Chapter Eighteen
The next morning, Gabriel met with the men to make arrangements for the ambush at Covent Garden in four days’ time. McLeod had secured a stall for them directly across from Fielding’s so that they would be able to monitor Pompeia’s meeting. They would catch her or the Spectre in the act and nab them.
As Kent and McLeod mapped out the positions where their team would lie in wait, Gabriel couldn’t stop his mind from wandering back to the conservatory. To the midnight fantasy that, in the light of day, seemed too preposterously good to be real. Thea had accepted his past. His desires. Hell, she’d redefined eroticism for him, all that he’d known before decimated by the honesty and strength of her passion.
He’d debauched her, and she’d loved it, he thought dazedly. Wanted more.
Suddenly, he’d gone from being cursed to being the luckiest bastard in the world.
Because of her. His wanton princess.
“You approve the plan, my lord?”
Hastily, Gabriel drew his gaze to Kent. “Beg pardon?”
The investigator gave him an odd look, tapping the map on the table. “You were smiling as if this were a map to Shangri-La rather than Covent Garden. I assume you find no fault in our strategy?”
“Er, no. No fault,” he muttered. “Carry on.”
Heat crept up under his collar as the investigator scrutinized him for another moment before continuing on with the plans. If Kent caught wind of his thoughts, the man would more likely than not call him out. Then he would be put in the awkward position of dueling with his future brother-in-law.
For as soon as the Spectre was dealt with, he would offer for Thea. After last night, his honor—and the rest of him—demanded that he claim her as his. She’d provoked the beast; once he’d tasted her sweetness, there was no going back. There was only one problem. In the heat of all the revelations and passion last night, he’d conveniently neglected one topic: love. Specifically, that he wanted no part of it.
His neck heated as he thought of himself in the early days of being a newlywed, when he’d been struck by a mad craving for the emotion. For a closeness that he’d never known before. Embarrassment flooded him as he recalled his needful behavior. He hadn’t blamed Sylvia for finding him tedious. He’d chalked it up to a bridegroom’s temporary insanity.
He’d regained control, killing the outward signs of the emotion—but it had been too late. The roots had dug deep inside him, leading to misery when Sylvia had no longer wanted him in her bed. Keeping him trapped in a hell of love’s making.
Give emotion an inch, and it will take a mile. Octavian had never missed an opportunity to point that out. In life and in war, Trajan, sentiment only gets in the way.
Jaw tautening, Gabriel told himself that he would learn from his mistakes. It was enough—more than he’d hoped for—that Thea could accept him sexually. Desire was real and honest between them. He would possess her, but he wouldn’t lose control over his emotions the way he once had. Disaster lay that way. As long as they didn’t muddle up the business with unwarranted sentiment, they would rub along just fine.
Resolved, he returned his attention to planning with the other men. After another hour, when they were satisfied that all angles had been considered, they wrapped up for the day.
“If you’re set on participating in the capture, you’d best spend the remainder of the time recuperating, my lord,” Kent advised. “You’re in no shape to be chasing down a murderer.”
“I’ll be ready,” Gabriel said dismissively.
A few scratches weren’t going to stop him from personally taking down the Spectre.
After the investigators departed, Gabriel went to find his son. Before he and Thea had parted last night, she’d suggested that he speak to Freddy about what was going on—in general, if not the specifics. Initially, he’d balked at the idea of causing his son distress by talking of villains and murder. He didn’t want Freddy to be afraid, to risk triggering another spell.
“There’s nothing like the lack of information to foster fear,” Thea had countered. “Freddy is a sensitive and intelligent boy. He was almost kidnapped, and you were nearly killed. If you don’t give him some reasonable explanation for all that has been happening, his imagination will surely run wild. A child’s imagination can be far worse than the truth.”
To Gabriel, open communication was a foreign concept. His own parents had not been in the same room often enough to share conversations of any length (he didn’t count the occasional shouting matches he’d heard between them). As a spy, he’d learned to hold his cards close for obvious reasons. During his marriage, the times he’d tried to share his inner workings had only annoyed his wife and made him feel stupid and awkward.
Intimacy was not his forte. To his mind, it was preferable to avoid conversations that involved emotions in general. Let us never speak of unpleasant things, Sylvia’s voice echoed.
But what if Thea was right and silence only led to worsening fears? The idea of Freddy being afraid did not sit well with Gabriel. Moments later, he found himself entering his son’s room. Sunshine poured through the open curtains, and Freddy was reading in bed.
“Good afternoon, Papa,” he said, politely setting aside his book.
Captain Gulliver again, Gabriel saw with wry amusement. Leave it to Thea to give his son a book about small people who could topple a giant.
He sat in the chair by the bed, searching for the best opening. “How are you feeling today?”
“Much better. I haven’t had a headache or a spell,” Freddy said tremulously.
“That is good news.”
Silence stretched. Gabriel’s gaze roamed around the bright chamber, dust motes sparkling in the air when the sun caught them. He cleared his throat. “You are comfortable?”
“Yes, sir. Very.”
“Good.” Gabriel smoothed an invisible crease on his trousers, cursing his own ineptness. What if he said something wrong, caused the boy to have a fit? Get on with it, man. “Frederick, I’ve come to say a few words. About what has happened in the last fortnight—namely, your attempted kidnapping and my carriage accident.”
Freddy’s eyes turned as big as dinner plates. “Yes, sir?”
“It has come to my attention that the two events are not unrelated. I assure you, however, that there’s no need to worry. I have everything under control and—”
“Are you going to die, Papa?”
To Gabriel’s consternation, his son’s eyes filled with tears.
“No, I’m not,” he said firmly. “What gave you that idea?”
“I heard the maids gossiping. They said the fire was so big you almost didn’t escape. They said it wasn’t an accident, and someone is trying to kill you.” A rivulet trickled down Freddy’s freckled cheek, and the boy gave a sudden sob. “I—I don’t want you to die.”
“You mustn’t get overwrought, Freddy. It isn’t good for you…”
Appalled, Gabriel watched as Freddy began to cry in earnest. He fumbled in his jacket for a handkerchief. Held it out. But Freddy didn’t even notice, his thin shoulders shaking, tears dripping onto the coverlet. Gingerly, Gabriel sat on the bed and put a tentative hand on the boy’s shoulder.
“It’s all right,” he said gruffly. “Nothing’s going to happen to me.”
“B-but people die all the time. M-mama died. And if you d-die too, I’ll be left alone.”
Sudden clarity struck Gabriel. This was the first time Freddy had brought up the subject of Sylvia’s death. Gabriel had feared that the topic would cause the boy more distress and worsen the seizures, so he’d never spoken about it. Since over four years had passed, he’d assumed Freddy had recovered from the loss, and no discussion was required. Clearly, he’d been wrong; he had to say something now.
“I don’t know why your mama had to die,” he said haltingly, “but I can promise you that I will do everything in my power to keep both you and me safe. I am a man of my word, Freddy. I would not lie to you. Do you believe me?”
His chest constricted at the trust he saw in his son’s tear-stained eyes.
“Y-yes, Papa,” Freddy said, sniffling.
“There’s a good lad.” Carefully, Gabriel blotted away the tears with his handkerchief. “In several days, I will be going with Mr. Kent and the others to track down the villain. We hope to capture him and end this for good.”
“Will that be safe?” Freddy’s bottom lip wobbled. “I w-wish I could help you. I w-wish I was normal and not sickly. I’m sorry to b-be a burden—”
“Hush.”
Awkwardly, Gabriel tucked the boy’s tousled head against his shoulder. As his son’s small form shuddered with sobs, he felt an odd tightness in his throat. He remembered what Thea had said to him days ago. He’s afraid of disappointing you… he wants your approval more than anything.
At the time, he’d snapped at her for daring to interfere. Now he wondered how he could have been so blind. Years he’d spent safeguarding Freddy’s physical wellbeing, worrying about the boy’s fits. He’d never suspected that his son might be hurting in other ways.
When the crying subsided, Gabriel gently but firmly took his son by the shoulders. “You are not a burden, Frederick. You are my son and heir.”
“I still wish I could help.” Freddy let out a quivering breath. “Be useful for once.”
Gabriel thought quickly. “But you will be useful. You have a part to play as well.”
“What can I do?” Freddy said doubtfully.
“Your role is an important one. While the others and I are out capturing the villain, you will be the man of the house. You’re to protect Miss Kent and the duchess in my absence,” Gabriel said in solemn tones. “Would you be willing to do that for me, son?”
Freddy’s lashes lifted. “I’m to protect the ladies? Me?”
Him—along with the coterie of guards posted outside the Strathaven residence. But Freddy didn’t have to know that.
“Now Miss Kent, being a female, will likely be worried.” Selfishly, Gabriel found that he liked the idea of Thea fretting over him. “So you’ll have to be brave and put on a good face. You’ll have to set the example. It’s not an easy assignment. Do you think you’re up to taking it on?”
“Yes, Papa.” Freddy’s shoulders went back. “You can count on me.”
“Excellent.” He ruffled his son’s hair—and sensed another presence in the room. Turning his head, he saw Thea standing in the doorway with an armful of books. Their gazes locked, and the warmth in her eyes, her rosy blush, made him want to spirit her away somewhere. To have her all to himself.
“I’m sorry to interrupt,” she said, smiling. “I brought Freddy some new reading.”
“We were just talking about you, Miss Thea.” Freddy’s chest puffed out. “I’m to look after you and the ladies when Papa is out hunting down the villain.”
Thea went to the other side of the bed. Setting the volumes down on the coverlet, she brushed a wayward lock off Freddy’s forehead. “In that case, I shall feel extremely safe.”
Freddy beamed.
Gabriel looked at Thea over his son’s head. His heart seemed to be pounding too quickly, the rhythm as erratic as that of a schoolboy with his first crush. The unpleasant comparison jolted him. Don’t make the same mistakes, he told himself sternly. Set realistic expectations.
Freddy gave a sudden yawn.
“I believe it is time for your nap,” Gabriel said.
“Yes, Papa.”
“Miss Kent,” he said, “I was wondering if you’d care to take a turn in the garden?”
“I’d love to,” she said.
Her smile made him lose his train of thought. Offering her his arm, he strove to clear his head. To stay focused. This time around, he’d be damned if he let love get in the way of happiness.