Chapter Nine
September 1888
“I have to go back to London for a while,” Luke said, looking up from the letter that had come for him earlier in the day. He’d just arrived home from the work site, where the walls of Hawkesmere House were rising like a phoenix from the ashes of his old life. The thought of having to leave, even for a short time, before the roof was on, distressed him.
“What’s wrong?” Serenity asked, coming to sit beside him on the worn sofa. She’d been cooking dinner when he’d arrived, and the smudge of flour on her cheek made him smile a bit as he set the letter aside.
“Boring business matters,” he told her wearily. “Adrian and Morgan have been handling things remarkably well, but there are a few things I have to be there for, and one of them has raised its ugly head.”
She bit her lip, her gaze troubled. “I’ll miss you.”
He reached out and brushed the flour from her cheek, understanding her dismay. “Don’t worry, angel. I’ll come back soon, I promise.”
“There’s something I’ve been meaning to—” She broke off and stood as Gemma came into the room. “Well, we’ll talk later. I have to see to dinner.”
As he told Gemma of his plans, he was very aware of Serenity moving around in the kitchen, and he wondered what she’d been meaning to say. For the last few days, she’d seemed a bit troubled, and he worried about leaving her if something was wrong.
“Gemma, you’ll take care of her while I’m gone, won’t you?” he asked suddenly, causing Gemma to look at him strangely. “I don’t think she’s been feeling well, and she’s seemed troubled.” He cleared his throat, a bit embarrassed at making his feelings for Serenity known to someone else but concerned enough not to care. “She means the world to me. Please, just promise me you’ll send for me if there’s any need.”
“You love her, don’t you?" Gemma said, and the pain in her eyes made him realize that she was the last person he should have asked this of. She obviously did have feelings for him, and he’d just carelessly broken her heart.
“Yes,” he said helplessly. “I’m afraid I do.”
Gemma squared her slim shoulders, clearing her face of emotion. “Of course, I’ll take care of her. That’s my job, isn’t it?”
Before he could say anything else, she stood and went to help Serenity with dinner. He sat there feeling like a heel but uncertain what he could possibly do to mend it.
Dinner was a quiet, strained affair, reminding him of the first one the three of them had shared. He was glad when it was over, and immediately excused himself and went to his room to pack. But as soon as the house had quieted and he knew Gemma was safely ensconced in her room at the end of the hall, he crept next door.
Serenity sat up in bed, reading, but tossed the book aside the moment she saw him, a glad, welcoming smile on her lips. “I’m so glad you came,” she whispered.
“How could I stay away?” he replied, sliding into the bed and gathering her against him. He hugged her tightly and pressed his lips to the top of her head. “I’m so sorry I have to go away. I wish I could just stay with you always.”
She pulled away a bit, gazing up at him, her green eyes once again troubled. “I know that you can’t. I know that summer is over and that you’ll soon have to go back to your real life.”
He frowned. “I told you I’ll only be gone for a week or so.”
She looked away, her chin trembling. “I just know that the day you leave and don’t come back is coming soon. I’m trying to prepare myself.”
“What are you talking about? I just told you I never want to leave you.” An edge of irritation crept into his voice, even though he knew this was all his fault. He hadn’t yet told her that he wanted to make their relationship permanent. Of course, she was feeling insecure. But he wasn’t ready to have this conversation yet. He was only leaving for a few days, and there would be plenty of time to talk about the future when he got back.
“I know this can’t last,” she whispered. “I’ve always known that. And I want you to know that it’s all right. I’ve enjoyed every moment I’ve spent with you, and I would never try to make you stay.”
He frowned, wishing he could see her eyes. What was she trying to say? Did she want him to leave? For the first time, he wondered if she loved him as much as he loved her. Had he been alone in thinking that they belonged together?
“I don’t know what you want me to say.” This time, he didn’t even try to keep the frustration from his voice. He wanted to ease her fears, but he was suddenly terrified that if he told her how much he cared, he’d find out she didn’t feel the same.
She finally looked back up at him, her eyes welling with tears. “I don’t want anything from you, Luke. That’s what I’m trying to say.”
Her words washed over his heart like acid. He wanted to give her the world, but how could he, when she constantly told him she didn’t need him?
“Maybe I should just go back to my room and get some sleep,” he said stiffly.
She nodded jerkily, her eyes filled with tears. “I think that would be best.”
Ask me to stay. Pride stinging, he hesitated just a moment longer, then stood up, looking down at her, knowing that he’d done everything wrong tonight and promising himself that when he returned, he’d do better.
“I’ll see you in the morning,” he whispered, then went back to his room alone.
* * *
Serenity stared, wide-eyed, as a fancy coach bearing the Earl of Hawkesmere’s crest came lumbering slowly up the unkempt gravel drive that led to the cottage. Luke had gone to London to take care of some pressing business a few days ago, but he wasn’t supposed to return for another week.
She darted back into the house and checked her appearance in the hallway mirror, frowning as she tucked a few wayward strands of pale hair back into place. She still felt guilty for what had happened between them the night before he left. Even though he’d been sweet and tender when he’d kissed her goodbye the next morning, she hadn’t been able to banish the thought that something had changed irrevocably between them.
Biting her lip nervously, she pressed her hand to her stomach, wishing she hadn’t tried to tell him about her fears. Or maybe she should have tried harder. She was so worried and confused she didn’t know what to do.
“Gemma,” she cried. “There’s someone coming up the drive.” Though she hoped that Luke was returning early, he’d always seemed to prefer riding his horse.
Gemma poked her head out of the parlor, her dark eyes wary, blinking with confusion. “What is the countess doing here?”
Serenity shook her head and bit her lip, suddenly having a bad feeling about this. Before they could discuss the matter further, a loud knock sounded at the door. Gemma moved around Serenity and opened it, revealing a handsome dark-haired footman in blue livery.
“Lady Winters would like to speak to Miss Pratt,” he announced, giving Serenity what could only be described as a sympathetic glance.
Serenity swallowed dryly. “Of course,’ she murmured, wondering why in the world Luke’s mother would want to speak with her. “Please, tell her she’s more than welcome.”
The footman nodded and retreated, returning moments later at the elbow of a lovely blonde woman who didn’t look nearly old enough to have a child of Luke’s age.
“Miss Pratt,” the countess said, as she entered the foyer and looked around haughtily. “May I have a moment of your time?”
“Yes,” Serenity said, giving Gemma a helpless glance. “Please, come into the parlor. Miss Cross will bring us some refreshments.” Being relegated to the role of servant would annoy Gemma, but there really wasn’t anything else she could do. She’d never entertained anyone other than Luke and Gemma and had no idea how to behave in the presence of a countess, especially the mother of her beloved Luke.
As expected, Gemma stomped off with a snippy look on her face. Serenity turned to face Lucien’s mother, the bad feeling in the pit of her stomach blooming to outright nausea when she noticed the woman glaring daggers at her stomach. Though she knew there was no way the countess could know that she was with child, it certainly seemed that she suspected it.
But that was impossible. No one knew. She hadn’t even told Luke yet, though that’s what she’d tried to do before he left. Had he guessed?
“Please,” she murmured. “Make yourself at home.”
The countess turned up her nose at the shabby sitting room and sat on the very edge of the nearest chair, her posture painfully erect. Serenity sat nervously across from her, glad for the distraction of Gemma returning from the kitchen with a tray laden with tea and biscuits.
Once the countess had been served, and Gemma had discretely left the room, Serenity tried once again to ascertain the purpose of her visit. “What may I do for you, my lady?”
The countess took a sip of her tea and then put the chipped porcelain cup down, staring at Serenity like a cat toying with a mouse. “It isn’t what you can do for me, young lady. It’s what I can do for you.”
“Do for me?” Serenity asked nervously.
“Yes. I’m speaking of your… involvement with my son, of course. You see, he’s grown tired of keeping company with you. He’ll begin courting the girl he’s to marry soon. He’s worried that you will cause problems for him, so I’ve come on his behalf to take care of the unpleasant situation before he returns from London.”
Unpleasant situation?
Serenity thought of the last time they’d spoken, how he’d come so frustrated with her. What a fool she’d been. She’d known he’d never marry her, but for him to not even have the courage to break things off in person, to send his mother to do it for him, killed something deep inside her.
“He could have simply told me himself and not bothered you with a trip all the way out to the country. I will be out of the cottage by the end of the day,” Serenity said, her chin lifting, determined to be strong, even though she had no idea where she would go. She wasn’t someone who needed to be taken care of. She’d given her whole heart and soul to Luke, but if he didn’t love her back, she certainly didn’t want his charity.
“You misunderstand me,” the countess said quietly, the steel in her gaze belying her soft voice. “I cannot allow a woman who is carrying the earl’s child to simply walk away. We will provide a place for you, a stipend. We must ensure the child is taken care of. Miss Cross will go with you if you wish it.” As though the matter was settled, she got to her feet, shaking her head. “I pity you, child. You had to have known this wouldn’t end well for you.”
Yes, she’d known. She’d never doubted it, not really. She’d tried to have faith in Luke, to trust him as he’d asked, but this relationship had been doomed from the start. He was simply too high above her. She should never have tried to make such a leap.
Serenity merely bowed her head, refusing to give the woman whatever it was she was looking for.
“Well,” the countess said with a sniff. “I will have another carriage come for you this evening. Make sure you are packed and ready to go.”
The need to know where she was being sent bubbled inside of Serenity, but she didn’t ask. She supposed it didn’t matter. This cottage was the only home she’d ever known. She had no one, except for the child within her, so she didn’t care where she went, as long as she had a roof over her head.
“I will be ready,” she said in resignation. She held her composure until the woman climbed into her coach. Then Serenity ran upstairs to her room and completely broke down, mourning her lost love and dreams.