Max’s entire body went numb.
He thought he’d misheard the answer to his question until the gasps and murmurs from the surrounding audience began. Then as quickly as that, the hurt slammed into him. A sharp pain, swift and hot, stabbed into his heart repeatedly like a deranged psychopath.
No? She’d told him no? He didn’t understand. Not because he was so conceited that he thought all women in the world wanted him. It was just that…this one did. He felt it. Hell, he could see it in her teary eyes right now. She loved him, damn it. Why the hell wasn’t she accepting his proposal? He thought for sure that, by helping her achieve her goals, she would forgive him and move past it all…with him.
Hot lava flowed in his veins, yet her rejection of him had caused an aching sensation deep down inside of him. As if anger and hurt waged war in his head. But Max pushed aside the hurt feelings because being pissed felt better. “You mean, you won’t marry me. Because can’t and won’t are two very different things.”
She sniffled and swiped at the steady tears trailing down both cheeks. “It’s both. I’m sorry.”
He stood, dusting off his knee. He’d been hurt a lot in his life, but none of it compared to the way she’d just torn his heart in two. “Is this your way of hurting me back, Jess? Because if so, let me tell you, it worked beautifully. I’m hurt.”
She shook her head adamantly. “No, of course not. I don’t want to hurt you, Max.”
“Yet, like you said to me…it didn’t stop you from doing just that.”
“This wasn’t payback. Please don’t think that, Max.”
“What the hell else am I supposed to think?” The woman he loved was standing right in front of him, and he couldn’t have her. It was fucking killing him. “Tell me why you refuse to marry me.”
“Because you still don’t get it.”
What the fuck was he supposed to get? “Baby, how do I know what it is you want from me if you don’t tell me?”
She breathed out a hard, stuttered breath. “You. That’s all I want. I don’t need the restaurant or the pretty ring. What I need is you.”
Max rubbed at his face. “You’re right. Then I just don’t get it. Because I just offered myself on a platter, and you snubbed your nose at it.”
“No. What you offered was a diluted version of yourself and expected me to jump at the chance to have only a part of you. But I won’t settle, Max. If you only want to show the side of you that you think people will like, then that’s fine. But with me, it’s either all or nothing. There is no in between.” Another tear fell.
Christ. Only then did he know what he needed to do. This was something he planned to share with her later once he got her alone, but it was clearly what she needed now. God, he hated being vulnerable. Especially with so many prying eyes on him. But he wasn’t going to risk losing her just to save his pride. He leaned down and picked up the brown envelope off the ground. He hadn’t even remembered dropping it, but he must’ve done so when she’d surprised him with her answer to his proposal.
He held the envelope out to her. “The other day when I was standing inside your house begging your forgiveness, you asked me to sacrifice something that I wasn’t ready to give up. I planned to do this in private later anyway, but if this is what you need from me, then now’s just as good a time as any.”
“What is it?” she asked, taking the envelope from him warily.
“A part of me. A big part.”
She opened the large envelope and slid out a blown-up photo of Max as a teenager. A very heavy, overweight teenager with severe acne, crooked teeth, and a mullet hairdo.
“That’s what I looked like fifteen years ago when I was a teenager. I was the chubby kid who got picked on relentlessly all throughout my early school years. In high school, it only got worse.”
“I’m sorry. Kids can be so cruel sometimes.”
“I thought the same thing. And then I got out of high school and found that it didn’t get any better. Adults can be the same way. So I got a haircut, visited a dermatologist, got some braces, and then began a strict diet regimen and exercise plan that took off the extra weight.”
“You didn’t have to do that for…those people. Who cares what they think?”
“You’re right. The reason I lost weight was because I had a history of being bullied. But honestly, once I became more fit, I discovered I actually liked being in shape and didn’t want to go back to how I was before. Women gave me the time of day. Other men didn’t kick sand in my eyes. No one made fun of me.” He glanced over to Sam and grinned. “Well, except for that bastard, but he doesn’t count.”
Several people chuckled, including Sam. “Someone has to keep that ego of yours in check, buddy.”
Max grinned and glanced back to Jessa. “Here’s the thing though. I thought I had adopted a healthier lifestyle all those years ago, but I was wrong. I mean, I did physically. I ate right and exercised regularly, which changed the way I looked on the outside. But mentally, I still had my guard up and kept others at a distance. I told people what they wanted to hear rather than the truth about me.
“Even the attention I received from women only led to a string of unhealthy sexual relationships that were never fully satisfying. Not because of whichever woman I was with at the time. It was all on me. I’m not proud of it, but I charmed women into my bed. But in the end, I was the one who was unsatisfied because I couldn’t seem to let down my guard completely with them.”
“Why?” Jessa asked.
“Because none of them ever challenged me to. And I needed that. Because I never risked anyone liking the real me. Hell, I think even I was starting to believe my own bullshit.”
“After what you went through, I think we can all understand that,” Jessa said, sympathizing with him.
“Maybe. But I never truly let go of the past. I may have changed the way I looked on the outside, but deep down inside of me, I’m still him.”
Her eyes watered. “Oh, Max. That’s not true.”
“It is,” he said, pointing to the photo. “I’ve always been that chubby kid who got into trouble because he was trying to keep others at a distance. The same one who hid himself away because he didn’t think people would like who he was. The kid who didn’t know how to handle himself when he was in an uncomfortable situation so he overate as a form of self-medication. But I learned something about myself. I am still him, but I’m also a better version. I can control myself.”
She nodded. “Of course you can. You’re the strongest man I know, Max. You can do anything you put your mind to. But you don’t have anything to prove to anyone.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Jess.” He reached for her, threading his fingers into her hair around the base of her neck. He gazed lovingly into her eyes, wanting her to see the truth there. “I need to prove to you that I’m the man for you. The one who will love you forever and never let you go.”
Her eyes welled up with tears again. “You’ve already proven that to me. It took a lot of bravery to show me this and face your past in front of a crowd of people.”
His forehead lowered to hers, and he breathed out a sigh. “I don’t see anyone here but you and me…and that’s just how I want it. You and me. Forever. Please, baby, say you’ll marry me. I want you to be mine.”
She swallowed hard. “Being with you is all I’ve wanted since I met you. I’m yours, Max.”
“That’s a yes?” he asked, his heart swelling with hope.
She wrapped her arms around his neck. “Yes!”
“Thank God.” Max caught her around the waist and lifted her, swinging her in a circle as everyone cheered and applauded his victory. “I love you, sweetheart.”
“I love you too,” she said, laughing.
He set her back down and closed the gap between them, covering her mouth with his. Almost instantly, several wolf-whistles came from the crowd, along with a couple of men telling them to get a room. Which Max planned to do as soon as he could talk Jessa into taking the day off.
His woman. Forever.
Damn, he loved the sound of that.