24
The meetings couldn’t end soon enough. Jess was on the train, headed home. She rehearsed what she would say, but nothing could have prepared her for actually seeing him in person.
She walked into Brady’s because she’d first knocked on his door and hadn’t gotten an answer, but she saw his truck, so she knew he was either in the pub or on a walk.
She’d literally gotten off the train, tossed all her stuff in her car, and driven straight over. She hadn’t gone to her shop first, as she normally would, and she hadn’t gone home.
She needed to see Matt with a desperation she hardly recognized. As if her life depended on it. And maybe it did.
Had it been weeks since she saw him? No, only days, but it felt like weeks now.
He was sitting on a barstool at the pub, a bottle of beer in front of him. Some sports game was on, and that had his attention until he felt her looking at him.
He turned his head slowly.
“Hey,” she said as calmly as she could, which wasn’t at all that calm, because standing this close to him made her heart leap and her pulse kick up. A lot.
He only nodded and looked back at the TV.
Damn it. What was she supposed to do now?
“Um. Matt? Hi, can we, um…talk…?” Well, high marks for sounding coherent, Jessica.
Their gazes locked and held.
“It killed me when you left,” he said quietly. “If you aren’t sure, if this is you riding in here on a boatload of guilt, or some sorry attempt to be friends, for chrissakes, then I need you to leave.”
Jessica closed her eyes, guilt squeezing her lungs so tight she couldn’t breathe. She’d hurt him badly, and had no one to blame but herself for that.
Shaking her head, she took a deep breath and said, “That’s not why I’m here.” She glanced left and right. It was noon, and Brady’s wasn’t terribly busy, but people were starting to notice them.
She leaned closer to him. “Can we go upstairs and talk?”
Matt didn’t respond for a minute. He just looked at her, his eyes hot. When he scrubbed a hand over his face, she stilled. For a moment, she wasn’t at all sure he would to talk to her, ever again. He looked back at his beer, and desperation swept through her.
“I love you,” she said, maybe louder than she should have. A few heads turned in her direction, but she didn’t care. Nothing mattered except this man.
“I want to marry you and have babies and spend our lives together.”
He turned to look at her and cleared his throat. “Jess, did you just propose to me?”
She nodded. “Yes.”
She heard “awwwws” from a few of the tables.
Matt reached in his pocket, yanked his wallet out, and threw some bills on the counter. The bartender nodded at him. Matt grabbed her hand.
“Let’s do this upstairs,” he said, and pulled her along, not all that gently.
They walked outside and up the short staircase. Matt opened the door for her to go in ahead of him.
Once they were inside, he turned to her. “What’s all this about? A few days ago, you were too broken. What changed?”
It was a reasonable question, she thought, but a complicated answer. The only way she knew through this was with the truth.
“Your brother came to see me.” Shock and anger rocketed across his face.
“He did what? When?!”
She walked over to the couch and sat. “While I was in New York, he showed up at the apartment to tell me he wanted me back.”
Matt covered his face, shaking his head, his shoulders jerking. She was about to run to comfort him when he erupted with laughter, and when she looked surprised, he held up a hand. “I’m sorry, but what an idiot he is. That poor wife of his is in for a mess of pain and misfortune.”
Jessica let out a sigh. She didn’t disagree.
“Then what happened?”
“I-I realized…I mean, I believed all these years that it was me, that I wasn’t good enough. I thought I was either too much, or too little, for anyone to want.”
He stared at her.
“Jess, are you serious?”
She nodded.
“And when you and I…” she trailed off, wanting to let the silence finish her sentence.
He waited.
Finally, she took a deep breath and continued. “I was so overwhelmed with what I felt, and so terrified that I’d screw it up. I assumed I had lost William because of me, something I did.” She began to cry. “All this time,” she sobbed, “I assumed it was me.”
Matt sat next to her and took her hand, “How could you ever think any of it was your fault?” he asked tenderly.
She licked her lips and looked at him. “I know I hurt you, but I love you, so much, and I was so stupid, Matt, so stupid… Especially when I didn’t realize it years ago.”
He wiped a tear off her cheek.
“And I want to get married and have babies and love you. And I’ll wait for you while you’re in Afghanistan, and when you’re back, I’ll move with you, wherever you need to go, as long as we’re together.”
Her words squeezed his heart. “I’m not going,” his voice was deep, and resonated through her.
“What do you mean? I thought you had to be back by Valentine’s day.”
He shook his head.
“I was replacing someone, and they don’t need me anymore. Also, I’m being re-stationed here.”
“Oh, God,” she said, tears streaming down her face again.
He leaned in to kiss her, his lips hot and wanting, then pulled back slowly and smiled at her.
“And yes, I will marry you.”
Jessica threw her arms around his neck and kissed him again. “Let’s not wait,” she breathed.
“Would you be agreeable to starting the honeymoon early?” he whispered in her ear, and it sent shockwaves through her body, pooling in a warm space low in her belly.
“What did you have in mind?” She cocked her head and winked.
He scooped her up. “I know a great, exotic place we can escape to,” he smiled, carrying her to his bedroom.
When he set her down on the bed, she said, “Matthew Larson, I can’t get enough of you.”
He stilled and stared down at her, “Good,” he said, in a fierce voice that had nothing to do with lust, and everything to do with emotion. Gut-wrenching, heart-stopping, soul-to-soul emotion.
“There is nothing I want more,” he said gently, “than to spend my life loving you, and I’m going to start right now.” And with that, he leaned her back on the bed and kissed her till she was breathless.