I had been kissed before, but it had been a very long time. I had my fair share of willing gentleman suitors who I met through work, but I never got close to any of them. Now that I was the owner of a successful business, I frequently had handsome, successful gentleman express their desire for getting to know me, but it was never even a consideration. I knew in my heart that those same men wouldn't be interested in me if I was the starving undercutter that I was back in London.
Maybe that was judgmental of me. Maybe some of the men who had been interested me in recent years truly liked me for who I was. Either way, I had never allowed myself to get close to any of them. I was perfectly content with my life the way it was—focused on my passion for my career.
But I was aware of a different type of passion as I stood there in the arms of Liam Kennedy. This man had come into my life under the oddest of circumstances, and in the span of only a few hours had managed to change me—change my perspective. I was intoxicated by him—dizzy with attraction and emotion. I stared at his handsome face, wondering if he had unlocked my capacity to feel drawn to a man.
"What are you thinking?" he asked.
"I'm thinking I'm glad you called me today. I'm gonna be sad when it's over."
I couldn't believe those words came out of my mouth. That was such a vulnerable thing for me to say. I would've never normally said that.
And then it happened.
He kissed me.
He leaned down and expertly landed his mouth on mine with no reservations or doubt. His full, curved lips that I had been staring at all afternoon finally made their way to mine, and the warm soft feel of them sent shockwaves through my body. I instinctually stretched upward, and our lips gently conformed to the shape of each other's. Once, twice, three times, we gently and slowly kissed, exploring one another's mouth with great tenderness.
"Taylor," he whispered, barely pulling back. I could feel his breath against my mouth, and I kissed his bottom lip again before answering him.
"Liam," I said.
"Why do you live all the way over here in California?"
Before I could answer his question, he kissed me again, but this time he left his mouth on mine as if he had no plans to take it away. We stayed that way for several long seconds until I finally began to smile, causing him to readjust, kissing me again. He kissed my smiling lips and then the side of my mouth before placing a tender, lingering kiss on my cheek. My arms were around his waist and my grip tightened, holding him closer and trying to convey the message that I wanted him to continue. I had never felt so safe.
He kissed me over and over—sweet, warm, gentle kisses all over my mouth and cheeks and neck. My heart soared with happiness and my blood turned thick and warm with desire. I felt a tingling sensation in my abdomen and I held him tighter still, feeling like I couldn't get close enough.
Thankfully, Liam took this as a hint. His hands had been around my waist, but he reached up, taking a hold of me with a firm but gentle hand on the back of my head. He held my head in place with a light grip on my hair, as he pulled back and stared at me. "I'm going to kiss you now, Taylor."
His statement caused chills to run through my body, and I shivered. "I thought you were kissing me," I said.
He stared at me for a second or two with a serious expression before shaking his head slowly. I knew what he was about to do, and I felt crazy with desire. He leaned down, placing his mouth next to my ear. It wasn't next to my ear; it was on my ear, and the feel of his soft lips caused me to take a deep breath.
"I haven't kissed you yet," he said. His warm breath on my ear and the words he said made me weak with desire. I whimpered and let my head fall back into his hand, feeling helpless.
And then he really kissed me.
Liam Kennedy knew how to kiss a woman.
His movements were swift but gentle, and he covered my mouth with his. I opened to him, and he kissed me deeply, letting our tongues smoothly mingle in a warm, rhythmic dance. It was only a kiss yet the intimacy was astounding. I had never been so deeply moved by a man. Liam held me firmly, pouring love, emotion, and tenderness into me. He showed me what it was for a man to kiss a woman. It was like nothing I had ever experienced.
The tide was rising, and the ocean's waves began to break against my ankles. He took a step away from the shore, pulling me with him and making sure I kept my balance. He smiled at me before kissing me once more—a quick kiss on the lips like a period to go on the end of the sentence. He pulled back, regarding me with an unreadable expression.
"That's never happened to me before," I said. A new wave of chills covered my body just from admitting such a thing.
"I'm glad," he said.
"I mean, I've been kissed before, but I—"
"Nu-uh." Liam made a sound of disapproval, cutting me off before kissing me again. He did it quickly but placed it right on my mouth to keep me from saying anything else. I smiled at him, and we stared at each other for what must have been ten whole seconds.
He was wonderful.
I could've easily fallen in love with this man.
He could've easily come into my life and just turned it upside down. I was glad he lived so far away and that couldn't happen.
I was so swept away in this moment on the beach that I had to remind myself that it was time to get back to my life. I had a car waiting in the parking lot that would take me back to my normal routine, and Liam Kennedy had a flight to catch the following day that would take him back to his life on the other side of the country.
I let out a sigh. "I guess I should probably get going." I said hesitantly.
He gave me a small smile. "You mean we have to snap out of it and go back to real life?" he asked, reading my mind.
"I'm going to look at a dog tomorrow," I said, reminding myself of things that were going on in my life besides Liam.
"Really?" he asked.
I nodded. "I didn't mention it because I doubt I'll get it. It's a puppy, and I don't think I have time for that. I just made the appointment yesterday because I was bored and sad."
"You're never bored," he said.
He was right. I was always really busy. I only used that term because I had been waiting for him to call.
We started walking back toward his hotel at a slow pace. We walked close enough to the shore that the waves continued to hit our feet.
"What kind of puppy?" he asked.
"Another Basset Hound," I said. "But like I said, I probably won't get it. I really don't think I have time to deal with a puppy. I might ask them if they have any older dogs for sale."
"Can I buy it for you?" he asked. "Whenever you do find a dog—would you let me buy it for you?"
I glanced at him curiously as if to ask why he would want to do such a thing, and he smiled.
"I'd just like to do that for you," he explained. "I mean, you can just pick out what you want and then call me and I'll pay for it. I'm sure whoever you buy it from will take a credit card over the phone, won't they?"
"Yeah but you don't need to do that."
"I know, but I would like to."
We stayed silent for several long seconds before he glanced at me and I shook my head.
"That's really sweet of you, but I can't."
"Why not?"
"Because if you buy a dog for me, Liam, I'm going to think of you when I look at him, which is every day."
"What's wrong with that?"
"Well, seeing as how you're going back home tomorrow, everything is wrong with it."
He put his arm around my shoulders as we walked, and I glanced up at him. I thought maybe I should shrug out of his grasp to make saying goodbye easier, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.
"I'm not sure I agree with that," he said. "I really don't think that me giving you the money to buy a dog is going to make you think of me every time you look at him, and if it does, you were probably going to think about me, anyway."
"I am not going to think about you," I said resolutely. "I am going to get in my car, go back to my house, and forget this whole amazing, wonderful day ever happened."
"Then, I'm not going to think about you either," he said.
I glanced at him with a little bit of a grimace, and he shrugged at me, causing me to smile.
"I'll definitely not think about that smile," he said. "I won't think about your blue eyes, or your beautiful face, or your fierce determination. I certainly won't think about how funny and silly and clumsy you are underneath all those layers of serious professionalism."
I nudged him with my shoulder as we continued to walk. He had to catch me one time earlier when I was trying to get on the motorcycle, and at the Mexican restaurant, I had tripped on the threshold, forcing him to catch me again. It had been a somewhat clumsy afternoon for me, but I still said, "I am not clumsy."
"I know you're not," he said, sweetly. "I was just playing with you—trying to distract you so you'd let me buy you a dog."
"Maybe I'm a little clumsy," I admitted, "but that's under about twenty-six layers of professionalism. No one would ever see that."
"I love your carefully hidden clumsiness," he said. "And everything else about you."
His words caused a crushing sensation to happen in my chest. He had seen a side of me that I never showed to anyone else. I had become vulnerable in front of him, and now I was left with a feeling of dread and emptiness. How could I be so elated only moments before and now so heartbroken? He was not allowed to use the L word. That was off limits. We continued to talk, drawing ever closer to the parking lot where my car was waiting. I knew I would get into it, drive away, and never see him again. I let out a long sigh as I turned to look at him, shrugging out of his grasp when I did it. Breaking contact was not easy, but it had to be done.
"I guess this is goodbye," I said with a forced smile.
He returned my forced smile, only his was much smaller. "My shoes are in your car."
We walked the remaining distance to my car, and I opened the passenger's side where we had both stashed our shoes. It took us a minute or two to dust the sand off our feet and put on our socks and shoes, and we did it in perfect silence. Several times, I was tempted to say something, and several times, he was too—I could tell by how he took a little breath like he was starting to talk but then changed his mind.
"Okay," he said, once we both finished putting on our shoes. We stood next to each other, but not nearly as close as we had been on the beach. There was at least two feet of space between us, and my heart beat wildly as I contemplated throwing myself into his arms one last time.
"Okay," I agreed. "Thanks again for today."
"Thank you," he said. "I really loved this time with you, Taylor."
Again, with the L word. It caused a swirling sensation to happen in my chest like my insides had turned into a tingly lava lamp. I looked directly at his face—into his golden brown eyes, knowing I needed to say something sincere.
"I liked this time with you, too, Liam Kennedy. I really did. Thank you for inviting me."
He gave me a sad smile. "Thank you for coming."
We stared at each other for several seconds, contemplating saying something more or even kissing again. I just shook my head a little at him as I reached out to give his forearm a little squeeze. It was an awkward but necessary goodbye, and he dug in his pocket, coming up with my keys.
"This won't get any easier, so I guess I should just go," I said, taking my keys from him. Again, I contemplated throwing myself into his arms. I knew he would easily give me one last hug (or even a kiss), but I just couldn't do it. I had to get out of there.
I turned and headed toward the driver's side feeling like my heart was breaking more and more with every step. I opened the door and started to get in, but I glanced over the car at Liam who was still standing there. His hands were in his pockets but he took one of them out and gave me a little wave, wearing a small melancholy smile.
"I loved today," I said. "I shouldn't have said I liked it when I loved it."
His smile grew a little at my words, but he didn't say anything—he didn't have time. I sat in my car, closed the door, and started the engine. I waved at him one last time as I pulled away, but my windows were tinted, and it was dark out, so I don't think he saw me.
I could see him walking toward his hotel as I drove away, and even though I tried not to do it, I cried.