I lay there in my hospital bed in shock, trying to process everything. Days passed, so I had nothing to do but think about my situation.
During my long years in the military, I was gone when both of my parents had died, my father in a car crash and my mother from cancer. My brothers and sisters had either landed in jail, were hooked on drugs, or were off doing something where they weren't on anyone’s radar anymore.
I had become grateful for my career in the military because it gave me somewhere to go, a sense of belonging. Now that I was being discharged, the jarring reality crashed down on me that I was alone and had nowhere to go. After my father passed, the house went into foreclosure and was taken back by the bank. There was nowhere that I could call home.
Where would I go now that I had no home to go to and no career to keep me?
Trapped in the hospital bed, I lapsed into a mild panic.
I didn't know what to do, but I remembered James's last words to me before walking out of my room. Was he serious about letting him know if I ever needed anything? Because I could already think of something I desperately needed.
I decided to call him and let him know of my situation. I hoped that maybe once he heard that I had nowhere to go, he would reopen the discussion about whether or not I should be discharged from the military. I was injured, but surely, I could still do good work.
The more that I thought about it, the more hopeful I got. I started envisioning a happy future that could still be within my reach. By the time that I picked up the phone, I was positively beaming.
“Hello?” James answered curtly.
“Uh, yes, hi, sir, this is Bradley Miller,” I said, pausing for a moment to give him time to remember who I was.
“Brad, my man. How are you?”
“I'm doing great, under the circumstances,” I said, feeling that that was true now that I had come up with this plan to get back into the military. “I was hoping that you had a few minutes to chat about something.”
“Sure, you actually caught me at a good time. What's up?”
I could feel the sweat beginning to soak my palms. I almost dropped the phone.
“Well, I appreciate that you came down to let me know what was going on with my standing in the Air Force so that I wouldn't be blindsided by the information once I got better. But... sir, I have nowhere to go,” I explained.
I realized that I probably sounded pathetic, but kept talking anyway. “The Air Force has been my life for just shy of two decades and my plans were to spend the rest of my career here, serving my country. Now, I'm being told that, because I sustained an injury while actively serving, I won't be able to continue to do so. And to be completely honest, sir; this means I don't know where I will end up.”
I felt like all the energy I’d built up when I had been in a good mood had been drained out of me after I finished speaking. I didn't hear anything on the other end of the phone and I started wondering if I had accidentally hung up on him.
“Sir?” I asked.
“Yes. Sorry. I'm still here. Brad, what about your family?” he asked.
“Sir, my mother died of cancer ten years back and my father died a few years after that. As far as the rest of my family, the ones that I even know about are either incarcerated or on the streets. That's why I was hoping that we could still leave things open in terms of my service here. The doctors are hopeful that I'll recover just fine and I'll be able to complete my duties.”
The last part was a white lie. Actually, the doctors were saying that they weren't sure how things would go. They said that there was a chance that I might be able to walk without a cane again if I did physical therapy, but that there were no guarantees. But, for now, I just wanted him to believe that I would be completely fine.
“Brad, the decision that we made was based on your doctor's recommendation,” he said. “I'm sorry to be the one to tell you that. I don't want you to be upset with your doctor. He may have told you that in hopes that your spirits would be high for rehabilitation. But, I want you to look at things realistically, for what they actually are, not for what you hope for them to be. No one can live in a fantasy world forever, especially when real life is happening all around them.”
I knew that he was right. As much as I hoped against hope that I wasn't going to be discharged from the military, the fact of the matter was that I was. I had been in denial to think that there was anything I could say or do that would change my fate.
“I understand,” I said, swallowing hard. My heart sunk a little as I began to accept the fact that I would never work on another military aircraft again.
“But, you really have worked hard and I know that you will land on your feet,” James said.
“Thanks,” I said, halfheartedly.
“You're welcome,” he said. “And I know how hard it can be, transitioning from active duty to civilian life, especially when you've been in service for so long. And I don't want you to be on the streets somewhere, but I truly believe that you find a way to make it all work. In the meantime, before your disability pay kicks in and while you are getting things established for yourself, I want to extend you a place to stay. If you're interested, you're welcome to crash with me in my home.”
That was a total fucking shocker.
I was surprised, to say the least. Not that I doubted he was gracious enough to open up his home to someone in need. But we weren't exactly close during my time in the military. He was my commanding officer for the past few years. We had a good relationship in regards to our roles in the Air Force, but it wasn't to the point where I expected that he would just invite me to stay with him—not at all.
I mean, that’s the kind of generosity reserved only for family. At least, I thought it was. I never really had enough of a family to know, to be fair. My manly pride swelled up in my throat for a split second. But then, I thought about it for a hot minute and decided that it would be better to stay with him than to stay in a shelter or on the street.
“Thanks,” I said. “I would greatly appreciate that. It will only be for a short while until I can find a job. I sincerely appreciate this. I will let you know if anything else comes up, sir.”
“Okay,” he said. “I will be heading home at the end of the week. As you know, I travel a lot for work, but this is a period of time that I’ll be home. If you’re ready to be released and would like to come along with me, you are most welcome. And, Bradley, enough with this ‘sir’ business—call me James.”
We said our goodbyes and hung up. I could feel the tension leaving my body. Now, I had somewhat of a plan.