CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Room for One
We drove to a nearby B&B and begged the owner there to give us a room for the night; possessing desperation like never before. With such short notice, she was only able to offer us a double room and seeing as I was still relatively shaken up over the dramatic events, I grabbed what we were given with welcoming arms.
“This is quite sweet,” commented Luke, dropping our bags on the perfectly stuffed bed.
“Yeah,” I replied, thinking it was nowhere near as posh as the hotel but definitely more our cup of tea.
With floral bedding and beige walls, the room offered a sense of comfort which the other place lacked. As much as I enjoyed the walk-in shower and power jets in the bath, what we had here was quite enough.
“You okay?” he asked, locking his bright eyes onto mine.
I could barely bring myself to look at him.
“No, not really.”
I felt responsible for the outcome, and knowing how much he wanted this made me feel all the more worse. I couldn’t help but think I may have overreacted. Was Garret simply a little too drunk and thought he’d try his luck? After all, he didn’t actually make me do anything.
“You can stop that right now,” insisted Luke, marching his way over to me. “Don’t waste your tears on him, sweetheart,” he begged, pulling my body close to his.
“They’re not for him. I’m crying because I’ve ruined everything for you,” I sobbed, burying my face in his chest. “I’m sorry.”
Luke proceeded to seat us both down on the edge of the bed and upon doing so, attempted to wipe away the moisture from my eyes.
“You did no such thing. You did me a favour. At least now I know what he’s like. Can you imagine if I got offered the job and found out months down the line,” he stated, holding on to each of my cheeks. “You’re the most important person in my life, Maya. If anyone fucks with you, I fuck with them,” he added, landing a swift kiss on my nose.
It was a little ticklish to the touch but exactly what I needed.
“Will you be honest with me?” I asked, prompting a subject change.
“About what?” he enquired, ever the sceptical.
He remained seated on the bed; both hands now situated in mine, the slight tremor he underwent certainly not going unnoticed.
“About me, us.”
He seemed reluctant at first but eventually offered me a slow nod which did very little to appease me. I wanted to believe his fake confidence, but with his face currently twisting the way it was, I didn’t.
“Do you have feelings for me?” I questioned, meeting his gaze head-on. “Beyond friendship.”
“Yes.”
His reply was instantaneous and I didn’t dare question it, knowing it to be the God’s honest truth.
“How long?”
I had my suspicions regarding this particular question, and if the ever stiffening of Luke’s posture was anything to go by, I’d say he was suddenly unnerved.
“Maya…”
“Please, I just want the truth,” I begged, dragging my thumbs against his wrists in a last-minute bid to offer him some encouragement.
I gently made my way alongside the strap of his new watch and marvelled against the feel of his fast beating pulse on my fingertips; the very speed in which it was going telling me more than I needed to know.
“I can’t look at you when I tell you.”
His response was as justifiable as it was fair. He was nervous, so in a way I hoped was helpful, I gently stroked my fingers over his eyes, prompting him to close each one.
“Can you tell me now?” I enquired, resting my forehead on his.
I stared right at his lips, so plump and close. I knew what it felt like to have them on me, yet it wasn’t enough. I wanted more.
“Nine, maybe ten years.”
Shit!
I thought he would say two months at most but nine, maybe fucking ten years! That was almost half our life.
“Okay, now look at me,” I demanded, though did so tenderly.
Simply using my words to manipulate his movements enabled him to still feel somewhat in control of the situation. The last thing I wanted was to freak out and scare him off. It must’ve been hard for him to admit that and he deserved respect for it, not rejection.
“Do I look repulsed at all?”
“I hope not.”
“Am I laughing in your face?”
“Maybe.”
“Running away?”
“No.”
“Then look at me, please.”
He finally opened his eyes and graced me with that captivating gaze of his; so full of worry. I hated that he was scared and especially didn’t like that he had to hide his true feelings from me for almost a decade.
“Were you too scared to be honest?” I asked, needing more information on the matter.
“Fucking terrified,” he smiled, letting slip a tiny laugh. “I got pretty good at convincing myself we’d never happen, but that all changed when we slept together. Now I’ve had a taste of what it’s like and I can’t forget. I don’t want to.”
His eyes on mine felt like small shots of electricity. Had the full moon not been our only source of light, I’d have sworn by them glimmering.
“I don’t want to forget either,” I admitted, licking my suddenly dry lips. “I think I was so focused on the negative that I didn’t stop to think about the positives.”
“I couldn’t stop thinking about the positives,” he ensured, still clutching my hands. “But then you were so repulsed by our actions. I was devastated.”
“Oh God, Luke!” I cried, gripping his shoulders. “I never wanted that. I was scared, not repulsed. You believe me, right? You know I love you,” I added, begging him with my eyes.
“I know you do.” He paused. “And I love you, but I think the way I do is very different to the way you do.”
Our quiet conversation was the only thing that could be heard throughout the peacefulness of the house. With the calming countryside only metres away, I felt oddly safe. Maybe even brave?
“How do you love me? Tell me?” I encouraged, moving my face closer to his.
It was important he felt he could be honest with me, and if I physically had to drag the confession out of him, so bloody be it.
“I’m in love with you. I have been for as long as I can remember.”
His declaration sent my mind into a whirlwind of emotions; all of which expressed extreme gratitude and sheer happiness, not fear. I may have not been ready to say those fatal few words back, but that wasn’t to say I didn’t absolutely love hearing them. Knowing my best friend was in love with me and had been for years wasn’t a hindrance, nor was it unwelcoming. It simply was what it was and I had no doubt I’d be able to return those feelings one day.
“Thanks for being honest,” I whispered, enjoying the sound of our heavy breathing and synchronised heartbeats. “I love that you love me,” I added, letting him know I wasn’t negatively affected by his revelation.
His glistening eyes snapped up to capture my own and in doing so, seemed to convey the purest of thoughts. He wasn’t pressuring me into anything and simply said what he did as a means of letting me know his true feelings on the matter. There was no going back for us after this. Even though in a way that was sad, what we had coming was much more open and something to certainly get excited about. Sure, I was terrified, but in the most surreal way imaginable, it made what we were about to do all the more thrilling.
“Do you know what I’ve just realised?” I stated, changing the subject again.
“What?”
“I spent a fortune on this dress and I didn’t even get to dance!” I informed, outraged.
He simply laughed at my declaration and leaned forward to rest both elbows on his knees, facing my profile in the process.
“How much did you spend on it?” he asked, to which I shrieked, “Fifty quid!”
He smiled at my overreaction and upon standing from his seated position, rummaged around in his bag for quite some time, much like the way he did when bringing a cupcake to my room all those years ago. And to think, he was in love with me back then.
Stop that!
I was quick to shake my head at the thought and stopped myself from going there, knowing that if I did, I’d drive myself truly insane. If I thought about all the times Luke was in love with me while I had no idea, I would’ve ended up hating myself. I could argue the reasons until I was blue in the face, but in the end, it would do neither of us any good. The important thing was I knew now, and how I reacted would determine our future together.
“Are you gonna pull out a cupcake?” I asked, indeed, cracking a joke.
“Not quite.”
He shook his head as he went about pulling out a set of earphones; the randomness of his actions confusing, to say the least.
“What are you doing?”
“You can’t dance without music,” he informed, as a matter of fact.
“Right…”
“And you never did get to dance tonight, did you?” he explained, holding out his hand to me.
“Correct.”
“So dance with me now?” he suggested, before suddenly stopping. “Please.”
His outstretched hand trembled ever so slightly in front of my eyes, and if I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was nervous all over again. I was keen to squash that, and did so by accepting his offer. I stuck to his body by lightly resting my cheek on his chest, enjoying his immediate heat. I was then slowly passed an earbud and upon doing so, subjected my ears to Bon Jovi’s Always; the song reminding me of his Mum. It was her favourite and in fact, played at her funeral. It wasn’t odd that he would pick this track to dance to, and knowing what it meant to him made the moment all the more special.
I gently ran my hands along his side, admiring the feel of his body tensing against my touch. My fingers eventually interlocked with his and as we began our swaying movements around the small bedroom, I couldn’t help but feel completely at peace with the world. Nothing could’ve ruined or tarnished this moment. For as long as I’d live, I would always remember it as a turning point for our friendship. I no longer thought of him as my best friend, but rather an honest man who just admitted to being in love with me. In fact, it fast became my only focus, aside from his hammering heart against my grinning cheek; each beat creating a rhythm of its own. His delicate fingers detailed the length of my spine in soft, tranquilising motions before coming to a gentle rest at my neck, where I fell victim to a sly bit of manipulation. His hand angled my head in such a way that forced me to look up at him and in doing so, I was met with his clear blues.
“I really want to kiss you,” he admitted, running his fingers along my jaw.
“Feel free,” I replied, encouraging him.
There wasn’t a moment of hesitation between me speaking my request and him positioning his mouth over mine. The exchange remained sweet at first, yet proved much more intense the further it continued. His hands moved from their original formation to settle around my waist and his body, although reserved, cemented itself onto mine, front facing. His heavy bulge dug into my lower stomach, making its presence well and truly known in the form of a screaming erection.
“Luke.”
My moans only seemed to spur him on. Whilst my head spun from all the kissing I was undergoing, I couldn’t help but become greedy in my need for more interaction. I very hastily pulled the earphones from both our ears and rested his phone on the side table, earning myself a surprise kiss from behind, enjoyably so.
“I can go all fucking night, Maya so you tell me when to stop,” he growled, feasting on the area between my neck and earlobe.
“Who says we have to stop?” I smirked, meeting his challenge head-on.
I’d never been particularly seductive, nor sexy but with Luke looking at me as though he was about to devour me, I was certainly inclined to give it a try. He made me feel more desired than ever before. If only I had known this sooner, we both could’ve saved ourselves a lot of hassle.
“So, does this mean you fancy me now?” he asked, breaking for only a second to remove his tie.
“Honestly Luke, who even says fancy anymore?” I laughed, grabbing for his blazer and swiftly disposing of it.
“Lots of people do!” he defended, finally offering me a glance of those desirable lips; so moist from our encounter. “It’s a perfectly acceptable word to use.”
“Whatever you say,” I insisted, pulling his wet mouth down to meet mine.
Shining back at me and reflecting pure need, I found his gaze had me not only wanting to fulfil his unspoken desires but excited by the prospect of doing so. Pulling on his belt and making sure to rid him of his trousers saw my impatience reach an all-time high and fast became my priority. If I hadn’t known how extortionately priced his suit was, I’d have happily ripped it from his body instead.
“Are you sure about this, Maya? No more running?” he asked, barking his enquiry down my ear.
“No more running,” I ensured, pressing my chest into his. “I promise.”