So getting eaten by a house proved less painful than expected. It didn’t involve any actual chewing of my body parts or gross digestive juices.

However, I did find myself in an odd dilemma.

More like an odd place.

“I don’t think I’m in Kansas anymore,” I said, channeling my favorite old movie. Nor did I have Toto, or any of my dogs with me.

I could have used them for moral support.

A glance around showed me somewhere surreal. A mostly gray landscape, rocky and barren, the ground a jagged stone that humped unevenly. Behind me, a taller pile of rock loomed, along with the slit I’d gotten spat out of. Should I pop back in?

Would shoving myself through that gap take me back into the house, or would something a little more dire happen? How did I know this wasn’t the mouth of a beast?

That girl in Temple of Doom might have braved sticking her hand in that hole, but I still remembered the shivering horror of those bugs crawling over her. I couldn’t do it.

Besides, shouldn’t I explore just a little?

A warm breeze with hints of sulfur fluttered at my skin, a rotten smell that made my nose wrinkle. Would I asphyxiate if I breathed it too long? My lungs didn’t hurt. Not yet.

Whoosh.

A sudden burst of flames from the ground drew a squeak from me, and it echoed in the stillness. Way to draw attention to myself. For once, that didn’t seem like the brightest idea.

Whatever lived in this place might be all too interested in a human girl who’d wandered somewhere she shouldn’t have.

A bigger dilemma than the one of whether or not human flesh was considered a tasty treat was, where should I go? What should I do?

The movies I’d seen involving people getting sucked into weird alternate universes without fail had people trying to get home.

With that thought in mind, I whirled to face the crack, ready to wedge myself in and hope the house regurgitated me. I’d brave the black hole to return to my rightful world.

That was the plan until I noticed a pair of red eyes peeking at me from the top of the stony crag.

Those crimson orbs, I might add, peered out from the face of a tiny gray gargoyle perched over the dark slit.

The size of a kitten, and a fugly kind of cute, I crooned. “Hey, cutiekins, aren’t you just adorable. Want to come back with me?” I’d been talking about getting a pet, and I didn’t know anyone who owned an alternate dimension gargoyle.

It made a cooing sound that drew me closer.

A second head popped up. Another gargoyle, much larger this time, but just as craggily adorable.

I reached out a hand, and the big one opened its mouth, revealing a row of teeth, but it was the way it unhinged its jaws and showed a second layer of sharp incisors that made me snatch my hand back, that and the lisped, “Supper!”

Oh, hell no.

I had two choices as it unfurled its wings. Dive for the slit and hope I didn’t get wedged—because if I did, that little monster would probably feast on my ass—or run. Since I rather liked my butt, guess what I chose.

Whirling around, I bolted and immediately regretted my choice as the pebbles underfoot rolled, upsetting my balance. The cracks zigzagging through the arid soil sought to twist my ankles. The uneven surface tried to trip me. As if all that wasn’t annoying enough, flying around in circles overheard, chirping, was my little gargoyle buddy and his papa.

Big papa wasn’t even pretending I had a chance.

Had to be a male to taunt me so.

The overcast sky lent a shadowy pallor to the land, making it hard to discern much, but as I ran, I noticed what appeared to be a building in the distance. Shelter.

With a door.

I pounded on it, noting the gray and weathered age of the wood bound into a rectangle by bands of metal. There was a handle that didn’t do shit when yanked.

The bigger gargoyle—that I nicknamed Butthead—fluttered overhead with a keening cry before perching on the crumbling stone edge of the roof. A two-story tower on the edge of nowhere. Little Butt wobbled as it landed beside its daddy. A predator in training.

When the door opened, and I saw the light shining within, I might have sobbed in relief.

Then backed away.

“Um, yeah, sorry to have bothered you. Wrong house. I think I’ll be leaving now.”

The hulking demon, with curling horns and bright red eyes, grinned. “Master will be happy to see you.”

Lovely. How had I gone from no one wanting me to everyone?

Fuck.

Pivoting, I didn’t figure there was much chance of me escaping. Butthead had obviously herded me here. But I tried anyway, running once again—despite my protesting legs—only to find myself plucked into the air, legs still pumping but not getting me anywhere.

And the big brute who’d captured me took me into his lair.