My voice came out little more than a whisper, and given the fact that the dog was barking his head off in the other room and the baby was babbling, neither of my parents heard me.
"Pardon?" my mom said, heading toward us with a smile like perhaps she also thought we were selling something.
I cleared my throat. "Your daughter," I repeated. "Taylor Marie Luttrell."
My mother continued to walk toward me, and in spite of the barking dog, and the babbling toddler, all I could see was her face—the shift in her expression as she realized what I said. She studied me as she slowly approached. In my periphery, I saw my dad get to his feet, but I remained focused on my mom. She had aged significantly. Her face was thin and her skin wrinkled, but her blue eyes were the same. They locked with mine, and for a second, it was like looking at my own reflection. She came to stand a few feet in front of me.
"Taylor?" she asked in a dazed tone.
I nodded. I wanted to reach out to her, but I had no idea what she was thinking or how she would react, so I just stood there. I lifted my palms, basically saying I didn't know what else to say or do.
"Is it really you?" she asked, still looking like she'd seen a ghost.
I nodded. "Yes, it's me," I said.
My mother's face crumpled, and she began weeping. She covered her face with one hand as she reached out with the other to touch me. I was already on the verge of crying anyway, so seeing her break down, set loose my tears. She held onto my shoulder and cried for a few seconds before pulling back to stare at my face. Her fist was still in front of her contorted face, and she stared directly at me, placing her other hand on my cheek and regarding me like it couldn't possibly be true.
I smiled through the tears and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand, feeling so relieved that she was happy to see me.
"Daddy, do you see who it is?" she asked in a high-pitched tone, turning to face my father.
"I recon I do," my dad said, walking toward us. "Taylor?"
"Yes sir."
I thought he might come up to me, but he stopped a few feet away, scanning me from head to toe.
"Where've you been?" John David asked. I glanced at him to find that he was holding his son. My mom clapped her hands, asking Jonah if he wanted to go see her, and the boy leaned and reached for her.
"I live in Los Angeles," I said. "I was in London for a long time, but now I'm back in the states. I'm visiting Liam's family in Tennessee, so we figured we'd drive over here and, uh, you know, see if you guys were home." I was nervous, and my voice came out sounding lower than usual.
"You talk different," John David said. I thought he was pointing out my breathlessness, but he added, "Your accent's different."
I hadn't meant to change or lose my accent since I'd been away, but I knew I must have sounded different than I used to because theirs sounded thicker to me. I smiled at John David. He and my father seemed a little more reluctant about my appearance then my mother did. "I'm surprised I don't have a British accent after being in London for so long," I said, trying to make him smile.
"What'd you do in London?" my dad asked.
"Come in," my mom said before I had the chance to answer. "Y'all come sit down."
"I really have to go," John David said. "Chelsea's waiting on this tape. We've got her family's Christmas party in a little while."
"Oh, well maybe you can bring Chelsea and Molly by to meet your sister." Mom handed Jonah back to my brother, and he turned to look at me.
"I'm not sure how long they'll be here," John David said.
"Can't you stay a while?" my mom asked.
I glanced at Liam. "Maybe an hour or so," I said. Liam gave me a smile that I knew meant it was completely up to me.
"I'll see if we can," John David said. "She's got some cookin' to do before we go over there."
"It's okay if you can't make it back," I said. "I know I didn't give you guys any warning that I was coming. I'm just happy I got to see you." I gave my brother a regretful smile, looking him straight in the eyes. "It was good to see you, John David. I'm really glad you were here. Your son is adorable."
He stared straight at me, and I had no idea what he would say. "I guess maybe you won't be such a stranger next time," he said. His expression was serious but I knew my brother and I could tell he was teasing me.
I smiled. "Maybe I won't," I said. "Maybe I'll stay for dinner next time."
We shared a moment of awkwardness as he went to step around me, and I almost let him walk right by, but I decided to reach out and hug him. He wasn't quite as big as Liam, but he had turned into a man while I was away, and it was a bit surreal. He hugged me back, patting me.
"I guess you went and made a big success of yourself," he said.
"I guess so," I said. I smiled and touched the side of his son's cheek with my finger. "I guess you did too," I added.
"John David's managing the Big Lots," Mom said proudly.
"Manager," I said in an impressed tone. "Pretty young for such a title."
He smiled and shrugged. "Shift leader."
"Still," I said. "Good job."
He looked like he might say something more but then he hesitated and sighed. "Well, we better be going," he said. "Maybe I'll call and see if you're still here when we're on our way to Chelsea's parents'. Maybe we can stop by if you are."
"I'd like that," I said.
John David waved at my parents and thanked them for the tape, and just like that, he and Jonah were gone.
My mother was as nervous to see me as I was to see her. She insisted that we all go into the living room and sit down, but then as soon as we got there, she proceeded to get up and make a pot of coffee. The dog was continually barking from the kitchen, and she let it out when she went in there. It was slightly awkward sitting in the living room with my father who was a quiet person, so the arrival of an excited dog was a welcome distraction.
Coco ran up to Liam and me, sniffing us like crazy. We made small talk with my father about what kind of breed she was and where they had gotten her. Within minutes, Mom came back into the living room with a tray containing four mugs of coffee, a pint-size cardboard container of cream, and a bowl of sugar with a spoon in it. She pointed to the pink and blue packets that were scattered on the bottom of the tray and told us she and Dad used sugar but that she liked to take sweeteners from restaurants and have them around in case they had guests.
Liam and I both took a mug of coffee and sat back with it. We were on the couch, and Dad was in his recliner, so Mom took a dining room chair and pulled it into the living room with us. We offered to make room for her on the couch, but she insisted that she would rather sit in the chair so that she could look at us. She was still really nervous, and she kept adjusting her seating position and folding her legs one way and then the other.
I asked about John David and my other brother, Ricky, and my mom was happy to elaborate on their lives. John David had met his wife at work when she had a job there as a cashier. She had since taken a job teaching pre-school, which was convenient because she got a deep discount on childcare for Jonah and Molly at her work. Mom said she kept the kids when they were sick or when John David and Chelsea otherwise needed a baby sitter, and Dad teased her about how much she loved her grandbabies.
Ricky was living in Hot Springs. He took a year of classes at the community college, but he got a job selling cars at Buddy Varillo's Automall and was doing so well that he quit school to focus on his career. He had recently started dating a girl, but they hadn't met her yet and were looking forward to doing so at Christmas.
Dad was still working at the factory, and mom talked about how he only had five more years to go before he could retire. Things went better when I asked them questions and they answered them. They asked Liam and me a little bit about our jobs, but they seemed a little guarded when we answered, like they weren't really taking in what we said. I ended up just telling them that I worked as a tailor and was really happy and fulfilled with my job.
Liam told them he worked for a security company and mentioned that he got to travel a lot, but he didn't go into what a successful company it was nor did he say that his dad owned it. I did mention that his grandfather had started Bishop Motorcycles. I did it because the conversation about tailoring and Alpha had been met with slight confusion and I thought maybe they could relate to motorcycles. They were impressed, but not like I thought they would be considering how epic that claim to fame was.
I could have taken their disinterest the wrong way and assumed they were still not supportive of me, but I knew in my heart that wasn't the case. Now that I was older and more able to understand, I could tell that my parents were just nervous and not even fully able to take in what I was saying.
I had grown and changed in the years since I had been around them. We were different people; that's all there was to it. I didn't regret leaving home and perusing my dream, but I did regret being out of touch for so long. I already felt happy and peaceful about reconnecting with them, like some lost part of me had been restored.
It was about an hour later when my brother called to see if we were still there. He said he and Chelsea could only stop by for a second, so Liam and I made plans to take our leave afterward.
Chelsea was a nice girl, and it made my heart happy to see my brother with his little family unit. They drove a minivan and everything. I had no idea what my brother told his wife before we met, and I half expected her to treat me funny or judge me for being the sister that had disappeared, but it wasn't like that. She was a sweet girl who seemed really impressed by the fact that I lived in Los Angeles. She asked me if I had ever met Ryan Seacrest or Justin Bieber, and I told her I had, which was the truth. She laughed like she thought I was kidding, but I didn't bother reiterating the fact that I actually had met them both.
She and John David stayed for about ten minutes, and we all walked out together. They drove away before Liam and I did, and we stood in the driveway and said goodbye to my mom and dad.
I reached out to hug my dad. It was the first time I had touched him, and he was stiff at first, but then he patted me on the back a few times, and he was smiling when we broke the contact. He turned to shake Liam's hand, and I faced my mom.
"I hope you come back," she said. "Are you sure you can't stay for lunch? I was gonna make tuna salad."
She had already invited us once, but I told her we needed to get on the road. I was shaking my head and getting ready to repeat that sentiment when her eyes got wide she jumped and said, "Oh, wait, hang on a minute!"
She turned and ran into the house, coming back less than a minute later with a small cylindrical shaped object in her hand. It was wrapped in Christmas paper with a bow on top.
She smiled at me as she thrust it into my hands. "You don't have to open it now. You can open it when you get in the car. It's just a little somethin'. I just wanted to give you something, you know, since it's Christmas. I didn't want to send you off without a present."
My mom was so sweet and nervous giving it to me that it was difficult to hold back tears. I blinked away the tears as I smiled and reached out for a hug. I had come in for a one armed hug because I was now carrying the gift she had handed me. It felt like it could possibly be made of glass and was heavier than I thought it would be. My mother didn't go for the one-armed hug, though. She grabbed me tightly, squeezing me like it might be the last time she ever saw me. It was so tight and full of emotion that my eyes were watering by the time she let go and pulled back to stare at me.
"I know you had to go off and live your life," she said. "But we love you, Taylor, we really do."
I nodded as a tear fell onto my cheek. "I love you too," I said, wiping it away. It was a difficult thing for me to say, but I managed to add, "And I'm really sorry it took me so long to come back home."
Mom tried to smile but it was in vain because her face crumpled with tears. She reached out to squeeze my shoulder because she didn't know what else to do.
"Maybe we'll see you again soon, kid-o."
"Yes ma'am."
Liam hugged my mom and shook my dad's hand, and the next thing I knew, we were on the road, headed back for Memphis.
I opened the gift once we made it to the highway, and I had to cry again when I realized it was a glass jar full of layers of cookie ingredients—flour, sugar, chocolate chips, oatmeal, etc. There was a tag on the top with the handwritten note from my mother giving instructions on how to bake the cookies.
"You might have to bake me those tonight," Liam said from the driver's seat when he realized what I was holding.
I put the jar in the center console and took off my seatbelt so that I could reach him. I leaned over, kissing him on the cheek. It wasn't just a quick kiss, either. I really got out of my chair so that I could do it right. I didn't bump into him or distract him from driving, but I put my hand on the other side of his face so that I could kiss him properly and let him know how very much I loved him. I placed a lingering kiss on his cheek, and then I whispered in his ear. "Thank you."
"For what?"
"You know what for. I never would've gone back there if it weren't for you. I'm so very thankful, Liam. I know they're not perfect or anything, but it felt so good to go back—to talk to them and to know that they're not mad at me."
I gave him another quicker kiss and sat down, holding his hand.
"They are perfect," he said. "It was a perfect morning. I'm happy we went."
"Me too," I said. "I'm really happy. Thank you."