Chapter Thirty-Five

Amber

I felt a bit like an escaped prisoner. I had all the blinds closed tight for no real good reason. I wanted to shut out the world. Last night, I had called and canceled on William thirty minutes before we were supposed to leave. If it had actually been a business trip, I wouldn’t have canceled. I loved my job and would have been professional.

It wasn’t business, though. William had shown up to the office yesterday morning and called me into his private domain. He had announced his plans to whisk me away to our special place. He had reserved the same hotel room we had stayed in before. He had said it was us starting over at the beginning and forgetting about everything that had happened over the past six weeks.

Initially, I had been thrilled. I had thought it was exactly what I needed. I needed to be reminded of the man I first fell in love with. Getting away from the city was a way for us to reconnect without anyone watching or pointing fingers. Throughout the day, he had been particularly affectionate. I had been floating through the day, confident in my ability to make a decision. I was leaning toward William. He was who I had wanted before; I just needed to remind myself of those feelings. We hadn’t had time to do that.

I didn’t know when it happened, but as I was packing my suitcase, something changed. I was apprehensive and realized I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to be alone in a hotel room with him. I didn’t want to have sex with him. Visions of Harry kept flashing into my head. I could see the hurt in his eyes when he found out I had been away with William. I could see the anger. I didn’t want to do that to him.

On impulse, I had canceled the trip. William had been irate. I’d hung up the phone, turned it to silent, and closed the blinds. I didn’t want him to come by or call. I needed time to think.

I had just gotten out of the shower when I heard the doorbell ringing, over and over.

“Hold on!” I called out, quickly pulling on my shirt and jeans.

I looked through the peephole and groaned. William was standing there, and he did not look happy.

I opened the door and looked at him. “What are you doing here?”

“I need to talk to you,” he said, pushing the door open and barging in.

“Okay,” I said, closing the door and turning to face him.

He had been very angry last night. I was surprised to see him. I had figured he wouldn’t talk to me for a few days.

“Amber, this has gone on long enough. You need to make a decision. I’m not sure what the problem is. You told me you loved me. I broke off my engagement so I could be with you, and now you don’t know if you want me. Is this because you slept with Harry?”

My mouth dropped open. “What?” I asked in a hoarse tone.

“I know you slept with him. I don’t care. If you want to be with me, I can forgive you for that. But, I need to know now. I’m not going to keep playing these games.”

I took a deep breath and released it. I was relieved he knew about Harry and I. I would have had to tell him eventually if we had tried to make something work between us. That tidbit of information being out in the open was a good thing.

“I’m not trying to play games. My head is just so messed up. I know what I said to you, and at the time I truly meant every word. I know I asked you to leave her so we could be together. I know that, and I can’t explain why I’m hesitant now. I don’t want to hurt you. I do care about you. I just don’t know if it’s the same as it was before everything happened,” I explained as gently as possible.

He shrugged. He was completely unaffected by my words. “I need to know. I’ll give you until Monday to give me your answer.”

I raised an eyebrow. “You’re giving me a deadline?”

“Yes. You don’t seem to understand how important all this is. I can’t be dangling by a string, waiting for you to make up your mind,” he said as if we were negotiating a business deal.

“So if I don’t give you an answer by Monday, then what happens?” I asked, interested to know what his plan was.

“Then I’ll marry Tiffany.”

My mouth dropped to the ground. “You’ll what?”

“We’ve been talking. She’d like to get back together. If you can’t figure out whether you want me or not, I will go back to Tiffany. I gave you the chance to be with me. The fact that you don’t know if you want me is very telling. You should be jumping at the chance, and yet you are playing some stupid game. You would be lucky to have me, Amber. I’m way above your station in life, and yet I’m willing to be with you. I’m willing to bring you into my world and give you everything you could ever dream of,” he said. “Tiffany, on the other hand, can offer me more than I have. She can give me financial security and open doors for me that no one else can.”

“She has more to offer you than I ever could. Is that what you’re saying?” I asked in disbelief.

He nodded. “In a nutshell, yes. I need you to understand what I am giving up to be with you. Maybe that will help you understand how serious I am about you. I didn’t break up with Tiffany on a whim. I can’t believe you can’t see that!”

I had to sit down. The man could be so cold and calculating at times and warm and friendly at others. It was as if he had an internal switch he could flip back and forth. It was scary. He was acting like a selfish prick at the moment, and I didn’t like him one bit. I wasn’t rich, but I did have self-respect. I hated that he always talked to me as if I should be worshipping at his feet.

I plopped down in a dining chair. “William, I don’t understand. You have one foot out the door before we have even figured out our relationship. You’re obviously not all in. How do you think that makes me feel? If I do decide I want to be with you, I’m always going to be wondering if you have Tiffany waiting in the wings. Is she your backup plan, or am I?”

He released a long sigh and sat down in the other chair. “I’m not trying to be difficult or cold. I have to think about my future. You know I need to settle down. I want to do that with you, but you’re not ready. I’ve given you a week, and you still don’t know if you want to be with me. How do you think that makes me feel? Am I your backup?” he asked sincerely.

He had a point. We were both unsure about each other. That should have been telling enough.

“I understand. I will let you know on Monday,” I said.

“Good,” he said, standing and brushing off his slacks.

That was one of those things that bothered me. Anytime he came to my house, he always brushed himself off as if I had cooties or something. It was offensive.

He leaned down and gave me a quick, chaste kiss on the lips before leaving. I stayed in my chair. I couldn’t believe he was already planning to go back to Tiffany if I didn’t tell him what he wanted to hear. I guessed I couldn’t blame him, but it did tell me a lot about what he was thinking. I knew deep down; my decision had been made from the beginning. I was a coward and couldn’t acknowledge it. I was scared of being rejected—again.

I got up and called Courtney. I needed her advice. She promised to be over within the hour with some takeout. I knew Courtney wasn’t fond of William. She had made herself very clear on that on multiple occasions. I hadn’t had much time to fill her in on everything that had happened the past week. I promised myself to seriously consider her advice. I needed an outside opinion.

“Tell me everything,” Courtney said, her feet propped up on the coffee table and a box of chow mein in her hand.

I gave her the condensed version of events. Her eyes widened and occasionally turned to glares at various parts of my story.

“You have to know Harry is your man,” she said matter-of-factly.

I smiled. “Why? What makes you say that?”

“Every time you say his name, you get a look on your face. Every time you talk about William, you get a very different look. You already know what you want. I don’t understand why you’re holding back.”

I let out a long breath. “Because Harry has never told me he loves me. I know he cares about me. I can see that and feel that from him, but he isn’t exactly relationship material.”

She laughed. “Maybe because he’s never met the right woman. You light up when you talk about him.”

“But William told me he loved me.”

Courtney rolled her eyes. “Was that before or after he told you he was going to go back to Tiffany if you didn’t jump when he demanded?”

I scoffed. “It isn’t like that.”

“Yes, it is. He is keeping the other woman on the back burner. How do you know they haven’t been seeing each other while he waits for you to make up your mind?”

I hadn’t thought of that. “I don’t know. This is so confusing.”

“Look, I think you want Harry, and personally, I think he’s the best choice. I know you’re hesitant because you’re afraid of getting hurt. That’s understandable, but you are never going to know if you don’t talk to him. Maybe he’s too afraid to tell you how he feels. One of you has to make the first move.”

I laughed. “Great. I don’t see myself pouring my heart out. Been there, done that. That turned out real well for me.”

“Technically, it did. He did break off his engagement. I guess the more accurate term would be he put it on pause. So, you pouring your heart out did work,” she pointed out.

“Is it terrible that I regret ever telling William I loved him?”

“No, it isn’t. You thought you did. You’re only just now getting to see his true colors. I think Harry has been straight with you from the beginning. You fell in love with the real Harry. William is a bit of a con man if you ask me. He showed you the side of him he wanted you to see, the side that got you in his bed. Now you’re getting to see the man for who he really is, and that is not at all flattering. Don’t set yourself up for misery. Go with your gut instinct. Even if Harry shoots you down, you’ll be better off. Those are not the only two men in this world. You really need to branch out,” she said with a smile.

“I know. You’re right. I do care for William. I really do, which is why this is so difficult.”

“You’ll figure it out. I have faith in you.”

We both laughed and got busy eating our food. I trusted Courtney and would think about what she had said. Monday was going to be here too soon. I had better make up my mind in a hurry.