I hit Mom’s house first, and she’d almost leaped out of her skin when I appeared in the kitchen while she was cutting up vegetables for dinner.

Denver acted like he didn’t care, but he still gave me a hug which he hadn’t done since he was little.

Macy was there, too, and man could that kid scream.

I spent the night at home. Telling my mom all about college, about the papers I was taking and the friends I’d made—even though I’d already told her most of it on the phone. Leaving out the part about the club I was working in being more strip club than the restaurant slash bar I’d told her it was.

The next morning, I was driving up to the clubhouse in Mom’s car after offering to drop Macy off for her, so I could see Uncle Leo and Hadley and have cuddles with Creed.

My stomach twisted into knots as I pulled up at the gates, and Levi stepped up to the driver’s door with a confused look on his face. “Hey, Meyah, wasn’t expecting to see you until next weekend.”

I shrugged. “Had to shuffle a few things around. Couldn’t get away next weekend and wanted to see everyone.” His head bobbed up and down. “Uncle Leo home?”

“Yeah, girl, head in. I’m sure everyone’s going to be surprised.” The tone of his voice seemed a little off, like he wasn’t sure about what the reaction would be to my homecoming.

Maybe it was a mistake.

What if I walked in there and Ham was there?

What if he’d already moved on?

The hurt I’d felt when I’d walked in on him and Jess was going to be nothing compared to what I was going to feel if I had to see him with someone else. My heart leaped up into my throat, and suddenly I thought maybe this wasn’t a good idea. Perhaps I wasn’t ready to see him again. I fucking loved him. I was meant to be his old lady. I was meant to be standing at his side supporting him and doing all those things that the other old ladies had talked about.

Loving him when things weren’t perfect.

Loving him when I knew he was out doing bad things.

Loving him when I knew it could get me killed.

I was ready to do that.

To fucking throw it all in, and just let whatever be will be. I was ready to live in the moment and be thankful for the time we had, knowing it could end at any moment.

At least, I thought I was.

I’d convinced myself I was.

But then it was all over.

A door opened, and I took the first exit and ran.

Everything I’d prepared myself for, everything I’d imagined for the past year, it was all gone and I was left hurt, confused, and without my rock to keep me grounded.

I heard a click, but I didn’t move. My door was open, I knew Uncle Leo was standing there. Tears burned at my eyes as I leaned back in the seat, my hands in my lap, trying to keep some kind of control over my emotions. In reality, I wanted to throw the car into reverse and just get the hell out of there.

“I need to go.” My voice was barely a whisper, I didn’t even recognize it, and it was nowhere near as strong as I’d imagined it in my head. Confidence was apparently out the window, and everything I’d imagined myself doing or saying was all a joke.

“You need to get out of the car,” Uncle Leo ordered, reaching in and switching off the ignition before pulling the keys out and tucking them into his back pocket.

My heart hurt. It was hard to breathe.

I’d done okay up until now.

I cut the ties and walked away.

I tried to make myself a different person. A person who could stand on her own two feet and be independent.

But there was still part of me who was that same girl who ran out of the clubhouse that day, thinking the guy who had slowly tightened his hand around my heart, capturing it as his, would hold it close and protect it. But instead, he’d ripped it from my chest and tossed it away like a regular piece of trash.

“Meyah. Get out of the car.”

Another door clicked open and my eyes flicked to the rearview mirror where Blizzard was reaching in and helping Macy out of the car. Macy was looking at me with wide and confused eyes, like she didn’t know how I could be happy and singing along to Taylor Swift with her one moment, and then the next suddenly be a mental case who needed locking up the next.

I shook my head and reached up to pinch between my eyes. “What the hell am I doing? I shouldn’t have come. I’m not ready to see him.”

“Meyah—”

“I just want to go—”

“He’s not here,” Uncle Leo cut in, grabbing my chin in his hand and turning my gaze toward him. I met his eyes, expecting to see anger to match his harsh tone. But instead, I saw worry and fear. He searched my eyes as if he was scanning for injuries.

They were there, but he would never find them.

They were too deep.

His other hand swept through my hair before coming around to my cheek. He cradled my face in his hand and released a heavy sigh. “Baby girl, you’re okay. Ain’t nothing gonna hurt you here, I promise.”

Club members were standing around, old ladies too, all looking at me with a mixture of sadness and pity—that one look I’d been trying to avoid for months now.

I felt like a fucking idiot.

I inhaled a shaky breath that, before blowing it out long and slow, then launched myself at Uncle Leo. He caught me in his arms and squeezed me tightly against his body. That soothing smell of leather and the brush of his beard against my face was home, something I’d missed more than I could have ever anticipated.

“Damn it, girl, it’s good to fucking see you. But I thought you were gonna come home next weekend.”

I forced a smile, trying to find my composure as he lowered me to my feet. “I couldn’t get off work next weekend. I thought I’d surprise you.”

“Well, trust me, I’m surprised.” I didn’t miss the way he looked over me at the people surrounding us before his eyes came back to settle on me. “Come on. Let’s go inside.”

Something was wrong.

I stood a little taller, narrowing my eyes at my uncle. “What’s going on?” I turned, looking at the handful of brothers and old ladies who were standing around us. “Why’s everyone being weird?”

So much for thinking this was going to be a big surprise, and that everyone would be excited to see me like I was to see them.

He’s not here.

My heart skipped a beat and my brow knotted.

“Where is he?”

Suddenly, my stomach was churning, and it wasn’t at the idea of seeing Ham.

It was twisting at the idea of why he wasn’t there.

What the hell was going on?

“Come on, Meyah. Let’s go—”

“Where. Is. He?”

It was Romeo who stepped out of the clubhouse, his arms folded across his chest, and he held that familiar scowl on his face. His eyes were deadly and dark like he hadn’t smiled since I was gone, and he was drowning in something.

I thought I was prepared.

But it was the words that came out of his mouth next that I never expected.

“He’s in Limestone County Jail.”

My uncle whipped his head around and glared at Romeo, who just straightened his shoulders and lifted his chin.

“She deserved to fucking know.”

I was too stunned to say anything for a few seconds.

“Is that a j-joke?” I asked, my voice catching as I fought through a mix of emotions hit me.

When no one answered, I realized it wasn’t a joke. They were serious. Ham was in the fucking county jail, and I had no damn idea.

“He didn’t want you to know,” Blizzard commented, as he leaned against the building as if that was all the explanation needed.

But instead, it was like a punch in the gut.

He asked them to keep it from me.

I wasn’t sure what upset me more. The fact he was locked up in a jail cell, or that he’d asked them to keep it from me.

This was my family, too.

“How long as he been there?”

“Since the day you ran out of here like the devil was on your heels,” Romeo responded—obviously the only one who was going to.

No one else was saying anything, but I knew why. They had loyalty to Ham, one that they wouldn’t give up for fucking anything—not even me.

Romeo though, his loyalty was completely different.

Romeo would protect his brother at any cost, but he wouldn’t keep his mouth closed when he felt like something needed to be said.

He’d been locked up since I left.

I honestly didn’t know what to feel. I fucking loved him—that’s bullshit, I still love him. I didn’t want to see him in jail, locked up like an animal, treated like shit, with no one at his back. I didn’t want that for anyone I cared about, whether he and I were together or not.

I knew he’d be missing his family.

I knew he’d be feeling alone.

I wanted to hate him. To be able to think that he deserved it for what he’d done—a dose of karma. But I didn’t feel that way at all, and that made me more fucking upset.

“Is he getting out?”

There was a silent question between the men, moving from one to the other.

Should they tell me now that I knew?

Or should they still keep their mouths closed?

It was Optimus that finally spoke up, “We’re hoping he might be out this coming week if the court date goes well.”

I opened my mouth, ready to barrage him with questions, but he held up his hand, a stern look on his face.

“You need to talk to him about the rest. It’s not up to us. It was his request to keep you in the dark, and all we did was follow it.”

I gritted my teeth and turned to my uncle, feeling hurt and angry. “Is this why you didn’t want me to come home until next weekend?”

He didn’t answer, but I already knew the answer.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you say something?”

It was a lie. One that my entire family had been in on.

Uncle Leo and Hadley—the two people I looked up to and loved more than anything. Emma, my best friend. These people who I’d called my family.

Suddenly, I felt like that wasn’t the case at all.

I was embarrassed and angry.

I felt stupid.

They all knew.

“Let’s go inside, Meyah,” Uncle Leo insisted, reaching for me.

I snatched my arm away from his grasp, staring up at him with narrowed eyes and tears balancing on my lashes. He clenched his jaw tightly, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw people start to move away and head inside. Only Romeo, Blizzard, and Optimus stayed, but they stood back.

“You’re his old lady. His. It’s his call. Not mine.”

“Not anymore. He gave up that right the moment he stuck his dick inside another girl.” I saw my uncle clearly flinch at my use of words, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t a little girl anymore. After I said the words, something else clicked inside my head, and instantly, I felt like the world was caving in around me. “But that was something you all knew about, too, wasn’t it, and nobody said a damn thing.”

Uncle Leo shook his head. “You don’t just walk away from being an Old Lady, Meyah. That’s not how it works here.”

“Yeah. I’m starting to see how it works here. You take his side, and screw how I feel about it,” I threw back. “The word family mean anything to you?”

“Yeah, it means a lot to me,” he growled, in a tone I’d heard him use before, but he’d never directed at me. It sent a chill through my body. It made me want to run, get the hell out of there, and Leo had always been the one I would run to when I was scared. “But apparently, you’re willing to turn your back on it in the blink of an eye and fly halfway across the damn country like we don’t matter. Without even a fucking goodbye.”

I took a step back, a jolt running through my body like I’d been shocked, and my heart stopped.

“That’s enough,” Optimus ordered sternly, finally stepping forward like the referee in a boxing match when he could tell one of the fighters had taken a heavy hit and he was going down.

That was me.

I felt Uncle Leo’s words like a right hook.

Holy shit! Was I being a totally selfish bitch?

I backed away.

This wasn’t our relationship.

We were stronger than this. And if we didn’t stop now, one of us was going to get hurt.

“I need to go,” I whispered, holding out my hand for the keys to my mom’s car.

Uncle Leo clenched his fists and shook his head, but I could see the anger starting to leave him. “Girl, just come inside. I haven’t seen you in fucking months.”

My throat burned with emotion, and I coughed, trying to clear it. “I love you. But right now, I think it’s better if I just go clear my head… before one of us says something we’re gonna regret.”

“You’re upset…”

“I’ll go with her,” Romeo offered, stepping forward. And at this moment, given he was the only one willing to stand up and tell me the truth, it was probably a good idea it was him. He walked around to the passenger’s side, Uncle Leo watching him like a hawk with his eyes narrowed. Romeo, though, he wasn’t scared of anyone. My uncle, who would usually make people shit their pants, was barely a blip on his radar.

And right now, I needed someone who was going to stand on my side.

“Please,” I murmured, reaching out my hand a little further.

Reluctantly, he reached into his back pocket and pulled out the keys, placing them in my hand. When I closed my hand around them, he didn’t let go, and instead tugged me forward. His arms came around me, wrapping me in his warmth and soothing the raging anger inside me for a brief moment.

I let him hold me against his chest taking one last moment to inhale and breathe in the smell I knew so well.

Maybe I was being a bitch.

Or maybe I was just hurt.

Either way, things were only going to turn to shit if I stayed in this place any longer.

When he finally released me, I didn’t waste a moment, turning and walking straight to the car and climbing inside. Romeo doing the same.

Uncle Leo, Op, and Blizzard all watched as I pulled out, managing to hold in the tears until I got out the gates and down the road. I slammed my palms against the wheel in anger, cursing as I sped away.

“You need to speak with Ham,” Romeo announced like he wasn’t watching me have a complete and utter tantrum-type meltdown, while also trying to drive a car. “Finally, sort all this shit that’s been festering for these past few months. It should have been me in there you know, not him. But no, he had to go be a hero, and now because of me you’re both fucked.”

I didn’t understand what he meant by it being his fault, but at that stage, I was running on empty. Jet lag. Anger. And a fair dose of motorcycle club reality. Mix it up, and I felt like I was about to lose my fucking head.

“How the hell am I meant to do anything when everyone has decided my part in this is second? I love your brother, but he about destroyed me, Romeo. How am I meant to look him in the eye?”

He groaned and threw his head back. “You two are just as stubborn as each other. You need to talk to him,” he snapped.

“How?” I cried back, sick of being lectured and told what the fuck to do.

“I know how.”