NINETEEN
That evening, Ezra was waiting for me at my apartment door when I made it home from work.
I slowed to a stop when I saw him leaning against the wall. He lifted his face only to push to a stand when he saw me.
“Hey,” he said softly, shoving his hands into his pockets. A look of regret crossed his features.
Fearing the worse, I said, “Hey,” back in the same quiet, wary tone. All the while, my stomach dipped into my knees with dread. Why did he look so sorry?
“You worked late,” he noted, his gaze drifting over me as if taking note of every inch.
Still feeling as if something was off, I lifted my hand to touch his torso, just inside his open jacket. “I wanted to finalize the deal with the leather company, and then I helped Brick work on the portfolio he’s supposed to turn in to you on Friday. I swear, he doesn’t get around to working until early afternoon every day, and then he has to stay late to get anything finished. Why he doesn’t just come in until one or two, I’ll never know. Seems like it’d fit his schedule better.”
“He’s definitely his own kind of person,” Ezra answered, shaking his head. “But he’s always gotten the work done, so I can’t complain.”
I looked up into his face. He was looking down, not at me. And he wasn’t touching me back.
Insecurities crept in.
But he was here, and nothing bad had happened to us—I hadn’t even seen him since he’d visited Brick’s office this morning—so I couldn’t come up with a reasonable explanation as to why I felt like something awful was about to happen.
“Come on in,” I invited, dropping my hand from his warm ribcage so I could move to my door. But he didn’t follow me.
“I’m not staying,” he said, his voice so quiet I could almost pretend as if I hadn’t heard him. Except, oh, I’d heard him loud and clear.
I took a moment to breathe in deeply, preparing for, well, anything. Then I turned and looked up into his face. He looked sorry again.
“What’s going on?” I asked, reaching for his cheek. He caught my hand before I made contact, but only so he could help me press my fingers to his face. Then he closed his eyes as if he relished the contact.
When he opened his lashes to study me, he gently removed my touch from him. “What Hayden said today,” he started. “It’s starting to sink in.”
“Okay,” I said slowly, not sure what that meant.
Sighing as if exhausted, he rested his back against the wall beside my door and closed his eyes. “I had two flat tires at the office when I left work.”
Not expecting that, I stepped toward him. “Oh my goodness. Two? That’s crazy. Did you drive through a construction zone or something? Pick up some stray nails in the road?”
“No.” He shook his head and ran his hands over his face before finally looking at me directly. “The repairman said he found a similar cut in each tire, on the sidewall a couple inches from the rims, which he then mentioned was the best spot to slash a tire.”
My mouth dropped open. “What? Someone slashed your tires?”
He shrugged, way too nonchalantly for my taste. “Appears that way.”
“Wait.” I clutched his arm. “You don’t think…” My eyebrows lifted. “Lana? Do you?”
“I don’t know what else to think,” he muttered, pushing away from the wall so he could pace the hall. He ran his hands through his hair and cursed under his breath. “The timing is right. She’s the only person who I know with a certainty has any kind of beef with me. And slashing a tire is a trite, immature, vindictive move, which is totally up her alley.”
I wasn’t sure what to say. I hugged myself and watched him stalk the floor one way and then the other. I wanted to apologize, but I’m not sure what for. It just felt as if this never would’ve happened to him if I hadn’t gone outside into the courtyard with him during the Halloween party. Yet, I couldn’t regret that night, because dammit, it’d been too magical.
Stopping suddenly in front of me, he turned to look into my eyes. “If this was Lana, and she is coming after me because I was seen with a woman in the elevator, then Carmichael was right. I don’t want you caught in the crossfire.”
“But—”
He cut me off with a kiss, a warm, soft, achingly precious kiss where he cupped my face in his hands as if he were saying goodbye. Then his lips slid reluctantly away from mine. “Right now, it’s just between me and her. You don’t have to be involved at all. And I’ll be damned before you get hurt because of me.”
He took a step backward, his blue gaze full of turmoil.
I lifted my eyebrows. “Don’t you think I have a say in that?”
Shaking his head, he began to back away from me. “Not this time.”
I scowled and set my hands on my hips, not at all ready to say goodbye like this. “What about everything you said last night? That you weren’t going to let an obstacle like Lana come between us?”
He nodded, his expression tormented. “Yeah, but… I like you.”
“You like me?” I repeated. When he nodded as if it were a great secret he was confessing, I lifted my eyebrows. “You want to stop seeing me because you like me?”
“Yeah.” He bobbed his head some more until he seemed to realize that explanation made no sense. “I mean…” He ran his hands through his hair. “I care about what happens to you now.”
I blinked. If that was supposed to make things clearer for me, it really didn’t.
He blew out a breath. “Not that I didn’t care yesterday, but today… It’s different. Stronger.” Grasping my arms, he looked earnestly into my eyes. “You’re like the perfect person, Kaitlynn.”
I blurted out a laugh. “Yeah, trust me, I’m not even close to perfect.”
But he only insisted, “You’re perfect for me. You’re all I could ever want. I might not know everything about you yet, but I know the important stuff, and I am utterly confident I could get completely lost in you with the slightest prodding.”
The serious glint in his gaze made me gulp nervously. It looked as if he truly honestly meant that.
“But I have a feeling if you got involved with me, and this whole situation with Lana, it’d ruin the most amazing parts of you.” He shook his head adamantly. “I don’t want to mess with that. I don’t want to ruin you.”
“So you’d rather let me go now,” I deduced softly.
He nodded before leaning in to press his lips to my forehead. “What we have between us is pure, and honest, and beautiful. She’s not going to taint that.”
“Then by all means, we should let her have her way,” I sneered, stepping back to scowl up at him.
His eyes widened with shock. “Kaitlynn.” But when he reached for me, I jerked my arm away.
“No,” I said. “This is exactly why I ran that first night. I warned you from the beginning that we were a bad idea, that Lana would always try to come between us, but you—yes, you—convinced me it was worth whatever trials we had to face. Then you went and showed me a taste of what we could be like together. And it was awesome. You gave me a hope that maybe, possibly, I didn’t have to be so alone anymore. But now you want to take it all back because of two stupid flat tires? That doesn’t fly with me.”
He blew out a breath and ran his hands through his hair. “You’re swaying me,” he growled. “I promised myself I wouldn’t let you sway me.”
I snorted. “Well, at least you didn’t come up with some cruel lie to feed me in order to push me away or shove some other woman in my face. That would’ve been totally lame.”
“But, dammit, what the fuck are we supposed to do? Yesterday, all I thought we were up against were some vindictive little lies being spread about each other. But now, after your stepbrother so politely detailed Lana’s dating history… I don’t know.” He shook his head. “It feels more dangerous. And I don’t like the idea of you being in danger because of me.”
“I’ve known her fifteen years,” I told him, stepping in to touch his chest again. But this time, he touched me back, reaching for my stray piece of hair that had fallen from its ponytail holder before he tucked it behind my ear. “I’ve come under her wrath countless times.” I spread my arms and grinned up at him. “And yet here I am. Still alive. I’ve survived every encounter, so see… Proof she’s not all that dangerous.”
Ezra’s features filled with affection as he cupped my face in his hand and smiled. “Only you could use the argument ‘I’m not dead yet’ to prove there was no danger.”
Grinning back, I leaned toward him, eager for a kiss. “Does that mean you’re going to retract the breakup you were trying to enforce?”
He jerked back. “No.” But that was swiftly followed by a grimace and a curse under his breath before he muttered, “I don’t know. Just…” He lifted a hand my way as if to ward me back, even though I hadn’t been trying to approach him. “I need to rethink this. I came here, certain I was doing the right thing, ready to be all noble and self-sacrificing and let you go so you could be safe and free, but…” He scowled at me for making him doubt himself. “I need to rethink this,” he repeated, only to spin away and stalk down the hall.
“Okay,” I called after him cheerfully, biting my lip to keep from grinning. “Let me know what you come up with, then.”
He stopped at the elevator and pushed a button only to glance my way. “This would’ve been so much easier if you had just accepted what I was saying.”
I shrugged. “Easier,” I agreed. “But so much more miserable.”
“I could’ve handled miserable. For you.”
Though he stood far enough down the hallway that I couldn’t see his exact expression, I could feel it. The misery of us being apart shimmered through the air between us, and he hated it as much as I did. But he was willing to withstand it.
I understood his indecision. He wanted to protect me, and it would seem like the most selfish thing ever if he didn’t follow through with the noble path and try to remove me from any hint of danger. It warmed my heart that he felt that strongly for me. Just as much as it warmed me to know he didn’t want to let me go. The struggle in his gaze was real.
Watching him step onto the elevator, I smiled as soon at the door closed. Sure, he had just attempted to break things off with me, but for some reason, I was more confident about his affections now than ever.
Except now I had to somehow convince him it was better if we stayed together than apart.