4
Jessica decided to make Matt’s favorite, her lasagna. Or at least it was five years ago. A lot had changed, but hopefully not that.
After a long day at the store, Jessica rushed home, showered, and pulled on a fresh pair of jeans and a white T-shirt, leaving her shoulder-length, wheat-colored hair to fall in large, wavy curls around her shoulders.
At exactly seven pm there was a knock at the door, and she opened it to reveal a grinning Matt, also in jeans, and wearing a soft green shirt, which set off his eyes, holding out a bottle of red wine.
“Hi, there!” Jessica tried to ignore her heart when it kicked up. What the hell is wrong with me?
“Something smells amazing,” Matt said, walking past her and shrugging out of his jacket.
“Lasagna. I hope it’s still your favorite.”
Matt nodded. “It will always be my favorite.” He followed her into the kitchen and said, “Let me uncork this.”
“Third drawer on the left,” she pointed before opening the oven to check on the meal.
“We’ve got a few minutes, and I started a fire in the living room. Shall we grab a glass and sit down?”
Matt began uncorking the wine while something twisted inside him. He hadn’t expected to feel the way he did when he saw Jessica earlier today, and now, here he was, just like on her wedding day, once again the bearer of bad news.
He poured two glasses and walked into the living room, with Jessica following him.
“I like what you’ve done with this place. When I left, it was a bit of a shack.”
Jessica kicked off her shoes and folded her legs under her as she sat on the couch. “I know. William hated that I bought this place, which I think made it even more satisfying for me while I was fixing it up.” Jessica shot a sideways glance to Matt, who was gazing at the fire.
She put a hand on his arm. “Matt, I’m sorry. We don’t need to talk about William.”
Matt took a gulp of his wine. “Actually, Jessica we do.” He set his glass down and hesitated for a moment. “I-I came home...uh, I mean... What I said earlier was true.” He looked away briefly. “I’m on leave, but there’s a reason I need to be here. I want to be the one to tell you.”
Jessica set her glass down too. “Tell me what?”
“My brother got married New Year’s Eve.” He scooted a bit closer and grabbed her hand. “I’m so sorry, Jessica.”
Jessica blinked again and looked at him. Then she surprised both of them by laughing, long and hard.
“Oh…my…gosh,” she giggled, slightly out of breath, “what’s with Wiliam and his holidays?”
Jessica continued to snicker and snort, and glanced at Matt, who knew he had to look confused at the very least.
“Oh, Matt, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me, it’s just—it truly is funny. I mean, not for her.” She stopped herself and waved a hand. “Sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean that. I hope they’re happy, I really am.”
“Wait. You’re not upset?” Matt frowned.
Her face lit up, and she squeezed his hand. “Upset? Not at all. I mean, I honestly hope he’s happy.” When he didn’t respond, she continued, “Matt, it’s been five years. I’ve moved on. Seriously.”
“I thought you’d be devastated. I mean we never talked about it in our emails, but…”
Jessica reached for his arm again. “Wait, Matt, you didn’t come all the way home just to tell me this, did you?”
Matt looked away and then back at her. He’d never had a poker face, and some things never changed.
“I didn’t want you to find out from anyone else,” he said quietly, and Jessica could feel her eyes prick with tears. Dear, sweet, devoted Matt, she thought, and flung her arms around his neck.
“Oh, God, Matt, you came home for this?” Jessica buried her face against his neck and took a deep whiff of him. Matt’s arms went around her, too, and she felt it again. She felt her heart flutter and her body warming.
“I was due for a trip anyway,” Matt said, clearly trying to downplay it.
Jessica held on for a few seconds longer than she should have, and when she pulled back, Matt’s hands were still on her. She gazed up at him, and had the oddest sensation.
It was as though she was seeing him for the first time.
“Matt,” she said as she sat back, breaking the spell, “why did you leave? I mean the day after my non-wedding?”
The day of the wedding, was when he realized he loved her, and probably had since they first met. It had almost killed him to see her in so much pain, especially since all he could think to do was hold her and let her cry.
But he also knew he needed to give her space and time to heal, and he needed to distance himself for self-preservation.
The Army and time away had done that for him. He put in a request to be stationed far away, and he was sent to Washington state, and then to Afghanistan. Staying in touch with Jessica via email was easier than seeing her every day, and he had hoped that in time his feelings for her would diminish, and they could go back to being just friends. Because a relationship with his brother’s former fiancé was probably the worst idea—ever.
Matt took another long sip of his wine, and as he did, a buzzer in the kitchen went off.
Saved by the bell.
“The lasagna you made smells fantastic, and I’m starving,” Matt said, hoping Jessica wouldn’t pick up the conversation where she left off. She was busy pulling the tray out of the oven, and he had to force himself to drag his eyes away from her delectable bottom and gorgeous legs.
“I hope you’re hungry,” she said as she set the steaming lasagna on the stove. She opened the refrigerator and grabbed the bowl of salad, two different kinds of dressing, and carried them into her dining room.
“Can I do anything to help?” Matt called behind her.
“Bring the wine. Everything else is ready.”
Matt went back into the living room, where the fire was still roaring. He could see her from there, and he watched while she set the lasagna down carefully on a hot plate and lit two candles.
And something swept over him.
Love.
And there it was. He thought time and the Army would cure him, but it hadn’t and he was no better than every other asshole, wanting to take advantage of her vulnerability.
Inhaling a long, deep, breath, Matt refocused his mind as the Army taught them to do in combat. But this wasn’t combat…though in a way he felt like it was. Not as dangerous physically, but still dangerous for his sanity and his heart.