CHAPTER 24
I wake to the smell of freshly brewed coffee.
I crack one eye open and breathe in deeply. “You’re my hero.”
Scott has been coming and going a lot the past couple of days while I mostly sleep. I’m grateful to him for being here and letting me recover from my ordeal in my own way. He’s told me that El Disgusto had priors and won’t be seeing the light of day for some time to come. This is comforting news and goes a long way to help me feel safe and secure.
Scott laughs and hands me the steaming mug. “At your service.”
I take a long sip, the liquid burning a silken path down my throat. “You’ve been doing so much for me. Do you want—?”
He cuts me off. “Did I tell you how amazing you are? Yeah, I think I did, but you are.” He settles into the bed beside me. “After… you know. It’s all for you. It’s only been a couple of days. Don’t worry about me. I want to take care of you.”
I take another sip of coffee, then set it down on my night table and snuggle up against him. “Thank you. What time is it?”
He raises an arm to look at his watch. It’s the only thing he’s wearing. I marvel again at how beautiful he is, and I almost don’t hear his reply. “Quarter to six.” I take a minute to digest that. I’ve lost some time, I thought it was earlier in the day, but I’m safe, I remind myself. Scott is keeping me safe. So everything is okay.
“Um… Scott.”
“Yes?” he says and throws an arm around my shoulders. I snuggle in even closer.
Jenn’s voice is in my head, damn her, and it’s time for the talk. I want to start feeling normal again and knowing where my life is heading is the perfect way to get me there, so I plunge in without a life vest. “I was, um, wondering… where you see this relationship, you know, going?”
He sits up, breaking the contact between us and laughs. I can’t read the sound. I don’t know if it’s meant to be mean or happy.
“Kim, it can’t go anywhere. We’re just having fun, right? You know I’m married.”
The earth stops its rotation.
“What? Um, what? You’re… what?” I can’t comprehend what he’s just said. “You’re married?” I reach for my nightshirt and mechanically start putting it on. I need to cover myself. “Married? Are you serious?”
Dear god, please let him be joking.
“You didn’t know?” He looks at me for a minute. “You didn’t know. I thought…” He runs a hand through his soft golden locks. “Oh, man.”
“How… how could I know? You didn’t tell me. Oh my god. Oh my god.”
“Okay, I know that was lame. I know I didn’t tell you. I was going to but…” He lifts a shoulder.
I can’t do anything but just stare at him in dumbfounded disbelief.
I have no words.
My world has just shattered.
“Look, Kim. C’mon. Everyone does it. Everyone cheats.” He throws his legs over the edge of the bed and reaches for his clothing. Apparently, he feels the need to cover up too. “I usually find my dates on Craig’s List. The girls who post there understand about being discreet. But you… in the diner. Had to have you, you know? There was just something about you. Sitting there so befuddled and so cute.”
I still can’t find my voice.
But my head springs to life, shaking violently back and forth.
He pulls on his jeans, then his t-shirt goes over his head. “Man, you should see some of the ads. You know some guy even advertises for women to fuck him while someone else watches? Fucking crazy.”
I’ve never heard him curse so much.
I find my voice.
“Get out.”
It’s a weak whisper, but at least it’s something.
“Aw, Kim, c’mon. You don’t understand.”
“Get out.”
Stronger, better.
“Get the fuck out!”
“Kim. Please let me explain. There’s more to this than me just being married. I—”
“Get out, get out, get out, get out!” Now that I’ve found my voice, I can’t stop. “Get out!”
He sighs, shoves his feet into his sneakers and gets out.
I’m alone.
Devastated.
Drowning.
I start to cry, and it’s a long, long time before I stop.
I look down and see that the cell phone Michael gave me is in my hand. I don’t know how it got there, but I’m grateful for it. His is the only voice I want to hear.
We’ve already spoken once since the incident. He asked if I was okay, told me again how sorry he was about everything, and hung up.
It was awkward.
I hadn’t told him I was seeing someone. It wasn’t his business, but the way he found out wasn’t the best.
And now.
Now I’m not seeing anyone.
Funny how that goes.
But I’m sure as fuck not laughing.
I pause for only a fraction of a second and then hit his speed dial number.
I sob into the phone as it rings. I haven’t stopped crying yet, can’t seem to stem the flow of tears. I don’t think I want to.
Aren’t tears supposed to be cleansing?