Zoe came out of her biology class and pulled her phone out of her pocket. It had been buzzing off and on for the past twenty minutes, but she’d been in the middle of a test and hadn’t been able to check it. She was surprised when she saw that her papa had texted her three times. The first one asked her if she wanted to have lunch. That wasn’t too surprising, since they’d been making big strides in their relationship over the past few months. What was surprising was that they’d just had dinner the night before and the next two messages were one right after the other, urging her to text him back. Something was up and the first thing her mind went to was Nana. As far as Zoe knew, her grandparents were both still healthy. They were only in their late sixties and they both took good care of themselves. But why else would he be so anxious to talk to her? Instead of texting him back, she pressed in his number and called him.

“Zoe, there you are.”

“Papa, is everything okay? I was in class.”

“I’m sorry. I forgot you had school today. So, do you want to have lunch? I can drive over there. We can get a sandwich at the student center.”

“Okay, I have a couple hours before my next class. But Papa, what’s the urgency? You texted me three times in a twenty-minute period.”

“I’m sorry. I just really need to talk to you.”

“Is Nana okay?”

“She’s fine.”

“Then what is it?”

“I’ll talk to you when I get there, okay? I’m on my way now.”

“Papa…” He ended the call. Zoe was relieved that Nana was okay, but she still knew something was up. She sighed and headed for the student center. If Papa was at work, it would take him about fifteen minutes to get there. She was almost there when she saw Gil. Gil was in her statistics class and he’d been asking her out for the past month solid, every time he saw her. Zoe had turned him down every time. He seemed like a nice guy, but she didn’t think it would be fair to start anything up with anyone at this point. She still had strong feelings for Levi and although she hadn’t laid eyes on him in the past six months, she couldn’t shake those feelings. Levi had called her a few times since he left. The conversations had been awkward and uncomfortable and he seemed to want to apologize to her repeatedly for what he thought he’d done to her. She told him he didn’t need to apologize and she’d meant it. He couldn’t help how he felt, and the fact that he loved Krissy so much and was so loyal was part of why she respected him and cared for him so much. Their timing had just been off and now that he was two thousand miles away, it was still not right.

“Hey, Zoe,” Gil greeted her as she reached the door of the student center. “You weren’t in class yesterday.”

“My heater was out in my new apartment and I had to wait for the maintenance man to show up. He was late and I didn’t have time to get here.”

“Damn, I hope he fixed it. It’s been colder than hell lately.”

“Yeah, maybe we’ll get a white Christmas this year,” she said with a smile.

He laughed. “Yeah, that would be cool. So, have you had lunch?”

“Not yet, but I’m meeting my grandfather here for lunch.”

Gil looked disappointed. “Okay then, maybe next time.”

“Yeah, maybe,” she said. She felt him watching her as she went in through the door. She was having a hard time getting used to the attentions of men. She’d spent so many years practically emaciated, with bad skin and hair, that men—the ones who didn’t just want a quick blowjob or to take advantage of her in some other way—hadn’t really looked at her. She had put on twenty pounds since she quit using drugs and she actually had a shape again. Her hair was almost down to her waist and it was thick and shiny for the first time since she was a kid. She’d been going to the dentist and she’d gotten the cavities the drugs had left behind repaired, and her skin was clean and clear. She still couldn’t afford the best or most expensive clothes, but she’d managed to build up her wardrobe by shopping in bargain and thrift stores for things that were clean and in style. She felt good about herself for the first time…maybe ever…but it still surprised her how many men suddenly seemed interested. That would take some getting used to, especially since there was still only one man that she wanted.

She ordered a cup of coffee and had just taken a seat near the window when she saw her papa come in. She waved him over and as he sat down, she could see in his eyes that something was wrong.

“Did you order yet?” he asked her.

“No, Papa, but can we talk first? Can you tell me what’s going on? You’re worrying me.”

“I have news,” he said. He picked up a toothpick out of the holder and started rolling it between his fingers.

“Okay, about…?”

“Well, first the good news, Patrick took the deal the D.A. was offering, finally. He’ll be doing ten years solid before he’s eligible for parole.”

“Nice,” she said with a sigh of relief. That whole thing had been weighing on her, especially since it looked like he wasn’t going to take the deal for a while and Zoe was going to have to testify after all. “But why aren’t you happier?”

He sighed. “His girlfriend, Susie’s mother, was released from county jail on Friday. They found her in a motel yesterday…dead. They think it was an overdose.”

“Shit,” Zoe said. Susie’s grandparents had decided not to take her. They were both just getting ready to retire and they had plans to travel around the US in an RV. A barely six-year old girl would be a “complication,” Zoe assumed. She was angry with them, but instead of wasting time dwelling on that, she’d tried to do her best to spend that time with Susie instead. If anyone understood what Susie’s life had been like up to that point, it was Zoe. Now unfortunately, they had even more in common. “Does Susie know?”

Her papa shook his head. “Maria was going out to see her this afternoon. It’s actually why I wanted to see you. I wondered if you might want to go out and talk to her. If you don’t, that’s okay. I know it’s hard for you to talk about when your mother died…” Zoe hated talking about that day, the day she found out. But if it would help Susie, she could do it.

“I can talk to her,” she said. “I want to talk to her, and make sure she’s okay. The poor baby has been through so much.” Her papa was looking at her funny. There was sadness in his eyes, but something else too that Zoe didn’t recognize. “What?” she asked him, wondering if she’d somehow said something wrong.

He shook his head slowly and then he said, “Just remind her that no matter how much shit life throws at her, there’s always hope. Look at you, Zoe. Look at what you’ve done with your life.”

Zoe felt her heart swell. Papa wasn’t one for compliments, so when he gave them, it meant a lot. “Thank you, Papa. Honestly, I haven’t done anything extraordinary. I’m just doing what other people my age do every day.”

“Just take the compliment, kid. You know I give them out sparingly.”

She laughed. “Okay, I’ll take it. Thanks.”

“Have you spoken to Levi lately?” he asked. Whenever one of her grandparents asked about Levi, they tried to make it sound casual. It was obvious when he left that they thought she was going to fall apart. When she didn’t, they worried that she’d explode one day because she was keeping it all in. The truth was that when she did talk to him, he seemed happy with his new life…and as much as she missed him, that was what was important.

“Not lately,” she said. “I guess I should call and tell him about Susie’s mom. What will happen to her now?”

“She’ll stay in foster care until someone decides to adopt her. From what I’ve seen, the kids that are up for adoption get moved around pretty frequently…”

“Moved? Why? She’s happy where she is.”

“It’s not a forever home, kid. You know that better than anyone. A lot of foster parents who are looking to adopt a child like to do a ‘trial run’ first. Susie might get lucky and the first couple she sees will adopt her.” Zoe didn’t like the idea of Susie being moved around to places where the people might not be as nice to her as they were where she was. Susie talked to her a lot about wanting a home of her own. Zoe knew stability went a long way in finally obtaining a sense of peace and security. She had just discovered that for herself. “Did you want to order a sandwich to go and we’ll get on the road?” Papa asked her.

“Sure, I’m going to call Levi first,” she said.

“You call him, I’ll get our sandwiches.” Her papa jumped up and headed for the counter. He was so obviously trying to give her space to talk to Levi, but that was silly, it wasn’t a social call.

Zoe pressed in Levi’s number and listened to the four rings before it went to voicemail and the sound of his strong, sexy voice telling her to leave a message, floated out of the phone and into her ears. She felt like it didn’t stop there. It went straight to her heart. After the beep, she had to suck in a breath before saying, “Levi, I’m sorry to bother you. I just thought you might want to know, Susie’s mom is dead. They think she overdosed. I also found out today that Patrick is on his way to prison. I’m going to see Susie now. I thought you would want to know what’s going on. I hope you’re doing well, Levi.” She ended the call and when their sandwiches were ready, she and her papa made the half-hour drive to the foster home. As soon as the lady that ran the house saw her and Papa, she went inside for Susie. Zoe and her papa got out of the car and started to approach the house when the lady came back out, with Susie in tow.

“Zoe!” The little redhead came bounding toward her with her arms wide open. Papa stood back and watched the two of them embrace before moving forward to say hello to Susie himself. Zoe looked up on the porch at Mrs. Rayburn and the social worker Maria and smiled.

“Hi, ladies,” she said. “Do you mind if Susie and I take a little walk together?”

“Of course not, dear. Mr. Bennett, come on inside with Maria and me; I’ll make you a glass of tea.” Papa winked at Zoe and ruffled Susie’s hair. Maria gave her a little nod, which Zoe took as permission to talk to the little girl. Once they all went inside, Zoe took Susie’s hand and they started walking out across the expansive lawn toward the trees that lined the yard.

“Something’s wrong,” Susie said. She was a perceptive little thing. That was probably why she wasn’t even surprised the day that she’d seen the “angel.”

Zoe stopped walking and knelt in the grass in front of her. “Yes, Susie, something’s happened.” Susie dropped down to the lawn and folded her legs, Indian style.

“What happened? Is it about my mama?” Susie had turned six in foster care. When her mother hadn’t shown up the day of her party, she’d asked Zoe if her mama was dead. Zoe had worked overtime that day to reassure her and now she had to tell her that the worst had actually happened.

Zoe sat down next to her. “Yes, Susie. You know how your mama has been really sick? She was trying hard to get better while you were safe here with Mrs. Rayburn, but she just couldn’t shake the sickness. She died today, honey. She’s in heaven now.”

Susie’s green eyes filled with tears. “I want to see her.”

Zoe was fighting her own tears as she remembered telling her papa the exact same thing. She was so angry with him for not letting her see her mother. They had cremated her too, so Zoe hadn’t even gotten to see her at the funeral. “We can talk to Maria and see if that’s possible,” Zoe told her, but then said, cautiously, “You understand that she’s gone though, right, honey? Even if you see her body, your mama’s not there anymore.”

Susie nodded as the tears rolled down her cheeks. “She’s an angel now, right?”

Zoe wrapped the little girl up in a hug and said, “Yeah, baby, she’s an angel now. My own mama went to heaven to be an angel when I was just a little bit older than you.”

“Does she come visit you?”

Zoe sat the little girl down and used her thumb to wipe away the tear rolling down her own cheek. “No, honey. She can’t come visit me, or I know she would. I know she loved me and I know your mama loved you too. We have to keep the pictures of them alive in our hearts and that’s how they stay with us forever.” Zoe said “pictures” and not “memories.” She wasn’t sure about Susie, but she knew there weren’t many memories, if any, that she wanted to hang on to from before her mother died.

Susie closed her eyes and when she opened them, she smiled. “I have a picture of her in my mind. She has wings, like an angel.”

Zoe smiled. “Good, honey, hold onto that.”

“I will. I still want to see her,” Susie said. Just in the six months since Zoe first met her, the little girl had matured a lot. With her jaw set and her arms folded now, she almost looked like a teenager, demanding her own way.

“I can’t be the one to say that’s okay,” Zoe told her. “But like I said, we’ll talk to Maria.”

Susie nodded again. “Thank you.” Zoe felt another tear roll down her cheek. What a terrible thing to have to thank someone for when you’re only six years old. She felt like her heart was breaking, especially when Susie said, “What about my dad?”

The little girl had never referred to her “dad” as long as Zoe had known her. She wasn’t even sure if Susie knew it was Patrick. “Susie, do you know who your dad is?”

She nodded. “Mm-hmm. He’s got long red hair like me. He doesn’t live with us…I mean, he didn’t before Mama…” Zoe squeezed her hand and she went on. “He only visits sometimes.”

“Was he visiting that day when Levi came and took you to get a hamburger and chocolate shake?”

She nodded. “He was sleeping with Mommy.”

Shit. “Have you talked to Miss Maria about your daddy?” Susie nodded and Zoe asked, “What did she say?”

“She said that he’s in jail. Mama went to jail before…you know, before she died.”

“Well, Maria is right, your dad is in jail. I’m sorry, honey, but it looks like he might be there for a long time.”

“That’s okay. He’s kind of mean to me.” Zoe pulled her in for another tight hug. The poor little thing was going to have almost insurmountable odds to overcome before she’d even been on earth for a decade. It wasn’t fair.

The two of them sat and talked for almost an hour. Susie had a lot of questions about Zoe’s mommy and daddy. Zoe couldn’t answer the questions about her dad. She had no idea who he was. Her mother refused to talk about him and sometimes Zoe wondered if she even knew. Nana and Papa were as clueless as she was, so she’d given up a long time ago. But for Susie’s sake, she answered the questions as well and as positively as she could. By the time Zoe stood up and said they had to get back to the house, the little girl seemed to be feeling better. Before Zoe and her dad left, Susie gave them both a tight hug and to Zoe she’d whispered, “I love you.” It was the closest Zoe had ever come to the idea of stealing a child. If she wasn’t a single, twenty-seven-year-old ex-junkie, she’d adopt her, but she knew her chances of getting her would be slim and the cost of it all would be high.

She squeezed Susie a little tighter and said, “I love you too.”