CHAPTER 23
Scott drives me home. He seems to understand that I need some space and his silence as he drives is comforting, reassuring. When I look at his profile, it tells me how concerned he is about me. The firm set of his lips, the lines on his forehead.
“Thank god that guy was there,” he says while we sit at a red light. I nod, not trusting my voice. “Officer Mallory is taking care of your car. I’ll pick it up for you tomorrow.” I nod again.
We arrive at my house, and Scott asks if it’s alright if he sees me inside. I’m suddenly terrified to be alone and nod vigorously. He smiles and escorts me with an arm around my shoulder. I stand in the living room and look around. I don’t know what I expect to see, but Scott seems to know what I need. He takes me into his arms and holds me.
“It’s okay, Kim, it’s okay,” he says, and I start to cry, wetting his shirt with my uncontrollable sobbing. I don’t know how long we stay like that, but eventually, I heave a final broken sob and gather my wits about me.
“Thank you,” I say in a shaky voice, and he brushes it off with a wave of his hand.
“Whatever you need.” He pauses, looks uncomfortable for a minute. “Do you, ummm… want to…? I mean… is it horrible for me to even be asking?”
I laugh, but it comes out more like a hiccup. “I want to take a shower first… wash his filthy touch off me. Then, yes, I want to. I want to erase the memory. I want to replace it with something better, you know?”
His eyes are full of understanding. “Yes, I know. I’ll be right here when you get out.” He stands there until I start moving toward the bathroom then I hear his footsteps heading to the couch, and a minute later my TV comes to life.
He’s a good man. I’m lucky to have found him.
I spend too much time in the shower.
I can’t seem to get clean.
I scrub until my flesh is raw and red, but my body still doesn’t feel right to me. I sigh and hope it won’t take too long for this feeling to go away. I remind myself that Scott is waiting and that encourages me to finish up and join him.
He’ll help the bad go away.
He jumps up, rushing to me as soon as he hears me approach. I’m in just a damp towel, and he scoops me up and carries me to the bedroom. He gently lays me down on my bed, and I’ve never been more grateful for his slow, measured approach to sex. Rough and tumble is not what I need right now.
He ever so lightly brushes his fingertips against my cheek, and I flinch. It still hurts, and I know it’s starting to bruise. I watch as his face tightens and he speaks with difficulty. “I think I would have killed him.”
I shake my head. I don’t want him talking about it, and hold out my arms to him, my towel falling open.
He smiles down at me. “Look at you, Kim. Damn, you’re so gorgeous.”
He touches me where I think I want to be touched, sucking my nipples, and tickling me between my legs. Slowly, he sinks down fully onto me, letting me feel his weight as his lips find mine and take possession. I open my mouth to his probing tongue, and he explores with slow but eager abandon.
He moves to my ear, tickling me with his breath. “Are you okay?”
“Yes, yes,” I say. “I need you, now, please.”
I need him.
I need this.
And then, maybe, I’ll forget.
I’m wrong.
Scott nods, lifts up, pausing a moment to put on a condom. I spread my legs for him, and he presses the head of his sheathed cock at my entrance. He looks down into my face and… and…
I turn away. I can’t, just can’t. I start to cry. I thought Scott’s loving touch would help me, soothe me, but I’ve never been further from the truth. His touch is making everything worse, and this realization makes me cry harder.
What has that terrible, disgusting creature done to me?
He tried to hurt me. Please don’t let this be permanent.
Scott understands. Quietly, he removes the condom and gets dressed. He hands me a t-shirt, and I put it on. Then, again, he smiles down at me. “It’s alright, Kim. I should have known better. This isn’t what you need tonight. But, I promise you, it’ll get better.”
I’m still crying but his voice is having a soothing effect on me, and I lay back down. He lies down beside me and pulls me close. We’re spooning, and I feel safe enough to sleep.
***
I call Jenn the next day.
I need to talk.
I need a friend, a female friend to talk to, to cry to.
As much as Scott was there for me, the nightmare still haunts me.
I need help banishing it.
Jenn’ll help.
“Hey, Pond, did you forget my phone number?”
I start to cry when I hear her voice.
“Pond? Kim? Oh my god, what’s wrong?”
“C-can you come by, Jenn? Will Tony mind?” I manage to sniffle at her.
“Shit, doesn’t matter if he does. My girl needs me. I’ll be right there. Hold on.”
I hug Jenn hard when she arrives, and she doesn’t let go until I’m able to. Then she sits me down on the couch and grabs my hands. “What happened?”
She’s such a good friend. I can’t believe I ever thought that she wouldn’t even remember me.
“I… I…” I just can’t say the words.
“Michael?” Jenn prompts. I shake my head, tears flowing. “Scott?” she asks. Again, I shake my head. “It’s okay, Pond, tell me.”
The dam breaks and the words start tumbling out.
“S-someone tried to rape me last night. He was a client, and he was waiting for me when I left the hotel. Michael was there, and he stopped him just in time, then Scott took me home.”
“Oh, Pond, no.” She grabs me and holds on, and we’re hugging again until I can continue. “I’m so sorry. When I saw your shiner, I thought…”
I nod against her and just keep on holding tight.
We’re drinking coffee and watching a syndicated episode of Oprah on a channel I didn’t even know I had.
“Men are scum,” Jenn informs me. “For the most part, at least.” She sighs. “And you have a dangerous job.”
“I know,” I say and let out a long sigh of my own. “But at least Michael—”
“Yeah, thank god for that. It’s sappy sweet that he leaves before you after a job but always makes sure you’re safe. Like he’s your very own voyeur.” She chuckles, and I join her.
“Until he needs to stop watching and take action.”
“Amen, to that, girl.” She raises her mug of coffee in an air toast. “You know, Pond, you’re going to have to choose.”
I look at her like I don’t know what she’s talking about, but I do. I know exactly what she means. It doesn’t mean I have an answer.
At least not one that I like.
“I can’t choose, Jenn. If I could, it would be… oh god, it would be Michael. But he isn’t even an option. He’s made it clear that he doesn’t want a relationship, remember? I told you what he said about the rules. He’s my boss and nothing more.”
She makes a disparaging noise in her throat. “I already told you, he’s already fallen in love with you. If this whole business of keeping you safe doesn’t convince you, I don’t know what will. Look, I know I only met him once, but I know what I saw, and I know what I know. I saw the way he looked at you.”
“But—”
“You gotta choose, hun. And figure out what the hell you’re doing with your life. I don’t mean to be the big old party pooper, but you know, right? If Michael really is off the table, at least find out if Scott is on the same page as you. He might be your second choice, but from what you say, he seems like a good choice. Find out if he wants to take the next step?”
I shrug, knowing she’s right.
But I don’t want to deal with this.
Now.
Or ever.