GRACE

I hopped on my bike, started it and waited. Letting the familiar vibrations work its way through my body and warm my bones. An explainable chill hit me when I saw Papa Scott. The unexpected heat when I saw Mase was unexplainable and made me sick to my stomach. Or were those butterflies.

I hated him. Every ounce of him for being the one person in my life who disappointed me on purpose. He had a choice and he chose wrong.

His arrogant ass thought he deserved points for not killing me.

Fuck that.

I revved the engine, pressed the gas and coasted toward the road. I stopped and looked over my shoulder. The buildings moved to the beat of the music. I drove past the bar and stopped. The front had few windows, but the front entrance was open and people walked back and forth, going on with their life while mine came to a screeching halt.

While not our clubhouse, it was taken over by Guardians. I had every right to be there with my sisters.

It wasn’t all about me. It was about my crew, too. I owed them not to do anything stupid.

When I arrived in Jersey City, bruised with a bullet hole in me, Justice took me to a doctor friend of hers to have me checked out. The doctor was a member of the club, too. She gave me an ultrasound to make sure Cason was okay and put me on vitamins. Josey wouldn't let me do a thing. She made sure I ate and got my rest. I spent the next seven months as the perfect vessel for the baby growing inside of me.

I was scared for him to come out. I knew he’d be healthy and I’d love him, but he would also be half of him and I wanted to forget him.

I thought it would be hard to separate the two. Would my feelings for Mase mess my head up for how I felt about my son.

When my little guy came out, all I felt for him was love. When he looked up at me, I saw love from him. The kind of love I felt in my father's presence. If I could love him half as much as my dad loved me, my son would be okay.

I needed to stay alive and with all my limbs intact for him.

I pushed out every other thought and concentrated on the road in front of me.

I picked up speed as I pulled onto the highway.

The rhythm of the bike on the open road calmed me.

Going home, it was for the best.

Three hours later, I pulled up in front of Dana’s house. It was almost three am. She stood in the open doorway with a smirk on her face she’d been saving for a long time.

Dana wanted me to go further. She thought someone would find out who I was and where I came from. If Papa Scott found out, he’d come for me and finish the job his son couldn’t do.

“You can go ahead and say it.” I pulled off my helmet and secured it on the bike. I took off my gloves and slapped them against the palm of my open hand. “You told me so.”

“Well, I did.”

“Not really. I mean they’re not here looking for me.” I leaned in and hugged her. “Mase was already gone by the time you guys came to DC. He would have no reason to suspect I know you or this is where I ended up.”

“It’s still so dangerous.” Dana stood in the doorway.

“You going to let me in.” I held my hands out. “It’s not like I can slide by you any more.”

She rolled her eyes and waddled back a few steps and let me in.

“You are supposed to stay here until James gets home.” She said.

“I can take care of myself you know.”

“Don’t make me sit on you, Gracie Smith.”

I grinned and walked into the kitchen. I opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of wine and reached up the cabinet and grabbed a glass.

“I wish I could join you.”

“Don’t worry.” I popped to cork. “I’ll drink enough for the both of us.” I stretched and took the bottle and glass into the living room. The news was on and muted.

“It’s late.” I pointed toward the stairs. “Go back to bed.”

Dana flopped down next to me. The worry on her face made the first sip taste sour.

“Dana, it’s going to be okay.” I said. “They’ll head out of town tonight and that’s it.”

“What about Cason?”

“The Guardians put someone on the house, he’s safe.”

She nodded.

Her eyes darted between me and the television.

She wanted to say something.

“What?”

“What was it like? Seeing him again.” She picked at the couch cushion.

“It was fine.” I lied.

“Ow.” She nodded.

“What?” I down the rest of the glass and poured another. “What do you want to hear Dana? He looked good. He always had that sexy brooding I’m bigger, stronger, better than you attitude, but I’m not a dick about it if I like you thing going on.”

“Is he big?” Dana’s eyes wiggled.

“Bigger than most.” I giggled and hiccupped. “We were only together one time.”

“But, it was the best you ever had and you were a virgin.”

“He was sweet and then kind of dirty.” The warmth spread from between my thighs into the rest of my body. “He made sure I enjoyed it.”

“You still love him.”

I lifted the glass to my lips, but put it down, thinking about how to answer.

I loved him in a way you love someone who you’ve known all your life.

I hated him for not being what I need when I needed it. Selfish I know, but didn’t mean it was the best for him, too.

“I love/hate him.” I turned to Dana. “He’s like the standard on both ends of the spectrum. I don’t think I’ll ever love someone the way I love him and I hope I don’t every hate anyone the way I hate him ever again. It’s exhausting. You know what I mean?”

“Yeah.” Dana scooted over on the couch and put her head on my shoulders.

“I don’t want to hate him anymore.” I said.

“I don’t think you do.”

“Papa Scott, now him, I hate.” I nodded.

“He looked after you for seven years. “ She whispered.

“And threw me away like I was trash.” I sat the glass on the table and hugged up next to Dana. I’d downed half the bottle in ten minutes and my head swam. “I could have taken him out tonight.”

“You should have fucked with his bike.”

“Poisoned his drink.”

“Cut his dick off while he used the bathroom.” Dana took my knife out of its carrier on my hip. She liked knives, too. She ran her thumb down the flat surface.

“I just want to know what he had to say, they weren’t invited, so why did they show up.”

“Their club isn’t big, but it’s powerful and he speaks the loudest.” She put the knife back.

I was never allowed around when serious club business was going on. When other clubs were around, I was sent home like the night I met Dana and James and saw the Lady Guardians for the first time. I’d seen some female clubs, but none of them were as organized and earned as much respect as we did. It helped that we had the baddest motorcycle club on our six. We could also hold our own in our own right.

It made me proud to call myself a Lady Guardian; I shouldn’t have to hide in my own home.

Dana yawned.

“You’re tired.” I sat up. “You should go to bed.”

She narrowed her eyes.

“I promise I won’t leave. I’m going to finish this bottle and pass out right here.” I patted the couch.

“You sure you don’t want to talk about it more.”

“No.” I shrugged my shoulders. “I’ve got nothing else to say.” I wouldn’t have to wonder anymore about what I would do and how it would feel when I saw him, it was fine. Now, he was gone. Life would go back to normal. As normal as it could be.

Dana hugged me. I helped her off the couch and watched her waddle toward the stairs.

“You can have your old room back, move back in here with Cason.”

I stood up.

“Dana, you and James need this time for your own family.”

“You are my family.” Dana blinked away tears.

“You know what I mean.” I brushed her hair off her shoulders. “We are family, and we are going to be fine. I’m a grown ass woman with a child. I have weapons and know how to use them.” I nodded and shrugged my shoulders. “I'm safe as I’m going to be.”

She nodded, kissed me on the cheek and turned and went up the stairs.

“Don’t you act up, sassy,” She said over her shoulder. “I can still sit on you.”

I shook my head and slumped back into the couch. I raised the bottle to my lips, but sat it back down.

Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to drink myself into oblivion. It’s better to keep my wits about me.

The images of the television lulled me into a light sleep.

I woke from a noise. I sat up and looked around.

“It’s just me.” James walked into the living room with a frown on his face.

“What’s wrong?”

He looked lost in his own head.

“What?” He shook his hands. “Oh, nothing.”

“You didn’t stay for the sit-down?” I asked.

“Naw, Justin and I made sure your friend headed back to DC and no other Dragons were lurking around.”

He dropped into the oversize chair and rubbed his face.

“I’ll get briefed and then I’ll brief you.” He nodded. “How’s Dana?”

“Mother and baby are fine.” I looked at my watch it was eleven.

“You didn’t put all this shit on her did you?” He leaned with his elbow on his knee. “She’s pregnant. She doesn’t need to worry about anything other than taking care of the baby.”

I closed my eyes and counted to ten. I didn’t intentionally put any shit on anyone. I was the victim in all of this I wanted to remind him.

“Maybe I should just leave town.” I held my stomach. “I should have done it a long time ago. Taken off to New Mexico or Oregon. Some place west.”

“Maybe.” He mumbled under his breath.

I stood up.

He grabbed my hand.

“I didn’t mean that.” He tugged on my hand.

I didn’t budge.

“Gracie, sit down.”

I took my hand back, but didn’t sit.

“I just …” He leaned his back on the chair. He took a cushion and placed it on his stomach and squeezed it to him. “It’s just not the right time to go to war with the Vipers and the Dragons. We never look for fights and some how we get thrown right in the middle of them. Why is that?”

I sat back down and curled my legs underneath me.

”It’s in your name, Guardians.” I touched his knee. “You guys naturally take care of others in their time of need.”

“Maybe we need to change the club name to Looking Out for our Fucking Selves.” He grinned. “Fuck the world.”

“All of that won’t fit on the back of your cut.”

He chuckled and stood up.

“You going back to sleep?”

“Depends.” I looked up at him. “Is there danger lurking around the corner ready to pounce on me?”

“Probably.” He smirked.

“What do you mean?”

“Trouble finds you Gracie.” He pulled one of my curls straight. It bounced back.

“No it …” I couldn’t finish my sentence.

“See.” He pointed. “I have Dana to contend with. You need a man of your own to take care of you, but you won’t let anyone in.”

“I never asked you to take care of me.” I stood back up. “I can take care of myself. And, Dana can take care of herself too while we’re on the subject. We don’t need a man. We offer you the privilege of serving us, but don’t get it twisted. You’re not needed.”

“Jesus.” Dana’s voice rang down from the top of the stairs. “If you’re going to argue in my house about something, why is it something so stupid?”

James winced.

“Baby.” He turned toward the stairs. “How much did you hear?”

Dana made it halfway down the stairs and sat down.

“Enough, that I will obediently not tear you a new asshole when we no longer have company, even if she is family” She pushed her hair out of her face. “You chauvinistic asshole.” She said under her breath.

I covered my mouth to keep from laughing.

“Now, Gracie, we will always be on your side, no matter if you choose someone or turn into a old maid.” Dana pointed. “But, he is a little bit right.”

“Thank you.” James said.

“I said a little bit don’t get a big head, just in the sense of having the biggest heart of anyone I know and being sexy as hell.” James’ eyes grew wide. “It’s a shame to keep all that love and ass to yourself. You have the perfect tools to tame or train any man.”

“Train.” James said.

Dana glared at him.

He held his hands up in surrender.

Maybe they were right.

“On that note.” Dana struggled to stand up.

James leaped to her side to help her.

“See.” She pointed. “Trained.”

She turned and he smacked her on the ass.

“Ow.” She rubbed her ass. “Let’s go wash the road off of you. Well see you later.”

“Later.” I said as I watched James rub her ass and heard Dana moan in pleasure.

I flopped back on the couch and pushed the green-eyed monster back in the tiny black hole I maintain for the stuff I was ashamed to admit.

It wasn’t my fault though. Guys tried to date me. Maybe it was my curves or my smile, but guys thought I was some innocent little thing they could manipulate and mold into what they wanted.

The advantage of growing up in a biker gang with a bunch of overprotective guys.

I’d been on a few dates since I left DC, but I couldn’t help it. None of them made the cut. They didn’t measure up.

It would take a special type of man to make me drop my guard and let them in. I craved the sexy, dirty dominant type. Yet, I won’t submit to anyone who isn’t worth it.

I was starting to believe, no one would ever be worthy again.