The next morning, Kacee gets up at the same time as me. I wasn't expecting her to—the only person I ever expect to see before seven in the morning is Evie—but when I make it to the kitchen, she was already sitting at the breakfast nook, reading a book and sipping a glass of orange juice. She jumps when she hears me, clutching her hand over her heart. She looks beautiful in the soft light of the sunrise that's peaking through the window. I've never seen her look so damn beautiful, but I try to shake it off.

“Good morning,” I say to her, passing through the kitchen to start a pot of coffee, which I then notice she's already done. Apparently, our talk from last night gave her the permission she needed to make herself at home.

“Morning,” she replies.

I open the fridge and take out a carton of eggs and a package of sausage links.

“Can I do anything to help?” she asks softly.

I'm ready to say no, but I'm trying to give her a chance and not scare her away.

“Sure,” I finally say. I turn, and she's already standing, stretching her arms over her head, and cracking her fingers. When she's done, I hand her the carton of eggs. “You can scramble these.”

She seems happy to have been given a task. I should be including her more often, but thinking something and doing it are two entirely different animals. I do enjoy having her around, but it's too easy to compare her to Rebecca sometimes. Just last night, she told me off just how Rebecca used to do. I've always needed that, but since Rebecca died, I haven't had it. It just makes it all the easier to let Kacee fill that spot, even though that's my biggest fear.

Kacee hums to herself while she makes the omelets, and Evie doesn't seem upset when she comes out of her bedroom to find that Kacee's here, too. She gives her a hug and climbs into her chair to yawn her way through some milk before Jackson joins us. Penelope shows up for breakfast, and she seems delighted, though she knew Kacee wasn't going anywhere.

“I'm just glad to hear it is all,” Penelope says when Kacee calls her out on it. Kacee makes eye contact with me and rolls her eyes. I forgot what it was like to have a friend that wasn't a relative.

“All your stuff's in the truck,” Penelope tells Kacee once we're done eating. I dry the dishes as Kacee washes them, the two of us move like a well-oiled machine. Kacee was right last night during her rant. I do need the help, and it feels good to have it, even if I never admitted it. Penelope’s watching us carefully as we stand inches apart, so I try to appear innocent even though I'm not actually doing anything wrong.

“I can bring it all in so you have room for the kids,” I say over my shoulder.

“Daddy said we can come with you!” Jackson tells Penelope, excited to go. Kacee pats him on the shoulder, and he turns and looks at her. “He said we have two whole hours!”

“Two hours is a long time,” Penelope cheers, clapping her hands together. “Finish up and get dressed, we have some shopping to do! And maybe ice cream!”

The mention of that causes Evie and Jackson to squeal with joy. Before I know it, they're rocketing to their rooms to get dressed. While they get ready, I grab the three large suitcases Penelope packed for Kacee and bring them to her room before my kids haul Penelope and Kacee out the door.

While they’re gone, I catch up with work details to distract myself. Keeping busy distracts me enough that almost no time passes before Evie and Jackson are back home. I wasn't nervous that the kids were gone and the thought makes me realize how much I trust them with Kacee. When she walks in with her shopping bags, she smiles at me, and I smile back. It feels for the first time in years that everything is going to be okay.

Once Penelope leaves, I cook dinner, and the rest of the night goes by quietly as Kacee unpacks the rest of her things. I almost want to ask her if she needs help but decide against it to give her some space.

Kacee and I effortlessly fall into a routine. She wakes up when I do if she's not up before me. She even has a pot of coffee brewed when she does, and we drink it together while we make pad around the kitchen, making breakfast. I've been noticing the side-glances and tension, and even the hint of blush that hits her cheeks when I say something. It's a long shot, and probably one I shouldn't take, but maybe she's just as attracted to me as I am to her.

It's hard to not think about it. Especially when she's in my house around the clock, strutting around in shorts and tank tops and dresses. She's naturally beautiful, I've thought that since I first laid eyes on her, but with her being the kid's nanny, it seems inappropriate.

One early morning as we're drinking coffee and watching the sunrise, Kacee points out the window toward the hill beyond the lake. I used to go up there after I moved the kids up here, just to gain some perspective and think for a while. It's quiet and secluded, and I don't get to visit it enough.

“I want to hike it one day.” She doesn't take her eyes off it.

“We should,” I tell her, without thinking. “When the weather's nice and we have some free time.”

She's unusually quiet. I peel my eyes from the hill and look at her. She's smiling at me, and I hope she doesn't get the wrong idea.

“With the kids,” I hurry and add.

She hides her smile behind her coffee mug, and I try to force myself not to feel embarrassed. Blushing is her game, not mine. I'm six-foot-four and built like a brick house. I don't blush.

It's not even just me who enjoys Kacee's company. Evie and Jackson clearly adore her too. Once the kids wake, we make breakfast and eat before I head to my office for a few hours. Afterward, I work outside usually, but I sneak glances of them through the windows when no one thinks I'm watching. They play games and do their studies throughout the days. Kacee reads them stories by the fireplace, which I've been keeping well stocked since it's been getting colder. They play dress-up, and Kacee cheers them on even though they look horrendous.

Lessons are done every day, and I can already see the positive differences in Evie and Jackson. Evie's consuming book after book while Jackson's finally able to read the comic books Kacee gave him. The two of them are actually starting to learn math too, and it's incredible to see them both grow and develop.

Because I'm dehydrated, I go inside to get a glass of water and lean in the open entryway between the kitchen and the living room and watch them. Kacee continues reading with Evie and Jackson curled up in her lap. Both of them quietly listen with little smiles on their faces, which is so contagious I find myself smiling too. I can’t help but think how happy I am she’s here, but the feeling is abruptly overwhelmed by sadness and guilt.

I've been keeping Evie and Jackson from having these experiences because their mother isn't here to do it with them. They should have both sides, even though I know they love me more than anything. They haven't had anyone else. They haven't had a female figure in their life, until now. Kacee's the closest thing they have to a mother because Penelope never wanted to step out of the role of the “fun aunt.” They never had a woman there to discipline them and teach them and love them, all at the same time, until Kacee.

Though I'm lost in my head, Kacee notices me at the same time, glancing up and smiling at me. I don't know how to finish my thoughts, and I'm saved when Evie and Jackson notice Kacee has stopped reading and is staring at me.

“Come listen to the chapter, Daddy!” Evie calls to me. Jackson pats the spot beside him, and I figure work can wait. I take the place Jackson's offered and listen to Kacee read, trying to forget about any other thoughts or feelings and focus on the happiness I feel being with my kids.

Once the chapter is finished, I add in a few comments and make my way back outside. I feel Kacee's eyes boring into the back of me. There's too much tension and too many unspoken words.

I spend the rest of the afternoon and evening thinking about Kacee. I try talking myself out of it, but no matter what, she filters her way back into my mind.

Considering I've been working all day, as soon as I walk in, I tear off my shirt and head toward the shower. By the time I get out, Kacee has dinner made. As soon as she sees me, she fixes me a plate. When I glance at her, I realize she's fixed her hair, put on a different outfit, and is even wearing makeup. I swallow hard noticing how she's dressed up for me, which makes me nervous as hell. Our conversations stay short, and I have a feeling she's just as nervous as I am.

After we eat and the dishes are clean, the kids take their baths, and we each read them a story of their choices. Once they've finally fallen asleep, we meet back in the living room. I sit on the couch, watching the flames lick the brick of the fireplace I built and she smiles as she hands me a glass of wine. Though she's been here for over a month, I can barely remember a time before her.

“Who'd you leave behind in the city?” I ask as the question comes into my mind. I can't help but feel bad for the people who now have to exist without her, because of me.

“Nobody really,” she answers, curling up beside me on the couch. I reach behind her to pick up the blanket and drape it over her. She tends to get cold a lot faster than I do. I find myself noticing her habits more and more each day.

“Thanks,” she says, snuggling into it.

I offer her a welcoming smile as she takes another sip of her wine.

“When I lived in the city, I didn't get out much. I mainly just focused on work,” she explains. “You knew that, though. I only had a couple of friends I stayed in touch with. We can still text, so it's not too bad. I was a homebody, so nothing's really changed. Penelope's my best friend, and has been for a few years, so that's not changed very much either.” She looks down at her half-full glass. “My parents are there too.”

She doesn't talk about her family very much, if at all. If anyone understands this, I do. I make sure not to pry, but I think she wants to talk about it, so I sit and wait for her to continue.

“They've been married for a long time and don't get along. They used to fight all the time, but eventually, they just drifted apart.” She's staring into the flames of the fire, but after a moment she looks up and meets my eyes. “They told me they won't split up for my benefit, and that there's no point to divorce at their age. But just being around them…I don't know. It makes me wonder what the point is of getting married just to be that miserable.” She glances away.

“I guess,” I say before I can stop myself. “People get married because they love each other. Not everyone grows apart like they did. It seems to me that they'd rather be miserable together than be miserable alone.”

“Coming from someone who moved all the way up here to hide away,” she taunts. I'm still getting used to being teased by someone other than Penelope, but coming from Kacee, I don't really mind. In fact, I kind of look forward to seeing what'll come out of her mouth.

“Some people marry for love,” I remind her. “I did.”

She looks at me again. “Yeah, you did.”

Our gaze is frozen in time. I open my mouth then close it, and she turns away.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t’ve—”

“No, I—” I begin then stop. “It’s fine.”

“Okay,” she mumbles and looks back at the fire. “Jackson read a whole comic today. I think he might be ready to start on an easy reader book soon. One with fewer pictures.”

I recognize the change in conversation for what it is and am thankful.

“Yeah?” I ask. “You’ve been doing really great with them.”

“It’s because they’re amazing kids and willing to learn and take any challenge I throw their way. You’ve done a great job getting them to this point.”

“And no further,” I deadpan, but she waves me off.

“You did the right thing,” she tells me. “You got help, even if you were reluctant about it at first. I can see how much you really love your kids and only want the best for them, even if you hated me at first and didn’t want me anywhere near—”

“I didn't hate you,” I interrupt, my jaw ticking with regret. I was such an asshole to her.

She looks at me.

“I didn't,” I stumble. “I don't. Still, don't hate you, I mean.” Fuck, why does she make me so goddamn flustered?

She raises an eyebrow. “Really? Could've fooled me.” Her lips tip into a suspicious grin.

I don't want her to think I've ever hated her, but I haven't had to talk about my feelings in years, and the words don't seem to want to come. “I never hated you.”

Her eyes widen with relief. “Good. That makes me happy to hear at least.” The corners of her mouth tilt up until she's smiling wider. Her body slightly leans in, and I move to accommodate her. I find myself wanting to be closer, which is almost too close.

“Well, now I know you don't hate me. I can finally sleep at night.” She smirks. She keeps looking at me, but for a split second, her attention darts down to my mouth. She sucks her lips into her mouth as if she's reminding herself to hold back. The flickering fire accompanied by the wine puts me in a haze, and suddenly it doesn't seem like a bad idea to let my guard down with her. I've been holding back while she's been here slotting herself into my family, making herself at home, effortlessly into our lives.

“I—” I start, and she shakes her head, just slightly.

“It's okay,” she interjects. Her eyes bore into mine, and the temptation is sizzling between us, hotter than ever.

I wrap my arm around her shoulders, holding her and feeling her soft skin against my rough palm. She stares at me, her eyes filled with desire and lust. My heart beats hard and fast in my chest, wondering if I'm misreading her signs or not. I've been out of practice for years, and this all feels so foreign to me. When she starts leaning toward me, her hand rests on my leg, and I follow her lead. Our mouths drawing toward each other, my willpower crumbling to shreds. She leans in even further when I hear shuffling behind me.

“Oh my God,” Kacee exclaims, clutching her hand to her chest. I jump backward, trying to put distance between us as Jackson comes barreling into the living room. He slams into my legs and climbs into my lap, clutching me tightly.

“What’s going on?” I ask, rubbing his back as he catches his breath.

“I had a nightmare,” he gasps tearfully. I force myself not to look up at Kacee over his head, instead focusing on pulling him back to look at his face. I rub his back to settle his nerves. He begins to calm down, now that he knows he's safe. His gasps calm into hiccupping cries, then transform into sighs.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Kacee asks, and Jackson twists around to see her face. He hesitates then shakes his head. “Okay, that's fine. Maybe tomorrow.”

“Okay,” he mumbles. He turns from me and holds out his arms and Kacee stands and lifts him up, holding him close. It makes my whole heart twist.

“Why don't I take you to bed and stay with you until you fall asleep?” Kacee offers, and Jackson buries his face in her neck and nods.

She looks to me and mouths 'be right back.' I nod as she takes Jackson to his room.

As I watch her walk away, all I can think of is how bad of an idea this is. I shouldn't get involved with my kid's nanny. The woman living in my house, teaching my children, invading my space. She's gorgeous; I noticed that the first second I saw her, but that also means trouble. My heart is torn, filled with uncertainty. My body tells me yes, while my head tells me no.

I'm afraid of forgetting Rebecca, of tainting her memory, of feeling like I'm replacing her in some strange way. I'm scared of moving on and letting my guard down, and then it ends up not working out.

If I do this—if I mix business with pleasure—Evie and Jackson wouldn't understand if she left. I would've taken away their teacher, the only woman besides their aunt to be in their lives. I don't want to confuse them or be left behind if something happens. Her sudden departure would only hurt them while crushing me.

It's for the best that we don't cross those lines.

I hear soft footsteps on the wooden floor and turn around and see Kacee smiling.

I take her in her beauty and curves and can't help but think how my willpower is being tested more and more each day.

And how I'm about to fucking lose.