culprit and saw my mother. When had she gotten here? She reached toward me again, but I shrunk from her. Tears rimmed her eyes, but they didn’t fall. Just like they hadn’t fallen all those times Dad yelled at me for something that I hadn’t really done. Even the reason I worked here this summer wasn’t entirely my fault. Not that it mattered to my father.
Mom stood, and she motioned toward someone else. Dad was here too.
God, please don’t let Miranda see me like this.
Luke and Dad played hand puppets with one another, gesturing wildly. My ears were stuffed with impenetrable cotton. A hand shot between Dad and Luke, pushing them apart. I watched as Gracin shoved his way between them. His eyes found mine, and his mouth dropped open. He knelt beside me, keeping his gaze locked with mine. A sudden rush overcame me as my senses woke.
“Carly?” he whispered.
It broke me. I fell into his chest, sobbing uncontrollably. I hadn’t allowed myself to cry like this in four years, but I couldn’t stop it. Derrick had stolen so much of my life from me, and I felt like I finally had it back. Gracin’s arms wrapped around my shoulders. He rocked me, slowly and gently, as I cried. He didn’t lie and say it was going to be okay. He didn’t even speak, actually. Instead, he offered the one thing I needed more than words of comfort. He held me against his chest, making me feel safer than I’d felt in a long time.
When I finally pulled away from him, everyone else was gone.
“How long have we been sitting here?” I asked through my cracked voice. I hadn’t screamed that much, had I?
“About an hour, I think. My butt went numb a while ago.” He smiled, but it quickly turned into a frown. “I told you not to move.”
Indignation rose in my chest. “So this is my fault?”
“God, no.” Gracin sat up, taking my face gently between his hands and forcing me to meet his eyes. “None of this is your fault, Carly. Not a damn bit of it. You understand?”
I nodded and swallowed down the sour bile burning in my throat.
“You are amazing, you know that?” His face brightened. “Jonesy got his version, but we all figured out the truth. Derrick’s in cuffs and on his way to the station. Jonesy said you’ll have to go down and give a statement. Can you do that?”
Jonesy, head of Dad’s security team and brother to the Chief of Police, was the reason my younger antics had never gotten me locked up in juvie. He’d take care of everything. He’d arrest Derrick and make sure the bastard never looked at another girl again.
Could I tell the cops what happened to me? Would they even believe me?
“You kicked him in the groin?” Gracin asked.
I nodded, and Gracin’s smile widened.
“Then you kicked him in the face?”
I nodded again.
“You probably broke his fucking nose.”
“God, I hope so.”
My head dropped an inch, and Gracin’s fingers massaged my temples. Any other day, I would’ve relished this moment for other reasons.
“He raped me. When I was fourteen.” The words tumbled out of my mouth, finally free. I said it. I told someone. I’d read enough online about victims and moving on, but I never realized how it would feel to say it out loud. My head shot up. Gracin’s grip slipped. “I’ve never … I’ve never told anyone.”
Gracin closed his eyes and his nostrils flared. Seconds later, his eyes opened. “I’ll kill him.”
“Gracin, it’s over.” I’d beaten him at his own game.
Finally, I won.
∞ ∞ ∞
The rest of the day flew by, and I found myself looking over my shoulder less and less. Once the show started, I was too busy to worry about Derrick or anything else for that matter. Plus my ankle throbbed to the beat of the bass. That was definitely distracting. Gracin’s energy electrified the crowd more than ever. It was intense. I chalked it up to having a day off between shows.
After the final encore, he rushed off the stage and stopped in front of me. Gloria, one of the backup singers and dancers, slipped between us. Her eyes flicked up toward Gracin as her hand slid across his bare abs. I wished he would put a damn shirt on.
“Coming by later?” she cooed. Seriously, who coos at a guy?
Gracin raised an eyebrow, but didn’t answer. Her smile widened as if no answer meant yes. She kept walking, her hand only leaving his skin when he was out of reach.
I wanted to ask what the hell that was about, but it wasn’t any of my business.
“Well?” Gracin asked.
“Well what?” The resentment crept into my voice.
He rolled his eyes. “How are you?”
“Irritated.” I really needed to learn how to lie.
That seemed to catch him off guard. Good. I turned around and headed toward his dressing room to clean up for the night.
“Hey, Carly. Can you come in here for a minute?” Luke stood outside the small room Dad had designated as Luke’s office. The real theater manager’s office was located by the lobby and totally Dad’s, but since he let Luke play manager over the summer, he had to give his golden son a place to put up his boots.
Technically, Luke was my boss, so I had to comply.
I wobbled toward Luke and through the office door he held open for me. Glancing over my shoulder, my gaze met Gracin’s as he stood rooted to the spot. Luke closed the door, breaking our contact. It wasn’t the slow door close seen in the movies either. Luke slammed it shut, rattling the three pictures he’d hung on his only wall space. One of those had Derrick in it. I mentally willed it to fall to the floor and shatter. It didn’t work.
Luke sat on the edge of his desk. I glanced around for a place to sit, but the only chair was behind Luke’s makeshift desk. Instead, I leaned against the wall, clutching my ever-present clipboard and Gracin’s purple satin shirt against my chest. The shirt smelled like his cologne and sweat. I inhaled, letting the scent calm me. I didn’t know why this seemingly disgusting thing had such an effect on me, but it did. No sense fighting it.
“Carly, about earlier –”
“I don’t want to talk about it, Luke. Not here and most definitely not with you.” I reached behind me and grabbed the doorknob.
“Just let me finish, okay?” Luke shuddered, and I wondered if it was because of what had happened or because of what he was going to say next. Either way, I didn’t really want to hear it.
“Finish what? You defend that piece of shit? He raped me, Luke!” Okay, so maybe I did want to talk about it. “Again. He tried to rape me again!” The anger deflated as I admitted what happened to me for the second time that day. “Don’t you understand?”
Luke’s face flushed, but he pressed on despite what I’d just told him. “He didn’t mean –”
“Didn’t you fucking hear me?” My voice tore through my throat.
“He said you came onto him –”
I laughed harshly. “Yes, I’m a female so therefore it’s my fault. Any girl’s fair game in that case.”
“Carly, I’m just trying to understand what happened?” The desperation in my brother’s voice didn’t go unnoticed, but neither did the lack of compassion.
“Wasn’t it clear enough?” How could he not see the truth in front of his own eyes?
“I wanted to hear your side of the story.”
“My side! You saw my side. My God, how can you be so blind? So stupid?” I didn’t understand. What wasn’t I saying that he didn’t get? “He raped me once, Luke. Your friend forced me to … God, and you’re defending him? You saw him with his pants down, and you still want to take his side over mine.”
“When?” he whispered.
I never wanted to acknowledge that moment in my life, but now it was out there, I couldn’t not talk about it anymore. “Two weeks before my freshman year started. At Janey and Nena’s house.”
Luke gulped, his face paler than I’d ever seen it before.
“Remember that party?”
He nodded but still didn’t say a single word.
“Remember how I begged you to take me home early? How you refused?”
He nodded again. All the blood had disappeared from him face.
“And do you remember … do you remember how sick I was a few weeks later?” I didn’t want to tell him this, but I couldn’t stop. Now that the floodgates had opened, the truth wouldn’t stop spilling out. I’d never lied about what happened, but I’d never told anyone either. Maybe not talking about it was just as bad as lying. Luke needed the entire truth, even if it meant breaking open wounds I thought had long since healed. “I … I miscarried. Ivy’s mom –”
“No –”
“There was no way I could tell Mom, so I told Janice. She took me to a clinic.” I inhaled, hurting my chest as I fought the sobs desperate to escape. “He fucking raped me and knocked me up when I was fourteen years old, Luke. Do you get it now? Do you understand what kind of person he really is?”
“He wouldn’t –”
“He did!” I yanked the door open and hobbled out of the room, dropping Gracin’s shirt and my clipboard along the way.
Once I broke free from the theater, the humid night air welcomed me. I inhaled, sucking in the air as if it would wash away everything else, as if it would clean the wound. My heart slammed around my chest, making every muscle ache. Pressure built in my abdomen until holding it back wasn’t an option. A scream shot out of my mouth like Old Faithful, tearing up my throat along the way. A few people stopped and stared, but they didn’t bother me as they got into their cars and drove off.
The relief started at the top of my head and eased down my body. I fell to my knees, tears spilling down my cheeks, and laughed. Nothing about this was funny, but the pressure I’d carried for so long was gone. I laughed at the freedom of having that weight disappear.
I’d spent the last four years trying so hard to forget what happened, trying so hard to hide those memories. After spilling every last detail to my brother, the peace I’d sought in hiding came forward. I couldn’t hide any longer.
And I’d never hide from it again.
The truth does set you free, and damned if I was ever going to be a slave to my past again. It was over. With every detail exposed, I really felt like this was over.
Derrick would never hurt me again.