“I can’t believe Bowie told you,” I groused. I wanted to pace but there was no freaking room in Scarlett’s stuffed house.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me! We’re family!” Scarlett hollered. She was on the other side of the armchair and two laundry baskets full of Devlin’s gym clothes.

“You don’t know the whole story. And you’re not exactly known for keeping your mouth shut!”

Her green eyes narrowed, and I knew I was entering the Danger Zone.

“You think I don’t know Connelly’s basically tied you to a desk and is holding your employment hostage? And do you really think Bowie came a runnin’ telling tales about you? Why I’m so mad at you right now, Cassidy Ann, I could spit!”

“Bowie told you something I asked him not to.” Christ. Did this mean he’d spilled the beans about the photos of Callie Kendall, too? My head was starting to hurt and only part of it was the smell from those fluorescent orange deviled eggs.

“Now you listen here, Deputy Assface,” Scarlett said, climbing over the armchair and scaling the coffee table. “Gibson guessed that you two had hooked up and Bowie did that twitchin’ thing he does when he’s lying so we all knew.”

“All? All who?” My voice was an octave higher than usual.

“The whole damn family. Since Black Friday. I gave you two dang weeks to tell me the truth! My best friend and my brother and you don’t think I deserve to know?”

I flinched. “It’s not that you didn’t deserve to know. It’s just…complicated.”

“I don’t fucking care if its astrophysics! This keeping shit to yourself has got to stop.” She was close enough to drill a finger into my nameplate on my uniform. “Get this straight, deputy, handling shit is one thing, but shutting people out on purpose is another thing.”

I set my jaw. “Look. I’m sorry. I didn’t know how serious this was gonna get and I didn’t want you to get excited if we burned out and there was nothing to get excited over. Plus, Connelly doesn’t want me to have anything to do with y’all. If he knew that Bowie and I are dating, he’d have my badge.”

“Dev! Find out if that’s a possibility,” Scarlett screeched at the patio doors. “I know what you’re doing. Bowie hurt you way back when and you made it your mission in life to never rely on anyone again. That’s some shit for you two to work out. But I have never once in my entire life let you down.”

I couldn’t say the same thing to her. Not honestly.

“There are reasons. My job—”

“Your daddy’s been doin’ his job an awful long time without shutting people out and alienating them,” she shot back.

That took the wind out of my sails a bit.

“Look,” Scarlett said, crossing her arms over her chest. “I’m not saying you should be breaking laws for us. I’m saying use your discretion to not be some asshole’s puppet. That Connelly sat on those DNA results until they’d make the biggest impact and then he pulled together a dog and pony show and brought the press down on us like locusts. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if he were the one who leaked the results.”

She must have seen the look on my face because Scarlett gave me a shove. “I knew it! And you didn’t tell me? What the hell is your problem?”

I looked out through the glass and noted that Bowie and Devlin were staring out into the dark, pretending they couldn’t hear us.

“My problem is he thinks I’m only here because my daddy gave me a job.”

“Fuck. That. Why are you trying to prove yourself to a man who is obviously a ginormous fucking moron?”

“Because maybe he’s right!” I shouted back.

Scarlett rolled her eyes. “Now you’re being an idiot.”

“What if he’s right? What if I don’t belong on the force? What if the only reason I got this job was because my daddy gave it to me?”

“You’re letting him get in your head. You’re letting some asshole stranger come in and tell you how to live your life. You’re letting him wreck your job and turn your friends into enemies. Worst of all, you’re letting him come between you and the guy you’ve loved since pre-school.”

I flopped back on the couch, suddenly too tired to fight. Besides, Scarlett didn’t like to hit people when they were sad.

“You keepin’ secrets is you choosing Connelly over us when he’s done nothing to deserve your loyalty. Stop treating us like the enemy and start treating him like one.”

I was so tired of all the secrets. They were piling up left and right like firewood. Sooner or later it would all catch fire.

“Fine. I think Connelly’s so tied up in this personal vendetta that he’s ignoring important pieces of the investigation,” I told her. “Mrs. Kendall turned in photos of Callie’s self-inflicted injuries and far as I can tell, he hasn’t even had a conversation with her or the judge about them.”

To her credit, Scarlett didn’t immediately jump all over me with questions.

“And for the record, Bowie knows about the pictures but only because the Kendalls brought them up in front of him. And if word leaks about them, Connelly’s gonna know it came from me and that would be the final nail in my professional coffin.”

Scarlett’s wheels were turning. She was a fixer, a burn-it-downer. I couldn’t tell which way she was leaning at this point.

“I’ve been seeing your brother since right before Thanksgiving. He agreed to a six-week trial to see if there’s something real between us.”

“And is there?” Scarlett asked expectantly.

“Of course there is,” I looked to the glass door, wondering if he could hear me. “I love him. Always have. Worse yet, I’m in love with him. But we keep rubbing up against my job. I’ve wanted this forever, Scar. I’ve wanted to be a cop in Bootleg and I’ve always wanted to be Bowie Bodine’s girl. Why can’t I have both?”

“Listen up, Cass. You listen up good. Just because twenty-three-year-old Bowie hurt you, doesn’t make him a bad guy. And just because this Connelly fella is the law, doesn’t automatically make him a good guy.”

She paced toward me and back around the debris of her newly combined life. “You’ve gone and let both of them influence how you feel about yourself. That’s your damn problem. You keep letting other people’s opinions about you influence your own. And it’s none of your damn business what other people think of you. Your job is to go out there and be the best damn Cassidy Tucker you can be. Not livin’ up or down to someone else’s take on you.”

I blinked. Several times. “Is that what I’m doing?”

Scarlett dramatically collapsed on the floor and covered her face with her hands. “Dear Lord, grant me the serenity to not murder all of my dumbass friends and family,” she moaned.

“What in the hell am I supposed to do?” I asked, exasperated.

“Figure out what the hell you want. Do you want to be a deputy? Do you want to be with my brother?”

“Yes, but how—”

“Does knowing the people you’re policing diminish your ability to be good at your job?”

“No, but—”

“Do you want to wake up to Bowie every Christmas morning for the rest of your life?”

Yes.

I did. I wanted a lifetime with the man. Of cookies baking in the oven, babies laughing, kisses stolen in the pantry, of quiet nights where nothing else mattered but his skin against mine.

Not trusting my voice and not really wanting Bowie to know all of this mess, I nodded.

Scarlett rolled up into a seated position. “Then stop letting other people dictate how you live your life. Stop trying to do everything all by your lonesome. Start standing up for yourself. Share. Be part of this life, not just some outsider lookin’ in and keepin’ secrets. And for Pete’s sake, stop lying to your best friend in the whole world!”

“That is a whole lot of conflicting advice,” I pointed out.

But Scarlett was done with me.

“A secret relationship?” she scoffed to herself as she climbed to her feet. “That’s the dumbest damn thing I’ve heard all week.” She headed toward the patio doors.

“He got in my head,” I admitted. Connelly had prodded the cracks that I’d developed after Bowie broke my heart. I wasn’t good enough. My instincts were off. I didn’t belong here.

“Well now, I think it’s time you got in his.”

“I might have something,” I admitted. “I did a little internet research.”

“Did you now?” Scarlett nodded her approval.

“Speaking of. That Shelby girl from boot camp? She’s a journalist. I think she’s trying to get to y’all through Jonah. I haven’t told him yet.” I thought back to his “ah, shucks” face at Shelby’s compliments. The guy had to be lonely out here away from his mother and friends. But accidentally cozying up to a reporter wasn’t the answer.

Scarlett’s eyes narrowed. “Oh, we’ll see about that.”

We were silent for a beat and then another one.

“I don’t want to see you fuck this all up, Cass,” Scarlett confessed. “You gotta understand that obeying crooked authority isn’t doing the right thing. Neither is making yourself small and your wants few. Deep down you know what’s right. You know what you want out of life. So don’t fuck that up just because you’re scared.”

I nodded again, and she reached for the patio door. Bowie and Devlin were probably frozen out there.

“Thanks, Scar,” I said softly.

“Don’t thank me. I’m mad at you, Cass. You’re gonna have to make this disappointment up to me in a big way.” She turned away from me and toward the porch. “Y’all can come back in.”

“Good,” Bowie said. “We’re freezin’ out here and the pizza’ll be here in five.”