After a long, hot bath, I snuggle into my bed at the hotel and turn my cell phone on. I keep it off unless I have Wi-Fi. With my limited income, I can’t risk extra cell fees.

Text alerts buzz one after another for a total of thirty. I can’t recall the last time I turned on my phone. There’s a couple from Fiona asking me to call her. And the rest are from Mark. For the first time in a long time, I open his messages to see what he has to say.

Please call me.

I can explain.

I’m sorry.

I made a mistake.

Please stop ignoring me.

If you ever cared for me, please call.

I stop scrolling through because I know I’ll see more of the same. I loved Mark. I probably still do, but he hurt me. I don’t know where it all went wrong for us. I’m not sure that I’m ready to talk to him. We were close. He was my best friend. I still can’t understand why he would cheat on me and ruin us.

I check the time and decide my grandmother will be awake. She answers on the second ring.

“I’ve been waiting to hear from you. How is Ireland?” I love her voice. She doesn’t have much of an accent anymore. She moved to America with her parents when she was eight. There are only a few words she says that you can still detect the accent.

“Oh, Grandma. It’s so good to hear your voice. I wish you were here with me.”

“I know. So do I.” She sounds tired, but I know she’ll never admit it.

“How are you feeling? Are you getting stronger?”

“Yes. Every day, little by little. Don’t you worry about me.”

“I can’t help it. You’re the best woman I know.”

“The feeling is mutual. Now, tell me all about your trip and don’t leave anything out.”

So, I do just that. I tell her all about my mishaps at the beginning of the trip. And I even fill her in on Braeden. She and I have gone through everything together. She’s like my mother. Even though she’s 68 years old, she’s still one of the most beautiful and sophisticated women I’ve ever met. She always gives me her honest opinion and advice, and she’s always spot on.

“It sounds like you’re having the time of your life. Your grandfather and I did, too, when we were there in 1980.” I don’t think she’s ever really gotten over the loss of my granddad. It was fourteen years ago when he had the heart attack that killed him.

“I love hearing your stories.”

“You’ve heard all of mine. Tell me more about your new friend, Braeden,” she says.

“He’s been wonderful. I’m enjoying his company.”

“What are you holding back?” Her tone is accusatory. She knows me better than anyone else.

“We’re just friends. That’s it. But he is helping me get over Mark.” I leave out the ‘with benefits’ part.

She’s quiet for a moment. “Mark came to see me. He brought me lunch.”

I’m not surprised. Mark had a close relationship with my grandmother. He’d always invite her to go out with us to lunch or dinner and to the movies from time to time. I always appreciated how attentive he was to her. “What did he have to say?”

“That he misses you and that he knows how badly he messed things up. And he wants you back.”

“He’s mentioned all of that to me as well. I just can’t trust him anymore. What do you think I should do?” I ask.

“That is completely up to you. I can’t tell you how to feel.” Her voice is soothing. It gives me comfort even when I’m far away from her.

“I wish you could.”

She laughs. “The heart wants what the heart wants. Trust your gut and go with that.”

“Look where it’s gotten me so far.” I huff out a laugh, but there’s no humor in it. Maybe if I’m honest with myself, I can look back and see that there were holes forming in my relationship with Mark. We didn’t spend as much time together; the sex was getting monotonous and unsatisfying, not to mention it was nearly nonexistent at the end. I think we were getting bored. I wish he would’ve talked to me about it instead of going off and finding someone else.

“Don’t start doubting yourself because of him. He was selfish. That’s on him. Not you.” She’s giving me her most sincere, stern tone now. She’s serious.

“Okay. You’re right. But, Grandma, I know how you feel about Mark. He’s been good to you. Just because we broke things off doesn’t mean I’ll be upset if he still wants to talk to you or bring you lunch. I know he appreciates your advice as much as I do.”

“I’m glad you said that.” She lets out a little sigh. “You know something. You sound lighter today. Maybe Braeden is good for you, even if it’s just as a friend. After Mark screwed up, it changed you. I hated seeing that.”

“I feel lighter. I think I’m ready to forgive Mark. I’m sick and tired of carrying around this damn bitterness and resentment. It drags me down.”

“Ah, doesn’t that feel good?” she asks.

“Yeah. It does.” Not only emotionally, but it’s as if a physical burden has been lifted off my shoulders.

“It’s been good talking to you, sweetheart.”

“Same,” I say. “I’ll call you the next time I get the chance.”

“Great. Oh, and one last thing before you hang up.”

“What is it?” I ask.

“I want you to follow your heart. Wherever it leads you and whoever it leads you to.”

“Another gem, Grandma.”

“I love you, Lettie. Tell your new friend that I say hello.”

“Sure will. Love you.”

When she hangs up, I lie here still with the phone to my ear. Not for the first time, I think of how different this trip would be if she were here. I miss her terribly.

As much as I’d like to talk to Fiona, I decide a nap is more important. I can barely keep my eyes open. I close my eyes thinking about how happy I’ve been the past few days. Braeden is a big reason for that. I hope he does show up tonight like he said he was going to.

I’m awakened by a knock at my door. I roll over and look at the clock, five thirty. I’ve been asleep for over two hours. I rub my eyes and turn the bedside light on. I peek at myself in the mirror and fix my ponytail, then wipe away the mascara under my lashes. I pad to the door, look out the peephole, and find a very sexy Braeden McLoughlin standing there.

I open the door and lean on the frame. “Hey.”

He says nothing, but grabs me by the waist and brings his lips to mine. I melt into him and run my fingers through his hair. He doesn’t break the kiss, but moves us into my room and he kicks the door closed behind him.

* * *

White-hot sparks of electricity ignite my body and swarms of butterflies take flight in my belly. I squeeze Braeden tighter around the waist. There’s no exhilaration like being on the back of a motorcycle as it speeds down the highway in the morning toward Cork.

“We going too fast?” Braeden calls out from in front of me.

“No. Not fast enough!” I yell in toward his ear.

I can spot the grin forming on his face in the rearview mirror as he presses down on the accelerator. I let out a little shriek of excitement as we pick up speed. Patrick and Jackson hit their accelerators, too. I wasn’t sure if she’d come, but Amelia is grinning from ear to ear on the back of Jackson’s Harley.

The day is simply perfect, from the warm fall temperatures to the cloudless sky. While I love Dublin, away from the hustle and bustle of the city is where I’m truly getting a feel for Ireland. The view of the southern Irish countryside whisks by in a haze of lush green hills as far as the eye can see. We pass picturesque old castles, monasteries, and stone circles that highlight the landscape.

At the end of our journey, we stop for a break in front of some rolling hills where a herd of sheep are grazing. I inhale the sweet, earthy scent of heather and cut grass. Jackson takes out his phone and all five of us get together with our arms around one another to take a selfie.

“Send that to me, please,” I say to Jackson and rattle off my phone number to him.

“You’ve got it. How sick is this view?” Jackson spreads his arms out and looks all around him.

“Amazing.” Braeden pats Jackson on the back. Their brotherly love is adorable, and I’m a little jealous of it. I wish I had a sibling to rely on, to turn to. But it’s just me and Grandma. There’s nobody else left in our little family.

“How much longer?” Amelia asks.

“A few minutes,” Patrick says.

“Is everyone okay if we go straight to the Blarney Stone or do you want to get lunch first?” Braeden poses the question to everyone, but he’s looking at me.

We all agree that we can go to the Blarney Stone first.

It’s only a few miles down the road and we reach the parking area for the Blarney Castle. The grounds are impeccable and gardens well kept. But when I see the castle up ahead, adrenaline floods my system causing my mouth to go dry and my stomach twists in knots.

“I’m not sure about going all the way up there,” Amelia says.

Jackson comes up next to her and drapes his arm around her. “We don’t have to go up if you don’t want to.”

“Come on, we can do it.” I don’t have a fear of heights, but I have heard the staircase gets cramped and crowded with tourists. I do tend to get claustrophobic.

Amelia’s face gets whiter the closer we get to the massive castle. Her fear is distracting me from mine.

“Are you okay?” Braeden’s soothing voice is in my ear. He wraps his arm around me, the simple gesture soothing me. “Your shoulders seem tense.”

“I might be a little nervous, but I think it’s more excitement.” I do my best to keep my voice down. I don’t want Amelia to get more anxious.

“I’ll be right here with you. I won’t let anything happen to you.” He reaches for my hand and squeezes it.

There’s a line formed at the entrance of the castle. The group of us gets lined up and I decide to stand next to Amelia. I’d like to help keep her calm and learn about her, too.

“This is amazing, isn’t it?” I say.

“It’s all so beautiful. I just wish it wasn’t so high up.” Her pale brown eyes look up toward the top of the castle. She blinks a dozen times in the span of a few seconds.

“You sure you want to do this?”

“I’ll be fine. I can’t chicken out. I’m here with Jackson.” She turns her gaze behind her where Jackson is standing. “I want to experience this with him.”

They aren’t friends. Something more is going on. But why hide it?

“I understand. It’s something we all need to cross off the bucket list.”

“Exactly,” she says.

“How long have you known Jackson?”

“Seems like forever. He’s been best friends with my brother since they were kids. Jackson has always been around my family.”

“Wow. I didn’t realize.”

“What about you and Brae?”

The line starts moving us into the castle. The stairs are made of stone. My chest gets a little tight. I do my best to ignore it. “It’s a funny story.”

“Why?”

I decide the chances of her knowing Janessa are slim, and even if she knows her, what would she tell her? “Well, he used to date a friend of mine.”

Amelia gives me a playful nudge. “You guys seem close. Are you an item?”

How do I explain this to a stranger? Amelia has a conspiratorial aura. I like her. It’s clear she’s hiding something, maybe if I open up, she will, too. “Brae and I are enjoying each other while we’re in Ireland. Nothing more.”

“No way.” Her voice goes up an octave, but I shush her.

I turn and the guys are laughing and don’t seem to be paying attention to us. We go up a couple of stairs. It’s narrow, but Amelia and I stand right next to each other.

“Yeah. My ex and I just broke up. He was cheating on me. I came to Ireland to get away. I didn’t even know Braeden was going to be here.”

“What a nice surprise. He’s hot.” She winks at me.

“He is, but he’s proven to be more than a pretty face.”

“The McLoughlin brothers are good people. They may not have the best reputations with women, but they are great men.”

“Janessa didn’t have good things to say about him,” I say.

“Did you ask him about it?”

Thinking back to that conversation, I remember the look on Braeden’s face. It’s clear that he makes no excuses for his past, but I could tell he thinks he worked hard on his relationship with her. “I did. And I trust what he told me. The reality is, I was so involved in my own shit, that I didn’t pay attention to what was going on with her.”

“Are you worried about her?”

“No. Not at all. It’s not as if I’m dating him. We’re having a vacation fling. We’re not getting caught up in it.”

“You sure about that? You’re a smart girl. How can you not see the way he looks at you?”

No. No. No. Just no. I’m not going there. I’ve got no place in my heart to get my hopes up. I can’t develop feelings for Braeden McLoughlin. It’s too dangerous. “I’m not denying the attraction, but neither of us are in it for a relationship. I don’t see a reason to upset Janessa.”

“Don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me.”

We edge our way up the stairs and find ourselves at the top. It’s a huge relief to be out of the tiny stairway. I grab Amelia’s hand and we both take in the view. Braeden comes up behind me and puts his arms around my waist and chin on my shoulder. “The view is breathtaking.”

“I know. It’s fantastic. I love castles.”

“I was talking about you. But, yeah. The castle is pretty cool, too.”

I laugh and swing around so I can see his stunning face. The perfect jaw, contoured brows, and that mouth, all sexy lips that know exactly what to do to me. A slow pulse builds between my thighs. I go up on tiptoes so I can press my lips to his. The kiss is a promise from me to him. A promise of more. I can hardly wait until tonight to be wrapped up in his body.

“Woah. We better stop or I’m going to take you right here in front of all the tourists,” Braeden says.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” My smile is salacious. I like pushing my limits with him.

“Get a room, guys,” Jackson says from behind us. “We’re supposed to be kissing the Blarney Stone up here, not each other.” He laughs.

Braeden grabs me again and plants another wet kiss on my lips. This time it’s for show, there’s tongue and pressure and depth to it. It’s meant to be playful, but it only increases the tension building in my core. When he pulls away, I’m breathless.

“It’s our turn,” Braeden says, eyes trained on me.

We ease to the edge of the building and there’s a staff member there to help us get into position. I didn’t realize that we were going to have to lie on our backs and extend our heads back to kiss the Blarney Stone. You have to grip two bars because the stone is behind you and it appears as though you could drop down and fall if you don’t get your body situated perfectly. There are bars underneath you, but they do nothing to assuage the pit forming in my stomach.

“You go first,” I tell him.

“Okay.” He gets in position with help from me and the nice Irish gentleman.

I snap a picture with my phone. He looks hot with his head hanging backward and when his lips pucker, he turns his gaze toward me and winks. He makes anything sexy.

It’s my turn. I take it slow and easy. Getting my body in this spot isn’t easy and my heart hammers against the back of my sternum. Braeden must see the apprehension in my face.

“I’ve got you. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.” His warm eyes are full of honest sincerity. There’s something about him that opens me up and allows me to trust him. It might be his confidence, not just in himself but in me as well.

I nod at him and lie on my back and tip my head back. I get a little dizzy, but Braeden squeezes my hand and I lean back one last inch and press my lips against the cold stone.

“Got the picture. Time to get up.” Braeden pulls me toward him and I stand up and wrap my arms around his neck. Behind me, Jackson is whispering something in Amelia’s ear. She’s wringing her hands together and her foot is bouncing up and down like she doesn’t have control of it.

I was nervous about it, too, but she’s a ball of anxiety. I can’t hear what Jackson is saying to her, but, taking her time, she lies down. Jackson must have the same power of persuasion over her that Braeden has over me. The McLoughlin brothers are smooth.

We all take a turn kissing the Blarney Stone and when we are finished, we decide to find a restaurant and go to our hotel.

After a delicious lunch and visiting a couple of pubs, it’s early evening. Braeden and I decide to go to the hotel.

Checking in, I’m not surprised that Braeden booked one room for us to share.

“You don’t mind, do you?” His dimples play at the corners of his sexy smile. Of course I don’t mind.

“Well, I guess it’s okay.” I’m grateful that he paid for our room tonight as well. My grandmother didn’t reserve a room for us in Cork, so I would have been up the creek without a paddle without Braeden.

Good thing, because the McLoughlins took the last rooms in the hotel.

I don’t ask if Jackson and Amelia are spending the night together or if he’ll be taking her to wherever her friends are.

My phone starts buzzing in my purse. I must be picking up the Wi-Fi connection here. I pull it out and look at the screen. The first text is from Fiona telling me to give her a call.

There’s another from Mark. Didn’t expect to see that.

My curiosity is piqued. Texts are impossible to interpret. You’ve got no idea what type of inflection the sender is using.

As we walk up the stairs to our room, I type Fiona’s number into my cell and let it ring. I check the time. She should be up.

“You need to make a call?” Braeden asks as he unlocks the door to our room.

“Really quick. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Not at all. I’m going to hop in the shower. Join me when you finish?” It’s a question.

“Absolutely.”

“Lettie. What the hell is going on in Ireland?” Fiona’s tone is playful and accusatory at the same time.

“Hey, Fee. What do you mean?” I’m trying to keep my voice down. Braeden just went in the bathroom and turned the water on.

“Why have you been holding out on me?”

I’m so confused. “I’m not.” Well, I guess I sort of am, but I haven’t spoken to her. So much has happened in the space of a few days.

“Instagram says you are.”

What the hell is she talking about? I haven’t been on any social media since I got to Ireland. “Quit beating around the bush.”

“You’re in Ireland with Braeden McLoughlin? Jackson tagged you in some pictures,” Fiona says.

Damn. “I haven’t seen them. What pictures did he post?” I’m panicking inside. This is a fling. Nothing that I want the rest of the world to see.

“You guys were all out at a restaurant in one picture and the other is you and Braeden at some castle. He’s got his arms around you and he’s talking in your ear. Looks pretty intense. Which leads me back to my question. What the hell is going in Ireland?”

“Okay. Well, I didn’t fly here thinking I’d be meeting up with Braeden if that’s what you’re asking.” My tone is defensive, even to my own ears.

“I’m not trying to accuse you of anything. I’m your best friend and you look happy in the photos. Mark isn’t happy about it, but screw him. I want to know about you.”

“Yes, screw Mark. I am happy. Braeden is just what I need.”

She cuts me off. “You know he’s a player, right? And that he fucked over our friend, too.”

“Yeah, how exactly did he wrong Janessa? For the life of me, I can’t remember.”

“Well, he broke up with her. He didn’t have a good reason. She felt like he strung her along.”

“Was there anything else? Did he abuse her, lie, cheat?” I’m losing my patience and getting defensive. It seems like there are a lot of unfounded accusations and no real proof.

“Umm, no. I don’t think so. He was a dick about everything though. Be careful.”

It’s my turn to cut her off. “Listen, please. This isn’t a relationship. We’re having a fling. That’s it. Nothing more.”

She sighs into the phone. “You can handle that?”

“Yes. I can. He’s been here for me when I needed help. I was a mess when I got here. We’re just having fun,” I say all of this with as much conviction as I can. I need her to get it and if Mark or Janessa reach out to her, I’ll need her to put the fire out. I was hoping that nobody would find out, but it looks like it’s a little too late for that.

“If you say so.”

Braeden is singing something in the shower. His voice brings me back to the moment and I suddenly want to get off the phone and join him.

“I do. And if anyone asks you, please tell them that I ran into Braeden here and we’re just friends. Can you do that for me?”

“You know I’ll always run interference for you. I’ve got your back, even if I’m not sure this is the best idea you’ve ever had.”

I giggle. “Thank you.”

“One more question. Are you sleeping with him?”

I’m quiet. I know whatever I tell her won’t leave her lips, but something in me wants to keep what’s going on with Braeden and I between us.

“All right. There’s my answer,” Fiona says.

“I love you, Fee. And I’ll be in touch soon.” I smooch the phone and hang up. Fiona knows what’s going on. I hope she can hear in my voice how happy I am and that she doesn’t have to worry about me.

I strip my clothes off and open the door to the bathroom. Warm steam greets me. When I pull back the curtain, Braeden stands in front of me, beads of water dripping down his smooth skin. He eyes me and his body comes to life. He takes my hand in his and brings me into the warm stream of water. I tilt my head back and soak my hair.

Braeden pours shampoo into his hand and massages it into my scalp. The clean scent, hot steam, and Braeden’s skilled fingers are intoxicating. I rinse my hair as Braeden lathers my body with soap, paying special attention to my nipples, which harden immediately. He uses the lightest possible pressure when cleaning my center, legs, and toes. I rinse the suds off me and Braeden kneels in front of me; his fingers slide, grip, and caress me, awakening parts of my body I’m not sure I knew existed before now. I moan and writhe when his tongue takes the place of his fingers.

“Oh, Braeden,” I hiss out.

His eyes look up to find mine and he stands, turns the water off, and steps out to grab us towels. He puts one around my shoulders and dries me off with skill and tenderness. He lifts me up under my legs and carries me to the bed.

We fall together and the bed creaks under us. Both of our eyes widen with the sound. He hovers over me, warm breath on my face and breathing ragged. “I don’t think I can wait.”

“I don’t want you to.”

That’s the only invitation he needs. He drags his length over me and I arch up to meet him. He teases my clit back and forth, still not entering me. I reach down and grab his ass, guiding him toward my entrance. His eyes are hooded and he smirks at me, knowing how much he’s playing with me and loving every second. Finally, he makes his way in, inch by inch, going painfully slow.

I buck my hips up higher, meeting him thrust for thrust. When his mouth finds my nipple and sucks it in, I grasp at the sheets. The edge is near and we’ve only just begun. “That feels so good.”

“You like it?” Braeden pants out and when I tell him yes, his chest rumbles.

I reach behind me and find the cool metal of the headboard. With each thrust, the bed creaks louder. My moans become more frequent now as growing tension surrounds me.

His mouth is on mine and his wet hair tickles my forehead. He pushes one of my legs back and it lays next to my shoulder. He is as deep as he can go. His movements are quicker now, as if he’s losing control.

The pressure and the sound of the blood rushing in my ears culminate together and I am lost in space, my body quivering and shaking.

He rides it out with me, giving me what I need to crest over wave after wave and before I can come down, he joins me in the deep.

He rests his body on mine and we fit together like two puzzle pieces. This man complements me in every way. In the bliss that follows mind-blowing sex I wish for this peace and contentment with him for longer than this trip. It wouldn’t work. I’m not ready for another relationship. Mark made sure of that. Not to mention that Braeden told me flat out not to fall for him and that he was no good for me. Those words should’ve been warning signs enough. But, of course my fickle heart doesn’t pay a bit of attention to reason and logic. Damn thing.

I haven’t been this happy in years. I owe so much of it to being with Braeden, and not because of him, but because of who I am with him. I’d love for my grandmother to meet him. Stupid idea. She’d fall for him, too. The impossibility of my situation weighs on me, but I won’t let it ruin the rest of the time I have with him. He’s mine, for now.

I make lazy circles with my nails over the skin of his back and he lets out a contented sigh. When his breathing becomes even, I’m sure he’s fallen asleep. I ease him off me. He rolls and his arm, like a security blanket, drapes over me.

A loud intrusive sound wails from my phone. I open one eye and see that it’s four in the morning. The display says it’s Fiona.

I answer it, my voice thick with sleep. “Hello.”

“Lettie. Are you sleeping?”

“I was. It’s four in Ireland. Remember you’re five hours behind in Virginia.” I talk low into the phone, attempting not to wake up Braeden. “What’s up?”

“I’m so sorry to wake you, but it’s important. It’s your grandmother.”

I don’t like the dread in her voice. I don’t say anything, just ease out of the bed, and go into the bathroom. “What is it?”

“She had a heart attack tonight and…” She sniffs and continues, “She didn’t make it.”

My vision starts to distort. I ease my body down the wall in the bathroom and put my head between my knees. I’ve passed out before and I know the signs. It’s coming. I lie down on the floor and press my cheek to the cold tile. It helps. “Are you sure?”

“I’m so sorry. I wish I was there with you.” She’s crying now into the line. I wish she wouldn’t. It’s hard enough for me to stay strong. I don’t have it in me to console her.

“Me, too.” I’ve lost many people close to me in my life. My mom and dad, my grandfather. Nothing has hurt this much. “I’ve got to go. I’ll get on the first flight back home.”

“I can’t stand the thought of you being there alone.”

“I’m not. Braeden is here. He’ll help me.” I’m in utility mode. I need to get home and keep my shit together until I get there. It’s the only thing that matters.

She hesitates. “Okay, that’s good.”

“It is. Thanks for calling. I’ll be in touch.” I sound cold, even to my own ears.

“Goodbye.”

“Goodbye.” I end the call.