My finger hovered over the screen when the pounding knock from the front door made me jump. I threw it open, expecting it to be Sasha checking that I'd actually called John. The words died in my throat and my smile faded as I came face-to-face with the man I'd been avoiding for too long.

I stood in the doorway with my heart pounding for so long that John asked if he could come in.

"Yes, of course," I said, backing out of his way so he could come in. I closed the door behind him and rested my back against it with a death grip on the door knob. The entire world was spinning, and it was the only thing keeping me tethered to the ground.

I braced myself for the barrage. I'd been avoiding him. Blown off his dates. Been a major bitch for quite some time. So imagine my surprise when he turned around and the first words out of his mouth were 'Sorry.'

"What?" I asked, making sure I'd heard correctly.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have put all that pressure on you with the dates and tried to make it this big over-the-top thing. Hanging out with you here and watching TV is really all I need."

"John, I owe you an apology. Can we sit?" I gesture to the couch. It stopped smelling like him a little while ago. Sadness cratered in my chest when I rolled over on it the day before and realized it. I took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry about everything. About the dates. About not talking to you, and about what happened last time you were here." I glanced down at my hands in my lap like they were the most interesting thing in the world.

He reached out and took my hand in his. If he could feel my heart beating at a mile a minute, he didn't say anything.

"I was scared. Irrationally scared, but it's something that's stuck with me for a long time." He ran his thumb over the scar on my wrist.

"It's about these?"

I nodded.

"It was so stupid. I was so stupid. I didn't know anything. There was a guy in college. We'd been seeing each other for a little while. We were kind of dating, I guess." I shrugged. Embarrassment heating my cheeks.

"He was a nerd like me."

"You're not a nerd," John said, softly. I glanced over at my TV and computer setup and lifted an eyebrow at him. He chuckled.

"Okay, maybe a little bit of a nerd. Go ahead."

"I'd never really explored much. I'd seen some things. Read a little, but I didn't know everything involved with the things I was interested in. I saw the rope bondage stuff. The knots, designs, and corset types of things, and I liked it. I told him about it, and he was super-enthusiastic about it. For some reason, I thought that meant he knew what he was doing."

I still remembered how excited I'd been. At twenty, I was freaking out about being a virgin. Ha! I stayed in my cave like I always did, so finding my college boyfriend had been a shock for me. He'd zeroed in on me with laser precision, almost like he could smell my insecurity and vulnerability.

"We got drunk one night, and I finally agreed to give it a try after he kept bringing it up. I figured at worst it wouldn't live up to my expectations. I'd have a real story about losing my virginity, right?" I glanced up at John who had a sad look in his eyes.

"I was wrong. Things were fun and good for the first few minutes. But after a little bit I realized he had no idea what he was doing. The knots were too tight and they were looped in the wrong place. Even the rope wasn't the right stuff. And then he tried to undo it, but it all kept tightening. The ropes were burning my skin and I started to struggle.

I couldn't move, and panic set in. My shoulder felt like it was going to dislocate, and I freaked out and screamed. It hurt, a lot. Like a searing pain as I struggled. He freaked out and bolted, afraid he'd get into trouble. He left me there. Left me alone to try to get out of it myself. I could barely breathe. Every move was agony. His roommate found me.” The embarrassment and shame when the door was pushed open almost made me throw up. John’s hand tightened on mine. “His roommate was a good guy. Got a knife and cut me loose, but it could have been worse. What if someone else had found me? It could have been a lot worse.” I said, my voice cracking. “But not without a few reminders of just how stupid not knowing what you're doing, can end up."

I lifted my wrist, showing off my scars, like he hadn't already figured that out. “First, I started the blog, and I had people contacting me, wanting a place where they could try out all the stuff I talked about.

As a final step, I took some of the money from my trust, and I set up the club. At Ace's we make sure everyone is safe. That people know what they are doing, and no one gets hurt, unless that's what they are into." I chanced a glance up at him, but I couldn't read his expression. Probably feeling a lot of pity for the girl who let herself get maimed by a pretender in a fucking fedora. Talk about embarrassing.

"I think that's amazing. What you've done and what you're doing. You've probably helped hundreds of thousands of people discover things about themselves that they never even thought about. I know you did for me."

Now, it was his turn to duck his head.

"I originally checked it out because Killian might have let it slip that you ran it, but then the more I looked into it, the more I liked it. The more I learned and wanted to try. You were always on my mind, Frankie. Always," he said, running his fingers up and down my arm. It was now or never. My stomach flip-flopped as I closed my eyes.

"That's good. Because there's more to why I cancelled our last date."

He jerked back, looking at me. I stood and grabbed his hand, pulling him to his feet.

"Come on," I said, tugging him upstairs and through my bedroom and into the bathroom.

"This is why I cancelled." I waved my hand over my bathroom counter pregnancy test collection like a showcase show model. He dropped my hand and stepped into the bathroom staring at the neat rows of tests covering the counter. He glanced from the tests to me and back to the tests. I clasped my hands in front of me and bit my bottom lip.

"You're pregnant?" he asked in breathless disbelief.

"Yes."

"You're pregnant?" His eyes were wide and I couldn’t read his expression. He took a step toward me.

"Yes," I said, trying to swallow past the lump in my throat. His shoes squeaked on the tile floor as he rushed toward me, staring down at my stomach. He ran his hand over his forehead as he stopped short of me.

"Wow." He took a deep breath and smiled. A small piece of the tightness in my chest loosened because he didn't look pissed. He actually looked happy and excited and then a little of that faded away as he lifted his eyes to mine.

"Listen, I understand if you don't want me to be involved or if you're cool with the whole single mom thing, but I'd like to be there for you and the baby. I'll do everything I can to support both of you. And--"

I decided to shut him up the best way I knew how. I wrapped my hands around the sides of his face and pulled him in for a kiss. Tears pouring down my cheeks and the stress of the past few days and the relief that came with knowing he cared about me too washed over me.

John picked me up and spun me around, lifting me onto the counter to kiss me breathless. I pushed my hands against his chest.

"There's something else I want to show you," I said, gulping down some air. The look on his face was priceless.

"Trust me. You'll like this," I said, hopping down from the counter and leading him back through the bedroom. His eyes darted to the bed and I held back a laugh.

"Not just yet, I said as we headed out into the hall and down the stairs.