Chapter Twenty-Four
Kate looked up as the door to her room opened and Jake and Nick walked in. The heavy bandages were weighing her down, and the beeping of the machines drove her mad, but she was sitting up in bed. And no matter how bad she might look, she was wide awake and worried.
“Where is he?” she demanded. “He’s hurt worse than you told me, isn’t he? I want the truth.”
Jake walked to the side of the bed and kissed her cheek. “He’s a little banged up, but otherwise fine. He’s home.”
“Home?” Her eyes widened. “Why isn’t he here?” When no one said anything, a sick feeling crawled up from her stomach. Something was very wrong.
Nick cleared his throat. “Kate, we have something we need to tell you. We don’t understand it any more than you will, but here’s how it is.”
They told her what Quinn had said, and why he wasn’t in her room, sitting next to her. And wasn’t likely to be.
She just stared at them as they talked as pain rose through her body that beat any caused by the bullet and the surgery. She was afraid her heart would crack in two. But that was suddenly replaced by anger.
“What? Is he crazy?” A heavy breath rasped out of her lungs and she began coughing.
Jake pressed the call button for the nurse while Nick supported Kate with his hand and tried to prevent her from choking.
“What are you men doing to this woman?” the nurse demanded as she stormed in. “My God, she’s not twenty-four hours out of surgery.”
“We know,” Jake answered. “We just had to…give her some news that wasn’t too pleasant.”
“I’m calling DeWitt. She doesn’t look too good.” The door swished shut behind her.
“How dare he leave me like that?” Even as weak as she felt, she knew they could hear the anger in her voice. “Doesn’t he owe me an explanation?”
“Kate,” Nick began.
“Wait.” She let out a ragged breath. “He got hurt because of me. That’s why he left, isn’t it. I told him this was dangerous. That’s why I didn’t want him involved.”
She blinked at the tears crowding her eyes, trying to hold them back, but a sob wrenched itself from her body and the tears streaked down her cheeks.
Dr. DeWitt breezed in at that exact moment, the nurse behind him. He checked Kate over, gave some orders to the nurse, then turned to the two men.
“All right. What the hell is going on here?”
Uncomfortable with what he had to say, Nick explained the situation.
“I’d think Miss Griffin might have something to say about that,” DeWitt said.
The nurse returned with a hypodermic and injected something into Kate’s IV line.
DeWitt picked up one of her hands with his. “Just try to relax, Kate. This will make you drowsy. You don’t need to put stress on yourself this soon out of surgery.”
“But—”
“No buts.”
She didn’t want to sleep. She wanted to get out of bed, crawl if she had to, find Nick, and kick some sense into his thick head. How dare he do this? He’d told her he loved her. Made incredible love to her. They had created a child together. What the hell was he doing walking away from her?
Now she knew what the term heartache really meant. But it was laced with anger at Quinn’s thickheadedness and frustration with the futility of the situation. How could she get through to him? How could she live the rest of her life without him? The bed would be as empty as his future. She wondered if a broken heart ever healed.
She wanted him to slip into bed with her, hold her against his body, tell her everything was wonderful and they had a great future waiting for them. But when she reached out to grab him, there was nothing but emptiness…and the pain in her heart that threatened to destroy her.
****
When DeWitt told Kate she was ready to be discharged from the hospital as long as she had someone with her, she didn’t know where she was supposed to go. The only place she knew was Quinn’s, and apparently, he didn’t want her.
“All taken care of,” when she asked Kane Barton about it. “I’m moving you into one of the safe houses we keep, along with Sharon Langford and two agents to guard you.”
They used three cars to do it, each of them switching direction back and forth to confuse anyone who might be trying to follow them.
Sharon grinned when Kate finally walked in the door. “This time I’m chaining you to the furniture.”
“I don’t think you’ll have much to worry about,” Kate told her in a quiet voice. “No one will be trying to break me out again.”
Trying to hold in the tears that always seemed to be ready to spill, she let Sharon lead her to the bedroom where she’d be sleeping.
“I did some shopping for you,” Sharon told her, pointing out the packages on the bed. “At least enough to tide you over until I can get you to store.”
“Thank you. Really. Would you think me rude if I said I’d just like to lie down.”
She tried to ignore the sympathetic look on the other woman’s face.
DeWitt had confirmed the pregnancy before she left the hospital and made an appointment for her with an obstetrician. Two days later Sharon drove her to see the doctor and then to get her prescriptions filled. She forced herself to eat because of the baby and to begin an exercise routine. She walked around the backyard, swallowing tears because it reminded her of the walks she and Quinn had taken at the cabin. She made herself get in bed early each night, even though she was a long time falling asleep, knowing she needed the rest.
All the media was full of the story, and she couldn’t turn on the television without seeing it on one channel or another. Jake came by with the latest newspapers for her to read.
“They’re calling it the biggest cartel takedown in ten years,” he told her.
“Is…Is everyone still in jail?” She was almost afraid to ask.
“You betcha. The judge denied bail, and they’re still screaming. They’ve got enough lawyers to fill the entire courtroom.”
“At least they can’t get to me.”
“Oh, honey.” Jake dropped onto the couch next to her. “They’ll never get to you. They’ll be lucky if they ever smell fresh air again.”
Kate’s eyes dropped to her hands that were fiddling with the bed covers. “You know, when Quinn taught me to use that gun, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to handle it if I actually had to shoot someone.”
“Most people have a hard time dealing with it,” Jake told her. “It’s not unusual. Even cops sometimes need counseling to get past it.” He paused. “I could ask DeWitt to recommend someone for you to talk to if you like.”
She sighed. “No, not really. Sometimes I have flashbacks and I feel physically ill, but I seem to be dealing with it a lot better than I expected. Am I terrible if I say shooting Peter gave me great satisfaction?”
Jake shook his head and smiled. “I’d say he deserved it. Sometimes ordinary people are forced to do extraordinary things way out of their comfort zone. Let it rest, Kate. You did the right thing.”
He continued to stop by every two or three days, but it was hard to make conversation. They were both aware of the elephant in the room crowding them.
She had avoided the subject of Quinn, but finally, she asked, “How’s he doing?”
Jake sighed. “Okay, I guess. No one’s seen or heard from him. I’m hoping he was smart enough to make his follow up appointment for his shoulder wound.”
Kate felt tears dripping down her face again. “I just don’t understand. Why can’t he at least come to see me, talk to me? We have to hash this out.” She plucked a tissue from her pocket and wiped her nose. “Maybe he decided he doesn’t love me after all.”
“That’s a bunch of bull. I’ve never seen him this wild about anyone. Not even Lisa, God forgive me for saying that.”
“Then he has to talk to me,” she protested. “At least give me a chance to have my say. If he blames me, I can certainly understand. But none of this was his fault. None of it.”
“I’ll do my best, sweetheart. But you know what a stubborn man he is. He’ll just hide up there killing himself with guilt.”
“Thanks, Jake. And thanks for coming by.”
She got up and walked him to the door, but as he was about to open it, she put a hand on his arm. It was time to play her trump card. She’d wanted Quinn to come to her without it, but he hadn’t left her any choice.
“When you talk to him, tell him something for me, will you?”
“Anything, if you think it will help.”
She wet her lips. “Tell him I’m pregnant.”
Jake blinked. “Pregnant?”
“Almost two months now.” She shredded the tissue in her hand. “I wanted to tell him myself, but it doesn’t look like I’m going to get the chance. I don’t know if he wants to be involved with the baby or not, but at least he should have the chance to make that decision.”
Jake visibly pulled himself together. “I’ll make sure he knows.”
“One more thing, Jake.”
His mouth curved in a lopsided grin. “I hope it’s a little less shocking than the last one.”
“I’ll be leaving soon.”
Jake stared at her. “Leaving? Leaving for where?”
“I don’t really know yet. I have business still to wrap up in Tampa. My father’s will was never probated. The remnants of the house are still sitting on the property so I’ve got to get it cleaned up and see about selling the lot.”
“Don’t try to do too much,” he warned.
“I’ll be fine. I plan to take good care of myself. But I also have to see what’s what with my condo and decide what to do with my things.” She drew in a long breath and let it out slowly. “And then I have to decide where I’m going to live.”
“But not here.”
She shook her head, a sad look in her eyes. “It would be too difficult for me.” Then she brightened. “But I’m a damned good researcher. I thought I’d start my own business, advertise on the Internet. I’ve got more than enough money as a cushion until I generate some income.”
“Don’t try to tackle too much at once.”
“I won’t. But I’ve got my life back, and I don’t intend to waste it by sitting around wringing my hands.”
“Just don’t leave too soon.” He kissed Kate on the cheek and left.
****
“Pregnant?” Quinn felt all the blood drain from his face and shocked zapped his body. He wasn’t sure he’d heard right. “Pregnant?”
Jake guided him to a chair and helped him sit down. “Yes. About two months.”
“But how?” Quinn stared at the other man. “Is she sure?”
His friend chuckled. “I’m assuming the usual way, and yes, they did all the tests in the hospital.”
“But she said she was on birth control pills.” He rubbed his forehead. He had the weird feeling that he was having an out of body experience.
“Well, Ace, nothing is foolproof. And I’m guessing all the stress she was under probably worked to weaken their effect. Not to mention she may have missed a few.” He watched Quinn. “So what are you going to do about it?”
Go to her and insist she marry me. Be a father to our child. Have a—
No, he’d lost the right to do that. But the sudden ache in his heart told him that wasn’t going to be so easy.
“Nothing. All the more reason for me to stay away from her.” He couldn’t hide the pain in his voice.
Jake stood in front of him, hands on his hips, glaring at him. “Quinn, I don’t usually get this angry with you, but if you don’t pull your head out of your ass, you’re going to miss out on another chance at life.”
“But I—”
“Shut up. I’m, not done. Use your brain. She’s safe. The danger is over. Bring her up here, and the two of you can live happily ever after.” Jake walked over to the refrigerator and snagged himself a beer. “One more thing. She’s planning to leave San Antonio for good as soon as she gets the okay. I’m not leaving here until you agree to see her before she goes.”
For a long time after Jake left, Quinn sat, so many things running through his head. He couldn’t seem to shake the guilt he felt about what happened. Yet at the same time, the thought of never seeing Kate again, of never knowing their child and raising it with her, nearly brought him to his knees.
For three days and three very long nights, he wasn’t able to do anything but think of the whole situation. He’d never been so agonized about a decision in his life. He couldn’t escape the fact he had fallen deeply in love with Kate or that he wanted this child. But could she forgive him for what had happened? Was that possible?
Finally, realizing hiding in his house wasn’t going to give him any answers, he showered, shaved, dressed carefully, and headed into San Antonio, praying all the way.
****
Kate found she could handle a lot of things by telephone, set up appointments with people she needed to see. Both Sharon and the doctor had told her she was doing great and travel shouldn’t be a problem.
“Just don’t exhaust yourself,” they both warned.
They figured two more weeks and she’d be good to go.
Jake had sent someone to pick up the laptop she wanted, along with a list of software, and deliver it to her. She was sitting at the dining room table setting up the computer when the doorbell rang.
“I’ll get it,” she called to Sharon. “It’s probably Jake, anyway. He said he was coming by with lunch.”
But when she opened the door and found Quinn on the porch, she almost passed out.
Of all days for me to look like a slob.
She’d been anxious to get the laptop set up and just dragged on a pair of sweat pants and a T-shirt. Her hair was gathered in a messy ponytail, and she hadn’t worried about makeup in a long time.
A swarm of butterflies were doing a tap dance in her stomach, and the pain in her heart was almost visceral. She was shaking in a way she hadn’t since this whole mess started. Reaching for a control that seemed to have deserted her, she had to clench her teeth to keep from breaking into tears at the sight of him. She wanted so badly to pull him into her arms, but what if he had just come to say goodbye? Or to tell her he didn’t want any part of the baby?
For a long moment, she just stared at him, unable to move. He looked thinner, his hair was longer, and lines of pain etched his face.
At last he broke the silence. “Hello, Kate.”
She nodded, hardly able to speak. “Quinn.”
“May I come in?” He held up a large brown paper bag. “I’m the lunch boy today.”
“Oh, of course.” Giving herself a mental shake, she stepped aside to let him enter. “Thank you for bringing the food.”
He put the sack on the kitchen counter and began searching for plates in the cupboards.
Kate’s body was so taut with nerves she was sure her body would snap and pieces would fly across the room like a broken rubber band.
He had brought lunch? Was that all? Okay, if that’s the way he wanted to play it, she could do the same, no matter the cost.
“Jake said you wanted a pressed Cuban from the Central Market,” Quinn said over his shoulder. “I got some potato salad and drinks, too.”
He unpacked the grocery bag, arranged the food on the plates with deliberate movements, all the while keeping his back to her.
“Here. Let me get the glasses out,” she told him, proud that she was able to keep all emotion from her voice.
What is he doing here? Why the hell did he come? It isn’t just to bring me lunch. Is it?
Ask him, her inner voice shouted. No, her other voice argued.
Oh, god, she was losing her mind.
She had to stand next to him to open the cupboard and get the glasses out. When their bodies touched, she was vibrating with such tension the glass slipped from her hand and shattered in the sink.
Quinn took her hand and turned it over. “You cut yourself.”
“It’s nothing. Really.” She felt herself unraveling. Just being close to him, knowing he didn’t want her, was almost more than she could bear.
“It’s bleeding.” He grabbed some paper towels from the roller.
“Everything okay?” Sharon Langford had come into the room. She couldn’t quite hide her surprise at seeing Quinn. “I heard a crash.”
“I’ve got it under control,” he told her, blotting Kate’s hand.
“Let me get the first aid kit.” She was back with it in seconds. “I can take care of that.”
“I’ll handle it.” He grabbed the kit from her, cleaned the cut, and applied cream and a bandage.
“It’s really nothing,” Kate argued.
“Can’t take a chance of an infection.” Quinn said.
Sharon waited a moment before she turned to leave. “Okay. Call me if you need me.”
“I’m okay, really,” she protested, then proceeded to embarrass herself by bursting into tears.
“Oh, Jesus.” Quinn wrapped his arms around her. “Oh, God. Kate, Kate, Kate. I’m sorry. I’m so, so fucking sorry.”
The dam had burst, and he rocked her, holding her tightly against him as huge sobs wracked her body. She wasn’t embarrassed at the way she clung to him, but she’d worry about it later. Right now she needed his warm strength. She held his shirt with both hands, her face tucked into the hollow of his throat. She couldn’t seem to stop crying.
And all the while he rubbed her back, soothed her, and murmured in her ear. “Please don’t cry, darlin’. It’s not good for you or the baby. God, I am so damn sorry.”
It seemed forever before the tears dried up and she could catch her breath. She waited for Quinn to drop his arms, but they were still wrapped around her. She tilted her face up to look at him, struck dumb by the pain in his eyes. What was that about? Had he come to tell her they were finished? Had everything reminded him too much of his other loss? Was it more pain than he could bear?
“Isn’t this where you came in?” she asked with a watery smile.
He nodded. “I seem to have that effect on you.”
“You didn’t come to see me.” She was trying to speak calmly, and it wasn’t working. “I needed you so badly. Why did you stay away?”
“Didn’t Jake or Nick talk to you?”
“I didn’t want Jake or Nick. I wanted you.”
“Kate, how could you even want anything to do with me after what happened?” His voice was laced with anguish and self-recrimination. “How could you ever feel safe with me again?”
She sniffled. “Listen to me. Nothing that happened was your fault. Nothing. And I don’t want to hear any more of that. I was the one that dragged the cartel into your life, not the other way around. I’m the guilty party here.” She tipped her face up to him. “Oh, Quinn. I want—”
Anything else she might have said was cut off by the crush of his mouth on hers. The kiss ravaged her, his tongue pressing against her lips to force them open, then pulling at her tongue with his own. The fingers of one hand threaded through her hair, holding her head while he drank from her with intense hunger. All the while she felt her breasts pressed against the hard wall of his chest, his heart thudding against her body, and the thick length of his erection hard against her mound.
She had no idea how long the kiss went on before he finally lifted his head.
“I shouldn’t—”
“I’m glad—”
They laughed shakily as they stepped on each other’s words.
“Me first,” she said and clutched at his shoulders, afraid he might move away. “I have no pride left, Quinn. Whatever it is, we’ll work it out, but please don’t walk away from me.”
“Oh God, Kate. You have no idea how hard these past days have been.” He rested his chin on her head. “It killed me to stay away from you.”
“Aren’t you the one who said we had something special between us?” she asked. “Do you want to throw it all away before we even know what it is, just because you’re having a little pity party?”
He tightened his hold on her. “God, no,” he said fervently. “But I just—”
“Just what? Are afraid? Don’t you think it’s time to get on with life again?” She bit her lip. “I was the one who brought the trouble here. I was the one who dragged you into this. So if you think any of this is your fault, just get that out of your head.”
“Listen.”
“No, you listen. I’m sorry you got shot. I’m sorry I messed up your life. And I guess if you don’t want to take a chance on me, I can’t blame you. But don’t walk out on me because of some misguided notion that you caused all this. That’s just plain stupid.” Tears were threatening to spill down her cheeks again, and she swiped at her face. “I seem to have perpetual waterworks these days.” She gave him a shaky smile. “Hormones, I guess.”
“Kate, you don’t understand.”
“What? What is it I don’t understand?”
“I made a promise to you.” He moved her back from him just enough so he could look at her face. “To protect you, keep you safe, and instead, I almost got you killed. If I hadn’t convinced you to go into San Antonio, you wouldn’t have been shot the first time.”
She smacked his chest. “That is such nonsense. Life is all about chances, Quinn. There are no guarantees, but I’d rather take chances with you than anyone else. If you can forgive me for dragging you into this mess, can’t I forgive you for me getting shot?”
He studied her face, her eyes, as if trying to read every nuance. “What about Nolan? I left you alone with him.”
She smacked his arm with her fist again. “Damn it. Nolan Hanks wasn’t your fault, and you almost got killed yourself rescuing me.” She pressed herself against him. “You told me we had a future. Was that some big fat lie?”
“No.” His voice was soft. “But I just…”
“Just what? Was it easier for you to just go back into your hole and hide than try to live life again?”
“I thought I’d disappointed you,” he said miserably.
“Oh, Quinn.” She hugged him as hard as she could.
A discreet cough sounded behind them, and they both looked up. Sharon was standing in the living room with her purse. “I need to run some errands. I, um, expect to be gone a long time. Quinn, will you be staying?”
She studied the expression on his face, relaxing when his mouth curved into a hint of a smile.
“Yes,” he told the other woman. “I expect I will.”
“Fine, then. See you later.”
“Now where were we?” Kate put her hands on either side of his face, pulling his head down to hers. “Oh, yes. I think we were here.”
“No, I think we need to be someplace else.”
He lifted her in his arms and strode into the short hallway. “Which room is yours?”
She pointed, and he carried her into it, placing her gently on the bed. Then he smacked himself on the head.
“I should be shot. You’re still healing, and here I am ready to ravish you. What an ass I am.”
She grinned, albeit just a small one. “I’m fine. Really. Feel free to ravish away.”
But still he hesitated. “What about…”
“The baby?” She placed her hand over her stomach. “The baby’s doing just fine.” She wet her lips. “I have two questions to ask you before this goes any further.”
“Okay. You’re certainly entitled.”
A thread of anxiety wiggled through her. She had to be sure of something first, before she gave herself to him completely. She couldn’t take the chance he’d walk out and destroy her all over again. “Are you okay about the baby? And did you come here today out of some sense of obligation?”
He brushed stands of her hair away from her face. “I’m ecstatic about the baby, and I came here today because I love you. I just thought…”
“Stop thinking. You can’t know how much I’ve missed you.”
She wanted to yank her clothing off, but she was shaking so badly she couldn’t make her fingers work. Quinn sat her on the side of the bed and gently lifted her T-shirt over her head. When he saw the scars from the incisions, pain lanced across his face and tears actually threatened. “Jesus, Kate.”
“Please. It’s all right. I know they’re hideous, but—”
He pressed his fingers against her lips. “You know that’s not it. I just feel so…responsible. Look what I put you through.”
She pushed his fingers aside. “Stop thinking about the fact I could be dead and think about me being alive. Which I am, thanks to you. So let’s let that be the end of it. Please?”
He swallowed, hard. “I’ll try. Oh, God, darlin’.”
He dropped to his knees and buried his face in her lap, his shoulders shaking. Kate smoothed her hand over the silk of his hair and the taut muscles of his back, crooning softly to him until the storm of emotion passed. At last, he lifted his head and rubbed his hands over his face.
“Now,” she said before he could utter another word. “Where were we?”
He loosened the drawstring on her sweat pants, leaned her back on the bed, and slowly drew the sweats and her panties down her legs. The heated look in his eyes more than made up for a lot of things.
He moved her so her head rested on the pillows, then knelt between her thighs and began to kiss every inch of her skin. The tip of his tongue pressed at the hollow of her throat where her pulse was beating hard enough to burst through the skin. His rough silk lips traced every scar on her body, trailing kisses over them as if he could magically heal them.
When he reached the lower part of her abdomen, the place where their baby was growing, he placed a large, warm, open-mouthed kiss on her skin, and she was sure she felt the wetness of tears falling on her.
Nothing escaped his attention—her thighs, the backs of her knees, her ankles, even her toes. She never knew what erogenous zones toes could be. By the time he’d covered most of her body, she was shaking with need.
“I want you naked, too,” she whispered.
He moved off the bed, making short work of his jeans and shirt, and loomed over her again.
“Oh, my God.” Her voice shook as the puckered scar came into view, and she reached up to trace its outline. “Your shoulder.”
“It’s fine, darlin’. All healed. Forget about it.”
“How can I possibly? If it weren’t for me, you’d never have been shot.”
“Kate.” He loomed over her. “We already decided that conversation’s a done deal. Right?” His eyes flashed with need. “I have something else in mind completely.”
“Touch me anywhere.” She reached for him, closing her small fingers over his swollen shaft. “Touch me everywhere. And tell me again.”
“Tell you…?”
“You know. What you said before.”
His face softened. “I love you, Kate Griffin. With all my heart. I’m going to make love to you until you don’t even know your own name. Then, if you can still walk, we’re going to city hall to apply for our marriage license. How does that sound?”
“Better than you can imagine,” she breathed.
He came down to her, kneeling over her, his hands following every inch of her body, as if learning her for the first time.
She moved her hands over his back, touched his shoulders, feeling the play of muscles under the skin.
“Make me better,” she begged. “Make me whole again.”
When he reached the spot on her belly again where their baby was growing, he skidded soft, almost reverent kisses across her skin. Flashes of pleasure spiked through her, and she fisted her hands in the silk of his hair.
“Are you sure this won’t hurt him?” he asked, his voice tense.
“It could be a her, you know.” Her voice wasn’t quite steady as a painful thought struck her. “Quinn? Would it be hard for you? You know, having another little girl?”
“Not as long as she looks like you, darlin’. I’m learning to look to the future and not live in the past.” He lifted his head and flashed a wicked grin. “Now lie still, I’m enjoying myself.”
He nudged her thighs farther apart and bent her legs, exposing her to him completely. He opened her labia, staring at it for so long she began to wonder if something was wrong. Then he lowered his head and his mouth closed over her throbbing nub while his fingers stroked every inch of her drenched flesh.
Heat flooded her everywhere. She had missed this so much and feared never to have it again. She pushed her hips against him, grabbing his hair and holding his head against her body. “Yes, oh, yes. Do that, please.”
When he pushed two fingers inside her, she was so ready she convulsed around him immediately, her inner muscles gripping his fingers hard, milking them as her cream coated them. As she wanted to do with his hard shaft.
She reached down and found his swollen length, and as he shifted higher between her legs she guided him home, straight to the opening of her core. To her soul. To her heart.
One push and he was in, his hips rolling and thrusting almost immediately. Kate raked her fingers against Quinn’s back as he drove in and out of her.
“Kate, Kate, Kate.” He chanted her name like a litany.
As aroused as they both were, their climax rolled over them in seconds, no less intense because it caught them so quickly. Kate lost herself in him, everything disappearing except his cock inside her, throbbing and pulsing. Their bodies shuddered together, her liquid showering his shaft with velvet heat. His hands gripped her buttocks, pulling her tight against him, holding her until the last spasm faded away.
Still dragging air into his lungs, he slid carefully from her and rolled to the side, pulling her against him.
“I love you,” he said when he could breathe again.
“I love you, too.”
It was a long time before they ever got to eat their lunch.