CHAPTER NINETEEN

Kelly

I drove my car back to the farm and Reese went ahead, driving his pickup. When we arrived he jumped out first and ran in with a bag of supplies. I followed, more slowly. I felt drained. I also felt revitalized.

I was so pleased to see Reese again.

He appeared at the door a moment later and let me in. He looked breathless, and I realized, when I smelled furniture polish, that he’d quickly been tidying up. I grinned to myself. We went through to the kitchen. Sat down.

“I know I didn’t seem it,” I said slowly, “but I’m glad to see you.”

He gave a small laugh. “Well, I’m pleased to see you too. I was worried for you.”

“You were?” I felt touched.

“Mm.” He nodded. He was busy with the kettle, making us both coffee. I sighed, appreciating it.

“Well, I’m okay,” I sniffed. “Stressed, but okay.”

“That’s good.” He was setting out the cups, focusing on what he was doing. I envied him that focus as I twitched in my seat, making little patterns on the salt on the table with my finger.

It was odd to be sitting here. It felt like so much had happened since I was last here, though it was really only twenty-four hours earlier.

My grandfather had an emergency operation. I packed up. Reese came to see me.

Reese.

I sighed. After a moment I just sat back, letting my eyes take in everything. Soon I would be in LA. Reese would be a distant memory. I wanted to imprint him on my consciousness, to take every tiny detail back.

The way his hair curls over his forehead. His clean-cut cheekbones. His lithe-muscled body.

I sighed. How many tiny details made up one person? Sound, sight. Smell. There were too many routes for a person to captivate one.

How was I going to walk away?

“Here,” he said. He put the coffee down in front of me and I lifted it, breathing in the delicious smell. I sighed.

“Thanks, Reese.”

“Not at all,” he said. He lifted his own coffee and drank. He seemed as distant as I was, as if he was also wandering in a place of sad thoughts.

I cleared my throat. “Thanks for coming to visit,” I said with a half-smile.

He laughed. “I almost got myself arrested there,” he said. “I have a tip: if you’re going to have to sneak into a hospital to see someone, make sure you know the person’s name.”

I felt my lips tremble with mirth and then started laughing. It was a good laugh, big and cleansing.

He joined in and soon we were both at it, chuckling with our faces streaked with tears and our shoulders shaking with humor. It wasn’t funny, not exactly. It was the relief that made us laugh. It felt good. I was coughing when I stopped.

“What…what did she do?” I choked.

“Well, luckily, nothing,” he said frankly. “Though I really thought she’d call the cops or something.”

“A good thing too,” I said. “Imagine, you could have been anyone!”

We both laughed again and I shook my head, grinning at him.

“Thank you for risking arrest to see me. I’m really glad you did.”

“I am too,” he said softly. His eyes met mine, and those warm depths ate into me like flame will, gnawing at my soul with hungering fingers.

I nodded.

We stood and went very softly to the bedroom.

On the bed, we made love with a sweetness and slowness that made my whole body awake. I felt cherished and warm and safe in a way I had never felt.

After, when I lay in his arms, my hand on his shoulder, feeling the way it rose and fell with his breathing, I sighed.

“Reese?”

“Yes?”

“I…” I paused. “Reese, I’m leaving tomorrow.”

“What?” he shifted so he could see into my eyes. He looked horrified and then his face cleared. “I mean…I know I knew you’d go. But…tomorrow?”

I inclined my head. Moved so I lay closer to him. I hated thinking about it too. I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to stay here.

He sighed. His arms enfolded me. He waited a long time, before he spoke. Then: “I know that I shouldn’t say it. But I want you to stay here.”

I sighed. “I need to pay the hotel in the morning,” I said. “I should go now. Or round suppertime, anyway.”

He nodded. His eyes were big and wide and hurt and for the first time it occurred to me that he might feel as I did.

I kissed him, my heart aching with care for him.

“I can’t stay here,” I said gently. “Thanks for the invitation.”

He chuckled and drew me to him and his lips found mine. I pressed my body against him and felt how his tender, probing kiss sent waves of longing through my body. I wished I could stay with him. I wished I couldn’t leave. As we kissed, our hands ran down each other and I found myself ready.

He rolled over and we felt a new urgency between us as we made love with a frenzied abandon, again and again.

It was already dark when I finally kissed him and left.

I drove back with his last words to me echoing in my mind.

“You know what I feel about you, Kelly.”

I sighed. I didn’t know. I had answered, “I know what I feel about you.”

As I drove with my eyesight blurring with tears, I realized that wasn’t entirely true. I didn’t really understand what I felt for Reese. I doubted I ever would. All I knew was that it was big and beautiful and true.

I wished so many things. I wished that I could walk away from the city and stay. I wished I knew if Reese was ready for that. I wished I could make Grandpa get better and come and visit more regularly. And I even wanted to see the beautiful, starry sky again.

I went up to my hotel and settled the account at the front desk. I explained I’d be leaving before six am and paid my bills. Then I headed upstairs.

I lay down on my bed and cried.

I wanted so much for this time to go on and on.