CHAPTER ELEVEN
Knock, knock…who’s there?
Almost another week passed by without so much as hearing from that job Luke had helped me apply for, which put me in dire need of some TLC (AKA, junk food). Sasha had promised me a night of pepperoni pizza, chicken strips and cheap wine, and my God, I made sure she followed through.
“Babe, they wanna know if you want garlic mayo or sweet chilli sauce?” she questioned, still on the receiving end of our takeaway order.
“Both.”
Duh?
She proceeded to tell whoever was on the other end that we indeed wanted both and in doing so, managed to order herself extra fries before hanging up.
“I don’t do it often, but I deserve a treat after all the healthy eating I’ve done this week,” she smirked, plonking her arse down on the sofa next to me.
Her date with Jace had gone extremely well. The two had yet to become exclusive, but I reckoned it was only a matter of time. He’d taken her out almost every evening since their first meet up; each night at a different restaurant that claimed to be the next big thing with regards to a healthier lifestyle. The pair shared many mutual interests, dietary nutrition being one.
“Luke not joining us?” she asked, casual in her doing so.
“Who knows?”
Lately, he’d been as fickle as they came; saying one thing and doing another. It all started on Wednesday when he stopped by my work on his way home from the gym. Jack had been his usual, flirty self and to say Luke didn’t care for it would’ve been an understatement. He was obviously conflicted, though his behaviour only made one thing certain. He was jealous. I didn’t like seeing him like that and hated the thought of being the reason behind his unhappy mood. Jack was clearly not a threat but Luke wasn’t to know. We both just needed to sit down and discuss the matter in a mature way, yet every time I suggested meeting up, he declined my offer.
“He’s supposed to be spending the night here, but he may well change his mind.” I replied, checking my phone for any missed texts. “He’s been a little indecisive lately.”
Having decided to get an earlier start on our trip up north, Luke was scheduled to spend the evening at our flat and was leaving his car downstairs, to which I was about 80% sure it wouldn’t get nicked overnight.
“Yeah, what’s with that?” asked Sasha, grabbing a nail file from her bag and getting to work on her right hand.
“He’s just stressing about the award ceremony this weekend,” I offered, which wasn’t a complete lie.
I knew the event was slowly eating away at him; the stresses of potentially having to find another job weighing heavy on his mind. I’d tried telling him he had nothing to worry about, but he was keen to keep a realistic view and had already started looking for other possibilities.
“I bet. He’s got a lot riding on this.” she agreed, switching hands.
In spite of the fact that things between us had been a little strained, I was rest assured our time away may have been exactly what we needed. Perhaps a chat regarding our possibilities was in order, not that I knew what those were. I still wasn’t completely certain on my thoughts, but I was in tune with my feelings enough to know that carrying on the way we had been was not an option. It wasn’t healthy and our reluctance to address the issue with seriousness was already taking its toll. I had feelings for Luke; of course I did, but I wasn’t sure if acting on them was in our best interests. Considering I was unclear on things, I’d say I was hardly in a position to make any life-altering decisions, but at least if we openly expressed our emotions, we may have been able to come at things from a better angle. I was no expert but I’d say if Luke’s jealous actions were anything to go by, he wanted more than friendship. It was written all over his face. That being said, it was a tricky situation and one that needed careful attention.
~~~
Luke arrived shortly after the food was scheduled to show up and was unusually quiet from the moment he stepped through the front door. His pale complexion was a worrying sight, and when Sasha finally excused herself to use the bathroom, I pulled him to one side and voiced out my concerns.
“You’ve been avoiding me all week.”
“No I haven’t,” he defended, half-heartedly.
“Luke, I know you’re worried about the weekend and that’s fine. I can justify that, but if you’re punishing me because you’re jealous-”
“And what exactly am I supposed to be jealous of?” he scoffed, mocking me in my insinuation.
His set jaw was unnaturally stiff and awfully painful looking.
“Jack. On Wednesday when you came to see me at work...”
“HA!” he humoured, throwing his head back in spiteful laughter. “Being jealous would require a level of affection. I don’t feel that way for you, Maya,” he continued, quite frankly stabbing me with his brutality.
I recoiled from his harsh tone and stared at him, unblinkingly.
“Luke.”
“Well what do you want me to say? That our night together has changed things? That I see you differently now? Sex is sex, Maya. Nothing special about it. Nothing special about yo-”
He stopped himself before completing that sentence, though was fruitless in his attempt. I already knew what he was about to say. I didn’t believe him, but it still hurt.
“You forget I’ve known you nineteen years, Luke. I know when you’re lying and I know when you’re deliberately being a dick to push me away. Something happened that night, and whether you like it or not, it’s changed things,” I scolded, stepping closer to him. “I’ll let it drop since I know you’re under a lot of pressure for this weekend, but do not cheapen our time spent together, and don’t insult me by lying.”
Luckily, the food chose now to arrive and I was over by the front door in a matter of seconds. I needed some time away from my infuriating best friend who, although going through a lot, was acting like a complete stranger. I had never been on the receiving end of his standoffish behaviour and I certainly wasn’t a fan of it.
“Hi, how much was-”
The smell of food hit me first, though the stench of melted cheese and doughy bread soon became the least of my worries. The so-called delivery man’s mere presence was sickening to say the least and had me retreating back in an instant.
“You?”
“Me,” he smirked, flashing me his disgusting teeth. “Pizza for the lady with the pretty name.”
Oh god!
Any doubts I had about it being him ceased to exist upon hearing his deep, gravelly voice; it’s unmistakable tone hitting me straight in the gut. His unavoidable grey eyes and neck tattoos sent chills down my spine, and panicked me.
“You can keep the change.” I ensured, practically throwing the money at him and grabbing the items.
I quickly took a step back and shut the door in his face, mindlessly staring at the wooden frame for a few seconds afterwards, comprehending what on earth just happened. First, he showed up at work and then at my home. Should this have been cause for concern?
“Maya?”
Luke’s voice acted as a comfort against my hammering heart and sweaty brow, his anxiety completely justifiable.
“What is it?” he asked, taking my chin in his trembling hand.
It was the first interaction we’d had in days and the overwhelming need to cry suddenly consumed me.
“Nothing, I’m fine,” I whispered, weakly so.
He didn’t seem so convinced but with food now present and Sasha’s unavoidable excitement upon discovering this, he let the issue drop, thankfully so. I could’ve told him. Let him know of my concerns, but that would only have caused unnecessary worry and for what? The man was hardly breaching any laws and the more rationality crept in, the more coincidental it all seemed. He was probably just a pizza delivery guy, who enjoyed the occasional black coffee and liked telling girls they had pretty names.
Perfectly reasonable.
“Sweet Mother of Joseph, I’m ready for this!” sighed Sasha, inhaling the food's smells.
Luke lightly placed his hand in mine and dragged me towards the kitchen table, encouraging me to eat something. I begrudgingly loaded up on food and forced myself to stop thinking about my odd encounter, which wasn’t difficult when the topic soon turned to that of my dress for the weekend.
“Wait until you see her in it, Luke,” insisted Sasha, chopping on some chicken. “You won’t know where to put your eyes,” she cried, ever the dramatic.
Her inability to pick up on our tense circumstance was a relief if nothing else, though it certainly didn’t make things any less awkward between Luke and me. His nervous gaze cautiously met mine in pretence interest as he aimlessly chewed his food, painfully so.
“What colour did you go for in the end?”
“Red.”
His eyes continued to hold mine in a secret claim of enjoyment; his face saying it all. He was excited to see me in it.
“That’ll be nice,” he squeaked, swallowing his mouthful by force.
I ignored the heat that flooded my cheeks.
“I wonder if there’ll be any sexy men there? You could bag yourself a lawyer, Maya!” exclaimed Sasha, truly making things awkward.
As though physically hurt, Luke tensed from top to bottom, not knowing where to put himself.
“I’m okay, thanks,” I whispered, grateful when an incoming email sounded from my phone.
“Oh come on, don’t be so quick to dismiss the idea. Luke, have you got any mates you could set her up with?” she asked, certainly not letting the issue drop.
“None,” he replied, instantly shutting the idea down.
I distanced myself with my Hotmail account and scrolled through my inbox, avoiding the conversation at all cost. Normally, I would’ve ignored it as I never received important emails, but I was desperate for a distraction and was certainly happy for one, once seeing who it was from.
Karen Taylor Fashion.
Sasha continued to talk Luke through some new recipe she’d discovered, but I soon tuned them out. I read through the ‘We’d like to invite you to attend an interview’ email and silently squealed. It didn’t register at first and took at least five reads before it eventually sunk in.
Fucking finally!
“I got an interview.”
My voice was shaky and weak, though I just about managed to get the message across before I welled up at the thought. Thankfully, they both seemed capable of understanding. In fact, in a movement that could only be described as chaotic, Sasha had me pinned against her body in a tight hug.
“Fuck yeah, you did!” she hollered, straight down my ear. “When is it? What time?” she asked, finally letting me go.
“I have to call them on Monday to arrange a time.” I smiled, eventually looking at Luke. “Thanks for helping. I doubt I would’ve got it if you hadn’t looked over my CV.”
His face softened at the hands of my compliment, though he didn’t make an effort to move.
“Nonsense, you would’ve got it either way.”
My legs felt heavy against his awkward acknowledgement and I could barely look at him. Sasha thankfully proceeded to exit the kitchen, taking her pizza with her, having likely sensed our unease towards each other. In doing so, Luke and I were then forced to succumb to the silence and as I stared off into the distance- careful not to make direct eye contact- I felt suddenly saddened.
“I’m proud of you.”
“Yeah?” I asked; gaze locked firmly on the floor. “You don’t seem it.”
“I am. It’s just…hard.”
“What is?”
“You know what,” he argued, sipping his beer.
“No, I don’t,” I countered, finally looking up. “We’ve never once addressed the issue with seriousness. We’ve joked a lot but neither one of us has really said what we’re feeling,” I continued, keeping my volume low.
Sasha was in the next room and alerting her of any suspicion was the last thing we needed.
“You’re the one who said we should cut our losses,” he replied, gauging my reaction by capturing my gaze.
“And you’re the one who said our shared night together was nothing special.”
Silence, once again, consumed the air surrounding us. Only this time, it was interrupted by Sasha telling us the film was about to start. I left him standing in the middle of our kitchen and didn’t even feel bad when I heard him sigh from behind. I knew he didn’t mean those words before, but he still said them with the intention of hurting me. Perhaps he was getting revenge because I was the one who essentially vetoed the idea of us in the first place. But people changed and circumstances altered. If only he’d sit down with me and engage in some conversation, he’d realise I was finally considering it.
I was finally considering us.
~~~
Sasha went to her room after claiming the greasy food had limited her to a lethargic mess and left Luke and me alone, on a sofa each, watching re-runs of Catchphrase.
“We should probably go to bed soon. You’ve got a long drive tomorrow.” I suggested, stretching from my lying down position.
He too, engaged in his own need to stretch and in doing so, flashed me his lower stomach muscles; each one enticing in their own right. It was a struggle to look away and upon eventually doing so, I caught Luke staring at me.
“Do you still keep my spare toothbrush here? Mine’s packed away in the car,” he asked, hiding his embarrassment.
“Yeah,” I awkwardly coughed. “I keep it in my room. That way Sasha doesn’t use it to unclog the sink.” I ensured, joining him in clearing up our mess.
After the rubbish was binned and the leftover food was stored away, I led Luke to my bedroom where I offered him his spare toothbrush from my toiletry bag. While he was gone, I wiggled my way into a pair of pyjamas he had gifted me two Christmases back and laughed as my bottom was left with a glittery cupcake on each cheek. I pulled my hair into a loose ponytail and climbed into bed, setting my alarm for an atrocious 6.00am wake-up call, skipping on teeth as I’d brushed them straight after eating the pizza.
“Thanks, where do you want this?” asked Luke, re-emerging from the bathroom.
“I keep it in my toilet bag over there,” I replied, pointing him in the right direction.
He carefully placed the item back in my bag and whilst desperately avoiding my eye, offered me a mumbled, “Goodnight.” before switching off my light.
I sighed into my pillow and desperately tried not to cry as the overwhelming feeling of being alone wrapped its ugly claws around me. Luke and I had never gone to bed on bad terms. I was slowly starting to think my lack of sleeping lately was due to my unconscious mind warning me that if we didn’t sort things out soon, permanent damage would occur.
“Luke?”
My door hadn’t closed yet and although it was pitch black in my bedroom, I could tell he was still lingering by the doorway. His laboured breaths and intoxicating smells continued to consume me, both of which were my reasons for holding out hope. He didn’t answer straight away but the sound of muffled steps against my carpet suggested he was making his way towards me. My heartbeat picked up its pace.
“I can only say this now because we’re surrounded by darkness and I won’t be able to see your reaction,” he admitted, sounding much closer than expected.
“Say what?”
His warm body gently edged closer to mine and at the feel of his soft breath against my cheek, I instinctively turned towards it, desperate to see those beautiful eyes of his.
“What you said before about me cheapening our time together,” he began, reaching out to take hold of my jaw. “I would never do that. I couldn’t, because that night was the best night of my life.”
I gasped my way through my response and reached out to place my hand over his, needing him to stay exactly where he was; close by. Neither of us made to speak, nor did we attempt to rationalise our thoughts. It wasn’t needed. The only thing existing between us was our shared breaths and the lingering revelation that our night together was extremely special, not only for Luke but for me too. I was on the verge of telling him how I felt, but found my opportunity was missed when he slowly started to pull away from me, agonisingly so.
My mind seemed to think he was over by the door again, but when his trembling lips slightly brushed over mine like silk against honey, I limited my response to a dramatic wheeze. It was a sweet exchange and a short one at that, but it certainly didn’t lack in meaning. Even after he left my lips tingled and I knew, just like that, my mind was made up.
I was ready to take the risk.